Why do you think there is such a prevalence of women who fake their orgasms?

March 10, 2012

If you are having sex with a man you should be able to tell him how to pleasure you and vice versa. If he won't take instruction, either settle for a lousy sex life or find someone who doesn't need or won't be bothered by instruction.

Porn has made it worse for women because men think this is how a woman is supposed to react.

March 10, 2012

Thats your own opinion based on your own views on sex. You had a different upbringing than I and come from a more reserved culture. Hence why I dont see a problem in all this. I dont think anything thats occured so far is over the top.

Im not gonna sit and compare the present to the past if people are enjoying sex more. I wont say the past was better if it wasnt. As time goes on more women are becoming sexually assertive, and sexually confident...which has meant more orgasms for women. Thats a great things. When stats show this beginning to decline, then maybe at that time Ill look to blame porn for something. Till then, Im as cool as a cucumber about all this.

I don't think my culture is "reserved". That's a rather negative word. I think my culture is just about right for the simple reason it seems to work extremely well for most of us when it comes to serious relationships/marriages/offspring.

Well, ok, but bear in mind the old frog story example, then. A frog does not realize it's getting cooked in hot water until it's too late to jump out.

March 10, 2012

kaylan
Thats their fault for not recognizing what reality is. Most men want a realistic girl next door, not a plastic bimbo. The bimbo is just nice to look at. Like a car for instance. Looking at a masarati or porsche is great, but Id prefer and would love to drive a mini cooper or an Acura RSX.

Did you read what she said? She said women know the ads sold to them about anti-wrinkle creams and beauty aren't realistic. Yet women still buy those products. That has nothing to do with women not being able to recongnize what reality is. Most women buy some form of beauty product, for what you said to be true, would mean that most women aren't based in reality.

On a logical level we understand certain things, when it comes down to what we actually do or support, it's a different story. This is the difference between just words, and actions matching up to words. Men can't sit there and openly stare, masturbate or enjoy certain visuals of women, then turn around and expect women to think that men don't infact enjoy and liek what they are supporting and promoting through their attention to it.

It is unfair for me to support media that illy represents men, then turn around and say that that isn't how I want men to be seen. My actions need to live up to my words. If I want something, if I want men to be show a different way, then that's the way I have to treat men and support them. I can not indulge in poor forms of media about men and then claim men should know that I want the opposite of that. That is incredibly hypocritcal.

Your words are not enough. A man's actions most suppor themselves.

When men say they simply like looking at the plastic type of woman, but that they don't want to be with that woman, there is a huge contradiction in that that men need to recongnize.

Mainstream porn is just a term for big production porn. Its not as popular as it once was. Amateur and niche porn is way popular nowadays. The internet has given people a choice of what they want to see.

Despite the video being Amateur, I am sure that men still want to see a narrow ideal of female beauty represented in it. Again, teen porn is like the most popular porn out there. I think even over. Men have the porn they want. That is the porn men want. Men don't want to celebrate who women are and how their real bodies are in all shapes and sizes. They want to celebrate a fantasy image of woman , who they want women to be based on the pleasure THEY get from it. NOT because they really care about supporting women in all their different body types or different sexualities.

This is how it works for men...see sex = get turned on. Simple.

Fake or real that is what will happen. It doesnt mean that we want fake women and fake sex. Logical men and women understand that and are not threatened by entertainment.

This argument no longer flies Kaylan. This is the lazy response men give when they don't want to be responsible for the material they support through their viewership. A man's sexuality alone does not mean he gets to treat women or support certain media or not be held accountable for what he supports. The fact that when men see sex, no matter the sex, they get turned on, doesn't mean what men do is right. Doesn't make men right.

If you watch something, you are supporting it. If you are supporting it, you are saying "this is what I like or even want." It is time for men to hold themselve accountable for the messages they send through their actions. It might not be a message you like, but that is all the more reason to ask yourself what your actions say. Your words matter very little. It is your actions that people will always hold you to more then anything else.

