lilyblue Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Well I don't know really what I'm looking for here, just venting I guess, which I seem to do every once in awhile. It's been almost 6 months since my short-term boyfriend/long-term good friend totally vanished from my life without a word. It really threw me, and I feel defeated that this many months later I'm still feeling down a lot. I lost a lot of my friends in the process, people who couldn't or weren't willing to be around me when I was sad in the beginning. I don't look forward to anything, and any slight disappointment just makes me even more depressed, to a disproportionate extent. I'm dreading the long hours of the weekend, I have very few plans and I'm just so lonely. I've tried new activities, tried hanging out with some new people, but nothing seems to help much. Anyone else experienced this and found something helpful? I feel like I've done what others have suggested, but none of it has proven that helpful in my healing.
mike588 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Well I don't know really what I'm looking for here, just venting I guess, which I seem to do every once in awhile. It's been almost 6 months since my short-term boyfriend/long-term good friend totally vanished from my life without a word. It really threw me, and I feel defeated that this many months later I'm still feeling down a lot. I lost a lot of my friends in the process, people who couldn't or weren't willing to be around me when I was sad in the beginning. I don't look forward to anything, and any slight disappointment just makes me even more depressed, to a disproportionate extent. I'm dreading the long hours of the weekend, I have very few plans and I'm just so lonely. I've tried new activities, tried hanging out with some new people, but nothing seems to help much. Anyone else experienced this and found something helpful? I feel like I've done what others have suggested, but none of it has proven that helpful in my healing. I'm 7 months now being dumped by my ex. for her her ex. and I know/knew how your feeling. I wish I had an answer for you...I just took it day by day....stayed N.C. and just struggeled thru it.I especially know about the weekends...how long they seemed to be and thinking about we used to spend the weekends together. Slowly I had good days then better days then a few setbacks here and there. I'm not being much help to you....I really don't have an answer other than focus on yourself....don't look for someone else to make you happy...that comes from within.
stimson554 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Im going through the exact samething, I was head over heels in love with this girl for years, and out of nowheresshe ended it, now i have no idea what to do and im so lost, just know that your not alone.
loveydove Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 no, you're not alone : ( I never knew I could hurt so much, or feel so depressed about the weekends.
Author lilyblue Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Thanks for your replies. Here I am alone on a Saturday night. It's not getting better. I've started writing an email to him. I don't think I want anything from him, just want to be heard. Sorry that we're all in this state.
mike588 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Thanks for your replies. Here I am alone on a Saturday night. It's not getting better. I've started writing an email to him. I don't think I want anything from him, just want to be heard. Sorry that we're all in this state. Write it..edit it but don't send it...life doesn't end after him ...it begins! It's tough I know...I still have some down days....more now than before since she's contacted me. I sooo wish she hadn't...it's set me back alittle. Be glad you haven't heard anything....it's easier that way believe it or not.
ThatDudeXO Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 You all (including myself really) need to realise if our significant others CHOSE not to be in our lives and reap the benefits of being with such amazing people like ourselves, then they really aren't that great, are they? My ex would rather go out, text and chat to so people she's only recently met and studies with, when she refuses to put that effort into the one person who cares about her more than anything else in the world. If they don't care about us then, eff them! Seriously!
mississippimom Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Write it..edit it but don't send it...life doesn't end after him ...it begins! It's tough I know...I still have some down days....more now than before since she's contacted me. I sooo wish she hadn't...it's set me back alittle. Be glad you haven't heard anything....it's easier that way believe it or not. I thought I was doing alright til last night when he called, and I was trying to do the NC, I had deleted his number, our texts....now I'm feeling low ...again....it makes me mad when ( it don't matter who dumped who really) when he calls or texts, "how r u" or "have a good day" like he did when we was together, and then he's gonna ignore my return call cause I figured it might have been regarding personal items. Part of me is saying, I wish he wouldn't text me bc I know I am gonna get upset and he'll push me further away.....
Author lilyblue Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Write it..edit it but don't send it...life doesn't end after him ...it begins! It's tough I know...I still have some down days....more now than before since she's contacted me. I sooo wish she hadn't...it's set me back alittle. Be glad you haven't heard anything....it's easier that way believe it or not. I understand that you can say this for yourself now having gone through the experience, but I don't feel like it's possible for me to be glad that I haven't heard anything from him ever. After 6 months of this not working I just feel like it's time to try another tactic maybe. I don't think I'll actually hear anything back, I don't know why things would be any different now. But maybe it will help me. sigh...
