Why do you think there is such a prevalence of women who fake their orgasms?

March 10, 2012

Among those that can, how often do they?

Most men, for instance, will orgasm through intercourse nearly 100% of the time.

30% of women might be able to do it, but only 50% of the time (completely made up statistic).

I can, but only do about 20% of the time. Only one position works, and I'm not always in the mood for that position.

Are you saying you only orgasm 20% of the time whenever you have sex? Or that you only do that position 20% of the time and this position brings intercourse orgasms?

Anyways, the stats on how often women orgasm has been spotty. I havent found too many sources that agree with one another. Some say women do on averag 50% of the time. Others say 70%. But then we need to look deeper. What percentage of women orgasm all the time? What percentage orgasm 2/3 of the time? What percentage orgasm less of the time?

So it can greatly depend. However, from what I read and hear, plenty of women are out there enjoying sex and having orgasm. The fakers and ladies who cannot have orgasm are not the majority.

Edited March 10, 2012 by kaylan

March 10, 2012

I think when the stats say, for example, that '30% of women can orgasm from intercourse alone', it is generally taken to mean that 70% cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. The remaining 30% will probably follow a curve from 0-100% of the time.

March 10, 2012

Are you saying you only orgasm 20% of the time whenever you have sex? Or that you only do that position 20% of the time and this position brings intercourse orgasms?

The latter.

I can get an O whenever I want, which is probably 80-90% of the time. But it only happens during intercourse about 20%.

I'd have to check my log book for exact stats (kidding....)

March 10, 2012

I think when the stats say, for example, that '30% of women can orgasm from intercourse alone', it is generally taken to mean that 70% cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. The remaining 30% will probably follow a curve from 0-100% of the time.

Agree. As I said in my last post...these studies need to start digging deeper and find out how many women are climaxing what percentage of the time.

Its all so variable. Imagine a guy who thinks he hit the jackpot because he found a lady who can possibly orgasm from intercourse, but really only climaxes 1 in 10 sex sessions.

The latter.

I can get an O whenever I want, which is probably 80-90% of the time. But it only happens during intercourse about 20%.

I'd have to check my log book for exact stats (kidding....)

Hot lol. So even with a helping hand it stays at 20%?

Do you prefer oral to intercourse? I always asked my ex "imagine if I could shape shift my fingers into tongues when I rub you during sex" Thatd be amazing no?

Edited March 10, 2012 by kaylan

March 10, 2012

Do you prefer oral to intercourse? I always asked my ex "imagine if I could shape shift my fingers into tongues when I rub you during sex" Thatd be amazing no?

I like it all, in rotation Gotta change things up!

Yes, finger-tongues would be awesome....

March 10, 2012

So I fake one and all of a sudden he is a gleaming beam of joy.

I think it's all due to expectation based on perception. Because a man's enjoyment of sex is different than a woman's (completion versus intimacy), we tend to try to "please" our partners even if we don't get what we want. And when we have a vested interest in a relationship, we do those things we say we wouldn't because we want our partners to keep us. A little bit of faking isn't such a horrible thing if it makes your man feel special

March 10, 2012

Are we entirely sure that men aren't faking orgasms as well?

I fake every orgasm with my girl.

March 10, 2012

So I fake one and all of a sudden he is a gleaming beam of joy.

I think it's all due to expectation based on perception. Because a man's enjoyment of sex is different than a woman's (completion versus intimacy), we tend to try to "please" our partners even if we don't get what we want. And when we have a vested interest in a relationship, we do those things we say we wouldn't because we want our partners to keep us. A little bit of faking isn't such a horrible thing if it makes your man feel special

ugh women like you. I bet you that you just don't think lying in general is too bad of a thing and do it in other areas of your life too. That's been my experience with my "faker" friends.

