Ursa Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Woggle, What ever happened to group therapy? Did you not find it helpful? I'd very much like to see an answer to this question.
denise_xo Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Every day, I could very easily find thousands of articles about men who rape women, men beat the crap out of their wives, men who cheat on their wives, men who screw the family finances on alcohol or betting, men who believe that women are an inferior sex who men should 'rule over', and so on, and then, if I really wanted to, I could start assuming that all men are like that. However, I choose not to.
Author Woggle Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 I am still going to group therapy but I admit I don't tell them the extent of my issues. They know about my trust issues but I mostly sit there and listen to the other people. It is really easy to type these words and pour my heart out on here but I find it very hard to open up about this in front of another person's face.
denise_xo Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I am still going to group therapy but I admit I don't tell them the extent of my issues. They know about my trust issues but I mostly sit there and listen to the other people. It is really easy to type these words and pour my heart out on here but I find it very hard to open up about this in front of another person's face. I'm not into group therapy for the same kind of reasons. I find IC very helpful, though.
Author Woggle Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 I'm not into group therapy for the same kind of reasons. I find IC very helpful, though. I thought it would help but I always portray a very confident and together image which serves me great at work but these demons in my personal life just keep eating at me.
denise_xo Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I thought it would help but I always portray a very confident and together image which serves me great at work but these demons in my personal life just keep eating at me. Would it help you to open up to talk to a therapist via email or a messaging service instead? I've had a therapist offer services via internet (as well as phone).
Ursa Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I don't know what to say other than what jthorne already pointed out, Woggle. If you don't like the group therapy aspect, find a counselor to work with you one on one. Search within yourself for the strength to let your facade crack in front of another visible, breathing human being--I believe that will be important for your recovery. Sitting in group and minimizing and lying and throwing up false fronts isn't doing any good. Don't you get tired, of always pretending to be somebody else, of living in fear of being seen as you really are? Don't you ever get the sense that hiding might be a weakness, while allowing someone to see and help staunch the wounds that have been bleeding in secret for years would actually be the stronger move? 1
Author Woggle Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Another thing is that though I do generalize about women I think I am somewhat right. I just want somebody to at least acknowledge that the situations I talk about are things many men go through. The divorce rate is very high and most of these divorces are initiated by women. This is fact and I wish there was more empathy towards men who are scared to get involved with a woman because of that.
donnamaybe Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I thought it would help but I always portray a very confident and together image which serves me great at work but these demons in my personal life just keep eating at me. I feel so bad for you Woggle. I recall seeing a pic of you and your wife that you had up for a bit. SO adorable! You looked so happy!
Author Woggle Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 I feel so bad for you Woggle. I recall seeing a pic of you and your wife that you had up for a bit. SO adorable! You looked so happy! If I knew for sure that she would always feel that way about me I would love it but a man in today's relationship climate can never be sure. I like you and you seem like a great woman but it is very hard to relate to how a man feels with the way we are told everyday how useless we are and how women are better off without us. How can I not be paranoid that one day she will wake up and decide she is better off without me? It is happening to other men in droves.
donnamaybe Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 If I knew for sure that she would always feel that way about me I would love it but a man in today's relationship climate can never be sure. I like you and you seem like a great woman but it is very hard to relate to how a man feels with the way we are told everyday how useless we are and how women are better off without us. How can I not be paranoid that one day she will wake up and decide she is better off without me? It is happening to other men in droves. But would you have married your gal if you felt she could ever become one of those horrible women? Some people are just bad seeds, Woggle. Like Lady Gaga says, "I was born this way." Some people are just missing a chromosome.
Author Woggle Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 But would you have married your gal if you felt she could ever become one of those horrible women? Some people are just bad seeds, Woggle. Like Lady Gaga says, "I was born this way." Some people are just missing a chromosome. No I would not. I just see what is happening and yeah it makes me afraid. To be honest reading your posts does give me hope that some women do appreciate a good man.
donnamaybe Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 No I would not. I just see what is happening and yeah it makes me afraid. To be honest reading your posts does give me hope that some women do appreciate a good man. There are MANY women who appreciate a good man. I know lots of them. Thing is, because I didn't have some horrific events happen to me like did to you, I don't keep looking for examples to back up my beliefs. Does your wife know about your mom and your ex? Have you told her how mistrustful you are of women and all the things that run through your mind?