Logical men and women understand that their actions are important. more important then their words. And they take responsibility for that instead of making justfications based on how they feel sexually OR emotionally.

Am I going to be threatened by rom coms? Am I going to sit and think most women arent smart enough to know real life love isnt like the movies? No, I know that women just dig a feel good story. Logical adults know life doesnt always have happen endings. Even though movie hit a nerve with me, 500 Days of Summer allowed me to appreciate a real life portrayal of love and heart break on the big screen. Its one of my fave movies because of how real it is.

Please stop with the whole, " I am not threatened so I am so superior" that people pull out when they want to wrongly narrowize a discussion to "I'm just more confident and therefore my opinion is the right one" bullcrap. Or the "I'm just more logical" bullcrap.

Most women aren't asking you to dress up like a man from a rom com I bet. Most women probably don't ask their boyfriends to re-enact something from a rom com. Most men even have mainstream movies that play off things men like. We are not talking about mainstream movies. We are talking about adult movies. S

Same way plenty of mens fave porn is amateur stuff. That stuff is super popular that dudes know the names of these couples who have private sites and can talk about them with each other.

Oh well that sounds wonderful. Men becoming so fixated on amateur porn they know these peoples names and hunt them out to their websites. yeah, that sounds healthy.

March 10, 2012

FrustratedStandards
I agree. I often make noises because it turns them on. I don't see why it's sooooo bad if it's simply a tactic to turn a man on. Men often do the same because they know it's a turn on for us, but they don't get blasphemed for being liars. And many men make noises too, not because it's natural but to show that they are enjoying themselves. Imagine if he didn't make one peep during a blowjob, the woman would assume she is no good, lose her confidence and give him no more blowies cuz apparently she sucks.

Perhaps they do FS. I don't know. Do guys do that? Make noises when they wouldn't?

I am not simply talkign about just making noises though. Like I would actually pratice my noises when I was by myself so that I would sound how men wanted me to sound. I am not saying that is everyone's expeirence either. But I bet a lot of people fall in that trap and I wonder how much of it distracts from our "real" sexuality.

March 10, 2012

@DY Im not responding to your last post. This shouldnt turn into another porn thread. You already know how I feel about the matter, so its futile for us to yammer on repeating ourselves.

I don't think my culture is "reserved". That's a rather negative word. I think my culture is just about right for the simple reason it seems to work extremely well for most of us when it comes to serious relationships/marriages/offspring.

Well, ok, but bear in mind the old frog story example, then. A frog does not realize it's getting cooked in hot water until it's too late to jump out.

Your culture is more reserved than mine. Its not a negative word...its an accurately used word in this case.

Obviously your bias would allow you think have the OPINION that your culture is just about right, but an opinion is not a fact. Whats right and wrong can many times be subjective.

My culture works for me and is right for me and those around me who live here. Its rather arrogant to think one culture can be right or best.

March 10, 2012

You dont know men at all. Most of my guy friends who disagree with you. Hell most of the men I know would disagree with you. The girl next door is highly preferred.

Meh, I might not know what men want. But I do know what turns them on more/make them more interested in me or lots of other women I know. And it's certainly not when I'm just the "cute" next door girl. At least not with attractive men, I don't care what ugly men go for.

You can tell me I'm wrong all you want but I do know from experience that if I go with your theory, I'd be getting no attractive man. I'd rather stick to my own theory that works!

Im sorry, but how is 71 women localized in one small area, in ANY way indicative of the sexual behavior of all women.

Bull crap study. This is the best you could find? There are way more expansive studies out there that have much larger sample sizes, age analysis, and pick women from different backgrounds, racial groups, etc.

Come on now...71 women....lmao

Its simply "common knowledge" among women that making noises turns men on and helps with with males orgasm. A lot of women even do it to make the process faster! I've done it too and it works.

March 10, 2012

Wow...I dont know what you look like...but your posts are hot and make me want ya. Haha...you totally get us guys.

