Thieves Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 im a virgin but i still think theres some truth to this. is very difficult to reach orgasms through masturbation, it takes hours. if i cant get myself there then i dont know if it will be easy for guy to get me there! but then again i probably dont know what im talking about! Hours? Honey, and I mean this in no harmful way, but if it's taking you hours to reach masturbation by yourself, then I would very much try to find some way to fix that. Masturbation should be a nice, pleasurable activity for you -- not something you continually struggle with. You're right that if you're having difficulty figuring out your own body when you're by yourself, that it might not be too easy for a man to know how to please you either. And that's because each woman is different, and not every man knows what will end up getting them off, so it's important that you get to know your body a bit better. What I'd recommend is switching it up, if you can. Try different methods of pleasuring yourself, even if it's using a different hand or a different amount of fingers than you usually do... or using a shower head. Anything. Have you considered buying any 'toys' that might help make masturbation a little more stimulating for you?
mesmerized Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I also found it silly that she thinks a man can never spot a real orgasm. Some dudes arent bumbling idiots ya know. Some of us are attentive enough to recognize when we are doing something right and will stay the course to get a woman close to her O. GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!! YOU HAVE NO CLUE when women fake! Women are good at it, it bothers me SO FREAKING MUCH when men think they can spot a fake orgasms. You simply can't. One guy who has been with 20+ of woman once told me that they "all" came with vaginal penetration...REALLY? You're not a woman, you have no clue what you are talking about. A lot of my friends have faked with many guys and none could ever tell. Now don't get me wrong, I hate when women fake because it makes life hard for women like me who want a genuine orgasm. "oh you can't cum with penetration? Almost all women I've been with can and I'm damn SURE they didn't fake". Yeah right!!! Meanwhile I'm a woman who frequently talks to other women about how they can cum and something like 50% (probably more) of them can't easily (or ever) cum with vaginal sex. 2
dasein Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Younger women - IME younger, less experienced women are less likely to enjoy sex due to body insecurities that women seem to get past as they gain experience. Rarely have I been asked to leave the lights on by a woman ~23 or under, but most older, more experienced women enjoy seeing what's happening. This doesn't mean that I'm saying younger women don't enjoy sex, just that less experienced women are less likely to due to insecurities. Fakes - I can't tell for sure when a woman is faking, but can often tell when she is almost surely not faking. If she pours out a half pint of fluid or so during the O, she is most likely not faking. If her vaginal muscles are contracting faster than is voluntarily possible with kegels, she is most likely not faking. If I have done the right preliminaries and she says she is coming 30 seconds in, she is probably not faking. If her nipples become super rock hard during the O and weren't that way just before, she is probably not faking.
veggirl Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!! YOU HAVE NO CLUE when women fake! Women are good at it, it bothers me SO FREAKING MUCH when men think they can spot a fake orgasms. You simply can't. One guy who has been with 20+ of woman once told me that they "all" came with vaginal penetration...REALLY? You're not a woman, you have no clue what you are talking about. A lot of my friends have faked with many guys and none could ever tell. Now don't get me wrong, I hate when women fake because it makes life hard for women like me who want a genuine orgasm. "oh you can't cum with penetration? Almost all women I've been with can and I'm damn SURE they didn't fake". Yeah right!!! Meanwhile I'm a woman who frequently talks to other women about how they can cum and something like 50% (probably more) of them can't easily (or ever) cum with vaginal sex. This is all very true. OMG, one guy actually told me I was the ONLY girl he'd EVER slept with that DID NOT COME. I'm convinced, 100% convinced, that I'm just the only girl he ever slept with that didn't fake it. I do think some of them came, of course, but seriously, the only girl in his life who didn't?! By the time he was 28 yrs old? lol.
