BMZMJ Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Hi, I had posted earlier about my ex breaking up with me, me being okay with it and her trying to contact me and instead of me just going with the flow i pressured her and we are now back in this no contact stage so that she can miss me/need me. She happens to be a fitness model and she just came back from a fitness expo in which she mentioned she made a lot of contacts, people that want to work with her, etc... My close friend said that at this time she is on this 'high' and aura of self confidence that the last thing she needs is to get '****' from an ex-boyfriend. the way he put it was "If I was her and my girl gave me **** I would say 'F-off' but after a week or so I would start to miss her" This is such a good point. obviously my ex is going through some life/career changing events but when this high wears off she is going to miss the person that has always been her best friend/confidant for 5 years... ...that's my hope
Author BMZMJ Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 anyone else see how she may feel like she is okay with time apart for now?
2sunny Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 She's focused on another man... That's how she's able to be ok with it. The only other reason shed be ok with it - is - if she was so unhappy while with you that she's relieved that it's over with you. Either way - you need to get busy being happy and busy on your own. Best way!
Author BMZMJ Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 well she has made a lot of recent friendships but I don't believe it is another man. we always had a very open and honest relationship and no jealousy issues at all. but she was very unhappy with some of my personality traits, such as me being selfish, bad temper, etc
2sunny Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Well - if you are selfish with a bad temper then it's best if you aren't with another woman. No woman benefits from a man who only thinks of himself - then gets mad when the world doesn't revolve around him. It makes a gal miserable to live in fear that he's always going to be mad. Also - there is no room for love when someone is always looking to have their way and being angry when they don't - that is NOT loving behavior. Take time to work on yourself - to learn how to change and accept things the way they are - to think and do for others on a daily basis without any recognition for yourself. Take time to be giving and loving... Even to complete strangers. No woman wants a selfish, self serving man - unless she's so accustomed to abuse that it's the only things she knows - which would make her extremely unhealthy. 1
pacman81 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 BMZ i know exactly what you are going through. I can think of 100 reasons on why my ex needs "space" right now...some make me feel better and some make me feel worse...but at the end of the day it doesnt matter...she does not want to be with me right now and we are not together...thats the truth. The more I realize this and stop making excuses or justifying why this MIGHT have happened the better i am doing with it all.
norajane Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 but she was very unhappy with some of my personality traits, such as me being selfish, bad temper, etc So why do you think she will suddenly start missing you if she broke up with you because of that? It's very difficult dealing with someone with those kinds of personality traits, and it can be a relief to not have to anymore. I think you may have to face it that she is moving on, both in her career and friendships, and away from you. I know you love her and it's very hard to let go, but all relationships end until the one that doesn't. Take this time to mature some more - selfishness and bad temper are not out of your control. You CAN learn to be less selfish, starting with being happy for her career success and letting her go if that is what she is choosing. Love isn't about being selfish and getting what you want; it's an action - an action of giving.
CaliBabe Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Honest relationship or not, no one is going to tell their other partner there is someone else. You have to accept that she doesn't want a relationship with you right now. We can go around in circles asking questions, trying to figure it out, but truthfully, you will drive yourself nuts trying to find the answer. Just know to yourself she is the one missing out not you. Implement NC and become an emotionally stronger person. Just as she is developing her career/social life, try to do the same. Show her you aren't moping around without her, your doing just fine, if not better.
Author BMZMJ Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 that's exactly how she says she feels 2sunny. and this specially scared her as we were talking about starting a family, moving out, etc. she saw these things as bad signals. I am trying to do those little things better and starts with my family. I told myself already that even if she comes back i will her to wait on me until I am ready to be more selfless, loving, etc. one of the last things she said to me was that she would want me to say 'yes' more often.. I recall one time where she forgot her lunch and her wallet and she was scared to call me to ask me to order lunch for her in fear that I will get mad at her for forgetting her things...she ended up calling and I did her the favour which actually surprised her - but you are right, she has those fears because she thinks I may overreact to certain things
CaliBabe Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 OP, Take a minute and look at all your posts. They are all she, her, her, she, she, her. What about you? The focus needs to be on you now.
2sunny Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 that's exactly how she says she feels 2sunny. and this specially scared her as we were talking about starting a family, moving out, etc. she saw these things as bad signals. I am trying to do those little things better and starts with my family. I told myself already that even if she comes back i will her to wait on me until I am ready to be more selfless, loving, etc. one of the last things she said to me was that she would want me to say 'yes' more often.. I recall one time where she forgot her lunch and her wallet and she was scared to call me to ask me to order lunch for her in fear that I will get mad at her for forgetting her things...she ended up calling and I did her the favour which actually surprised her - but you are right, she has those fears because she thinks I may overreact to certain things Just her having fear of your reaction isn't a healthy environment for her. Stay away for a long while and work on you - find ways to constantly think of others as you go through the day. Don't think of yourself at all - or what you may get out of being in any situation. Then post here about your findings...
Author BMZMJ Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 So why do you think she will suddenly start missing you if she broke up with you because of that? It's very difficult dealing with someone with those kinds of personality traits, and it can be a relief to not have to anymore. wow that was really opening. I guess for now she must feel some kind of relief being away. I always did tell her after the break up to think of the happy times. but I am staying away and improving on myself, including how I react to situations that would otherwise get me upset, and I have noticed a difference so far. the other day I was stuck in traffic and normally I would be upset, but I starting thinking instead how lucky I was that it wasn't me in the accident.
2sunny Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Why do YOU need to get your way? Why do YOU need to be so controlling? Especially - why so controlling to the point of making HER scared and miserable with you? Why would ANY gal want to be around you? Tink about that - YOU can change it! But you may have already done enough damage with your controlling and angry outbursts that she doesn't intend to live that way anymore. I don't blame her. Leave her alone. Learn how NOT to be that guy anymore! Get counseling to learn and grow.
KissingItBetter Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Maybe that's what she wanted after all, some time for herself, to socialize a bit and try to reach her success, nothing wrong with that. But yeah, it takes a bit of time to get used to it.
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