amythan Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 (edited) I posted here many times in the past and even if I haven't been very responsive I really appreciated your comments. They made me think and reflect on how other people perceive my actions and my contradictions. I am in my late thirties and I am consider myself a lucky and happy person. I am beautiful, have a good education, a good job, friends, interests and ... an amazing ex-bf. We lived together for nine years (we started to live together the same we started to date) and broke up a year an a half ago. He is my family and my best friend, we grew up together, traveled, move to four countries, supported each other, discovered new interests ... We talk every day and even if we do not live in the same country we visit each other and planned a trip for three weeks during this summer. We broke up because as he said i didn't change but he did, and he wants a family and I don't. None of us could stand don't have each other in our lives and he always tell me I am the best woman on earth. I think this will prevent us to have other relationships. I do not want a bf despite other people here pointed out I do. I just want to go out with someone to have fun. I like the feeling of being infatuated but I am not looking for a husband. I went out with an unavailable guy for one year, we were madly in love at the beginning but he realized that this was going nowhere and decided to downgraded me to FWB. I accepted it but at the end I was really hurt and now we do not talk to each other. I miss me sometimes. Or maybe I miss the excitement, the trips all around europe to see each other, the dinners and how he desired me. Then I met another guy, much younger. An incredibly hot and charming guy. No need to say he is a real player. He wants a gf to have a family who shares his religion. So, not me. I got upset when he started to treat me as a booty call. I didn't want a serious thing with him but his terms where not good enough for me. I wanted something on equal terms not him calling me at his leisure as if i was a hooker. I wanted him to like me also as a person and making some effort to spend time with me. For me this does not mean a serious relationship. So we are done. I am not sure what advise I am looking for but something is wrong with my choices and maybe also my attitude. I do not have problems attracting people but it seems I just like the charming (alpha) guys. My ex-bf was completely different though. He is a keeper. Wow this is long .. thanks for reading it ! Edited March 8, 2012 by amythan
Mr. Savage Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Are you dating like international Playboys? Who are these guys? 1
zengirl Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I think first you have to define exactly what type of relationship/dating situation you want before you can get it. I am confused because you don't seem to want a relationship/boyfriend, but you seem to want men to act like a BF, maybe? I'm not really sure what you're looking for. That could be one reason your dating life makes no sense. Anyway, you're right. . . that description made very little sense. I'm not sure what input you really want, even.
Mr. Savage Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Yeah I've never been more confused by a post in my life? Do you want these guys to only treat you like you are a serious couple like an image thing with no other strings attached?
Author amythan Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Haha I guess you can describe them as international playboys ... I think I do not want a bf because I feel I have kind of one. We are not together but we support each other as if we were so I do not miss this in my daily life. I do not care if the relationship is casual and probably leading nowhere but I do not want to have the feeling that I am no one, just a back up. I do not need to screen the perfect long-term partner because i do not want a family and I support myself. But I want someone who really enjoy spending time with me even though I do not need him to introduce me to his family
zengirl Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Haha I guess you can describe them as international playboys ... I think I do not want a bf because I feel I have kind of one. We are not together but we support each other as if we were so I do not miss this in my daily life. I do not care if the relationship is casual and probably leading nowhere but I do not want to have the feeling that I am no one, just a back up. I do not need to screen the perfect long-term partner because i do not want a family and I support myself. But I want someone who really enjoy spending time with me even though I do not need him to introduce me to his family I kinda think what YOU have (a BF who is not a BF) and want (another BF who is not a BF) doesn't make sense. I mean, the guys don't sound like guys I'd want to date, I'll give you that, but I think it's you that's making your dating life make no sense. Maybe just pull back from dating for awhile?
Author amythan Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Maybe you are right ... for sure I do not what a fully committed relationship but I do not want a FB either. Just something in the middle ... I am not prepared to cut my ex-bf out of my life and I do not think he is either so it wouldn't be fair to put someone who is looking for a super serious relationship through this.
Author amythan Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Not really ... but he is the most important person in my life and it is difficult to find someone who loves you unconditionally and with whom you get along so well. Not to mention everything we went through together.
FitChick Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Date a gay guy. You will have fun and no worries about him using you for sex. You don't have a 'boyfriend,' you have a 'friend' in your ex. Nothing wrong with staying platonic friends with your ex.
eleanorhurting Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I don't know if the people you date in the future will be very accepting of "my ex boyfriend is my best friend and the most important person in my life". I would not be.
ffw Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Not really ... but he is the most important person in my life and it is difficult to find someone who loves you unconditionally and with whom you get along so well. Not to mention everything we went through together. You have to treat your future relationships as a new chapter in your life. So, instead of comparing with your previous relationship, which could be very hard to overtake for a new relationship, you have to go one step at a time.
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