TaintedHeart Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I've been seeing this guy but is seems like he is messing me around. He tells me that he really likes me but fails to actually show it. He has been slacking with texts/calls, I bit my tongue for a while but felt like I should raise the matter, so I did! Maybe it was wrong of me but it's done now. It turned into a heated discussion but we still didn't get to the bottom of it. I gave him the opportunity to tell me if he has lost interest but he didn't take it. I'm pretty drained from trying to work him out and tired of the bickering. I was thinking about going 'silent' on him. Not to be sinister towards him, more for my own benifit, for some 'time out'. It honestly feels like my head has had enough! So would this be a selfish act?
Fondue Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I don't really understand your problem, beside that he doesn't communicate enough for your liking. Some people (me included) are very content with limited dialogue. Don't require texting throughout the day. It's perfectly reason, people have their preferences. I, for example, would avoid a woman who wants constant communication, other men would welcome it. If his communication style doesn't suit your needs, instead of changing him, I would advise to find a new individual. 1
spiderowl Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 In my experience, what a guy says and what he means can be two different things. A guy who is losing interest probably won't say so until he leaves. In fact, he may say the opposite and tell you how wonderful you are. This is because he can't believe deep down that he is really thinking of leaving such a nice woman, but he is ... I'd say always go by actions and trust your instincts. If he appears to be drifting away, then let him. Go and involve yourself in something else, pay him less attention. If he is still interested, he'll notice the difference and it will give him space to work through his feelings and he may well bounce back quickly. If he's not so interested, you'll just drift apart as the gaps between chats and meetings get longer. If a guy is really interested in you, he won't let you slip away and will want you to know (he will bring the subject up) that he wants you in his life and wants some kind of commitment. If he seems all too happy to let things drift, whether you are there or not, then he's not motivated enough and it's likely to fall apart anyway.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I support you if you decide to shut him out. It doesn't cost me anything and it's a way for you to find out if you two are on the same wave length of feelings. If he doesn't show that it matters then don't feel rejected--just tell yourself you reject his indifference. Good luck and stick to it.
2sunny Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I support going silent on him. That way you can really tell how much he may or may not be making the effort.
theories_galore Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 You are ABSOLUTELY NOT being selfish. I've done a lot of research and listening to audiobooks and stuff lately and have come to realize that when someone does something like what he's doing to you, he doesn't deserve your time/effort! And, I think it's time that you move on and find other guys to date. Who knows? Maybe he'll come back. But you don't want to wait for that "what-if", do you? You deserve better and should move on with your life! There's someone out there that's better.
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Well I went 'silent' for a day! I felt too bad to carry it on any longer. He blew up my phone with texts and calls! When I decided to speak to him he kind of flipped. Said, 'I've made myself look stupid all day trying to contact you, it wont happen again!!' Hmm. Not sure what to think. So he showed me what I wanted but then snatched it away by saying it 'wont happen again!' He also made a comment that hurt me, something like, 'you obviously felt safe enough to do that, I don't like that'. Thoughts?
Feelin Frisky Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Well I went 'silent' for a day! I felt too bad to carry it on any longer. He blew up my phone with texts and calls! When I decided to speak to him he kind of flipped. Said, 'I've made myself look stupid all day trying to contact you, it wont happen again!!' Hmm. Not sure what to think. So he showed me what I wanted but then snatched it away by saying it 'wont happen again!' He also made a comment that hurt me, something like, 'you obviously felt safe enough to do that, I don't like that'. Thoughts? You found out only that he has a temper and an expectation of submission by you. Did he attempt to find out what the trouble is? It doesn't seem like it--he gave you a warning. That's not a good sign. Originally you claimed he didn't pay enough attention but he reacted angrily when you shut him out. I personally can't judge him from what you've said but if there is no effort to reconcile why you did this and the fact that you have issues, you should have a clue that he is self absorbed and not in a "connection" with you on any healthy level. If that's true, I would advise showing him the door and moving on. You're not his property.
ascendotum Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Well I went 'silent' for a day! I felt too bad to carry it on any longer. He blew up my phone with texts and calls! When I decided to speak to him he kind of flipped. Said, 'I've made myself look stupid all day trying to contact you, it wont happen again!!' Hmm. Not sure what to think. So he showed me what I wanted but then snatched it away by saying it 'wont happen again!' He also made a comment that hurt me, something like, 'you obviously felt safe enough to do that, I don't like that'. Thoughts? Well going silent on him worked, you got a reaction. A pretty s***ty one if ask me. I don't know what your definition is of "He has been slacking with texts/calls". I am one who does not feel the need to have to txt everyday or within the hour of receiving a msg. If I got that sort of response back from a new gf (and she was guilty of not answering her phone), I'd be inclined to keep the silent treatment going, indefinitely.
2sunny Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 You found out only that he has a temper and an expectation of submission by you. Did he attempt to find out what the trouble is? It doesn't seem like it--he gave you a warning. That's not a good sign. Originally you claimed he didn't pay enough attention but he reacted angrily when you shut him out. I personally can't judge him from what you've said but if there is no effort to reconcile why you did this and the fact that you have issues, you should have a clue that he is self absorbed and not in a "connection" with you on any healthy level. If that's true, I would advise showing him the door and moving on. You're not his property. Yep - really borders on guilt and shame - and abusive. No can do!
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 Yep - really borders on guilt and shame - and abusive. No can do! Really?...
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