March 10, 2012

no no no ... it's not condoning lying in general or faking every chance you get, but being a lot better (and less crude) than "... sheesh. Is that all you're capable of?"

the longer you're with someone, the less it becomes about getting off when you have sex with them, and more about connecting on all levels. So if I make noises to encourage my partner, I'm not doing it to be a b!tch, but because I'm encouraging him on. And that's waaaaay different from faking orgasm, which I don't buy into.

as for lying ... well, you'd have to know me to understand that I'm really *****ty when it comes to lying because I can't keep a straight face

March 10, 2012

So I fake one and all of a sudden he is a gleaming beam of joy.

I think it's all due to expectation based on perception. Because a man's enjoyment of sex is different than a woman's (completion versus intimacy), we tend to try to "please" our partners even if we don't get what we want. And when we have a vested interest in a relationship, we do those things we say we wouldn't because we want our partners to keep us. A little bit of faking isn't such a horrible thing if it makes your man feel special

? huh?

I actually care way more about the intimacy than the completion. If I can be serious for a moment, Ive never really felt like any chick Ive slept with was trying to make love to me...and I wanna feel that. Even my ex who was in love with me seemed like we always "fvked". Sometimes a guy wants to make love and not just "fvk" or hook up to get off...ya know?

I dig passionate love making especially when its with a girl I care about. I like variety in how I have sex. And I always am about pleasing the woman first as well. So what you are saying is not unique to women at all. Plenty of guys love intimacy and love pleasing their woman. I really do think a lot of women keep passing along misinformation to each other about what guys want. I really think most women dont understand men and make generalizations based on a few experiences or male characters in the media.

Also, I find it quite sad that you need to fake because you want a guy to "keep you". Why not work together so sex can be about the both of you...not just one persons enjoyment. Sex is supposed to be a mutually satisfying experience. Would you want me to fake it with you or have sex with you even if I didnt really want to just so you could feel special? Wouldnt you feel more special if you knew I craved your touch and actually got so much pleasure out of being next to you?

A lot of guys, like myself, know orgasms dont always happen. A soft kiss and a simple "babe im not gonna get there this time" would be fine. No need to fake.

Edited March 10, 2012 by kaylan

March 10, 2012

I really think most women dont understand men and make generalizations based on a few experiences or male characters in the media. that's the point I was trying to make when I talked about expectation based on perception. At one time or another, most of us have bought into the stuff we've seen on TV or have been told, then we experience for ourselves a relationship where you can be real with that person. And not have to stroke egos by faking orgasm. When you're insecure about who you are and how you stand with that person, your fallback position tends to be doing stupid ***** like that, you know?

I actually care way more about the intimacy than the completion. this is actually very heartening to hear, because most guys I've talked with would rather have pointed objects stuck repeatedly in their eyes than admit that true intimacy is something they desire in a relationship. Might be the vulnerability factor, might be the macho thing, I don't know. Still, knowing there are men out there who don't just reduce it to physical gratification is a happy thought.

Why not work together so sex can be about the both of you...not just one persons enjoyment. Sex is supposed to be a mutually satisfying experience. and this is were a healthy, happy relationship makes a difference. The longer you are with someone in this type of relationship, the more satisfying it becomes. Even when it's a crappy bout of sex, it's still pretty damn good because it's with that particular person

March 10, 2012

Is it really all that rare?

Any figures Ive ever seen say 20% to 30% of women can orgasm through intercourse. That doesnt seem all to rare. A minority maybe. But not rare.

To me, that number seems REALLY low. Granted, I'm a lifetime academic, so 20% is like the "signing my name" percentage to me.

I guess it's not rare to some people, but it's also like Elswyth says: I'm one of those women who can "more easily" O from penetration alone, and it's an 'easy' position that more likely gets me off, but even then. . . it's not nearly 100% of the time.

I did fake once, back in my first relationship. I think a key reason here is because so many men judge their own sexual ability by how often and/or quickly they bring a girl to orgasm. Most of us women know that is hogwash, and find that our best sexual experiences are with men who aren't so focused on the end, but rather the journey. Regardless, the myth persists, and some men find it hard to reconcile this new notion with all the 'a REAL man has no trouble bringing a girl to orgasm' hype.So if a girl knows it's not happening tonight, but also knows that her guy will be utterly crushed by his 'failure' if she tells him that, she fakes.

