RonChalant Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I am currently in a rebound relationship. This is not the point of this post... I'm black and have dated and had sex with majority white women...of the 30 people I have slept with thus far half have been white, maybe 5 have been of my own race. My current rebound relationship is with a black woman...my first relationship with someone of my own race in over 7 years...3rd time having sex with one in 3 years. So what's the point you may ask...the other night we were laying in bed and she ask about my ex. So i tell her and show her pictures of other people I've been with (bad move I know please don't lecture me on this, I told you I'm rebounding lol). She gets kinda huffy and says that i seem to be more attracted to white women, which I am...but why does this even matter? I'm with her and find her attractive so why the bullcrap. She goes on for about an hour about how the things I told her I find attractive are mostly traits of white women. Now I lied and said I'm not more attracted to either race in an attempt to end the convoy but she goes on about how the things I say I look for and find attractive are mostly traits of white women...which again is stupid to me. What does it matter...I'm with you and your not white, shouldnt that be enough. and the traits I look for aren't just white traits...she based her thoughts off of the fact that I like long hair that moves when you walk (so sexy lol). I just feel like its a stupid issue but I want other peoples opinions. I like what I like and yes I'm trying something different now, but her making such a big deal about it is a huge turn off. People want away with racism so badly but only when its convenient for them. Who I've been with before you shouldn't matter...and yes I like white women more and honestly I don't know why, but its not like I don't find my own race attractive...I just grew up in an area where that was what was mostly around. I hate when people make a big deal about this type of issue because again its stupid to me, but what do you people (what do you mean YOU PEOPLE lmao) think
PlumPrincess Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 This board is populated mostly by white people and I dare to say, most will not be able to relate to someone who is not white and who has issues with racism unless they grew up with many non-white friends. 2
mesmerized Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 You are not with her cause you find her great, you frequently mentioned her as a "rebound" in your post. Apparently you don't care about her all that much. She better dump your ass sooner than later. And I think her concern in legit. If I'm with a guy who has a strong preference for another race, I don't think I'd want to be with him and I'd think he should go get what he likes the most. 1
SmileFace Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 This board is populated mostly by white people and I dare to say, most will not be able to relate to someone who is not white and who has issues with racism unless they grew up with many non-white friends. I have been on this board for a good while and I think the board is pretty diverse with different races as well as their opinions. You don't have to be "a black male" Or someone who has dealt with racial issues to actually relate with his post. To the op. It isn't your job to make her feel better about your dating history. She needs to love herself and be less insecure and that has nothing to do with you. You may have had the same problem if she felt that your ex was more attractive than her. It is an inscurity problem on her end. Sadly enough this insecurity is stem from a racial issue. However if you are treating her as a rebound and she knows that you can't blame her insecurity. I personally can't say my dating is Racially motivated but I am not going to deny what I am more attracted to so I do find myself dating outside of my own race/culture.
Author RonChalant Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 I don't treat her like a rebound...honestly i really do like her, just couldn't see myself ever falling in love with her. I only showed her the pics because she was showing me pics of he exes for w/e reason. I do care about her, to be honest I didn't realize I was rebounding until a few days ago. I find a lot about her interesting, she speaks 3 languages, is a pre law major, artistic, well spoken...just don't see it going anywhere really.
mesmerized Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I don't treat her like a rebound...honestly i really do like her, just couldn't see myself ever falling in love with her. I only showed her the pics because she was showing me pics of he exes for w/e reason. I do care about her, to be honest I didn't realize I was rebounding until a few days ago. I find a lot about her interesting, she speaks 3 languages, is a pre law major, artistic, well spoken...just don't see it going anywhere really. Then break up with her, she deserves better. Perhaps on some level, she knows how you truly feel about her so of course you preferring other women is more threatening to her.
SmileFace Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I don't treat her like a rebound...honestly i really do like her, just couldn't see myself ever falling in love with her. I only showed her the pics because she was showing me pics of he exes for w/e reason. I do care about her, to be honest I didn't realize I was rebounding until a few days ago. I find a lot about her interesting, she speaks 3 languages, is a pre law major, artistic, well spoken...just don't see it going anywhere really. So why stay in a relationship that you don't see yourself staying in? Unless you both are ok with just a casual relationship. I don't see why you both are sharing pictures of your ex's or why she intiated however that is all irrelavent if you dont see yourself falling with in love with her. Respect her enough to let her go find someone that will be there for her and love her.