Flattering!

But I do think this is what men really want. I was lucky. I met my H very young, before I had many ideas about what women should/shouldn't do during sex. I just experienced and let him take me on the journey. And his appreciation was obvious! It clearly made him want me, and me alone. He'd experienced enough to know that not every girl was willing to let go and enjoy like that.

I think the women who fake to keep a man happy are very shortsighted. My H has told me at times that he doesn't want other women because "needs" me, and what he meant by that is that I give him something other girls never did--my unbridled sexuality.

March 10, 2012

Your culture is more reserved than mine. Its not a negative word...its an accurately used word in this case.

Obviously your bias would allow you think have the OPINION that your culture is just about right, but an opinion is not a fact. Whats right and wrong can many times be subjective.

My culture works for me and is right for me and those around me who live here. Its rather arrogant to think one culture can be right or best.

I never said one culture is better than the other.

I said it's right for us because it most often works like a clockwork in producing happy long-term relationships. For us at least, it's seen as a sign of success when it comes to relationships, not as being universally right or better.

Edited March 10, 2012 by silvermercy

March 10, 2012

@DY Im not responding to your last post. This shouldnt turn into another porn thread. You already know how I feel about the matter, so its futile for us to yammer on repeating ourselves.

I commented on more then just porn so you could actually respond to those parts.

March 10, 2012

I commented on more then just porn so you could actually respond to those parts.

Meh, Im not in the mood. Sorry...the porn topic and anything related has lost its fancy on me.

Meh, I might not know what men want. But I do know what turns them on more/make them more interested in me or lots of other women I know. And it's certainly not when I'm just the "cute" next door girl. At least not with attractive men, I don't care what ugly men go for.

You can tell me I'm wrong all you want but I do know from experience that if I go with your theory, I'd be getting no attractive man. I'd rather stick to my own theory that works!

Whatever you want to tell yourself sister.

Its simply "common knowledge" among women that making noises turns men on and helps with with males orgasm. A lot of women even do it to make the process faster! I've done it too and it works.

Ive seen that study before...many blogs and news articles reposted it when it came out. The study pushes the idea that over 80% of women fake orgasms based on flawed study methods.

I make noise to so a chick knows when shes doing something right...but the study is more so about who fakes.

I never said one culture is better than the other.
I said it's right for us because it most often works like a clockwork in producing happy long-term relationships. For us at least, it's seen as a sign of success when it comes to relationships, not as being universally right or better.

Really? Did you not just say your culture is right while at the same time disliking parts of my culture? That would seem to me or anyone else that you felt your culture was better.

You act as if my culture does not produce happy LTRs or as if yours doesnt produce failures. These two things happen in both our cultures. Im a product of my culture and can exist happily short term sexualized flings just as well as I could be a great long term boyfriend.

Its not all black and white. I could easily slut it up or settle down if I wanted to.

Edited March 10, 2012 by kaylan

March 10, 2012

Ive seen that study before...many blogs and news articles reposted it when it came out. The study pushes the idea that over 80% of women fake orgasms based on flawed study methods.

I make noise to so a chick knows when shes doing something right...but the study is more so about who fakes.

When I first started having sex, I moaned cause it was what I saw in porn and I wanted him to cum fast cause I was hurting lol. But now it's like you said about how good it is and I let him know that way how much I'm liking it. Also, it's just another way of releasing the sexual energy... I can't imagine not moaning at all, it wouldn't feel good.

And, women also LOVE a guy who makes noises. Makes sex so much better. I don't think I've ever talked to a woman who prefers a quiet guy.

March 10, 2012

Really? Did you not just say your culture is right while at the same time disliking parts of my culture? That would seem to me or anyone else that you felt your culture was better.

You act as if my culture does not produce happy LTRs or as if yours doesnt produce failures. These two things happen in both our cultures. Im a product of my culture and can exist happily short term sexualized flings just as well as I could be a great long term boyfriend.