Author kaylan Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 (edited) GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!! YOU HAVE NO CLUE when women fake! Women are good at it, it bothers me SO FREAKING MUCH when men think they can spot a fake orgasms. You simply can't. One guy who has been with 20+ of woman once told me that they "all" came with vaginal penetration...REALLY? You're not a woman, you have no clue what you are talking about. A lot of my friends have faked with many guys and none could ever tell. And it bothers me that you think all men are absent minded enough to never spot a fake. Men who have been around for real orgasms can spot a fake if they pay attention. You give us too little credit. Not all men are selfish, bumbling idiots in bed who need their ego stroked. Cut the crap. Just because one dude is silly enough to think every woman he was with came, does not negate what I am saying. Hell, plenty of women think they are awesome in bed and that guys always cum. Its easy for a guy to stop having sex with a lame chick and let her think he got off if theyre using a condom. Id say it bigger blow to a chicks ego if a man doesnt get off than the other way around. If a woman isnt treated like some goddess of sex, many of you get super insecure way more than guys do. Men know that woman arent in the mood all the time, and that women dont orgasm all the time. But with you ladies, you expect a man to always have an orgasm, and to always be in the mood when you want it. If he does turn you down for sex, or doesnt have an orgasm...you all get insecure as hell. I feel women are far worse in their orgasm expectations than men are. Also, even if a guy does finish, it doesnt mean the girl was any good. Theres a difference between an orgasm, and just busting a nut. Ive had sex that was super bad and I had to will myself to orgasm. I basically got out from doing PC muscle contractions and tensing some muscles because the girl didnt feel good and also had no passion. But despite all that, I wouldnt cry foul if a woman said she could tell if a dude was putting on an act. Now don't get me wrong, I hate when women fake because it makes life hard for women like me who want a genuine orgasm. "oh you can't cum with penetration? Almost all women I've been with can and I'm damn SURE they didn't fake". Yeah right!!! Meanwhile I'm a woman who frequently talks to other women about how they can cum and something like 50% (probably more) of them can't easily (or ever) cum with vaginal sex.I dont know where you are finding these guys, but im not dumb enough to assume all women cum for intercourse alone. Any guy with half a brain, and who reads about sexuality at all know a lot of women need clit stimulation to get off during sex. Although a decent percentage can get off without it. However, Id say the lack of orgasm has a lot to do with one or more of these things rather than a chicks inherent ability to get off or not: a) She hasnt explored her sexuality and doesnt know what works. b) the guy is a dunce who doesnt try to actually get her off. c) she fakes and perpetuates her own suffering. Edited March 9, 2012 by kaylan
Author kaylan Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Younger women - IME younger, less experienced women are less likely to enjoy sex due to body insecurities that women seem to get past as they gain experience. Rarely have I been asked to leave the lights on by a woman ~23 or under, but most older, more experienced women enjoy seeing what's happening. This doesn't mean that I'm saying younger women don't enjoy sex, just that less experienced women are less likely to due to insecurities. Fakes - I can't tell for sure when a woman is faking, but can often tell when she is almost surely not faking. If she pours out a half pint of fluid or so during the O, she is most likely not faking. If her vaginal muscles are contracting faster than is voluntarily possible with kegels, she is most likely not faking. If I have done the right preliminaries and she says she is coming 30 seconds in, she is probably not faking. If her nipples become super rock hard during the O and weren't that way just before, she is probably not faking. This. I find it very had to believe that true orgasmic contractions can be mimic. I do kegels all the time, and I could never spasm my muscles the way they do when I come. And women here want me to believe that women out there actually know how to mimic those fast and hard contractions? Really? A chick can go ahead and fake contractions, but they are not going to rival a real orgasm in any way. Dudes who are generally selfish in bed are gonna get fooled by that. Not the attentive guys who actually want sex to be mutually satisfying.