20-30% seems about right, and I would call that 'rare'.

Yep, this. Elswyth, sometimes I think we share a brain on this board. Only your side is smarter and more well-spoken than mine.

I think when the stats say, for example, that '30% of women can orgasm from intercourse alone', it is generally taken to mean that 70% cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. The remaining 30% will probably follow a curve from 0-100% of the time.

This, too. I think the idea is those people saying they can't pretty much NEVER have. And that's quite a large number to never O from intercourse, considering almost all men can/have done so.

March 10, 2012

To O from penetration alone, a woman & her man has to know about her g-spot.

I knew about clit O's in my teens, but we didn't discover my g-spot until my 20's. This is TMI, but it may be helpful to women who can't O vaginally...it has to be hit at the right spot, fast & hard, continuously.

My g-spot was like an ATM card... it had to be activated. Once I had my first penetration only O, it became easier to have one. The first one was elusive, though. Don't give up ladies, it's worth the wait when you get there.

March 10, 2012

To me, that number seems REALLY low. Granted, I'm a lifetime academic, so 20% is like the "signing my name" percentage to me.

I guess it's not rare to some people, but it's also like Elswyth says: I'm one of those women who can "more easily" O from penetration alone, and it's an 'easy' position that more likely gets me off, but even then. . . it's not nearly 100% of the time.

__

This, too. I think the idea is those people saying they can't pretty much NEVER have. And that's quite a large number to never O from intercourse, considering almost all men can/have done so.

Precisely! That is why I'm bemused at how many people view 'vaginal intercourse' as completely synonymous with 'sex'. To them, oral sex or foreplay or anything other than Tab A in Slot B isn't 'real' sex, which must necessarily include intercourse. This, I believe, is a huge reason for the myth men have 'observed' about women 'not liking sex as much'. It would be akin to me observing the average American's reaction to a spicy dish, and then drawing the conclusion that Americans must not like food, because the majority of Chinese or Indians would have lapped it up.

I'm sure many women, as well as men, love intercourse and consider it the 'main act'. But equally so, I think there are women who have equal affinity or even preference for many other 'types' of sex, and men may have more luck in finding a 'sexually eager' or highly orgasmic woman once they rid themselves of the intercourse = sex mentality. To me, 'sex' is an erotic act shared between two partners, giving both physical pleasure. There may or may not be intercourse, but both partners must enjoy it for it to qualify as 'sex'. Equally so, if one partner isn't enjoying themselves, intercourse isn't necessarily 'sex', but rather 'aided masturbation'.

Yep, this. Elswyth, sometimes I think we share a brain on this board. Only your side is smarter and more well-spoken than mine.

Awww, how strange - I thought the same, except in reverse!

March 10, 2012

This thread just begs the question:

Small dicks or cavernous vaginas?

March 10, 2012

I think a key reason here is because so many men judge their own sexual ability by how often and/or quickly they bring a girl to orgasm.

Yeah, this makes sense. Someone asked here how a woman got the idea to fake, but I think the question we need to examine first is where did men get the idea that the more/faster he can make a woman orgasm, the better a lover he is?

March 10, 2012

More often than not, a woman is made to think that it is her job to make the guy think he is in charge, and to make him feel like a man. This is probably where it stems from. Making a man feel like he is a man = making him think he is sexual satisfying.

I agree with you........

March 10, 2012

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they think we care.

March 10, 2012

Yeah, this makes sense. Someone asked here how a woman got the idea to fake, but I think the question we need to examine first is where did men get the idea that the more/faster he can make a woman orgasm, the better a lover he is?

