yanks07 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Hey guys, I'm new here but have lurked the forums a little in the past. Glad to be here! Anyway, I'll delve right into it. I've been seeing this girl for about 4 months now. In the beginning, I was very distanced in general, and really showed little dedication to the relationship (we have never been exclusive). She was into me, and I did not reciprocate. A month or so into it, I start developing feelings for her and want to become closer and realized I have been pretty much trashing the relationship and taking it for granted. I decide to open up. I begin to tell her how I feel connected with her, and essentially how I really value her and enjoy what we have. This is where is starts turning for the worst. Almost as soon as this starts happening, I can tell she's drifting away. I sense she is hooking up with another guy (which is OK since we aren't exclusive), but I felt somewhat disturbed as I have started feeling for her and have become more emotionally vulnerable with her. I asked her if she was hooking up with another guy to which she responded: "I don't feel comfortable telling you what is going on in my personal life. I don't want to be in an exclusive relationship. If you enjoy hanging out with me that's great, I really enjoying hanging out with you." In response, I told her: "I really enjoy hanging out with you as well, but I guess I was investing too much emotion and hoping something could progress. In the end, it's too painful to be the convenient guy on the side. I'm not going to hold resentment towards you as I realized it was my own naivete in misinterpreting the situation. I wish you all the best." She then responds: "Sorry it has taken so long for me to respond, I didnt know what to say. But I understand what you are saying and I',m sorry if I've hurt your feelings with what I want or don't want. I just hope this doesn't stop us from hanging out. But I understand." This is all super recent, and I still feel very attracted to her and would like to be with her. We have hooked up in the last couple of days (no sex though, and this was before the conversation earlier). I haven't responded to her last message, and I trying to figure out where I should go from here. As a side note, it was her birthday this week and I still have her gifts that I was planning on giving her. Don't know how to deal with that either. Opinions?
thatone Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 walk away. trash the gifts. she gave you the answer, you can't turn it into something it isn't. 4
Author yanks07 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 walk away. trash the gifts. she gave you the answer, you can't turn it into something it isn't. I hear you. One thing that I forgot to mention that makes me ponder the situation. We meet pretty soon after she got out of a pretty ****ty relationship with her ex, she was treated poorly and has a real bitter taste in her mouth from it. I wonder how this affects the scenario.
FitChick Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Why would you want to inject yourself in that situation then?
Author yanks07 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 I like you guys. No bull**** from ya. Why would I want to inject myself into that? Hmmm... I'm strongly attracted to her. Either that or a terrible condition of humanitis
Tybalt Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I know it's not easy, and I have been on your side of things, but it seems clear that it is not going to progress into the kind of emotionally invested, exclusive relationship you've come to desire with her. It doesn't matter why this is the case. Return the gifts for refund if you can, accept the situation, know that your desires and needs are as important as hers, and you are not thus compatible. Be mature and gracious, accept what she has said at face value. Make the break now so you can heal and move on to someone available, who is not currently unavailable or damaged by a bad relationship in the past etc. Take care of yourself as she is clearly taking care of her own needs.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I like you guys. No bull**** from ya. Why would I want to inject myself into that? Hmmm... I'm strongly attracted to her. Either that or a terrible condition of humanitis You being strongly attracted to her doesnt change how she might have felt when you initially rejected her emotionally. You showed her in the beginning that she wasnt worth your emotional investment naturally. She will never forget that. She gave up on you and lost that spark, and is now feeling that spark with someone else. Its really hard to get that spark back for someone you lost it for, that youre not married to. Your best bet is to disappear and maybe it wont work out with the new guy, she might come looking for you. She might be ready then. But if you were a rebound, then she might not have been thinking straight when she dated you in the first place. I say walk away, return the gifts for the money, try again with a new woman, and dont take her for granted this time.
Author yanks07 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Should I respond to that last message?
SadGrl Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 NO! Delete her number and don't reply, she will come running back within 2-3 months, they always do, then you reject the hell out of her! Why would a self respecting Man, be with someone, who does not want to be with him? She was and will be using you, if you let her. She only has power over you if you give it to her. Deep down you know what to do and that is nothing and walk away.
HeyFriends Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Should I respond to that last message? no. pointless to do so. just let it go..
FitChick Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 she will come running back within 2-3 months, they always do Not everyone does.
Author yanks07 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Thank you guys for your help. I am doing no contact. It's really painful (moreso just up and down), but I can tell I'm becoming healthier by doing it. Overall I have learned a lot from the experience and it shows me that I need to be more upfront about things early, and not take what I have for granted. On another note, what do you think about being friends with her on Facebook? Seems like a bad idea, because I have caught myself neurotically peeping. I want to be cordial with her but at this point friendship may be impossible as I still have feelings, but I do not want to close that door for the future.
dasein Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 All may not be lost. I get the impression from your posts that you have been having relatively frequent conversations about deep relationshipn topics with this girl. Stop that. There is a reason she was attracted to you to begin with, and it had nothing to do with soulful "heart to heart talks" but your masculinity. Try to go back there, seduce her, flirt with her, but after a good long time of no contact. You can't just change gears from soulful angsty man to flirt overnight, may take a couple months. In the future, avoid deep talks about relationship issues with women until you are absolutely sure she is 100% into you... and then keep avoiding them after that. If I'm mistaken, sorry, but it just seems that you are pouring it on thick with this girl and boring her. Less talk more action.
Author yanks07 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 ^^^ ****, you may have hit the nail on the head.
g450 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Not everyone does. I think it's the exact reverse. Most never come back. Some may want to play games and take your tempreture or may get curious but I think most never come back. I can only go by what I have seen in my life and others so far.
Recommended Posts