freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I miss my baby so much. I'm 27 year old female and I miss my boyfriend/lover. We got into a big argument. I feel like we could never be together because of a lot of life circumstances. He's quite a bit older then me 45. He has a lot of children and has been married twice. I knew at the beginning that this probably wouldn't work out. Later I became clingy because he kept hiding me. I said I couldn't take it anymore. He was unwilling to change so I asked him for a break. He said NO but still didn't change. He finally said "I'll give you want you want", we've been together for 1.5 years. it's day One of the break and it feels horrible. It's only been a few hours, I woke back up and couldn't sleep. He basically FORCED me to break up with him by ignoring me and not spending time with me. He's always too busy for me and puts everyone else first. I brought this up several times but he would never allow us to break up. I deleted him on FB, deleted all this emails, text messages and phone calls, VMs. Please help me stick to my NC. I know he is not right for me. I love him so much. All I can think of is when he made me laugh. It sounds stupid but that was one of the main reasons why I loved him. There are many guys out there who likes me but no one could make me laugh or feel better the way he does. But I know I deserve someone that'll treat me better.
nick d Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I'm sorry :/ I was with my ex just under 3 years. We were head over heels for each other.. Then 6 weeks ago she left me. I have been NC a few times. This time it's been 4 days. It's very hard, but sometimes you have to move on She was my best friend and lover, so trust me I know it's hard! Keep your head up and be strong!
Author freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks Nick D. It's so hard, I know this is somewhat typical. I like to think I am a mature grown woman but geez, when LOVE hits me, I feel like an idiot sometimes =( He was like a drug, even though I knew he was bad for me, I kept making excuses for him. I know in relationships it's not always his fault or my fault. It's both people. Sigh I Just don't know what to do. I Miss him so much.
nick d Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 It will get better I PROMISE! I am 25, and very mature. But when my fiancé left me I practically went crazy. I begged for her back. Honestly I wanted to die. And your right, it is like a drug! You get addicted to the person and how they make you feel. It is SO hard, and not an easy road. But I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to!
Author freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks Nick, looks like we're both up. I'm in California and you're in Utah. Both hurting so much. URGGGG I can't even get back to sleep (it's 4:48am here). What have you done to move on so far? He just stopped caring even though he said he cared. His actions and words did not line up. He never made weakend plans for us anymore. I would have to set up all the plans. I thought I deserved better then the way he treated me. I told him that I need him but he just said "Oh I"ll give you space" WTFFFFF We've been fighting for a while though and I told him so many times what I needed. Just pick up your phone, answer, show some love and affection. Was that too much to ask for. Show some enthusiasm when I accomplished something. He would never expressed his feelings. It's all these little things. He kept pretending that everything was okay even though it's no. How he handles it is by ignoring the problem. Sorry for all the mumble jumble. I just feel HURT and he makes me feel like it's MY fault.
nick d Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Honestly for one I deleted my Facebook so I wouldn't look at her page. Then I've been going to the gym 5 times a week and not contacting her at all. I talked to her like the first 3 weeks of the break up and she acted like she didn't even care. It seriously hurt worse staying in contact with her then not talking at all. I've been going out with friends and just trying to have fun. And it seems to help quite a bit. My best advice would really be just to go complete NC, it will help you heal much faster
Author freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 We hurt because we loved. I thought about it, do I regret loving him? No. I miss him tons. URG
nick d Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 And me and you are on the same page.. I was always doing EVERYTHING for my ex! It's like she didn't even try to make an effort for anything! I did everything and treated her like a queen!
nick d Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I have no regrets as to my ex at all! I love her to death. But I also know you can't make things work if both people aren't willing to try. And why fight for someone who doesn't love you like you love them?
Author freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 I agree. I don't hate him although there are times where there are surges of emotionals of hurt, sadness, pain all at the same time. I'm listening to relaxation music and it's calming me a little. I think I"m going to hit the gym too. It's been a 2 weeks. He use to train me (don't worry I won't' go to the gym he goes to to bump into him) Sigh, I love him so much and miss him. Maybe I should make a small goal. Just doing NC for 3 days. If I can manage 3 days, maybe I can do it for a lifetime.
nick d Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Go NC for good and don't look back! If you know it won't work, then why continue to drag on the pain? Just post on here or text someone instead of contacting him. That's what I try to do
Author freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 I know, I'm just trying to break down the days so it seems easier. Trying to get through til Monday is much easier to think about and handle then "forever". I gave him all the love that I can give. Loved him the best way that I could. But in the end, it didn't work. Saying Goodbye is so hard. Saying Goodbye is so hard.
nick d Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Saying goodbye is VERY VERY hard. But saying goodbye is also a new start to new possibilities! And also, who knows maybe you'll go NC and he will realize how much he loves you and needs you.
itsourchoice Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I always try to remember, the opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is... indifference. If you have strong feelings for someone, whether it is anger or love or even hatred, they are still feelings and it effects you. It is so hard when we break up with someone we love. When you start to feel indifference, you will know you are truly over them. I am so sorry you guys are having a difficult time. I am starting to feel the first twinges of clingyness toward my MM... I cannot imagine how much longer this can go on. Even though things are okay between us, and neither of us is in a position to ask for anything more than what it is now... I know at some point, things will get more difficult to deal with. I think it is awesome that you are being strong for yourselves. I feel bad in that I am selfish. As soon as this isn't working for me anymore, I will probably just quietly end it and move on. Or maybe that is just wishful thinking. I can't tell. I know I am more tied up in this than I thought I would get and it is sort of scary. Even in this one post, I am all over the place... I don't know how to feel about anything I guess... Keep us informed of how things go. Just remember, if you are taking care of your lover, and they are taking care of themselves, who is worrying about you? Take care of yourselves first. A~
Author freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks itsourchoice. you are right about indifference. Wait what's going on in your relationship?
nick d Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks itsourchoice. you are right about indifference. Wait what's going on in your relationship? Judging by her post she is seeing a married man. But is starting to have feelings for him..
mike588 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 He would never "allow" you to break up..It doesn't take two to agree on a breakup.
Author freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 hahahha that's a good point. In the past I was such a mess so after I got older and wiser I tried to make things "fair" and have "adult relationships" e.g. talking things through so we are in agreement. It's a good rule because for the most part, breakups have been more mutual. But you are very right. Breakups isn't always a decision people make together. But when it comes to someone you love, it's hard. It's easier to break up with someone you don't' have much feelings for.
Author freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 Not to say that it's "easy". I still think it's difficult on either end because no one wants to get hurt but really, staying in an unsatisfying relationship is also painful.
JJ72 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I knew at the beginning that this probably wouldn't work out. This is your answer right here. Be strong w/ the NC. It's the only way you can start healing and move on. I am 25, and very mature. But when my fiancé left me I practically went crazy. I begged for her back. You're only as mature as the circumstances you're facing in life. Easy to be mature when everything is going smooth. I hope things turn out well for both of you
Author freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 Yah, it's a good reminder. So tempting though I have to admit. =)
Author freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 GOD I MISS HIM SO MUCH. I just want to hug and kiss him but I know he won't' change. Sometimes I feel like his hugs makes everything go away but he's so unwilling to change and I deserve so much better
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