Why do you think there is such a prevalence of women who fake their orgasms?

March 9, 2012

(Unrelating it to myself and my situation)

Do you think it's because men have gotten worse over the years? Or could it be that our expectations in a partner are too high?

Is it that media portrays it as something that it's not? Or are women just too uncomfortable in their own skin (perhaps also due to media) to allow this to happen?

I would have thought that the opposite would happen given that there is so much more emphasis on the female orgasm than ever before. Yet somehow, this isn't reducing the prevalence of the fake orgasm.

I also think is has to do with age (young fake more, older fake less) but if this was the case, wouldn't fake orgasms only be popular among the young adults and not women all across the age groups?

March 9, 2012

I have no idea, but I wonder if it isn't some sort of message passed around from woman to woman that it is expected and necessary somehow.

If so, I never got the memo. From the earliest age of sexual experience, it never occurred to me to pretend to have an orgasm.

I'd be curious to know if women had gotten the idea from elsewhere, or if they came up with it on their own when the time came (or didn't come, as the case may be ).

March 9, 2012

More often than not, a woman is made to think that it is her job to make the guy think he is in charge, and to make him feel like a man. This is probably where it stems from. Making a man feel like he is a man = making him think he is sexual satisfying.

March 9, 2012

Lol did this need a thread? I think most people know why faking happens.

Meh, o wells.

My belief is that each person owns their own orgasm. They must do this themselves but expecting someone else to help them get to the big finale.

March 9, 2012

I think there are many reasons...

Some are covered here. However it's just one single piece of research out of many, doesn't mean this indeed applies.

livescience.com/14451-fear-intimacy-faking-orgasm.html

March 9, 2012

Also, I wouldnt say the pressure women face that causes them to fake, is any different from the pressure men face to cum every single time and always have a boner raring to go. Women seem to take an ego hit just as bad as men do if they cant feel like sexual gods and goddesses in bed.

Meh whatevs...im just seeking a passionate chick who knows what she wants and how to get it.

And tbh, like xxoo alluded to, I wouldnt be surprised if its women who keep this fake orgasm mindset passed around more than men do. Plenty of guys out there seem to understand orgasm doesnt happen all time now.

Edited March 9, 2012 by kaylan

March 9, 2012

More often than not, a woman is made to think that it is her job to make the guy think he is in charge, and to make him feel like a man. This is probably where it stems from. Making a man feel like he is a man = making him think he is sexual satisfying.

Wouldn't it be more effective to show him how to bring you to orgasm, so that he can actually sexually satisfy you?

March 9, 2012

Wouldn't it be more effective to show him how to bring you to orgasm, so that he can actually sexually satisfy you?

It would! But why do women still fake then?

I am guilty as charged, I fake. I will admit that it's MUCH less frequent than before, and that's because i'm sick of faking and want the real thing goshdarnit! But I still fake every now and then because when I have sex with a man (my last boyfriend) for many times, and I still don't orgasm, I can tell that it really hurts his ego. So I fake one and all of a sudden he is a gleaming beam of joy.

It's so annoying that this is what makes a man so confident, yet the fact that it's so easy is probably why women do it so much...

March 9, 2012

I think I just answered my own question. Hah!

March 9, 2012

It would! But why do women still fake then?

I am guilty as charged, I fake. I will admit that it's MUCH less frequent than before, and that's because i'm sick of faking and want the real thing goshdarnit! But I still fake every now and then because when I have sex with a man (my last boyfriend) for many times, and I still don't orgasm, I can tell that it really hurts his ego. So I fake one and all of a sudden he is a gleaming beam of joy.

It's so annoying that this is what makes a man so confident, yet the fact that it's so easy is probably why women do it so much...

A partners orgasm makes a person confident, doesnt matter if they are a man or woman.

Im sure youve seen the threads here about distraught women whos boyfriend dont have sex, or barely can get it up for her, or dont cum regularly. So women should be lucky that men in general can biologically cum easier. The rub in all that is that it gives women a false sense of skill sometimes...because as I said in an earlier thread...men can orgasm and still not had enjoyed the experience.

Im sure women have had plenty of so-so orgasms.

March 9, 2012

::blank stare::

I will never understand why any woman would want to fake an O... What is the purpose of engaging in sex to fake the ending pleasure that's ridiculous to me, I will agree that I've had sex with an individual that just didn't take me there and for some reason he couldn't help me reach climax, but I did not fake an orgasm to help his ego I let it be known I didn't get mines.