Hmm... porn perhaps? A lot of porn greatly entertains the idea that fast and hard is almost always great for a woman, when many times it's not. It can even get painful. If you think about it, it's a well-known fact that most of the time women in porn fake their orgasms on camera (they're just very good at it and looks real). So apparently they can reach 'orgasms' when the director tells them to, so they can get a good video shot. The female orgasm almost always happens before the male orgasm (which is totally unrealistic in such a frequency). Heck, they seem to orgasm from things like blowjobs in porn! How many women in the real world do that? LOL

So that makes me wonder now how many women faked in pre-mainstream porn era... I still think it was a big number - but for totally different reasons (i.e. different type of misinformation about woman's sexuality, sex within forced or arranged marriages etc).

Anyway, I don't understand why modern women fake it, even if they cared a lot about their partner. I can understand doing that a couple of times here and there, to be polite and get it over with. But most of the times? What kind of insecurity is this!? That he will dump you otherwise? Let him find a pornstar then (at least their fake orgasms would be very realistic to him). I wouldn't want such a man, sorry.

Edited March 10, 2012 by silvermercy

March 10, 2012

it's a well-known fact that most of the time women in porn fake their orgasms on camera (they're just very good at it and looks real)

I don't dispute that female orgasms in porn are almost always faked; I'd go as far as to say that 90% of the time they look so damn fake it's a bit of a turn off to be honest

March 10, 2012

I don't dispute that female orgasms in porn are almost always faked; I'd go as far as to say that 90% of the time they look so damn fake it's a bit of a turn off to be honest

Yeah, I suppose it is... But I think there are many men (younger generation perhaps) who still think this is the way to go about pleasing a woman; they can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality.

March 10, 2012

Yeah, I suppose it is... But I think there are many men (younger generation perhaps) who still think this is the way to go about pleasing a woman; they can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality.

I guess it's also partly why I've always been a little more drawn to lesbian porn, as it at least looks a lot more convincing when they're getting each other off with tongues/fingers/vibrators, which is what I've found to be the most likely way to get someone there in reality.

I've yet to sleep with any girl who could orgasm from penetration but couldn't also orgasm a *lot* more easily from other means.

March 10, 2012

I guess it's also partly why I've always been a little more drawn to lesbian porn, as it at least looks a lot more convincing when they're getting each other off with tongues/fingers/vibrators, which is what I've found to be the most likely way to get someone there in reality.

I've yet to sleep with any girl who could orgasm from penetration but couldn't also orgasm a *lot* more easily from other means.

Agree. The same reasons hold true for women who watch gay porn for this reason (and for a couple more reasons): They claim the field is "equal" and apart from watching TWO hot guys going at it, the erections are well... erections. lol They can't be hidden for both of them.

March 10, 2012

To O from penetration alone, a woman & her man has to know about her g-spot.

Many O during penetration from figuring out how to simultaneously stimulate the clit externally (positioning, adding hands, etc).

So there is that avenue to explore, too.

Do women shy away from touching themselves during sex? My philosophy: if it feels good, touch it!

March 10, 2012

Ran across this last week and it fits with this thread. I pasted the parts of the study that were germane. This has more to do with females who put on the phoney vocalizations and not just simply faking orgasm, but in some respects these are crossover subjects. The high numbers of women who admit to this stuff is actually kind of sad . . . for us men that is

Our nation of moaners - Salon — After Dark - Salon.com

Researchers Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin A. Hendrie of the University of Leeds wondered too. In a 2011 study on copulatory vocalization (i.e., sex noises), published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, they asked a group of 71 sexually active, heterosexual women, ages 18 to 48, to answer a questionnaire about their vocalizations during sex and whether or not they correlated with orgasm. The answer most often was yes – but not with their own.

Although female orgasms were reportedly most commonly experienced during foreplay, their vocalizations were reported to occur most frequently before and simultaneous with male ejaculation. So basically the women’s sex noises most frequently accompanied their partner’s orgasm. Why? It turns out, it’s because they wanted to help their partners out. Sixty-six percent reported making noise to accelerate their partner’s ejaculation. Ninety-two percent believed these vocalizations upped their partner’s self-esteem (87 percent reported vocalizing for this purpose). Other reported reasons included speeding things up, “to relieve discomfort/pain, boredom, and fatigue in equal proportion, as well as because of time limitations.”

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