Its not all black and white. I could easily slut it up or settle down if I wanted to.

Right. You keep misreading my posts.

Stats then??

I can provide some about mine:

Petty Crime in Greece - Greece - Travel Safety Hub - WorldNomads.com - WorldNomads Adventures

(I think low crime is a direct consequence of raising children in a happy stable family environment which as I said is the most common in my country.)

Also, one of the lowest divorce rates (not related to religion etc though): Successful Marriage - Greek Style

Edited March 10, 2012 by silvermercy

March 10, 2012

Flattering!

But I do think this is what men really want. I was lucky. I met my H very young, before I had many ideas about what women should/shouldn't do during sex. I just experienced and let him take me on the journey. And his appreciation was obvious! It clearly made him want me, and me alone. He'd experienced enough to know that not every girl was willing to let go and enjoy like that.

I think the women who fake to keep a man happy are very shortsighted. My H has told me at times that he doesn't want other women because "needs" me, and what he meant by that is that I give him something other girls never did--my unbridled sexuality.

Lucky lucky guy. Again, I wonder who it is that plays into a womans stifled sexuality. Is it thinking handed down from other women, or are guys more at fault for this. Or both.

Eh, whatever....I know I will find a chick like me one day who will let lose sexually so we can enjoy everything 100%. Lord knows I dont wanna be in here at 35 complaining that I never found a woman who fits me well.

Right. You keep misreading my posts.

Stats then??
I can provide some about mine:
Petty Crime in Greece - Greece - Travel Safety Hub - WorldNomads.com - WorldNomads Adventures
(I think low crime is a direct consequence of raising children in a happy stable family environment which as I said is the most common in my country.)
Also, one of the lowest divorce rates (not related to religion etc though): Successful Marriage - Greek Style

Your point? American culture has many sub cultures. Some parts of the country have lower divorce rates than others and less crime than others. You realize the US is almost the size of Europe right?

Also, what constitutes a successful marriage? Not divorcing? Because even in countries with super low divorce rates, plenty of men are playing their wives because its frowned upon to leave her.

When I first started having sex, I moaned cause it was what I saw in porn and I wanted him to cum fast cause I was hurting lol. But now it's like you said about how good it is and I let him know that way how much I'm liking it. Also, it's just another way of releasing the sexual energy... I can't imagine not moaning at all, it wouldn't feel good.

And, women also LOVE a guy who makes noises. Makes sex so much better. I don't think I've ever talked to a woman who prefers a quiet guy.

I used to never moan...I never felt a reason to...I mean sex felt good but not great...but I guess I only breathed heavy since my heart rate was up...Plus when I was younger I didnt think moaning was something guys. I just felt it drew too much attention to me lol

It wasnt until I was 22 where I really had some enjoyable hookups where I couldnt help but let out noise. It was embarrassing sometimes, and I even had to put my hand over my mouth a couple times because the orgasm was so good. Those were both during oral and not sex tho...I hope to have that kind of orgasm during sex one day.

So since then Ive embraced a great feeling when I had them...plus its encouraging to a woman and they seem turned on by it...so why not? lol

Edited March 10, 2012 by kaylan

March 10, 2012

Lucky lucky guy. Again, I wonder who it is that plays into a womans stifled sexuality. Is it thinking handed down from other women, or are guys more at fault for this. Or both.

Eh, whatever....I know I will find a chick like me one day who will let lose sexually so we can enjoy everything 100%. Lord knows I dont wanna be in here at 35 complaining that I never found a woman who fits me well.

Your point? American culture has many sub cultures. Some parts of the country have lower divorce rates than others and less crime than others. You realize the US is almost the size of Europe right?

Also, what constitutes a successful marriage? Not divorcing? Because even in countries with super low divorce rates, plenty of men are playing their wives because its frowned upon to leave her.

