lataparo Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 After dating a year, my boyfriend thinks he is too young to be ina serious relationship. We were very serious for this year, saw each other almost every day, did everything together, and now he wanted to end. He said he wants to "get outside his box" and he admits on having trouble committing to anything, even his jobs. He is only 20 and I'm 22. he told me he was thinking about breaking up for a long time but did not seem to have the courage to do it. I just couldn't let him go, it was very hard to hear him say that he just wanted to be with other people but I couldn't imagine finish our contact. Now we decided to be in an open relationship and is horrible for me. I'm just waiting here for him to tell me he met someone else but at least it gives me the privilege to know what he is doing and seeing him. We talked on Wednesday and hooked up on Thursday. Today (Friday) he is with friends and all I can think of is him asking other girls phone numbers, I want to call and ask, I want to ask him to not do anything. I really wanted him to just want ME. I'm devastated, its hard to eat, its hard to get out of the house to do anything. I want him back but also I want this to pass, I don't know what to do.
CaliBabe Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Lataparo, I am very sorry to hear you are going through this. What should you do? I don't (and I'm sure you don't) think you should be in a situation where YOU are not happy. You are giving him the best of both worlds, he gets to be with other women and still have you as back up whenever he so well chooses. You should never compromise what you want for someone else. You are torturing yourself just to keep this man in your life. If he wants to leave and explore the world, girl show him the door! If you want a partner that will commit to you and only you, then you should have that and you deserve to have that. Do not cheapen yourself just to keep someone in your life that does not value you the way you deserve. Please think about your self worth and what you are doing to yourself. How much value you are taking away from yourself. You deserve better. I can guarantee this will not get better... As he goes out meets new girls, sleeps with other girls, who knows, he may meet the girl he wants to settle down with... Don't be around for that, you will save yourself a world of hurt if you get out NOW and heal.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Omg.... Incompatible values for sure. I wouldn't take that while dating. Dating is an audition for marriage (or at least LTR) He failed the audition. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 No more cake for him!!!! You are giving him everything while you are feeling like...nothing. Let him be outside the box and do not be intimate--an 'open' relationship, you say? You don't know what disease you will get if keeps thinking outside the box. He is selfish and a coward, wanting you and wanting whatever else. He is immature. You don't need that. He's dangling carrots in front of you; talking on Wednesday and hooking up on Thursday ain't cutting it. Epic fail on his part. 1
Chi townD Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 This isn't an open relationship. An open relationship is where BOTH parties are in an agreement to have sex with other people outside the relationship. This is a relationship of desperation. You'll do ANYTHING to keep this guy even if it means that right now as I'm writing this, he may be hooking up with some other girl. You deserve better than this. Believe me, and I truely believe this. There is a guy out there who is made for you and you alone. He will strive to make you happy everyday, who will laugh with you, who will console you when you're crying, who will look into your eyes and you can't see anything in his except love and forever. A guy that will be your best friend and a guy that will love you UNCONDITIONALLY. A guy that would go to the very gates of hell for you.....He's out there. And he's looking for you. You're never going to find him when you're with someone that treats your relationship like dirt. Let this guy go. Heal from this relationship and live your life. 2
threebyfate Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 You have three options in this situation: Go and date other men. Have some fun. You're no longer tied down.Ditch him and move on.Or remain in an untenable situation where you're sitting at home in fear of being dumped from...your untenable situation. Option #3 is the worst one by far, whereby it's the one you've chosen. Give your head a shake. Don't you matter too? If so, why are you consenting to being taken advantage of? 2
rickys Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Let him be outside the box. If he doesn't want to be with you then you should also move on. If today you get him back, then what are the chances that he will not do all these things again?
Author lataparo Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks for all the advice guys. Today I called him to see when we are meeting again and he said he doesnt know that he wants his space, that he doesnt want to go to my house because I live too far and that he is sorry but thats how it is now that we are not together. Everything seems unreal, I want to go see him tomorrow.
Author lataparo Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 I know the right thing is to move on, its so freaking hard
threebyfate Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I know the right thing is to move on, its so freaking hardYou're now in an open relationship. To ease your way out, go have some fun with other men who aren't interested in anything serious. Just leave the relationship style men alone while you're going this evolution. Quit begging and nut up!
chelsea2011 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 He has probably found someone else, that is why he is making such a hurtful request. Don't settle for that if it is not what YOU want. Stand up for yourself and say "thanks, but no thanks." It is his way of having his cake and eating it too. Is that what you want? If not, tell him to "stick it!"