broken-and-lost Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I understand that you can say this for yourself now having gone through the experience, but I don't feel like it's possible for me to be glad that I haven't heard anything from him ever. After 6 months of this not working I just feel like it's time to try another tactic maybe. I don't think I'll actually hear anything back, I don't know why things would be any different now. But maybe it will help me. sigh... Hi sorry your feeling so low i'm about a year 5 months out now and i still feel like this not everyday but alot and i've done the NC thing it's no magic pill unfortunately, You just have to realise if you meant anything to this person they would have been in touch with you and you would still be together the real truth is you didn't fit or work, the reasons don't really matter now and trust me you contacting him will only set you back if he doesn't reply or does reply the situation won't change you will still be broken up. I know how lonely it can get and all the things people suggest about gym and stuff don't help but i think what people really mean is you have to find a new life for yourself what ever that might be it's ok to feel sad its over but you have to focus on you at some point i'm trying still does not take away the pain but hopefully at some point it will fade They really are no magic formulas to make you feel better and move on but contacting the person is a sure way to make yourself feel worse 1
M2155 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Agree with Broken. At some point you have to choose for yourself to wallow in sorrow and let this defeat you, or change how you look at the situation and decide you are going to come out stronger. Yes you were hurt and you feel alone. I have had many alone Saturday nights...before him, during him, and now especially. But I really have to ask myself, what am I doing to change it? Sometimes I choose to do nothing and be lame and not seek out other people, but my feelings and actions are my responsibility. You are still seeking some sort of acknowledgement from him. While I totally understand that, you sound like you are giving him the keys to your feelings by writing him to hopefully make you feel better or worse. You are looking to the initiator of your pain to make the pain go away. Like Mike said, write it, but don't send it. You're probably not going to get what you want, despite whatever it is you think being heard will do for you. If you write a letter that goes unanswered will you feel heard? When he says "sorry I didn't know you were so hurt, you're a great girl and will find someone wonderful" will you feel heard? I know you are thinking what can it hurt? You're probably right, maybe nothing. But if you do, you have been forewarned about how much his response or lack thereof may affect you. Like everyone says, there is no magic formula unfortunately. Your feelings are valid and understandable, but have the fight that you will overcome this (I recommend Kelly Clarkson's latest CD...its excellent for this message). You have so many things in life to be thankful for, don't let one crummy person stop you from living it. Keep your head up;) 1
Author lilyblue Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Thank you both for your encouraging words. I just feel so stuck and feel like something has to change. What is the one thing I haven't done? Contact him. Get my feelings out there. It doesn't seem like it can be a bad idea 100% of the time. I've done the other stuff. 6 months later I'm in the same space. There are so many things I want to express. I'm sad, I'm empathetic, I'm angry, I feel completely disrespected, I'm hurt, and I miss him. I don't know that I'd tell him all that, but I just don't know what else to do. And I do like Kelly
LostGirl11 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Thank you both for your encouraging words. I just feel so stuck and feel like something has to change. What is the one thing I haven't done? Contact him. Get my feelings out there. It doesn't seem like it can be a bad idea 100% of the time. I've done the other stuff. 6 months later I'm in the same space. There are so many things I want to express. I'm sad, I'm empathetic, I'm angry, I feel completely disrespected, I'm hurt, and I miss him. I don't know that I'd tell him all that, but I just don't know what else to do. And I do like Kelly Have you emailed him in the last 6 months? Did he reply? Have you had any sort of contact from him?
Author lilyblue Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Have you emailed him in the last 6 months? Did he reply? Have you had any sort of contact from him? I haven't emailed him in the last 6 months. He just disappeared and never responded to anything. I was in the same room with him for about 20 mins 4 months ago (at a friend's bday party).
mymission Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I definitely feel like that, but instead of just the weekends its 7 days a week. We split up a month ago, I was living with him in his city. So I had to quit my job and move back to my parents house in my home town. I have been trying but haven't found a job yet. I'm going running but it takes an hour or 2 out my day where I feel a bit better.
LostGirl11 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I haven't emailed him in the last 6 months. He just disappeared and never responded to anything. I was in the same room with him for about 20 mins 4 months ago (at a friend's bday party). So he didn't reply. What makes you think he will this time? He doesn't need to know how you're feeling and he probably doesn't care. I say write it but don't send it. Keep going back to edit it when you want to add something. One day you won't have anything else to write, then you delete it
Author lilyblue Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 So he didn't reply. What makes you think he will this time? He doesn't need to know how you're feeling and he probably doesn't care. I say write it but don't send it. Keep going back to edit it when you want to add something. One day you won't have anything else to write, then you delete it I don't think he'll reply, and I'm not sure he'll care, but it's more about me knowing that it's out there in front of him. His choice whether he wants to read it or continue being the coward he was. I have written things and not sent them, but it's not the same. And it seems like I never run out of things to say... Thanks.
LostGirl11 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I don't think he'll reply, and I'm not sure he'll care, but it's more about me knowing that it's out there in front of him. His choice whether he wants to read it or continue being the coward he was. I have written things and not sent them, but it's not the same. And it seems like I never run out of things to say... Thanks. Isn't it going to hurt when you know he has read it and ignored it?
Author lilyblue Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Isn't it going to hurt when you know he has read it and ignored it? Not any more than it hurts right now. The last thing he did was ignore me, so it's not like this will be a new and different thing. I'm already in the state of being ignored. Maybe it's a chance to get my feelings out with an outcome that I can be prepared for this time instead of shocked by as I was before.
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