My point is that for my country the more "reserved", as you said, attitude leads to great results, mostly nation-wide, in both relationships and community. It's a great recipe, (so I don't get it when I hear people try to tear it down as non-desirable or "uncool" or unsuccessful or whatever else [insert description here]).

As I said, parameters (like religion or others like being afraid to leave for whatever reason) do not usually come to play. I don't have official stats for that but I can safely speak for my country's folks.

March 10, 2012

My point is that for my country the more "reserved", as you said, attitude leads to great results, mostly nation-wide, in both relationships and community. It's a great recipe, (so I don't get it when I hear people try to tear it down as non-desirable or "uncool" or unsuccessful or whatever else [insert description here]).

As I said, parameters (like religion or others like being afraid to leave for whatever reason) do not usually come to play. I don't have official stats for that but I can safely speak for my country's folks.

As I said before. The good and bad of your country is not unique to you. Plenty of spots in America have those same values...but that doesnt mean all these relationships are happy and strictly without infidelity.

Its not black and white. I could adhere by your standards, and by overtly sexualized standards. Doesnt mean Id be any less successful doing one or the other. Im totally capable of having fun and also being a super loyal and faithful boyfriend.

March 10, 2012

PS: So if a man was offered a free Ferrari or Porche he would still drive the mini Cooper?

Ahaha. Exactly.

If you are having sex with a man you should be able to tell him how to pleasure you and vice versa. If he won't take instruction, either settle for a lousy sex life or find someone who doesn't need or won't be bothered by instruction.

Porn has made it worse for women because men think this is how a woman is supposed to react.

That's the thing. I tell them what I want, and they do it, and it's nice, but then they get tired. It takes me 20-30 minutes to orgasm using a shower head for clitoral masturbation. Imagine a man with half the power, and doing it for twice the time?

Not gonna happen lol

As for the rest of the ladies trying to explain to Kaylan, he isn't gonna get it. He's an alpha who apparently knows the female orgasm better than she does. So I wouldn't waste my time.

I'm betting he's really cocky in real life too. Men like that are easily fooled, and constantly twist things around to make themselves sound reasonable or like they are right. Looks like that's what happening here. Calling him on it won't shut him up lol

March 10, 2012

PS: So if a man was offered a free Ferrari or Porche he would still drive the mini Cooper?

I like the mini cooper, I want the mini cooper. Its a fun, cute, and affordable auto with tight handling and a cool look.

Sure the luxury brands are nice to look at, but Id def prefer to have fun in the mini.

As for the rest of the ladies trying to explain to Kaylan, he isn't gonna get it. He's an alpha who apparently knows the female orgasm better than she does. So I wouldn't waste my time.

I'm betting he's really cocky in real life too. Men like that are easily fooled, and constantly twist things around to make themselves sound reasonable or like they are right. Looks like that's what happening here. Calling him on it won't shut him up lol

Actually, the women here are trying to explain porn to me. Not the female orgasm.

And like I said before in another thread. I know the women I have been with more than you know them...so i dont need you dismissing me simply for being male.

And again, just because you cant get off with a man and can fool other dudes, does not mean Im in the same boat with them, or that other women are in the same boat as you. More than enough women can get off with a guy...so spare me your rhetoric.

Edited March 10, 2012 by kaylan

March 10, 2012

BULLSH*T

And everyone here knows it. Why don't you just be honest and stop trying to talk your way up. We've all called your bluff already.

March 10, 2012

IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE FEMALE ORGASM!

Omg, did you read what I wrote? You're a joke LOL

This is hilarious.

March 10, 2012

BULLSH*T

And everyone here knows it. Why don't you just be honest and stop trying to talk your way up. We've all called your bluff already.

Bull crap on what? You havent called my bluff. You simply either misinterpret my posts, put words in my mouth, or make assumptions about women in my life whom you never men.

All because Im a man and god forbid a man like me actually have come across women who enjoy sex, desire to get off, and dont need to fake it.