Author Woggle Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 There are MANY women who appreciate a good man. I know lots of them. Thing is, because I didn't have some horrific events happen to me like did to you, I don't keep looking for examples to back up my beliefs. Does your wife know about your mom and your ex? Have you told her how mistrustful you are of women and all the things that run through your mind? She knows about them and she knows about my trust issues but she doesn't know the extent of it. Part of it is that I sort of feel bad for dragging her into this marriage because I thought I would have been past these issues by now.
donnamaybe Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 She knows about them and she knows about my trust issues but she doesn't know the extent of it. Part of it is that I sort of feel bad for dragging her into this marriage because I thought I would have been past these issues by now. I seriously doubt she would feel like you "dragged" her into anything. She looked very happy with you in that pic. Let her be your rock, Woggle. We love being of help to our man. I would hate for you to let this fester and have it manifest in something that would ruin what you have with her.
Author Woggle Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 I seriously doubt she would feel like you "dragged" her into anything. She looked very happy with you in that pic. Let her be your rock, Woggle. We love being of help to our man. I would hate for you to let this fester and have it manifest in something that would ruin what you have with her. Maybe. I always hear from other men how women lose attraction when a man opens up to a woman and it has me scared. Maybe I listen too much to other bitter men but I must admit I have seen real life examples.
donnamaybe Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Maybe. I always hear from other men how women lose attraction when a man opens up to a woman and it has me scared. Maybe I listen too much to other bitter men but I must admit I have seen real life examples. Well, when my man opened up to me about some events that he has NEVER told anyone about that happened to him years ago, it just endeared him to me even more. It made me feel that our bond was stronger than any he'd felt with anyone else and that he trusted me more than anyone else in his life. That just deepened my love for him.
Funsize Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 She wouldn't just castrate me, She would cauterise the hole where my penis use to be then she would feed it to the dog. The writer is clearly the equivalent of a shock jock.
Author Woggle Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Part of a healthy, loving marriage is knowing that you can be vulnerable with your spouse because you know that they always have your back. Don't you have your wife's back? Don't you feel like you have her's? I feel really sad for you Woggle. You could live a rich rewarding life if you would only get out of your own way. I know it is but then why do so many women lose attraction once a man shows that vulnerable side? Maybe that is why so many women these days seem to have such a hard time having a healthy and loving marriage.
donnamaybe Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I know it is but then why do so many women lose attraction once a man shows that vulnerable side? Maybe that is why so many women these days seem to have such a hard time having a healthy and loving marriage. Because some very broken women are attracted to an outer shell. Is that the kind of woman you have Woggle?
Author Woggle Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Because some very broken women are attracted to an outer shell. Is that the kind of woman you have Woggle? No but I admit I keep myself emotionally distant because I see what happens so often when a man does open up. If what you say is true there must be a whole lot of broken women because so many I see seem incapable of having a healthy relationship.
xxoo Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 No but I admit I keep myself emotionally distant because I see what happens so often when a man does open up. If what you say is true there must be a whole lot of broken women because so many I see seem incapable of having a healthy relationship. When you put these two sentences together, don't you see that you are as damaged as the women you talk about? If you can not open up to your spouse, are you capable of a healthy relationship? That is so often the "reason" that MM end up in affairs--couldn't open up to the spouse (perceived too much risk), but risked opening up to the OW, who "gets" him. Cheating women may be the same, I suppose. 2
donnamaybe Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 No but I admit I keep myself emotionally distant because I see what happens so often when a man does open up. If what you say is true there must be a whole lot of broken women because so many I see seem incapable of having a healthy relationship. And there are a WHOLE lot of broken men as well. You just don't run across them because you aren't trying to have a R with them. 1
Author Woggle Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 And there are a WHOLE lot of broken men as well. You just don't run across them because you aren't trying to have a R with them. Look at this forum. How many women do you see posting who did everything to treat a man well only to have him fall out of love? How many men do you see posting who say that she treats him so great but he feels no spark?
Citizen Erased Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Look at this forum. How many women do you see posting who did everything to treat a man well only to have him fall out of love? How many men do you see posting who say that she treats him so great but he feels no spark? What forum are you reading? There is a staggering number of women on here that have been cheated on. If that isnt "I treat him right but he goes off and tupps one of the messes over in the OW board" I dont know what is. This thread is ridiculous, as usual. 3
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