whattodo44 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I want to thank all of the posters who have responded to my prior posts. The advice has been excellent. I have decided to get a divorce. Now what I'm considering is timing. The problem is that my wife and I have court ordered custody of her two granddaughters age 4 and 6. They have been with us for about 6 months. The mother was in drug and alcohol rehab for 3 months and has been living with us for about 3 months. She cannot have any unsupervised visitation with the kids. DCF told us that we can't even walk around the neighborhood for 15 minutes and leave her with the kids. The mother probably won't regain custody until at least October, and maybe not even then. My wife's plans are to transfer custody to her older daughter on June 1st when the oldest one gets out of school. The older daughter lives in the same metro area, but in a different school district. So, my question is, should I stick around until June 1st? I think it would be devastating to the kids if I left now. However, since I've made my decision I really want to go ahead with it because I'm afraid if I don't I will get cold feet and back down.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 My opinion may be unpopular: spare the kids for now, they've been through enough.
2sunny Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Proper order shows that you have a court order that legally binds you to participate for the well being of those children. IF you plan to divorce - go to the court and have that custody order changed first... By being honest and telling the judge you don't intend to stay married to grams. Then - after the order is changed - file for divorce if that is your intention.
CC12 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 However, since I've made my decision I really want to go ahead with it because I'm afraid if I don't I will get cold feet and back down. Hey, good job. I kept up with your other thread, and I'm glad you've made a decision. For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. My only advice is to get a family lawyer. Let him/her counsel you in your decisions and how to execute them. You can even let your lawyer be the "bad guy." Let him/her do all the dirty work, like letting your wife know you want a divorce by serving her with divorce papers after you move out or whatever. And they will also know how to handle custody of your grandchildren. Stress to your lawyer that you want to do the best for the kids involved (if that's accurate.) Do a Google search for "[your city] family lawyer" and start making some phone calls. Don't wait, do it tomorrow so you can prepare.
Author whattodo44 Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 I've been spying on her email for a few months because I've suspected her of cheating. Today I found an email to her older daughter stating that she had sold her ex-husband's wedding ring to help pay for her youngest daughter's legal fees, which are related to the kids in this post. The lawyer is requiring $2,000 and the email said it would "help" pay for the legal fees, so it's value was apparently somewhat less then $2,000. We've been married for 10 years and I didn't even know she had this ring. The ring was hers when we got married, so she has every right to sell it and use the money however she sees fit. However, it disturbs me for two reasons: 1) I think she should have told me that she had the ring. 2) I think she should have told me that she was selling the ring. Am I wrong for being disturbed over this?
Author whattodo44 Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 My wife's plans are to transfer custody to her older daughter on June 1st when the oldest one gets out of school. The older daughter lives in the same metro area, but in a different school district. These plans are apparently out the door now. My wife was told that the state will not grant custody to the older daughter since she is unmarried and living with a boyfriend. Also, she travels a lot and is out of town for days at a time, so the boyfriend would have to take care of the kids during that time. So, it looks like the kids will be with us for a long time.
Author whattodo44 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I have been waiting patiently and the time is almost here. The final custody hearing is August 8th (just over a month away) and my wife and I will have been assured that we will be released of our obligations at that time. I think I did the right thing by waiting.
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