confusedone01 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Broke up 2 mo.'s ago I am the dumpee, she said she needed "me time", "find herself", felt less stressed w/o being in a relationship, etc. Along those lines but she acknowledged and still does acknowledge that she is still in love w/me, attracted to me, to this day still misses me, and the chemistry/spark is still there. She also makes it clear that she is afraid of being alone and within 5 ft of me and or touching me(hugging, looking each other in the eyes, etc) bc wenever we do she becomes very confused about the decision she made and is afraid of what she might do.........WTF??? The past few days i have actually gone on two dates w/ two women, they were both attractive and i had a great time w/ both but the whole time before, during, and after the date i was thinking about my ex(not by choice!), actually after going out with those two, i started thinking about her even more........WTF, i thought moving on is supposed to help? Before i go on with my question, i know for a fact that as of right now there is no other guys and/or that that is not a reason "secret" reason y she broke up, so plz just trust me wen i say that and plz dont reply with.statements along those lines, i have my sources and theyre trustworthy. I and everyone around me thinks its an outside source(girlfriend, book, internet article) that pushed her to her decision and is reinforcing her stance So here is where i stand, i see three options: 1-she will miss me enough to come back(the best scenario but who knows when or if this would ever happen) 2-She decides she doesnt ever want to be bak w/me and/or meets someone else and 3-i decide to ask her out on a date(the only option somewhat in my control)..........3 weeks ago we have talked in detail about option 3 and both understand it would just be a date and see where things go from there, and that she was not opposed to and knows that it would be a.great time, but just needed more time before i asked. At first i thought i could just go out and date and see if option 1 ever happens but now i'm thinkn "what the hell" why not just try option 3, so Barring any unforseen circumstances i am planning on asking her sometime next month to lunch, have a casual chat with her(just small talk, no relationship stuff) and at the end when she leaves i was gonna give her a card to open when she got home and in it it would talk about how i would like to know if she would like to go out on a date and see if she replies back? What do you guys and gals think of my plan, i understand and have made mistakes in past relationships only to take what i have learned into the next one with a new person, but i truly feel like she is the one and would do anything to try it again with her instead of going on to someone else. I will be the first to admit i have no past experience to work off of(wenever any of my previous relationships ended i never felt like i wanted the other person back) and am making this up as i go and am extremely confused about what i should do.
Author confusedone01 Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 (edited) Forgot to say that we were together for just over 2 years and that when she broke up with me she said she was not looking for any other guys but that the she cant promise that something might not happen, and i know that as of right now she has shunned away any guys that hit on her telling them that she is just looking to be herself right now Edited March 10, 2012 by confusedone01
mike588 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Broke up 2 mo.'s ago I am the dumpee, she said she needed "me time", "find herself", felt less stressed w/o being in a relationship, etc. Along those lines but she acknowledged and still does acknowledge that she is still in love w/me, attracted to me, to this day still misses me, and the chemistry/spark is still there. She also makes it clear that she is afraid of being alone and within 5 ft of me and or touching me(hugging, looking each other in the eyes, etc) bc wenever we do she becomes very confused about the decision she made and is afraid of what she might do.........WTF??? The past few days i have actually gone on two dates w/ two women, they were both attractive and i had a great time w/ both but the whole time before, during, and after the date i was thinking about my ex(not by choice!), actually after going out with those two, i started thinking about her even more........WTF, i thought moving on is supposed to help? Before i go on with my question, i know for a fact that as of right now there is no other guys and/or that that is not a reason "secret" reason y she broke up, so plz just trust me wen i say that and plz dont reply with.statements along those lines, i have my sources and theyre trustworthy. I and everyone around me thinks its an outside source(girlfriend, book, internet article) that pushed her to her decision and is reinforcing her stance So here is where i stand, i see three options: 1-she will miss me enough to come back(the best scenario but who knows when or if this would ever happen) 2-She decides she doesnt ever want to be bak w/me and/or meets someone else and 3-i decide to ask her out on a date(the only option somewhat in my control)..........3 weeks ago we have talked in detail about option 3 and both understand it would just be a date and see where things go from there, and that she was not opposed to and knows that it would be a.great time, but just needed more time before i asked. At first i thought i could just go out and date and see if option 1 ever happens but now i'm thinkn "what the hell" why not just try option 3, so Barring any unforseen circumstances i am planning on asking her sometime next month to lunch, have a casual chat with her(just small talk, no relationship stuff) and at the end when she leaves i was gonna give her a card to open when she got home and in it it would talk about how i would like to know if she would like to go out on a date and see if she replies back? What do you guys and gals think of my plan, i understand and have made mistakes in past relationships only to take what i have learned into the next one with a new person, but i truly feel like she is the one and would do anything to try it again with her instead of going on to someone else. I will be the first to admit i have no past experience to work off of(wenever any of my previous relationships ended i never felt like i wanted the other person back) and am making this up as i go and am extremely confused about what i should do. She wants time to "find herself" so give it to her! Go no contact and let her decide what she wants. Let he miss you. If she's truely in love with you...misses you..attracted to you and the spark is still there she would want to be with you. I read/heard what you said about "someone else" that you don't want any responses suggesting otherwise and I really hope for you there is no one else but again if she's in love with you she would want to be with you as much as you want to be with her! Sorry but most.....most not all of the time when someone wants time...space there either is someone else already or their "checking" this new person out before dumping you and want to keep you around if they change their mind. I had to say that....don't want to sugar coat your dilema and I know that's not what you want to hear....my ex. told me the same thing...and there was someone else. Good luck.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 When she 'finds herself', tell her to get lost. 2
Cmac Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Yeah, if there's one thing I've learned from these forums it's that it isn't your responsibility as the dumpee to chase her. She initiated the break/breakup, let her initiate the reconciliation if there ever is one. Don't degrade yourself by chasing after and begging and pleading with someone who no longer wants you, because there will be plenty of other people out there who will want you. 2
madball2289 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I've said this a few times on here already, but the best thing i think is this : if they walk away, let them walk. 2
ThatDudeXO Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 If she really loves you and if it's meant to be, she will come back for you. That's what helps me accept my breakup, let fate run it's course, meanwhile work on yourself to become a much better person. Focus on your health, career or studies etc. Let her initiate reconciliation. Good luck" 1
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