shayla Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 My ex did this every time we went out together. To the point that when a woman walked by, he'd look at them so intently, they'd say hello to them. I told him after about the 8th time it happened that if he continued to do that I was going to leave him sitting there and he could do what he wanted. Another red flag I ignored and am now paying the price. If this man is glancing this much at other women and it bothers you, mention it to him. If he continues to do it, get rid of him. Spending time with him should be a pleasure, and apparently this is bothering you. Do you want to spend the rest of your relationship feeling uncomfortable over his looking constantly at other women? Only you know if this is a dealbreaker or not. 2
FrustratedStandards Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Defensive. He said he was looking at nothing in particular and couldn't even remember what the girl looked like. This could or could not be true. We are only getting one side of the story here. At the end of the day you are going to have to decide for yourself. All I can say is be smart about it, be open, and never ever let it hurt your confidence. The way I see it, you already don't feel good being with him, so if things keep going down this road, we all know where this will end up. I'm surprised you are still sticking around.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Have you noticed this with other men you've been with, or just him? I ask because I've only been with one guy whose leering was a big turnoff. I'm sure the other guys looked, but they were so subtle about it, I never noticed. This one, guy, though, was SO obvious. It kinda made me want to vomit. I'll never be with a guy like that again.
Author mermaid1984 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 I've never noticed this behavior before and I've had a lot of boyfriends. We are going to dinner tonight. Should I say something or just hope he doesn't do it?
zengirl Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I've never noticed this behavior before and I've had a lot of boyfriends. We are going to dinner tonight. Should I say something or just hope he doesn't do it? I don't know what you can really say. Do you think he has ADHD or any reason other than checking out girls? He says he's not checking out girls, but you feel he is. There's no real discussion here. . . just a decision that only you can make.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I said something to my ex, and he offered to stop looking. But that seemed weird to me. I'm not about controlling what a guy is doing. But I couldn't avoid the fact that it made me want to vomit every time it happened. So he suggested he "tone it down". The damage was already done, though. And he really didn't tone it down that much. I eventually dumped him, and it was a huge relief. I've dated some guys since then, and while some of them glance a bit, no one has been so overt about it, to the point that it felt really off.
mesmerized Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I'd break up with a guy like that, if he is constantly checking out other women.
Author mermaid1984 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 3 months after writing this post, I am officially on a break from the boyfriend. I talked to him, I made jokes to make him more conscious of it, I even started going to therapy for my own self-esteem. However, I have come to the conclusion with my therapist that this behavior is not normal and I don't have to feel guilty for it upsetting me. This has happened nearly every time we've been in a restaurant in the last 3 months. I now hate going to restaurants because I anticipate the disrespectful 10 glances he will throw to every woman that is nearby. Anyways, this break might finally make him change his behavior, and if not, it's his last chance, because I know no one I've dated in the past has acted this way and I hope no one in my future. I also hold out hope that he will finally control his eyes somehow. Ugh.
shayla Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I went to vegas with my boyfriend. If you've never been there, there are beautiful women EVERYWHERE! Women dressed up as showgirls with little costumes on just walking down the street. Women in barely there outfits gesturing and asking him if he wanted a date. My boyfriend barely looked at all, I'm sure he has learned the skill of the art of looking without being noticeable, which is fine with me. He is a keeper. 1
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