mesmerized Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 And it bothers me that you think all men are absent minded enough to never spot a fake. Men who have been around for real orgasms can spot a fake if they pay attention. You give us too little credit. Not all men are selfish, bumbling idiots in bed who need their ego stroked. Cut the crap. I repeat, unless you're sleeping with an inexperienced girl who is faking for her first time, you can NOT tell. Now you say I'm not giving you credit, but I'm stating a simple fact. I haven't known of any guy who could spot a fake orgasm, none, even the extremely experienced ones. My friend faked for seven years with her husband and he had absolutely no clue. I wish I could say I prove it to you in practice lol I have no doubt whatsoever that I can fake and you would think I had a mind blowing orgasm. Id say it bigger blow to a chicks ego if a man doesn't get off than the other way around. If a woman isnt treated like some goddess of sex, many of you get super insecure way more than guys do. Men know that woman arent in the mood all the time, and that women don't orgasm all the time. But with you ladies, you expect a man to always have an orgasm, and to always be in the mood when you want it. If he does turn you down for sex, or doesnt have an orgasm...you all get insecure as hell. I feel women are far worse in their orgasm expectations than men are. Not at all, I've been with men who couldn't cum who also couldn't get their hands off of me. No blow to my ego whatsoever. A man's attraction doesn't have to show by him cumming...And even if a man is not attracted to me, oh well, I move on. There are guys who are attracted to me and I'm not a little insecure 17 year old anymore. However, Id say the lack of orgasm has a lot to do with one or more of these things rather than a chicks inherent ability to get off or not: a) She hasnt explored her sexuality and doesnt know what works. b) the guy is a dunce who doesnt try to actually get her off. c) she fakes and perpetuates her own suffering.In some cases you're right, it's about exploring sexuality. However, I think for a lot of women, it's simply the amounts of nerve endings that causes that. Some women have a very sensitive clit but are not very sensitive inside or vice versa. And this is simply a physical limitation.
veggirl Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 This. I find it very had to believe that true orgasmic contractions can be mimic. I do kegels all the time, and I could never spasm my muscles the way they do when I come. And women here want me to believe that women out there actually know how to mimic those fast and hard contractions? Really? A chick can go ahead and fake contractions, but they are not going to rival a real orgasm in any way. Dudes who are generally selfish in bed are gonna get fooled by that. Not the attentive guys who actually want sex to be mutually satisfying. Oh come on. The notion that women can fake without a guy knowing didn't come from nowhere. It's widespread and it's known. No guy has EVER known when I faked. They all thought I got off. Seriously. Plenty of them were very attentive and wanted me to come! They were NOT bad sexual partners. Why does it seem like the guys are OFFENDED that they may not know when a woman fakes? I assure you, you and all guys have been faked on and not known. I really believe that.
mesmerized Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 This. I find it very had to believe that true orgasmic contractions can be mimic. I do kegels all the time, and I could never spasm my muscles the way they do when I come. And women here want me to believe that women out there actually know how to mimic those fast and hard contractions? Really? A chick can go ahead and fake contractions, but they are not going to rival a real orgasm in any way. Dudes who are generally selfish in bed are gonna get fooled by that. Not the attentive guys who actually want sex to be mutually satisfying. Yes, I can easily mimic those contractions! I do kegels during sex sometimes because it is very pleasurable and guys ask me : did you just cum? and I hate to say no every time but I do. I also have had contractions before without even cumming, so contractions aren't enough
ThaWholigan Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 This. I find it very had to believe that true orgasmic contractions can be mimic. I do kegels all the time, and I could never spasm my muscles the way they do when I come. And women here want me to believe that women out there actually know how to mimic those fast and hard contractions? Really? A chick can go ahead and fake contractions, but they are not going to rival a real orgasm in any way. Dudes who are generally selfish in bed are gonna get fooled by that. Not the attentive guys who actually want sex to be mutually satisfying. I'm no expert ( lol) but maybe you are overestimating the number of "attentive" males out there? Maybe you are one of very few....... On a side note, this thread is not good for my sanity, blame it on the frustration
