MrWrong2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 We've been married for almost 13 years and we have two awesome kids, 7 & 9 years old. We both love the kids very much. That being said, w and I have not been very happy and we've gone though a lot in our years together with moving, finances, stress, kids, etc. I felt that I went from a together, successful man to a beaten down wuss. I know that this made my wife see me as a loser and she got depressed. However, she started to get very 'hot'. She got some lipo, new boobs started to work out like a maniac. I guess I was not keeping up with her but I'm not a complete slob either. 8 months ago, she had been acting strange and she went out with a girlfriend to a concert. I had a really strange feeling in my gut so I started to go through her email account - I had never done this before. I didn't expect to find anything at all but I was curious. Then, BAM! I found several emails and pictures of herself in tight clothes saying that she loved this guy and another saying she couldn't wait until the next day. OMG! I was totally crushed. Then I went ballistic and called her. I located her iPhone using the locate and my mind went crazy. She wasn't answering! Anyway, finally she answers and I go into a tirade - she'd been drinking so she got very combative and defensive - denied everything. Well, when she got home we went at it. It was over as far as I could tell. The next day, she got all weepy and begged me to stay with her. That we needed to stay together for the kids. She assured me that she was only flirting with this guy and it never went too far. She was depressed and she wanted a little fun, and that I wasn't fulfilling her sexual or emotional needs. After a while, I agreed to work on our marriage and that we get counseling. I also insisted that she break it off with the OM. She agreed and we tried to work on the marriage. Fast forward to last week. I started to notice that she's not kissing me on the lips when i leave the house, turns her cheek. I ask her about it and she kisses me on the lips. Still, very strange. She goes to the gym, I start to get suspicious again. I go to her closet and in a drawer, i find a CELL Phone! Locked with a code - a blackberry. I'm numb, nauseous and my heart feels like it's about to explode! I'm a smart guy though. There's a little memory card in the blackberry and I take it out and plug into the computer. It just gets worse... There are about 180 pictures there - 2 of them are of a guy's penis, a few bare chested pics of him and about 150 pictures of her posing in everything from PJs to full on nude fingering herself... WTH?!? Then, on top of that, the pictures are all time stamped. The last one was a few days ago, the earliest was in April 2010. Then there are some that she took of herself and sent him that are less than 2 weeks after our 'blow out'! She's been lying to me the ENTIRE time, even when we sitting on the therapist's couch and I'm nodding my head about how crappy a husband I was. I had to wait until the kids went to bed and I went to the bedroom. She asks me to rub her feet because they ware sore from the workout. (Really?) I said, "I found your 2nd cell phone and I got all your nasty pictures off of it". She practically had a nervous breakdown. I told she better not wake up the kids with her blubbering or I would show everyone the pictures. We went to the garbage to 'talk'. I ALMOST felt sorry for her, she was panicking and pleading, begging as if her life depended on it. Well, I decided that I would not make any major decisions at this time. I am waiting a few days to cool off or I'll get all crazy like I did the last time. Next day she's begging me to let her prove herself and that we need to keep the family together, the kids are so delicate at this time. I do agree that the kids must come first but I can't ever forgive her. She did this, not me. Now i am unsure of what to do. I want the a-hole to suffer as I suffer. He's married also and has kids. I have all 184 pictures on a photo web-site and several copies so my wife can't erase them. I want to find out the OM's wife's email and send her a link to all the pictures. I may just do that... Anyways, I am being civil to her in front of the kids. I love my kids soo much. I don't love my wife anymore though. I hate the thought of destroying their sense of family and damaging their little minds. I believe my wife is addicted to this guy. He's everything I am not and I cannot compete with that. I USED to be like that but life and marriage has damaged the way my wife sees me. And now, I cannot see my wife as I did. She NEVER sent me sex-texts when we were younger, never showed the absolute passion she has for this guy. I am jealous because he has had her in a way I never have. I need him to pay. Why should his family be intact and his kids happy? Why should his spouse live oblivious to the truth. I cannot say anything to anyone because that would kill whatever shreds we have left. It's a burden on my on top of the humiliation; I have to be the heavy and kick her out. I said I'd wait until Monday at least. At this time I am set on divorce and vengeance. I will out my wife's affair (of two years I might add) and I will hire a detective to get me in communication with the a-hols wife - she will know the truth and hopefully, he will suffer greatly. Why do you cheaters always do the stupidest things with Smart phones? Really, do you need 100 pictures of each other? And why don't you delete stuff? Please tell me if I should try to save this marriage or will she just cheat again? She is a bad person and I'm not willing to try and fix her.
