dwf40 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 (edited) why would my ex boyfriend appear to be sending me strong signals that he still loves me (and hopefully wants to get work it out) but then not verbalize it or follow thru on it? we've been in no contact, then low contact for about 7 weeks. (i reinitated the contact.) so, thinking he's acting this way to put the ball in my court, i finally said: "you're behaviour is throwing me for a loop. not sure what it means. is this residual emotion or do you want to talk?" he just looked at me like a stunned banana. Should i pursue an answer? go back into no contact? just ignore that i asked him? i'd really like a man's opinion on this. btw, its always been very difficult for him to talk relationship talk...he a great communicator, but just not when it comes to talking about us. he's a 'shows' his feelings for me by doing...but i need to HEAR once in a while. i hate to press him on this because i don't want to pressure him or come across a needy and desperate. Edited March 9, 2012 by dwf40
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I can't visualize what a stunned banana looks like, but I suspect that it's the appropriate response for the somewhat-disorienting question that you asked. As for your other question, about why he isn't great at communicating, it seems enough to acknowledge that he's got some issues there without getting into why that is. It's totally up to you whether or not this is worth your time.
Follower Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Yep its very much about if you think its worth your time and if you do and he struggles at communicating feelings ect then you need to be very subtle about the prodding or youll just get his back up and make him v v defensive/.
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I'm also curious as to how someone could appear to be fine with no contact, respond minimally to your attempt to re-start contact, not verbalize their feelings, but still "appear to be sending strong signals" that they're in love with you. What are those strong signals? Could you be looking into it too much?
Author dwf40 Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 i don't think so...last week he showed up where he knew i was going to be...kept reaching for my hand...sat himself so i practically was in his lap...then this other man that has been showing in interest in me was trying to talk me up and my ex almost got physical with him. then he insisted on walking me home where he hugged me. wouldn't let go and kissed me. i waited several days to bring it up and even saw him in the meantime. when i asked him about it, he wouildn't respond. last nite he did almost the same thing again...showed up where i was going to be. we sat together all nite and talked about nothing. we kind left at the same time but not together...then i found him waiting for me outside to take me home...and he did the same thing...hugged and kissed me at my door. when i asked him what was going on, he said...i don't know, i have no explaination. i stupidly and regrettedly said...you know you can't chase men away from me....he said...you're right. i shouldn't have done that...i don't know why i did and he turned and walked away....
Author dwf40 Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 another thing to mention is that this man saved me from an abusive marriage. he was able to help me like no one else in the world was able to. i love him like crazy for that and have a connection to him that many people probably wouldn't understand. so yes, even though we communicate differently (him a shower, me a talker) he's worth it.
Frank13 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Dwf40, I was in a similar situation with an ex once but I am the man and she the woman. I finally had enough of always wondering how she felt because she couldn't or wouldn't communicate it, so I walked away. Her few half-assed attempts at contact in the beginning and then nothing since told me why she couldn't communicate that she cared. It was because she didn't.
Author dwf40 Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 well, we spent the afternoon together...again, not talking about it and me afraid to bring it up. just a really nice afternoon with each others company. i kept my distance so he would not have any opportunity to be physically affectionate. i just wanted to have a nice afternoon with him and make him feel good about being with me. i know he wants to talk about it and he would definately wait till i'm the one to raise it. but i think right now, its more important to reestablish our bond before we start the relationship talk.
johan Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I was curious about this, so I shouted at a banana on my counter, "you're adopted!", rendering it completely unresponsive. It just sat there, I guess a bit overwhelmed. So I can imagine how you felt when he responded like that. Seems like this is just one of those confusing situations that is going to have to play itself out. You seem to be handling it in a good way though.
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