BMZMJ Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 ah damn. I wasnt strong enough. I ended up calling her at work and tried to invite her to a friendly chat on the weekend and she said she wasn't sure based on how I had pressured her 2 days ago. She said that's what she wanted to do 2 days ago (the friendly chat/hanging out) but then I made a mistake by coming out and pressuring her. she says that I am not giving her the time for her to miss me, etc...
Senateguy Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 You're driving the nails right into your own coffin. Stop contacting her. You should never reinitiate contact with someone who says they don't want you. Get some pride. Get some self respect. It's one thing to fall for breadcrumbs, it's another to seek out the abuser for more abuse. You should NEVER initiate contact. NEVER EVER NEVER 1
Author BMZMJ Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Senateguy, You're so correct. It is very difficult when we considered each other's best friends and constantly were in touch. our break up was not very messy and we have kept it very civil but it's still difficult to cut her off just like that... But I need to and want to be stronger. one day at a time.
Author BMZMJ Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 and my question now is - is it too late? have I ruined any chance?
Numb79 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 One day at a time, one hour at a time.... one min at a time if you have to!! If you cannot handle being just friends then don't! Its not going to do you any good. Trust me.... my Ex and I were friends for 7 yrs before we started our relationship and I know its hard to lose the friendship as well. But for right now.... you need to focus on your own needs! Its all about YOU!! The relationship ended for a reason.... you are not the one that made that decision. However, you will have to accept that decision and do what is best for your sake. Its never easy.... but it has to be done. Don't think of wether she misses you, or wether she will be coming back. Focus on yourself. You are no longer in a relationship anymore.... you are now an individual. INDIVIDUAL!!! 2
Senateguy Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 This is how women work. After a woman breaks up with a man, she is UNSURE about her decision. Women are very uncertain creatures. Women do not trust themselves. Very few women are extremely self confident and even those will doubt their decisions a lot of the time. So what happens? When they break up with you, they judge based on YOUR REACTION whether or not they made the right choice by dumping you. If you CRY, BEG HER BACK, WANT TO BE FRIENDS, and proceed to call her and give her attention... SHE KNOWS SHE DID THE RIGHT CHOICE. This is what 99.9% of guys do. If you smile, walk away and don't say a word - then she will not know how to handle it. In a few weeks she will start to DOUBT she made the right decision. Anxiety is going to go through her every time she thinks about you. After a while, she will start to think of you every day. Then it will become every few hours. Then it will become every few minutes. Eventually she will no longer know how to handle it and the curiosity and anxiety will drive her wild. And that's why they send breadcrumbs. Because they are curious. Because anxiety is setting in. Because their ego is hurting. I'm honestly not sure if reconciliation is really possible in 98% of the cases. I think when someone says they want space, you're done. But i do know one thing. If you don't give them the space. And i'm talking about you should give them TRIPLE the space they are asking for. If they say bye.....you say see ya. Then you have about a 5% chance of it working. But if you call. IF you text. If you send up smoke signals. You're toast. That's what you're doing. You calling is repulsing her. Literally giving her the willies. Dude. Stop contacting her. I know it's hard. It's damn hard, but you have to not contact her. When i get the urge, i usually call someone and bitch and moan or i go for a run. You calling her is just making you feel worse. 4
Author BMZMJ Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 I agreed Senateguy, she seemed kind of happy to hear from me but I agreed. Even she said that I need to be strong and to give her some time for her to have "those feelings" of missing me, thinking about me. after that call, I texted her saying "you're right. I should be stronger, and want to be stronger. all you can do now is believe in me"
Chi townD Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 and my question now is - is it too late? have I ruined any chance? Live you life as if you have lost your chance. She stated that she wants you out of her life. Then you give it to her. Live your life as if she's gone. Don't live your life hoping on something that may or may not come. Start to heal. And then one day, she may contact you and take you completely by surprise. But, on the flip side, you need to heal and move on to prepare yourself if she never contacts you again. I know that was harsh to read, but you need to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
Author BMZMJ Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Hi chitown, she hasn't stated she wants me out of her life. Quite the contrary she said she doesn't want me out when I said I couldnt see her anymore. She wants to have some space so she can feel like she needs something...very risky I know
rAFC Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 (edited) First of all, you need to figure out for yourself what led her to this point. If I had to guess, it was because you became overly needy. Perhaps you gave up too much of who you were for her, perhaps you made yourself too available to her. She is clearly telling you this. Make a commitment to yourself to get YOU back; The guy she was initially attracted to, the guy she couldn't live without. Don't contact her AT ALL. Work on yourself. When and if she does come around, you need to be able to display to her (by actions, not by words) that you are back to your old self, that you get it (even if she doesn't!). Do a google search on "being a man" and read up on it. Men are confident, they don't beg. Men have goals and passions, they are too busy to wait around for women. Attraction isn't a choice, and often, in our overly feminized society, what feels right to us men (and even what 99% of women will tell you) is the opposite of what creates attraction in women. Again, women can't choose what they are attracted to, it is the product of evolution, so don't blame her or get upset with her for this. Learn and cultivate these qualities in yourself and women won't be able to resist finding you attractive. In the end, she may or may not come around. Bugging her when she asks for space (or any time) isn't going to get her back, but rather push her away. Once you get you back, you will be in a much better position for her return OR for your next love. Edited March 9, 2012 by rAFC 1
