water4150 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Ok long story short: 2.5 year relationship. She broke up with mee 5 months ago reason being was that I wasn't hanging out with her as much as I could or should have. Typical school and work reason. Week before our break up we were talking about marriage stuff and how we would get married etc but it was way too early for us. We're eachothers first love. So she broke up. Found out not too long ago that she was hanging around this guy that is engaged and clearly wants her for sexual purposes. My ex as stupid as she is right now, was pursuing him or falling into his trap I guess. I had a mutual friend that knows the guy, tell her all about him. How he would sex text my mutual friend behind his fiances back. Basically this guy is a major tool. In fact when my ex and that guy met the first thing he said was "you want to be friends with benefits" This was two ago but she stoped talking and he eventually found her on fb (idk when). She hid this guy from me becuase this was during a fight. After a month or so after BU and her spending time with this guy (no physical contact was made according to my mutual friend) the guy said something hurtful to her. I don't know what. And today I found out that she is still caught up on him and "hurting" over him or dwelling over him. My mutual friend is trying to give her a slap to reality... My ex also states that she wants "something new" She has no idea I know all about this. Is this GIGS? Yes I read the Gigs thread over n over again.
Author water4150 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 It has also been 2 weeks without contact
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Ok long story short: 2.5 year relationship. She broke up with mee 5 months ago reason being was that I wasn't hanging out with her as much as I could or should have. Typical school and work reason. Week before our break up we were talking about marriage stuff and how we would get married etc but it was way too early for us. We're eachothers first love. So she broke up. Found out not too long ago that she was hanging around this guy that is engaged and clearly wants her for sexual purposes. My ex as stupid as she is right now, was pursuing him or falling into his trap I guess. I had a mutual friend that knows the guy, tell her all about him. How he would sex text my mutual friend behind his fiances back. Basically this guy is a major tool. In fact when my ex and that guy met the first thing he said was "you want to be friends with benefits" This was two ago but she stoped talking and he eventually found her on fb (idk when). She hid this guy from me becuase this was during a fight. After a month or so after BU and her spending time with this guy (no physical contact was made according to my mutual friend) the guy said something hurtful to her. I don't know what. And today I found out that she is still caught up on him and "hurting" over him or dwelling over him. My mutual friend is trying to give her a slap to reality... My ex also states that she wants "something new" She has no idea I know all about this. Is this GIGS? Yes I read the Gigs thread over n over again. she clearly wanted attention she wasn't getting from you; and it happened during a fight; she was needy and vulnerable and fell into the trap with this other fellow. perhaps he made her feel important to him, that it was more than benefits, hence her being hurt and dwelling. Of course it's GIGS. she wanted to be loved and needed, a PRIORITY, not an after thought. School and work should NOT take precedence, you make time for someone you love. If not, they stray.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Its not gigs, she wants something new that isnt anything like you.
Author water4150 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 she clearly wanted attention she wasn't getting from you; and it happened during a fight; she was needy and vulnerable and fell into the trap with this other fellow. perhaps he made her feel important to him, that it was more than benefits, hence her being hurt and dwelling. Of course it's GIGS. she wanted to be loved and needed, a PRIORITY, not an after thought. School and work should NOT take precedence, you make time for someone you love. If not, they stray. The fight was 2 years ago and he contacted her long time after. Don't get me wrong our relationship was great, we did do stuff but it was hard to meet up. And school does take priority, especially when I'm trying to build a future for me and have her a part of it. She was loved, just not enough. My mutual friend said there was no physical contact and there was no cheating. The guy is just a complete dirtbag and just wanted her for her body. Its not like I never cheated on her or yelled at her. The fight was basically b/c our honeymoon phase ended. But that was in the first few months of the relationship and we went on for 2.5 years.
Author water4150 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Its not gigs, she wants something new that isnt anything like you. Lol well she is chasing the wrong people and is already getting hurt. She is being idiotic and many other people see this. I have a feeling she will come back crying and begging but I'm not waiting around for it. It's not like we ended on really bad terms or anything. Our break up was sad and calm etc. no yelling or arguing. I tried to talk to other girls but I really wasn't feeling them.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 She wants someone that's available to her; even if he's a creep.
wilsonx Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Pain is life's greatest teacher, let her learn on her own. She will get the message 1
Author water4150 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Pain is life's greatest teacher, let her learn on her own. She will get the message Trust me Wilson...I'm kind of waiting for her to get hurt just so I can laugh. Yea it sounds cruel but you know what...nothing is fair from what was done.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Trust me Wilson...I'm kind of waiting for her to get hurt just so I can laugh. Yea it sounds cruel but you know what...nothing is fair from what was done. You might have a long wait as it seems like the person who does you wrong gets to happily go on doing others wrong.
Fitz Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Does she know that the guy is engaged and went after him anyway? (stealing another woman's "grass") Is it out of character for her to be the OW? And is she overall not acting like her normal sweet self? Was the ultimatum of marriage with you seriously raised? Did your relationship work very well previous to the BU? Is she at least in her mid-twenties? If the answer is yes to these questions, she may be suffering from GIGS
Author water4150 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Does she know that the guy is engaged and went after him anyway? (stealing another woman's "grass") Is it out of character for her to be the OW? And is she overall not acting like her normal sweet self? Was the ultimatum of marriage with you seriously raised? Did your relationship work very well previous to the BU? Is she at least in her mid-twenties? If the answer is yes to these questions, she may be suffering from GIGS Yea. The answer is yes to all of them. She's a complete diff person. The whole marriage thing was all love talk ya know. Like yea "can't wait till we get married one day" She knew very well that he had a gf but I don't think he told her he was engaged. But my mutual friend is really giving her tough love. At the moment she don't want me back. Im ok with that because she isn't her normal self. Idk who she is anymore.
