Numb79 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 How do you know if you are moving in the right direction? My gf for the past 5 yrs broke up with me 6 weeks ago and have been straight NC since then. The thought of her no longer hurts as much as before. The urges to make contact comes and goes.... but when it does come, its to the point where I wouldn't even know what to say. I still think about the relationship and sometimes I fantasize about what could have been or what I should have done better. But the resentment/anger is gone. Did I just go backwards and now I am back in the denial phase. When I start fantasizing, I always catch myself and I remind myself that its over. I have to keep telling myself that its the past now and there is nothing I can do about it. I am at the point where I am starting to see the break up in somewhat of a different light. How everyone has needs/wants and perhaps when we first me I was what she wanted/needed. I do realize that these things change with time as well as life experiences... so now I see it as if I am no longer what she wants/needs at this point in her life. I think I am ok with that.... because everyone deserves to be happy. I guess, I just want to know that I am heading in the right direction and it isn't my mind playing tricks on me. Thanks!
NopeNah Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 To me its when they become a ghost to you. My ex wife,for example,I don't remember or think about. It was 10 years ago and I've not had a thought in probably 9. Also when the "what if's,when,why's,and who's" are gone.
shayla Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I think you are over it when thinking of them doesn't cause any feeling at all. Good, bad, or anything in between.
Author Numb79 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear about what I was looking for. I was wondering if I was on the right track to recovery
Bella26 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 You seem to be on the right track; you are not angry or feeling resentment and you seem philosophical about the whole thing. Good luck
jus d'orange Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Yep, it sounds like it. I don't think you're back in denial, because otherwise you'd be blissfully happy, convinced that she was coming back or that it wasn't all real. Instead, you seem to be coming to terms with what has happened and not feeling as much pain over it. When I started feeling that, I still had some rough days come along where I really felt the loss. However, once I got through those, I haven't felt much since -- just excitement and joy at everything else I've got going on in my life. I think, past the acceptance stage, it still takes time to be able to go back and smile if you think of a happy memory of the two of you together. I'm starting to feel that way now; I'm glad that I had that happiness with her, and I wish her well. It's over, but I don't feel any sadness over it anymore. Hope that helps. Keep going with the recovery!
LogicallyIllogical Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 You're headed in the right direction if you're able to let go of hope/resentment and wish her the happiness she thinks she can have without you. Whether or not she will be happier without you is a different story, but if you want that for her regardless, you're a good person and you'll be just fine.
M2155 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 When you really believe there is better for you out there. When you start having hope you really could like someone else. When you really start enjoying other people's company, not just forcing yourself to get your mind off things. When every decision doesn't somehow lead back to what if he/she does XYZ. When you stop fantasizing that they will come back. When you can fantasize about someone else (that was a big one for me). Another big one for me, I would always bring him up during girl talk-that deadhorse was beaten to a thousand deaths! When you really don't care what they are doing or what their status is. When you can exchange with them without over-analyzing what does this mean? Or come home unable to stop thinking about them. When you really don't care if you'll ever be friends or not, great if that's in the cards but it's not something you're waiting for. When you see the things that reminded you of him constantly and it doesn't bring pangs or sadness anymore. When you think of them logically (he/she was a great person but this or that made them not right for me) and its a good memory instead of a sad one. That's what being over it seems like for me, I can't say I'm not still affected because I haven't had to see him (and I don't really care to but think I'll be fine if we do cross paths), but if you see those types of things starting to happen...you're on your way! 1
KissingItBetter Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 The fact that you are not hurting that much anymore is a good sign that your over it. I think sometimes you miss the relationship because you got used to the both of you being together. Don't get confused, what's important now is yourself. Kissingitbetter | Facebook
freetolove Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 You're heading in the right direction. Embracing the past isn't a bad thing. Just don't' get stuck there. Happy memories are not meant to be throw away.
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