Author RonChalant Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 I don't want to possibly miss out on something I'm not seeing right now due to being hung up on my ex still. I feel like of course I don't see myself falling in love with her, but at the same time who ever does? I like her enough to want to see what may happen...and she makes me happy which after what I've been through is a welcome change be she black, white, blue or green
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I'm black and have dated and had sex with majority white women...of the 30 people I have slept with thus far half have been white, maybe 5 have been of my own race. My current rebound relationship is with a black woman...my first relationship with someone of my own race in over 7 years...3rd time having sex with one in 3 years. People want away with racism so badly but only when its convenient for them. Who I've been with before you shouldn't matter...and yes I like white women more and honestly I don't know why, but its not like I don't find my own race attractive...I just grew up in an area where that was what was mostly around. So you live in a society wherein 66% of everybody is (non-hispanic) "white", and 50% of the people you've slept with are "white". There wasn't any "racism" in this at all until you got to the part where you hinted at liking white women more, and for your not knowing why (that is), we simply can't tell whether there is any "racism" behind this. And I am NOT suggesting that there is true "racism" in your words (just trying to point out that "racism" requires a belief that one race is somehow 'better' than another) (to merely notice 11 kids on a school bus, and observing that 3 are white and 8 are hispanic is NOT "racism")(not that anybody here did such a thing) At any rate, somebody in such a discussion should first have mentioned 'dating' 50% white women against a societal backdrop wherein 66% of everybody is 'white', and then used that to drop the topic.
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Then break up with her, she deserves better. Perhaps on some level, she knows how you truly feel about her so of course you preferring other women is more threatening to her. mesmerized: Or perhaps, on a far more superficial level, you've got a clear agenda here.
JesseJames Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 This is when those unknown forces don't want me typing here, but lo, I circumvented. And now for a call of the common snipe: No snipe sounds? I share the notion of her silliness, and couple that with part jealousy?
Feelin Frisky Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) Oh no you di-int. Ron, I know you said no lectures but dude, showing her pictures? Here's my story in a thumbnail, my first major love was black and I'm white. I had couple of small affairs before that with whoever, but I loved my g/f and wound up living together with her for five years. We faced a lot of racism from both whites and blacks and had some heartache over it. We stood out because I'm so tall and big and white, and she was beautifully ebony and wore her hair closely cropped most of the time--in other words she was black and there was no wondering what the heck else she might be. Well, anyway, eventually we parted because we didn't share the same interest and there was contentiousness that caused us to fight a lot. But we didn't break up badly and I still loved her and saw her occasionally although she lived elsewhere and was seeing a Latino dude. What is relevant to your situation is that I told two women I started seeing that I had been in love with this black chick and their racism caused such problems that I let one go just for that and the other one was a real story. So the bottom line is, don't talk about your exes if you don't have to and don't mention any racial pattern. You can't tell what goes on in someone else's head and they can be miserable about it. The one I dismissed was a Puerto Rican who was dark her self. She couldn't stop making nasty remarks as if her blood was somehow pure or w/e. I gave her an ultimatum and sure enough, that one last crack did it and I told her that's it, we're done. The other was a serious relationship with an Italian-American woman. She told me she puked when I told her my ex was black. Then she'd use it as a weapon against me in spats. She had brought violence into our relationship which I need to say to preface this but one time after a bad fight where she smashed glass and I was cleaning it up she said "go back to you n___r" for which I smacked her and she got nasty bruise that made me look really bad. I had to let her go eventually because she still dragged out that racism and I will not be violent--I was never before and I wouldn't have done what i did but she punched me in the eye when I was laying down with my eyes closed once and that set off a short period where I put up with violence and returned fire. I've never had that since and thankfully I never faced any legal issues. But she was impossible. So, I never tell anyone about my exes unless there is good reason to believe that they can handle it and deal with it. I've done about 35 in my time and the majority were black. It wasn't because I preferred black, it's just that I worked with a lot of black folk and partied with them and shi+ happens. I did however have a LTR with another black woman and she felt like my replacement for the one I loved when I was younger. She felt like "home" to me and I loved the smell of cocoa butter in the morning. Good luck and take this as a big learning lesson--you never know where racism will show it's ugly head. Edited March 11, 2012 by Feelin Frisky
Recommended Posts