Confusedasofnow Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Two of his friends has been trying to flirt with me countless times and writing me messages. I ignored all of them and told my bf but he just said ''I'll talk to them about it'' and didn't seem the least bit upset. That was strange to me because if even one of my female friends was hitting on my bf, I would be fuming already and she wouldn't be my friend no more. Two days ago accidentally stumbled upon an open inbox he left out. It was a written message to one of them to test me if I'm the type of girl to cheat and in it he told the friend ''So she keeps rejecting you? I think you and Dustin have to tried harder and maybe she'll accept it, that way I'll know if she's wife-material''. Tell you what brah, I'll try to convince your cousin to ask her out on a date. Then what caught my eyes far on his drawar is a copy of a ''How to know if your girl will cheat on you'' handout. I'm very mad and disappointed my bf would think that of me. I have printed out copies of all of that and I'm thinking of confronting him about it and ending it. I'm really considering breaking up or should I give me a chance to give me a damn good explanation why he needed to do that?
Author Confusedasofnow Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 And I would also like to know what's up with this wife-material stuff? I'm only 22 years-old and not even thinking of marriage. Right now I feel as if I were in some type of animal being tested instead of being in a mature, adult relationship. Guys should I ditched him because I really have no patience for mind games nor distrust issues when I never gave him a reason at all.
fallenenvy Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 i'd be epically pissed...... That just seems so disrespectful... its like hes trying to set you up to fail which is ridiculous and a bit childish if you ask me. I'm not sure i'd want an explanation.... I feel like that sends up a red flag for the future.. if he doesn't trust you and is trying to "test" you now.. whats to say it won't get 1000x worse in the future... when the accusations of you cheating on him start cause you were at the store for an extra 20min or went to see one of your girl friends....followed by the digging through your stuff and the insecurity.. thats a deal breaker for me... Good luck on whatever you decide but honestly i feel as if this is unacceptable behavior.
Author Confusedasofnow Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 I'm going to confront him about this by tomorrow and yes it's over for me. We've been dating for only 9 months and already testing me to see if I'm wife material, if I'll cheat!!!
fallenenvy Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Fair enough. Not even sure I'd bother with a big confrontation and allow him to try to suck me back in....i'd want out quick and clean.. especially considering A.) you havn't been together all that long and B.) you're young.. (my age actually!) I can say one thing tho i think you will be doing the right thing by finishing with him. I'd leave it at a simple "Hey (insert name here), things arn't working out i want to go our separate ways. I don't like being with someone that believes im capable of infidelity and i'm also not looking for marriage quite yet" He'd probably play dumb.. but you know and he'll know what you mean.... If my bf pulled that crap with me his bags would be packed and at the door waiting for him. I'm an adult and don't need that kind of drama in the relationship... lifes too short.
Woggle Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Chances are he was cheated on the past but that doesn't excuse it.
johan Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 That's a pretty rotten thing to do. And his friends must be real assh*les. I would feel bad doing something like that to any of the women my friends ever dated. I actually liked them.
johan Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Chances are he was cheated on the past but that doesn't excuse it. Maybe. But maybe he expects it from her, because he expects it from people in general. Maybe because he expects it from himself.
Woggle Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Maybe. But maybe he expects it from her, because he expects it from people in general. Maybe because he expects it from himself. Maybe. I must confessed I have considered doing this but then I come to my senses. He has serious trust issues but that should not be her problem.
SoleMate Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 ..."So she keeps rejecting you? I think you and Dustin have to tried harder and maybe she'll accept it, that way I'll know if she's wife-material...'' He might have been testing to see if you'd be faithful, OR.... ...he might have been testing to see if you would join him in 3some "fun". Some men actually want that from their wives. Either way, he's clearly not "husband material". No reason and no discussion needed.
Author Confusedasofnow Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 ...he might have been testing to see if you would join him in 3some "fun". Some men actually want that from their wives. Either way, he's clearly not "husband material". No reason and no discussion needed.This is disgusting to me. I can never imagine sharing my man. There are certain people that live this lifestyle but I'm into a monogomous, mature relationship. I think a true committed relationship is full of two people only, not a third party.
Author Confusedasofnow Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Maybe. I must confessed I have considered doing this but then I come to my senses. He has serious trust issues but that should not be her problem.To which he needs to seek a therapist for this instead of bragging more women into this drama. It's not my fault if an ex cheated on him. 1
CarrieT Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I would so dump his a**... I don't blame you at all for being mad - this is adolescent game-playing taken to the nth degree. No one deserves to be treated this way.
Author Confusedasofnow Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 (edited) Dump that disgusting ass.I just did that today. I told how it wasn't worth even trying without trust and gave me the printed out conversations as well as handouts, that way he would fully know why it's over. I don't understand how can someone get into a relationship if he/she feels the need to play games or snoop around. What's the point? I'll moving on now and hopefully will find a mature man that isn't into that BS nor obsess with the ''wife material'' nonsense. Edited March 10, 2012 by Confusedasofnow 2
Author Confusedasofnow Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 How did he respond?He tried begging me to come back and how he never distrusted me but just wanted to make sure if I was faithful since he's been cheated before by an ex. I left and didn't looked back. I've been ignoring his phone calls and do not plan on taking him back. 1
johan Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Well, it's a shame he has so much fear. It's hard to tell whether it was the fear or a character flaw that screwed up his judgment. It's not fair to you though. I guess this is what peope mean when they say live and learn.
Author Confusedasofnow Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 Well, it's a shame he has so much fear. It's hard to tell whether it was the fear or a character flaw that screwed up his judgment. It's not fair to you though.Whatever it was, that's sure a good way to end a relationship.
rickys Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 It seems that he has doubts on you. One idea for you, don't tell him that you know the truth. Keep going with your daily life. After realizing that you are innocent, he will stop all this non sense....
Author Confusedasofnow Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 It seems that he has doubts on you. One idea for you, don't tell him that you know the truth. Keep going with your daily life. After realizing that you are innocent, he will stop all this non sense....If you read the update, I already confronted about it and broke up. I can't continue a relationship if there is no trust.
PlumPrincess Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Chances are he was cheated on the past but that doesn't excuse it. Sometimes a little bit of sanity shines through your posts.
Woggle Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Sometimes a little bit of sanity shines through your posts. I am sane. I very much empathize with why a man would do this but it still doesn't make it right.
gaius Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Perhaps he had a cuckold fantasy and just didn't want to deal with it upfront. He seemed unusually determined to get you into bed with another guy. Plus he should know that most guys are dogs, and involving that many men in his scheme leaves a good chance one of them would sleep with you and not tell him.
jnj express Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 You absolutely did the right thing---not only did he try a sting operation on you---but eventually he would become controlling and jealous, maybe even abusive, and you don't need that in your life either If he had a problem with prior infidelity---he should have sat you down and talked about it with you Do not let him back in, no matter how much he begs---he has already shown his true colors, and he is someone you need to stay far away from. 1
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