Edited March 9, 2012 by DonVee

March 9, 2012

It feeds a mans ego. It's still living a lie though.

If a man actually knew how many women fake - they'd be shocked!

Most aren't as good in bed as women make them believe they are...

Sad that such a great thing has so much pretending involved.

March 9, 2012

Well I have certainly faked orgasms. It was more to please and appease the guy over considering myself. I was more worried about him having fun and what my body looked like to him and worrying about how imperfect I clearly was and what I could do to make him happy..and hte list goes on, then caring about me. When I was younger I was more invested in the experience being what he wanted it to be. I wanted to live up to the fantasy and I cared more about that then being true to myself. I spent alot of time trying to learn what guys wanted a woman to be from male dominated media. And honestly, my experience was that men also cared more about that too then they cared about me just being me. They loved that I tried to live up to the fantasy. When I tried to be more myself, they didn't have the same reaction. Guys want the fantasy. Not the real woman. But as I got older, I really had to work on being more open about this stuff and standing up for what I did or didn't want to do. Sometimes guys don't even ask if you want to do something. They saw it in porn and they thought it was great then they want to treat you like your just a prop like the girl in porn is instead of a real person. Sometimes it's still hard for me but I am better at it then when I was younger. There is too much pressure from men to act a certain way sexually that it really gets in the way of jsut having a mutually fun experience as two human beings, as a man and a woman, instead of having to be his sexual playtoy. Although sadly, I think a lot of men enjoy more having the playtoy then an imperfect woman who is just her. Female sexuality isn't encouraged unless it's in the terms men want female sexuality to be. Such as the ideals set up in popular male media.

March 9, 2012

^I enjoy raw female sexuality, so I can tell you what you think all men desire is false. I want a girl to be herself.

March 10, 2012

the only time i have faked is when it was obvious it was not going to happen and i just wanted it to be over. Sorry Never did it again.

March 10, 2012

Are we entirely sure that men aren't faking orgasms as well?

March 10, 2012

Men are usually very concerned about pleasing their women. The woman is too concerned about the man being concerned about pleasing her. She's so focused on how she looks, if he's really into it (which sometimes he's not because he's too worried about if she's into it) or if she 'should have' had an orgasm already to make him feel better about his performance...

If most women would just relax and enjoy it, and most men would just see women as human beings first and foremost and both of their drive was to make it an enjoyable experience for them both without all the outrageous mink f**k going on, women would probably have them regularly enough to not need to fake to begin with.

Also, don't be afraid to educate your man. If he really does care about you and your pleasure at all, and has any security in himself at all, he'll eagerly eat up your suggestions to make it better for you (within reason). If he doesn't care if you're enjoying yourself, you're with the wrong man.

But whatever it all is about, please please PLEASE, stop faking. You're not helping him or you.

March 10, 2012

AND THERE YOU GO!

Women fake orgasms due to fears that men will cheat

Women fake orgasms due to fears that men will cheat - Telegraph

March 10, 2012

I have no idea, but I wonder if it isn't some sort of message passed around from woman to woman that it is expected and necessary somehow.

If so, I never got the memo. From the earliest age of sexual experience, it never occurred to me to pretend to have an orgasm.

I'd be curious to know if women had gotten the idea from elsewhere, or if they came up with it on their own when the time came (or didn't come, as the case may be ).

I don't know where I "got" the idea. I did watch SaTC in HS and college, so maybe I saw the topic on there. It just seems like the natural thing to do when you just want the sex to kind of. . .end. And not have to say, "This isn't going to happen and has stopped being fun for me, so just get yours." That's the only time I've ever faked it---and it was with a BF I really didn't dig that much.

Wouldn't it be more effective to show him how to bring you to orgasm, so that he can actually sexually satisfy you?

Sometimes women who fake don't know how to do this and/or don't feel the man would be receptive.

the only time i have faked is when it was obvious it was not going to happen and i just wanted it to be over. Sorry

Yep. Now I know to just admit it's not going to happen so I don't get frustrated. I can still enjoy sex without the O.

FWIW, it seems like women who have the O via penetration are rare (via surveys), but I actually do very easily in many cases. So, if it's not going to happen, it's generally entirely mental, not physical/stimuli/whatever. So, it's not like we could "do" anything different to make it happen. It just wouldn't.