I dont see other women here behaving as you do...but Ive already let you know how important your opinion is to me...so why am I wasting my time?

IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE FEMALE ORGASM!

Omg, did you read what I wrote? You're a joke LOL

This is hilarious.

You are a dunce...did you not just reference me and the female orgasm in the same sentence? Hence you JUST talked about it genius.

March 10, 2012

PS: So if a man was offered a free Ferrari or Porche he would still drive the mini Cooper?

Unlike cars, women who have Ferrari looks don't always have Ferrari handling.

And maybe, with experience, guys learn that the women who pay the most attention to appearances tend to handle like a mini cooper

March 10, 2012

^ I for one love the mini coopers handling lol. So Id be thrilled if more cars handled like them. Tight turns are fun. =P

March 10, 2012

(Unrelating it to myself and my situation)

Do you think it's because men have gotten worse over the years? Or could it be that our expectations in a partner are too high?

Is it that media portrays it as something that it's not? Or are women just too uncomfortable in their own skin (perhaps also due to media) to allow this to happen?

I would have thought that the opposite would happen given that there is so much more emphasis on the female orgasm than ever before. Yet somehow, this isn't reducing the prevalence of the fake orgasm.

I also think is has to do with age (young fake more, older fake less) but if this was the case, wouldn't fake orgasms only be popular among the young adults and not women all across the age groups?

What's your source of information to validate your premise? Is there so big poll somewhere where women are being asked and this is their answer?

March 11, 2012

If you just look it up on a search engine you will find plenty of statistics. I don't have exact numbers, but I know that the majority of women don't orgasm every time they have sex, and almost the same amount of women fake sometime or another.

March 11, 2012

Hmm... porn perhaps? A lot of porn greatly entertains the idea that fast and hard is almost always great for a woman, when many times it's not. It can even get painful. If you think about it, it's a well-known fact that most of the time women in porn fake their orgasms on camera (they're just very good at it and looks real). So apparently they can reach 'orgasms' when the director tells them to, so they can get a good video shot. The female orgasm almost always happens before the male orgasm (which is totally unrealistic in such a frequency).

Hmm, this could be true - I don't know, because I don't watch mainstream 'hardcore' porn - but I think it's a bit unrelated to what I was saying (that FS quoted). In porn, in fact, it seems to be a sort of marathon endurance training rather than a race - the longer the better! My point was that somehow men have been socialized to think that how quickly a woman orgasms should be the focal point of their sexual endeavours and the main indicator of their sexual ability.

I think some women fake it in porn, but the sort of porn I watch involves a significant amount of stuff like oral and vibrators and various other toys and implements. I think most women would not be able to prevent themselves from orgasming with a Hitachi magic wand down there (whether or not they enjoy it or feel fulfilled is a different matter), so I think that is probably one genre in which women probably don't NEED to fake.

Heck, they seem to orgasm from things like blowjobs in porn! How many women in the real world do that? LOL

Rofl, yeah, I've heard women bragging that they could. Beats me!

So that makes me wonder now how many women faked in pre-mainstream porn era... I still think it was a big number - but for totally different reasons (i.e. different type of misinformation about woman's sexuality, sex within forced or arranged marriages etc).

I think that in the pre-mainstream porn era, less women faked likely because a woman's orgasm was not widely disseminated information, as it is today. Sex was often a 'duty' that wives owe the husband, and the concept of a woman's sexuality was suppressed. So men did not feel the pressure to sexually please their wives, and a man's virility/masculinity was instead reflected in the number of children they had and how well he provided for his family.

Anyway, I don't understand why modern women fake it, even if they cared a lot about their partner. I can understand doing that a couple of times here and there, to be polite and get it over with. But most of the times? What kind of insecurity is this!? That he will dump you otherwise? Let him find a pornstar then (at least their fake orgasms would be very realistic to him). I wouldn't want such a man, sorry.

Agreed.

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Why do you think there is such a prevalence of women who fake their orgasms?

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