Fitz Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 (edited) Yea. The answer is yes to all of them. She's a complete diff person. The whole marriage thing was all love talk ya know. Like yea "can't wait till we get married one day" She knew very well that he had a gf but I don't think he told her he was engaged. But my mutual friend is really giving her tough love. At the moment she don't want me back. Im ok with that because she isn't her normal self. Idk who she is anymore. Well then it sounds like GIGS to me as she is longing for a stranger's "grass" (aka another woman's man) and actively trying to seize that new "grass" as her own. Yet, your relationship was happy/healthy until this latest "hiccup". Looking on the bright side, this is an ideal situation for you because you know this other guy is "dull grass." In other words, it will not be any greener for your ex. This man is not a better fit for her per se. It's a doomed endeavor. Thus, if I were you I might be inclined to just let her pursue the other man. Odds are that she's going to get burned. When that happens, she'll naturally think of how good things were with you (assuming you had a good relationship). In my opinion, a good burn is the best way to cure GIGS. She needs to see the "grass" for herself. Then she needs to suffer consequences in order to truly appreciate the meaning of her actions. And thus stamp out the doubts in her head. And learn that the grass isn't any greener. Keep your friend in position for updates -but don't obsess over your ex. Meanwhile go workout, earn money, get healthy and make your own "grass" as green as possible. Then you can be in a position to find someone else (upgrade) or eventually lure her back to your new and improved "grass" should the possibility arise. But don't obsess over that possibility, because it's still very possible that you'll never be with her again. It's time for NC/LC. Move on. Improve yourself. Keep your options open. But move on. Edited March 9, 2012 by Fitz
Author water4150 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Well then it sounds like GIGS to me as she is longing for a stranger's "grass" (aka another woman's man) and actively trying to seize that new "grass" as her own. Looking on the bright side, this is an ideal situation for you because you know this other guy is "dull grass." In other words, it will not be any greener for your ex. This man is not a better fit for her per se. It's a doomed endeavor. Thus, if I were you I might be inclined to just let her pursue the other man. Odds are that she's going to get burned. When that happens, she'll naturally think of how good things were with you (assuming you had a good relationship). In my opinion, a good burn is the best way to cure GIGS. She needs to see the "grass" for herself. Then she needs to suffer consequences in order to truly appreciate the meaning of her actions. And thus stamp out the doubts in her head. And learn that the grass isn't any greener. Keep your friend in position for updates -but don't obsess over your ex. Meanwhile go workout, earn money, get healthy and make your own "grass" as green as possible. Then you can be in a position to find someone else (upgrade) or eventually lure her back to your new and improved "grass" should the possibility arise. But don't obsess over that possibility, because it's still very possible that you'll never be with her again. It's time for NC/LC. Move on. Improve yourself. Keep your options open. But move on. That's exactly what I have been doing Fitz. However, I did accuse her of hiding this guy from me and it led to a pretty bad argument. No cursing on my end. She was more mad at me. But I know she is mad becuase she was in the WRONG. I have been working out, I gained 10lbs of muscle weight since break up. She even admitted that I have made changes and she even said to the mutual friend that if we were to get back together things would be great...but she still wants "something new". She is dwellig on this guy becuase my mutual friend told her a lot of negative stuff about him. Its been 2 weeks or so no contact. I tried to talk to other girls but didn't work for me. I feel as if the main reason why she isn't talking to me is becuase she dwelling on the other guy and kind of wants it work out with him even though it's not going to happen. She is deffinately not acting like herself. And even my mutual friend sees that she is being stupid in letting me go. My time will come and she will realize how stupid she being. In fact I think she has some what of an idea about her stupidity. It has been 5 months since bu and I still have relapse epidodes in which it still hurts to think about it. But I have no desire to break nc and if I do get the urger my mutual friend stops me so I'm greatful for her.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Dude, when she gets burned, THAT will help you talk to other women. Hopefully at that point you wont want her back when if she comes looking for you. However, I wonder if theres anything you did to make her bored in the relationship to the point where she had no interest in saving it? because you have to learn this mistake for the next woman. But if your ex didnt want to save the relationship, you dont want her back anyway. Go find someone new when youre ready, and treat her well. 10 pounds of muscle? What are you eating??
Author water4150 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Dude, when she gets burned, THAT will help you talk to other women. Hopefully at that point you wont want her back when if she comes looking for you. However, I wonder if theres anything you did to make her bored in the relationship to the point where she had no interest in saving it? because you have to learn this mistake for the next woman. But if your ex didnt want to save the relationship, you dont want her back anyway. Go find someone new when youre ready, and treat her well. 10 pounds of muscle? What are you eating?? I know my mistakes and like I said, she knows that I have changed. So I already fixed that issue. My diet really isn't much. I don't drink any powdered supplements. I just been working out 3-4 times a week ever since the break up 5 months ago. I was skinny to begin with but now I have tone and definition. That's what making me confident at the moment while she is dwelling on a dirtbag and not really thinking about herself.
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