KathyM Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Dump the wife and inform the OM's wife of the affair. You gave her the chance to reconcile and work on the marriage, and she continued to lie to you and continued the affair. And the OM's wife deserves to know the reality of her marriage, and you are probably the only one who will ever give her the truth, so go ahead and tell her. Apart from that, I would suggest you not resort to revenge tactics. It won't help your situation. Try to make the split as less acrimonious as possible, for the sake of the kids. Good luck. I'm sorry you were treated so badly. 4
Kidd Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Expose to the OM's wife only because she deserves to know the reality of her situation and to make an informed decision. You were denied that right (as most of us were) and no one deserves to go thru life that way. It's abhorrent Otherwise, you must realize that you must have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life. She is the mother of your children. You don't even get a reprieve when the kids move out because then they get married, have kids of their own, those kids have birthdays. It goes on forever. The more vengeance you exact, the more difficult all that will be. As well, for the time being your integrity is intact. Be careful how low you stoop to get back at her. Hopefully at least one of your kids' parents will be worth looking up to. But don't stay just for the kids. I suspect other posters will have good reasons why. I won't steal their thunder. My point is to get your anger under control. You can have it but acting on it can really screw you over. I got to wear an orange jumpsuit because of mine and now it's my wife that is the "victim." Yeah, that worked out well. 2
bentnotbroken Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Make a plan. Like the others have said, inform the other BS. She has the right to make informed decisions also. I think you should see a lawyer, get all your ducks in a row and then present her with divorce papers. Your children will hurt...there is no way around that. But parenting classes to help them cope and counseling for the family will aid in the transition. First....get tested for diseases. Your children need you healthy. I am sorry you are here. No of us ever wanted to be. With time it is a survivable situation.
stillafool Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Is the OM someone she works with or her boss? If so you can call his job and threaten to tell HR. Your wife cannot be trusted. She already begged you back once only to continue the affair within days after being exposed. She will do it again if this guy wants her. Once OM wife finds out about the affair he is going to have a different attitude towards your wife and then you will see depression on her part and have to deal with her missing him. Call your attorney and find out what you should do to protect yourself. Kids are resilient and it is more important that they have happiness in their home. I can't see you putting the image of those pictures she took out of your mind. Did you ask her if she is in love with this guy? Nevermind, she will just lie anyway. 1
Lostinlife4now Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Hi Mr. Wrong!!!! So sorry for your heartache! BUT REMEMBER ONE THING........ Keep it together for those kids!!! No revenge.....Give this some time..think about things CLEARLY!! You Wife sounds like a bored housewife and Mother. Women go thru different things in life,...An affair is an escape from reality.... Telling the OM W....hold up on that one...give yourself some time to devise a plan, don't do things impulsively....Be mature about it. I know you want to hurt him and her but it doesn't sound like your style. Think of your kids first! Slow down.....Breathe...............
SandieBeach Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I think what you are going through is heartbreaking. My two cents here is that revenge will only make you feel better short-term. I agreed with Kidd's posting that you will always have to deal with your wife, and any kind of revenge can backfire. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to start seeing a counselor so that you can sort through your emotions and figure out the best next step for you. If you can start moving on being the bigger person here, I think you will have no regrets in the future. 3
scatterd Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Im so sorry for your pain you should tell the OMs wife.She has probably noticed something is wrong with her relationship.Do you know the mans name and is he listed in the phone book?Ask your wife Im sure she knows.Having a visual is bad enough but to see pictures is devastating.Im sorry you are going through this and good luck in the outcome.
drifter777 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 This is so sad: Next day she's begging me to let her prove herself and that we need to keep the family together, the kids are so delicate at this time. I guess she doesn't understand that she already has proven herself. She's proven herself to be a cheating slut who has no concern for her kids while she is sexting OM. Betraying you again should really be the end of your marriage as it is proving that your wife has serious issues and does not want to be married to you. Your concern for you kids is noble, but it should not keep you from doing the right thing and kicking her out. Kids are very resilient and you need to thing longer term. Do you want them to grow up in the kind of environment that exists in your home today? And remember, it's only going to get worse as you uncover more and more evidence of this (maybe others?) betrayal. Kids want and need a loving father who is there for them through thick and thin. You don't have to be married to their mother to provide them with the things they need to be happy. The best thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself and begin seeing a counselor to help sort out this mess.
