Kaotic Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I am at a total loss I have always been so strong but I don't know how to deal with this. My boyfriend abruptly ended our relationship and it totally blind-sided me. We were in a long distance relationship and met through mutual friends that live in my town and we hit it off right away. He pursued me and I was hesitant to try anything long distance but gave it a shot in the end because he was very blunt and honest with me and I felt like he was trust worthy right from the get-go. Things progressed very quickly and we told me he loved me a few months later while he was visiting and the feeling was soon mutual and I fell for him like I never imagined I could for anyone. We both were so in love and planned our future together and I was supposed to move to his city in 9 months. We got a puppy, we talked about marriage, what to name our kids, how to decorate our house, everything. This was so serious and I thought he was the one without a doubt. In January he started acting a bit distant and I asked him repeatedly if everything was okay and every time he reassured me that it was fine. We were bickering on the phone a few weeks ago about how he was distant and all of a sudden he was like, "We need to go on a break" and it turned into the biggest argument we ever had, basically very emotional and we talked it out and decided on no break. Things went along until last Thursday when I texted him and remarked that, "Have you noticed that we don't talk as much as we used to? " and he said that we should talk that night about us and he broke it off. I was not expecting it. He said he still loved me and that it was so painful for him but that he couldnt handle the distance and that it made him grow apart from me and that he tried to get his feelings back but couldn't. I was beyond hurt and felt like my life had been ripped away from me. This man was everything I wanted and could ask for. The following day he texted me and said that "This would have never happened if you lived here" and I called him and he took it all back and said he loves me like he said but the distance is so hard and that we should try again and he wants to be with me. The next morning I woke up to a bunch of cute good morning messages and then he dropped another bomb on me. He said to give him a week to make 1000% sure that this is right. I agreed and we were in limbo until Thursday, and I finally told him that he needed to make a decision because of how painful this is and that the not knowing is killing me and he said it was over. He said he tried, he still loves me, but not like he used to and its better to end it now than to wait till I move there. I've been a total mess since that moment. I don't understand why he didn't talk to me about feeling distant because I knew he was going through something. I also don't understand why he didn't wait to do it in person. He was supposed to come visit next week. I truly think that if he had come, we would still be together. I don't know how to deal with this. He talked about wanting children with me, growing old, everything. I wanted that so much. He was my true love. I would have done anything for him. Why would he end it so abruptly? Why not talk to me first? Do you think there is any hope for us? I can't stop crying, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I've been on the verge of panic attacks constantly
mike588 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I personally don't believe in Long distant relationships but again thats my opinion. I'd rather see and be with my g/f physically rather than talking over the phone or texting etc. You know... being able to go to the movies together...dinner ..sleep together etc. Maybe he got tired of that too and either met or wants to meet someone he can "physically" be with. I'm sorry your hurting and I understand your pain...all of us here do. Keep posting as you feel you need....I promise you....you will get over/thru this and you'll find someone else you can actually see/be with most if not all the time. 1
budley12 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 i know exactly what you are going through. EXACTLY. I was with my ex for 2.5 years. we lived together in the dorms and he was my first love. I even came out to my family for him (at the end to try and save our relationship). We traveled the country multiple times and did everything together. It was perfect and we were planning our futures together just like you. his family loved me, he was a Math major who got into harvard for his masters, he was really attractive, basically the whole package and much more. but then out of nowhere the love was gone. He broke it off right before winter break and said to give the break to make 100% certain and that left us in the limbo state. During break he said he wanted to get back and he called me every night and we talked for hours!!!!! We got back to school and he decided it wasnt working and went back to the kid he started to talking to right before the breakup. We were each others firsts for everything! It has been almost 4 months since the break up now and I am still hurting. It is not easy. I still think about him constantly. I lost 30lbs, seeing counselor, almost dropped school, still cant sleep. Just know that you are not alone. He wanted to be friends but I had to cut off all contact with him so that i could maybe heal. this was 3 weeks ago... let me tell you it sucks! But as time is going on it is getting easier and easier each day. Some days are good, others horrid... but you just have to "keep swimming". I hope that one day we will get back together, but if not I hope we can maybe once be friends. Sorry if I am rambling, but it is actually making me feel better for myself by writing what I am going through as well. 1
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Long distance is difficult. He may have become interested in someone new and didn't want to tell you. Try to get busy doing things you love... You deserve to be happy.
stimson554 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Don't even shed a tear, in the words of a great man "Life goes on." 1
Author Kaotic Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 i know exactly what you are going through. EXACTLY. I was with my ex for 2.5 years. we lived together in the dorms and he was my first love. I even came out to my family for him (at the end to try and save our relationship). We traveled the country multiple times and did everything together. It was perfect and we were planning our futures together just like you. his family loved me, he was a Math major who got into harvard for his masters, he was really attractive, basically the whole package and much more. but then out of nowhere the love was gone. He broke it off right before winter break and said to give the break to make 100% certain and that left us in the limbo state. During break he said he wanted to get back and he called me every night and we talked for hours!!!!! We got back to school and he decided it wasnt working and went back to the kid he started to talking to right before the breakup. We were each others firsts for everything! It has been almost 4 months since the break up now and I am still hurting. It is not easy. I still think about him constantly. I lost 30lbs, seeing counselor, almost dropped school, still cant sleep. Just know that you are not alone. He wanted to be friends but I had to cut off all contact with him so that i could maybe heal. this was 3 weeks ago... let me tell you it sucks! But as time is going on it is getting easier and easier each day. Some days are good, others horrid... but you just have to "keep swimming". I hope that one day we will get back together, but if not I hope we can maybe once be friends. Sorry if I am rambling, but it is actually making me feel better for myself by writing what I am going through as well. Thanks for sharing your story Life can throw us some serious curve balls. I talked to my best friend from childhood today for hours and hours, and it was so therapeutic for some reason. I've talked to my other friends, especially my best friend about this, but talking to her really made me realize that only time will tell what is in store and I have no option but to accept that. I know exactly how you feel, I hope he will come back to me as well, but I realize this hope may just let me down But with time, only one of two options are possible...he will either realize what he lost and we will be together, or I will slowly and eventually move on... The same two options exist for you Be strong and don't let school suffer. I 100% relate to you because I'm supposed to graduate in December and I missed 2 major assignments last week because I simply could not sit there and actually do any work. Every thought drifted back to him,and every thought led to tears, distraction, and pain I'm on spring break this week (even harder because he was supposed to visit this week) and am trying to get myself together and catch up on school *sigh* I'm seeing my Dr tomorrow to see what I can do to cope with this stress. Its been insane
JesseJames Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 What's the monetary situation? Dude is rich, yes? He's probably liking all the asians too much. I know if I had a ton of money, there would be hearts broken.
Author Kaotic Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 No Jesse. Don't appreciate your trolling. :-( this is still so hard on me. I just can't let go of the hope that we will get back together. I don't even want to think about the alternative really :-( my dr prescribed me Xanax yesterday and that has helped me cope a bit but I'm still so hurt and so sad and at such a loss :-(
Els Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Sorry to hear that, OP. Sometimes, it really just wasn't meant to be. Stay strong, lots of hugs. 1
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