BeyondtheClouds Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I know somebody who has a sexual partner that he/she calls a friend. Therefore, most "friends" are sexual partners. I sleep with somebody who describes me as a friend to others. Therefore, "friend" means sexual partner for most people. I can't think of a reason to be platonic friends with the other gender. Therefore, you're man can't either. what you write above is true in some cases. therefore, it can't be overlooked in many situations. One reason why I don't have many male friends is because the ones that I have tried to be friends with were using the "friends" guise as a way to spend time with me and then try to change the nature of the relationship.
RedRobin Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 One reason why I don't have many male friends is because the ones that I have tried to be friends with were using the "friends" guise as a way to spend time with me and then try to change the nature of the relationship. Yes, I've had that happen to me too. In the case of the two married men who tried to get me to have an affair with them, their approach felt like a huge slap in the face to me. First, that they would think I would betray the trust of their wife. Second, that I'm the kind of person who would go along with it. In both cases, I withdrew from the friendship and suggested they get counseling to help deal with whatever problems they were having in their marriage. 'friends don't let friends cheat'... is also my motto. I apply this to my female friends as well. I won't stay friends with a woman who I know is cheating on her husband. I'm not going to be an accomplice in her deception. In any case, I hope you can see from this side of the coin what real friendship looks like between people of opposite gender. I realize I'm probably an outlier though. Everyone has to do what ever they are comfortable with. I don't blame you for wanting to set that limit.
BeyondtheClouds Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) In any case, I hope you can see from this side of the coin what real friendship looks like between people of opposite gender. I realize I'm probably an outlier though. Everyone has to do what ever they are comfortable with. I don't blame you for wanting to set that limit. You do sound reasonable in managing these relationships. I just find sometimes interesting ironies as a result of these "wild west" types of relationships. For example, this "just a friend" told my boyfriend that he should drop me so that they could date again. Fast forward a few months where she is experiencing tepid reception from him. She then asks, what is wrong with their being friends or at least friendly with one another. So the very person who was telling my boyfriend with whom he can have relationships, in other words she feels she has the right to be his gatekeeper, is getting pissed off when she senses that he has new gatekeeper. This is not unusual. My ex busband never cleaned up his relationship with his ex the one before, even as she was engaged and then married during our courtship, she behaved inappropriately as well. When my exH called her on it, she said something similar "Do I have to pretend that I don't even know you?" Edited March 12, 2012 by BeyondtheClouds
RedRobin Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 yes, navigating boundaries and 'rules' are an important component for any relationship.
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