Author lataparo Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 ok so last night he told me to stop calling, that he was gonna call me on monday because i kept asking when we were gonna meet again and he doesnt want to see me right now, he keeps talking about his space. I gotta just try my hardest to forget him, even if it hurts like hell, as it is now, I truly thought he was the one. He says "well we will meet this week, i call u monday but monday im going to the beach and also i want some days "off" just not seeing you".
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 ok so last night he told me to stop calling, that he was gonna call me on monday because i kept asking when we were gonna meet again and he doesnt want to see me right now, he keeps talking about his space. I gotta just try my hardest to forget him, even if it hurts like hell, as it is now, I truly thought he was the one. He says "well we will meet this week, i call u monday but monday im going to the beach and also i want some days "off" just not seeing you". ...Latapro...do you need to be hit over the head or something? Should we all shake you? Stop. calling. him. I know it hurts, but he made it clear. Don't expect him to call; he is shooing you away like a fly. You deserve better than that. Do not call anymore; he wants his space, give it to him. He wants days 'off'??? You need days off from him; take them. Lose his number. 1
shayla Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I know the right thing is to move on, its so freaking hard Compared to living a life of misery with a man that is treating you like you don't matter, like you are nothing.....moving on is easy! It will take time, and it won't be fun. But in the long run, you will be at peace, you will heal, and that is worth so much more than to stay in hell. Disappear from this guys life. When he finally decides to call, don't answer! Being alone is better than what you are going through now, I guarantee it.
Sugarkane Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 You aren't that young. My exes friends married at that age.
HHC Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 He doesn't want you. Stop doing this to yourself Ignore him, move on, look after yourself
Chi townD Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 ok so last night he told me to stop calling, that he was gonna call me on monday because i kept asking when we were gonna meet again and he doesnt want to see me right now, he keeps talking about his space. I gotta just try my hardest to forget him, even if it hurts like hell, as it is now, I truly thought he was the one. He says "well we will meet this week, i call u monday but monday im going to the beach and also i want some days "off" just not seeing you". Okay, put your feelings and your heart to the side and REALLY read this post. Do you see how desperate you sound? This dude as no respect for you and you've only re-affirmed one thing to him. That he has you wrapped around his little finger soooo tight that if he's looking for a booty call, all he has to do is pick up the phone. You need to let this guy go. Then you need to heal. You need to change. First thing you should do is change yourself and your self-image. Go get a new hairstyle and buy a new wardrobe. Get a membership to the gym and start running on the treadmill, pushing weight, take a yoga class or a zumba course. This is a great way to work off your stress and let your frustrations go. PLUS, you're working on a killer bod!!!! Go to school or go back to school. Improve your situation and your financial stituation. THEN, talk to one of your close friends and plan a trip together. A place that you've always wanted to go. Make a plan, save your money and go!!! Go skiing in Denver, or snorking in Key West or Backpack in Spain, or cycling in Ireland, or laying on the beach in Hawaii. Make a plan and just do it. 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 you are obsessed and in love with a guy who no longer has romantic feelings for u. Sure - he would care if anything bad happened to you, but aside from that , he has no interest or need to see you. He does not feel like being around u, unless he gets horny and needs sex from u. If u have self respect, u will stop talking to him, and try to fix your self esteem issue. You have a serious problem - your self esteem is so low, that u are chasing after a guy who no longer wants you, while he wants to hook up with other girls!!!!!! An open relationship, is where both people are happy and in love, but want to play around occasionally. They both want to be with each other for a long time, and strongly want each other, and DO NOT want to start a " relationship" with others. Your not in an open relationship; your in love with a guy, who no longer even LIKES you, and you desperately want him in your life, so beg him to still see u, while he has sexw ith other girls. You sound like a loving person! U sound like u care a lot about the guys your in love with! Come on! U can find a guy who will LOVE the way you are, and who WANTS to be with u. I actually thought u were joking, that u were a " troll" .. some threads are so unbelievable! The fact ur holding on to this guy so desperately, and BEGGING him to still seee you, while he hooks up with other girls, it was UBNBELIEVABLE that your self esteem is SO LOW. PLZ, do THESE THINGS: - join a gym if u can afford it, or go running every day. Working out and being active makes u super confident. Guys like confidence. - Do things for yourself, that will improve your self esteem, like leanring a language, or a musical intrument. FORGET him, b y KEEPING YOURSELF BUSY. CMon, if u continue to talk to him, your going to have a miserable life, because you will be letting your self esteem stay shattered, anmd u will get treated like cr@p by all men. If u do nothing, u will stay sad, and attract guys who treat u badly. 1
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