2sunny Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 You can take care of your kids without her chaos as part of your daily life. Seriously - how could she have time to care for/about them when she's so busy dressing up like a slut and sending all those pictures to him? Do you know how much time and energy that takes? Time and energy she COULD be using to focus on your kids - but she wasn't/isn't! Send those pictures to friends and family - exposé her for the trashy gal she is! She's not acting sorry - she's only acting sorry she got caught! Exposé away!
Author MrWrong2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 I'm finding that I'm snapping at people and over reacting as a result of this hell I'm living in right now. It really is helpful to hear from others so thanks, truly. Pretty sure i am going to move forward with divorce but it's so damn messy! I will wait a few more days to cool off and go to the gym, go to the firing range and do manly stuff this weekend. It's just that I wish she could have been a slut for me! I know that I have turned her off and then she found him out of her depression. She had a choice but I know she's in love with him and addicted to seeing him. I never stood a chance. Any advice on how to inform the OM's wife? I know his name and email address but that's it. I don't trust my "wife" to give me the correct info so should I hire a detective to find her and deliver it? Online tools are available but I don't want to get ripped off. I have all 180 pictures on photobucket and I could email her a link if I had her address; is that too shocking or insensitive? I'm thinking of posting them all on Facebook but I wouldn't want any kids to see it. What to do....
bentnotbroken Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 NOT ON FB....please. Try to contact her through private means first. Then maybe you can find her on FB and send her a link....privately of course.
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 OM's wife needs to know what's been going on, but I suggest you call her and talk to her rather than just send her a link. let her know about the pictures, and if she wants to see them then that's up to her.. To just email it to her and say hey your H has been with my wife is a very blunt way of breaking the news to her and she deserves to be told with kindness and respect. Wouldn't you want to know the truth in a more nicer way? 1
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Don't put them on facebook. It's one thing to want to shame your wife, but you have to protect your kids.. As I mentioned in my other reply, once you get a phone number then talk to his wife. 1
Meaplus3 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Ok. First of all, this kind of stuff does not belong on FB.. You will regret that I believe. Second.. Staying together for the kids is not the right reason to stay. Two unhappy people rasing children sends the wrong message. You have a choice to make and the choice is between you and your wife. I wish you the best. Mea 1
Ninja'sHusband Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 What I did was put a cover letter on a packet that said "Your husband has done something very hurtful. You do not have to read this, but I wanted to give you the opportunity". On the inside I put a sheet that said there was an A, and I gave my contact info saying she could call me and ask questions, or she could read for herself on the following pages. I thought that was the most humane way. I couldn't tell her face to face, that would have been insanely hard. I did put the packet into her hands though, wanted to make sure it reached her and not the OM or their kids.
nofool4u Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Please tell me if I should try to save this marriage or will she just cheat again? She is a bad person and I'm not willing to try and fix her. I think you just answered your own question. And staying for the kids is the wrong reason unless you are willing to become a cuckold and be miserable for a long part of your life that you'll never get back.
bentnotbroken Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 What I did was put a cover letter on a packet that said "Your husband has done something very hurtful. You do not have to read this' date=' but I wanted to give you the opportunity". On the inside I put a sheet that said there was an A, and I gave my contact info saying she could call me and ask questions, or she could read for herself on the following pages. I thought that was the most humane way. I couldn't tell her face to face, that would have been insanely hard. I did put the packet into her hands though, wanted to make sure it reached her and not the OM or their kids.[/quote'] I talked face to face. It was hard, but he was very gracious and had his own info to share. Just be as kind as you possibly can, please. 1
Lauriebell82 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Do not put anything on facebook. As far as contacting OM's wife, call her and introduce yourself and inform her of the affair. Then inform her of the pictures she has and ask if she would like to see them. The bottom line is that this is not your fault or OM's wife's fault. It is both of your WS. So why seek vengence on OM's wife, when she is just an innocent victim just as you are? 1
seren Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 If you are going to inform the OM's wife, please, please do not send her pictures or links to them as a way of outing the A, that is a dammed awful way to find out. Far kinder to either write or telephone her or face to face tell her, but photos, that's not something anyone should have to have land on their doormat or in their inbox. You went looking and found them, she would be denied the choice of looking or not if you send them, let it be her choice. I am not sure if you might be guilty of some crime if you send explicit photos in the post, or even if they are not technically yours to share. Either way, sorry you are feeling like this, sorry your wife has lied to you when you thought you were both trying to fix things. Staying for the children never works, you and she just wouldn't be able to maintain an united, happy front. Far better for you and them to separate from your wife, you can still be a good parent and the environment will be happier for them. Nothing to say you couldn't apply for custody. Good luck xx 1
Funsize Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Stop listening to the emotional females who's natural instinct his to cover eachothers backs. Crucify her. Hire an investigator, Install keyloggers. Gather all the evidence you need. Make an absolutely foolproof case. Move all the money out of your checking account, Protect your assets. Then offer her a very paltry 30/70 split of assets, no alimony or child support, 50/50 custody or you will release every single detai/photo to every single person both of you know including your children. Don't be Mr. nice guy you will just end up getting screwed, and remember all it takes is one accussation from her if you don't protect yourself and there goes your relationship with your kids... As for the other man. Ruin him. Give her all the evidence, He won't see it coming and she will break him. Then lets see how attractive he is to your ex wife. Don't be a cuckold man, 50 years ago she would of been taken outside and shot, She might not respect you now but she will once this is over...