March 10, 2012

So instead of telling their boyfriend/man: "Sorry it's not going to happen." and possibly hurting his feelings, some women choose to fake it.

I'll throw out another option for that situation.....

If I'm ready to move on, and he's still going, I push his triggers and bring him to O. Say just the right thing, bite just the right thing, lick just the right thing....I know how to move things along

March 10, 2012

Men are usually very concerned about pleasing their women. The woman is too concerned about the man being concerned about pleasing her. She's so focused on how she looks, if he's really into it (which sometimes he's not because he's too worried about if she's into it) or if she 'should have' had an orgasm already to make him feel better about his performance...

If most women would just relax and enjoy it, and most men would just see women as human beings first and foremost and both of their drive was to make it an enjoyable experience for them both without all the outrageous mink f**k going on, women would probably have them regularly enough to not need to fake to begin with.

Also, don't be afraid to educate your man. If he really does care about you and your pleasure at all, and has any security in himself at all, he'll eagerly eat up your suggestions to make it better for you (within reason). If he doesn't care if you're enjoying yourself, you're with the wrong man.

But whatever it all is about, please please PLEASE, stop faking. You're not helping him or you.

This in bold. Hell that first paragraph is super spot on. More women need to just be chill about all this. Calm down chica, its only sex.

FWIW, it seems like women who have the O via penetration are rare (via surveys), but I actually do very easily in many cases. So, if it's not going to happen, it's generally entirely mental, not physical/stimuli/whatever. So, it's not like we could "do" anything different to make it happen. It just wouldn't.

Is it really all that rare?

Any figures Ive ever seen say 20% to 30% of women can orgasm through intercourse. That doesnt seem all to rare. A minority maybe. But not rare.

Edited March 10, 2012 by kaylan

March 10, 2012

I did fake once, back in my first relationship. I think a key reason here is because so many men judge their own sexual ability by how often and/or quickly they bring a girl to orgasm. Most of us women know that is hogwash, and find that our best sexual experiences are with men who aren't so focused on the end, but rather the journey. Regardless, the myth persists, and some men find it hard to reconcile this new notion with all the 'a REAL man has no trouble bringing a girl to orgasm' hype.So if a girl knows it's not happening tonight, but also knows that her guy will be utterly crushed by his 'failure' if she tells him that, she fakes.

20-30% seems about right, and I would call that 'rare'.

March 10, 2012

Men are usually very concerned about pleasing their women. The woman is too concerned about the man being concerned about pleasing her. She's so focused on how she looks, if he's really into it (which sometimes he's not because he's too worried about if she's into it) or if she 'should have' had an orgasm already to make him feel better about his performance...

If most women would just relax and enjoy it, and most men would just see women as human beings first and foremost and both of their drive was to make it an enjoyable experience for them both without all the outrageous mink f**k going on, women would probably have them regularly enough to not need to fake to begin with.

Also, don't be afraid to educate your man. If he really does care about you and your pleasure at all, and has any security in himself at all, he'll eagerly eat up your suggestions to make it better for you (within reason). If he doesn't care if you're enjoying yourself, you're with the wrong man.

But whatever it all is about, please please PLEASE, stop faking. You're not helping him or you.

I think this is a two way street. Yes, a man should care about her orgasms, but he should not take them as such a strong reflection on his personal virility and ability. Both people need to break this cycle. If a woman is having difficulty orgasming, the key is not necessarily to push on and on and on as if it were a mountain you MUST climb. She should be able to know that you would love to get her to orgasm, but if it ain't happening today, you'll understand and it isn't a big deal.

March 10, 2012

Any figures Ive ever seen say 20% to 30% of women can orgasm through intercourse. That doesnt seem all to rare. A minority maybe. But not rare.

Among those that can, how often do they?

Most men, for instance, will orgasm through intercourse nearly 100% of the time.

30% of women might be able to do it, but only 50% of the time (completely made up statistic).

I can, but only do about 20% of the time. Only one position works, and I'm not always in the mood for that position.

March 10, 2012

20-30% seems about right, and I would call that 'rare'.

How is 2 out of 10 (20%) people or 1 in 3.5 (about 30%) women rare?

Thats like calling hispanics rare in USA when they are everywhere and make up over 20% of the population. Id say rare is more like under 10 percent

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Why do you think there is such a prevalence of women who fake their orgasms?

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