ThaWholigan Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Oh come on. The notion that women can fake without a guy knowing didn't come from nowhere. It's widespread and it's known. No guy has EVER known when I faked. They all thought I got off. Seriously. Plenty of them were very attentive and wanted me to come! They were NOT bad sexual partners. Why does it seem like the guys are OFFENDED that they may not know when a woman fakes? I assure you, you and all guys have been faked on and not known. I really believe that. Well, like I said, I can't say I've experienced anything but it's not hard to see how it would be a blow to a man's ego. I'm not that bothered to be honest, as long as it wasn't boring (whatever boring is, of course)
Author kaylan Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 (edited) I repeat, unless you're sleeping with an inexperienced girl who is faking for her first time, you can NOT tell. Now you say I'm not giving you credit, but I'm stating a simple fact. I haven't known of any guy who could spot a fake orgasm, none, even the extremely experienced ones. My friend faked for seven years with her husband and he had absolutely no clue. I wish I could say I prove it to you in practice lol I have no doubt whatsoever that I can fake and you would think I had a mind blowing orgasm. How can I not tell. Gimme a break. A guy whos been with women who have truly orgasmed is not gonna be fooled by a fake. You are not stating a fact. Only an opinion. Me and my guy friends have talked about this before. My boy outright said "this chick tried to fake me out, and I was rolling my eye in my head...I just finished up and thought it was her loss...I got mine...whatever". And this was a chick who got around...so Im sure it wasnt her first time doing that. Really? Im supposed to believe someone can accurately reproduce the speed, as well as the strength of those muscle contractions? Ive had chicks tell me they wish I could recreate the throbbing my penis does during orgasm. Sure I can make it pump and also jump up and down...but it doesnt come close to the real thing. You really give yourself too much credit sister. I can guarantee you there is no way you could recreate the blood rush across your body, as well as the muscle contractions that accompany an orgasm. You think men never know and never talk about this....you are sadly mistaken. Not at all, I've been with men who couldn't cum who also couldn't get their hands off of me. No blow to my ego whatsoever. A man's attraction doesn't have to show by him cumming...And even if a man is not attracted to me, oh well, I move on. There are guys who are attracted to me and I'm not a little insecure 17 year old anymore.Well good for you. Its a shame more women cant handle when a guy doesnt want sex or doesnt get off. In some cases you're right, it's about exploring sexuality. However, I think for a lot of women, it's simply the amounts of nerve endings that causes that. Some women have a very sensitive clit but are not very sensitive inside or vice versa. And this is simply a physical limitation.Some men have a physical limitation as well. I just dont think its something that cant be overcome. Sexuality is still being explored more and more as time goes on. You realize since the 60s how much the percentage has dropped of women not having orgasm? People used to think there was this big physical limitation on women and that many werent capable of orgasm. Now look at us. As time goes on more and more women will be getting off...oh glorious day I say. Yes, I can easily mimic those contractions! I do kegels during sex sometimes because it is very pleasurable and guys ask me : did you just cum? and I hate to say no every time but I do. I also have had contractions before without even cumming, so contractions aren't enough Than you are with guys who dont know anything. You have guys telling you how all women they are with cum vaginally...so do I expect any better knowledge from guys you sleep with? Like I said, you cannot accurately recreate that strength and speed. But keep telling yourself you can. I do kegels as well, and nothing I voluntarily do comes close to what my orgasm truly is. Ive asked my ex to grip me and what not...and the strength nor speed was ever on par to when they came. Edited March 9, 2012 by kaylan
aj22one Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 As far as I can tell the only person who can tell if a woman has truly orgasmed is the woman herself. We can think we know, or believe we can tell, but unless you're a mind reader ain't no way you can know for sure.