frozensprouts Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 (edited) Stop listening to the emotional females who's natural instinct his to cover eachothers backs. Crucify her. Hire an investigator, Install keyloggers. Gather all the evidence you need. Make an absolutely foolproof case. Move all the money out of your checking account, Protect your assets. Then offer her a very paltry 30/70 split of assets, no alimony or child support, 50/50 custody or you will release every single detai/photo to every single person both of you know including your children. Don't be Mr. nice guy you will just end up getting screwed, and remember all it takes is one accussation from her if you don't protect yourself and there goes your relationship with your kids... As for the other man. Ruin him. Give her all the evidence, He won't see it coming and she will break him. Then lets see how attractive he is to your ex wife. Don't be a cuckold man, 50 years ago she would of been taken outside and shot, She might not respect you now but she will once this is over... Funsize ( I like your username, by the way) she would have been taken outside and shot? Do you seriously believe that? what if it had been a man cheating on his wife? should he have been taken outside and shot too? ( sounds like a weird remake of "old yeller" if you ask me) OP, remember that once you put something out there on the internet, you can't really ever get it back. Really think before you do that. as for telling her other man's wife...I agree she needs to know, but remember...she is in the same boat as you, and has done nothing to hurt you...please be gentle with her and tell her in a way that spares her feelings as much as possible. It will be very hard to hear. As for your wife, well, it sounds like she has some pretty big issues and that she may well be one of those people who just don't have it in them to be monogamous. If she is, then you're far better off without her. as for not paying her nay child support...as per the above suggestion, unless you have full custody of your kids, that is NOT an option. Spousal support, etc., I have no idea about...i would expect it's different in every case. Edited March 15, 2012 by frozensprouts
Gagirl Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I stay together for my kids. Because of me, they are able to have a private school education, dance, football and other things that they would not be able to have without me around. I am teaching my children how to set goals and achieve their dreams. I married for Love and companionship unfortunetly, my husband checked out emotionally six months into the marriage. His family hates me and wants me out of here but I stay to be a thorn in their a@@ also. My children see how his family treats me and wants nothing to really do with them. When my kids are successful, I will have the last laugh!
nofool4u Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I stay together for my kids. Because of me, they are able to have a private school education, dance, football and other things that they would not be able to have without me around. I am teaching my children how to set goals and achieve their dreams. I married for Love and companionship unfortunetly, my husband checked out emotionally six months into the marriage. His family hates me and wants me out of here but I stay to be a thorn in their a@@ also. My children see how his family treats me and wants nothing to really do with them. When my kids are successful, I will have the last laugh! If what you say is true, then I don't think you will have the last laugh. If you divorce, you can still provide those things, it will just be a tad tougher. And the longer you wait, the more investments you will acquire, and the more your spouse will be entitled to half of. So I'm not so sure about that last laugh thing. I got out quick, and my kids are doing just fine. My x-wife got a very small portion of my retirement because we weren't married but about 7 years. If I had stayed, she'd have gotten a boatload if I waited til they were out of the house.
2sunny Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I stay together for my kids. Because of me, they are able to have a private school education, dance, football and other things that they would not be able to have without me around. I am teaching my children how to set goals and achieve their dreams. I married for Love and companionship unfortunetly, my husband checked out emotionally six months into the marriage. His family hates me and wants me out of here but I stay to be a thorn in their a@@ also. My children see how his family treats me and wants nothing to really do with them. When my kids are successful, I will have the last laugh! We lead by example. You are showing your kids that a marriage is built on behavior that you are treated terribly by staying married... Just to "get stuff"! Is your goal to be treated unkindly in order to stay married and have material things? That's what they are learning from you. There example of what marriage is - IS what they are likely to choose for themselves when they grow up. I don't see this as goals to be proud of.
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