ThatDudeXO Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 This is how women work. After a woman breaks up with a man, she is UNSURE about her decision. Women are very uncertain creatures. Women do not trust themselves. Very few women are extremely self confident and even those will doubt their decisions a lot of the time. So what happens? When they break up with you, they judge based on YOUR REACTION whether or not they made the right choice by dumping you. If you CRY, BEG HER BACK, WANT TO BE FRIENDS, and proceed to call her and give her attention... SHE KNOWS SHE DID THE RIGHT CHOICE. This is what 99.9% of guys do. If you smile, walk away and don't say a word - then she will not know how to handle it. In a few weeks she will start to DOUBT she made the right decision. Anxiety is going to go through her every time she thinks about you. After a while, she will start to think of you every day. Then it will become every few hours. Then it will become every few minutes. Eventually she will no longer know how to handle it and the curiosity and anxiety will drive her wild. And that's why they send breadcrumbs. Because they are curious. Because anxiety is setting in. Because their ego is hurting. I'm honestly not sure if reconciliation is really possible in 98% of the cases. I think when someone says they want space, you're done. But i do know one thing. If you don't give them the space. And i'm talking about you should give them TRIPLE the space they are asking for. If they say bye.....you say see ya. Then you have about a 5% chance of it working. But if you call. IF you text. If you send up smoke signals. You're toast. That's what you're doing. You calling is repulsing her. Literally giving her the willies. Dude. Stop contacting her. I know it's hard. It's damn hard, but you have to not contact her. When i get the urge, i usually call someone and bitch and moan or i go for a run. You calling her is just making you feel worse. I really should have read this when we first broke up. Now it's too late for anything. I've ruined any chance of us getting back together. I didn't realise such mind games have to be played. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 This is how women work. After a woman breaks up with a man, she is UNSURE about her decision. Women are very uncertain creatures. Women do not trust themselves. Very few women are extremely self confident and even those will doubt their decisions a lot of the time. So what happens? When they break up with you, they judge based on YOUR REACTION whether or not they made the right choice by dumping you. If you CRY, BEG HER BACK, WANT TO BE FRIENDS, and proceed to call her and give her attention... SHE KNOWS SHE DID THE RIGHT CHOICE. This is what 99.9% of guys do. If you smile, walk away and don't say a word - then she will not know how to handle it. In a few weeks she will start to DOUBT she made the right decision. Anxiety is going to go through her every time she thinks about you. After a while, she will start to think of you every day. Then it will become every few hours. Then it will become every few minutes. Eventually she will no longer know how to handle it and the curiosity and anxiety will drive her wild. And that's why they send breadcrumbs. Because they are curious. Because anxiety is setting in. Because their ego is hurting. I'm honestly not sure if reconciliation is really possible in 98% of the cases. I think when someone says they want space, you're done. But i do know one thing. If you don't give them the space. And i'm talking about you should give them TRIPLE the space they are asking for. If they say bye.....you say see ya. Then you have about a 5% chance of it working. But if you call. IF you text. If you send up smoke signals. You're toast. That's what you're doing. You calling is repulsing her. Literally giving her the willies. Dude. Stop contacting her. I know it's hard. It's damn hard, but you have to not contact her. When i get the urge, i usually call someone and bitch and moan or i go for a run. You calling her is just making you feel worse. As a lady, I'm not sure sure about this, but I am wondering if men are this way, too. I was dumped by a mentally/verbally abusive ex; he waited a few months and sent a couple texts asking how I am. I did not respond. That was August. Is he angst ridden over me? Probably not; he has a new victim...er g/f.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 ah damn. I wasnt strong enough. I ended up calling her at work and tried to invite her to a friendly chat on the weekend and she said she wasn't sure based on how I had pressured her 2 days ago. She said that's what she wanted to do 2 days ago (the friendly chat/hanging out) but then I made a mistake by coming out and pressuring her. she says that I am not giving her the time for her to miss me, etc... Really? she said that? She wants space, give it to her. No more contact, it isn't getting you anywhere. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I agreed Senateguy, she seemed kind of happy to hear from me but I agreed. Even she said that I need to be strong and to give her some time for her to have "those feelings" of missing me, thinking about me. after that call, I texted her saying "you're right. I should be stronger, and want to be stronger. all you can do now is believe in me" ...you texted her right after she said she needed space? Dude...please. no more. you are trying to rake in the dying embers here. She is gracefully and tactfully cutting you loose. Live for YOU now.
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