Author kaylan Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 (edited) Oh come on. The notion that women can fake without a guy knowing didn't come from nowhere. It's widespread and it's known. No guy has EVER known when I faked. They all thought I got off. Seriously. Plenty of them were very attentive and wanted me to come! They were NOT bad sexual partners. Why does it seem like the guys are OFFENDED that they may not know when a woman fakes? I assure you, you and all guys have been faked on and not known. I really believe that. Because you women are assuming ALL men would not know. Come on now. All women dont fake, so why can we assume all men are fools and wouldnt be able to tell the difference between a real and fake orgasm especially when theyve experience a real one. All guys dont assume they are sex gods in bed. I know I dont. I also dont say every chick Ive been with has had massive orgasms and always vaginally...I know better and I love to study sexuality. So given all of that, why is it so unbelievable that a guy could tell the difference between real and fake? It would seem that its more a blow to the female ego that a guy could tell. Its like weve taken something of power away from some of you and you dont want that. Not ALL men are gonna be fooled. Some will know, and some wont care. Just because a guy doesnt outright call you out on it, doesnt mean he didnt know you faked. Ive had dudes tell me they knew, and played along so the chick wouldnt feel like crap. So lets be real here. You gonna tell me they lied? The first girl I slept with faked on me several times, but I never said anything. I knew I wasnt great, and I knew I was still learning. Know what I did? I joined in and exaggerated with her. Kinda like in porn, but not as over the top. To be honest, the vocals were a bit fun. Edited March 9, 2012 by kaylan
mesmerized Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Really? Im supposed to believe someone can accurately reproduce the speed, as well as the strength of those muscle contractions? Ive had chicks tell me they wish I could recreate the throbbing my penis does during orgasm. Sure I can make it pump and also jump up and down...but it doesnt come close to the real thing. lol, there is your problem, you're comparing your penis to our vagina! "Oh, I can't do this with my penis, how can you do it with your vagina?" LOL Meh, I'm still absolutely positively sure I can fake and you will have no idea. As countless of us have done before and never get caught. Ego driven much? Some men have a physical limitation as well. I just dont think its something that cant be overcome. Sexuality is still being explored more and more as time goes on. You realize since the 60s how much the percentage has dropped of women not having orgasm? People used to think there was this big physical limitation on women and that many were'nt capable of orgasm. Now look at us. As time goes on more and more women will be getting off...oh glorious day I say.Sure, exploring sexuality is a must. But then again, please stop comparing penises to vaginas and make comments about something that you don't really know about. There are women who have had sex and explored for all their lives and still can't cum through sex. The reason women now have orgasms more than before is that they, in general, more care more about getting theirs and men work more for it too than they did before. However, a lot of very very sexual women with attentive partners still can't orgasm with penetration alone, simply due to physical limitation.
RedRobin Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I just can't stop giggling about the 25 yr old sex expert. Isn't he just adorable... 4
mesmerized Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 So given all of that, why is it so unbelievable that a guy could tell the difference between real and fake? It would seem that its more a blow to the female ego that a guy could tell. Its like weve taken something of power away from some of you and you dont want that. Oh believe me, I couldn't be happier if guys could tell the fakies. Then they won't leave us genuine girls for a girl who cums (errrr, fakes!) lol Not ALL men are gonna be fooled. Some will know, and some wont care. Just because a guy doesnt outright call you out on it, doesnt mean he didnt know you faked. Ive had dudes tell me they knew, and played along so the chick wouldnt feel like crap. So lets be real here. You gonna tell me they lied? The first girl I slept with faked on me several times, but I never said anything. I knew I wasnt great, and I knew I was still learning. Know what I did? I joined in and exaggerated with her. Kinda like in porn, but not as over the top. To be honest, the vocals were a bit fun. first girl you slept with? How old was she? How experienced?
Author kaylan Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 (edited) I just can't stop giggling about the 25 yr old sex expert. Isn't he just adorable... God forbid a young person actually embrace sexuality and read as much as he can on it. And god forbid a male actually believe that not ALL men can be fooled by a fake orgasm. Nothing exists in absolutes. One cannot say with 100% certainty that all men could never spot a fake. lol, there is your problem, you're comparing your penis to our vagina! "Oh, I can't do this with my penis, how can you do it with your vagina?" LOL Meh, I'm still absolutely positively sure I can fake and you will have no idea. As countless of us have done before and never get caught. Ego driven much? You overestimate your ability. Having been with someone who faked, and also someone who had real orgasms, I am positive you cannot recreate those spasms. Its not physically possible. Thats like me telling the doctors I can recreate the speed and intensity of the spasms I get in my leg from time to time. riiiight....Id take you up on your offer, but you already gave me reason to have bias in my assessment. At the end of the day, I really dont care if a chick wants to deny her own pleasure by faking. I own my orgasm and she needs to own hers. So meh, Ima get mine and help her get hers if she cares to get it. Sure, exploring sexuality is a must. But then again, please stop comparing penises to vaginas and make comments about something that you don't really know about. There are women who have had sex and explored for all their lives and still can't cum through sex. The reason women now have orgasms more than before is that they, in general, more care more about getting theirs and men work more for it too than they did before. However, a lot of very very sexual women with attentive partners still can't orgasm with penetration alone, simply due to physical limitation.Sucks for those women then. Let them fake it. I lolz @ it tbh. Whats the point in fake when youve exhausted your options? If you are talking about chicks who simply need a helping hand on the clit to get off during sex, well then thats different. And thats fixed easily. A vibrator works wonders for that too. Still doesnt change the fact that theres a good percentage of women out there who dont need manual help. Some do, some dont. The actual percentage of women who dont orgasm under any circumstance is quite small. Edited March 9, 2012 by kaylan
mesmerized Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 You overestimate your ability. Having been with someone who faked, and also someone who had real orgasms, I am positive you cannot recreate those spasms. Its not physically possible. Thats like me telling the doctors I can recreate the speed and intensity of the spasms I get in my leg from time to time. riiiight. oh, so ONE woman you have been with couldn't fake, so you're positive I can't? And how the hell do you know what is physically possible in a vagina? Do you have one by any chance? If you are talking about chicks who simply need a helping hand on the clit to get off during sex, well then thats different. And thats fixed easily. A vibrator works wonders for that too. Still doesnt change the fact that theres a good percentage of women out there who dont need manual help. Some do, some dont. The actual percentage of women who dont orgasm under any circumstance is quite small. This I agree. The majority of women can orgasm, either from clit or penetration. However, probably more than half of the female population can't cum by sex alone.
Author kaylan Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Oh believe me, I couldn't be happier if guys could tell the fakies. Then they won't leave us genuine girls for a girl who cums (errrr, fakes!) lol I lol'd @ "cums" first girl you slept with? How old was she? How experienced? A lot more experienced than me sister. A lot more.
zengirl Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Well, like I said, I can't say I've experienced anything but it's not hard to see how it would be a blow to a man's ego. It really shouldn't be. Except the truly bad sex partner, which was over YEARS, really most of the time when I couldn't/didn't come, it wasn't an indication of the man's prowess. Sometimes it just ain't happening. Because you women are assuming ALL men would not know. Come on now. All women dont fake, so why can we assume all men are fools and wouldnt be able to tell the difference between a real and fake orgasm especially when theyve experience a real one. The truth is: Most women fake, at least sometimes. I think men can sometimes tell and sometimes not tell, depending on how the woman fakes and how well he knows her and so forth. I'm not assuming men NEVER know, but I think assuming you can ALWAYS tell if a woman is faking is just kind of naive and silly. 1
Author kaylan Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 oh, so ONE woman you have been with couldn't fake, so you're positive I can't? And how the hell do you know what is physically possible in a vagina? Do you have one by any chance? With the exception of my first, no other women I have been with faked. None of them put on a production, or claim to have finished when they obviously didnt. I dont prod a girl by asking her if she did. If she did, great. If she didnt, maybe next time. Im telling you about muscles in general. Spastic and involuntary muscle contractions arent something that can just be easily faked. Keep telling yourself they can recreate the real thing just because dunce males let you believe so. I really wasnt aware so many guys out there were still in the dark...but at the same time I wasnt aware so many sexually selfish guys were still out there. But I find out I was wrong based on a couple of posters in this thread. I dont date men, so its easy for me to not notice all the selfish dorks. This I agree. The majority of women can orgasm, either from clit or penetration. However, probably more than half of the female population can't cum by sex alone. O wells...all that matters is if she cums in general. She she needs a helping had to get her pulsing around my little guy, then by all means, lets do that. It only makes things better for us both.
thatone Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 i'll join in with him, i'm 35. i'll give my last two partners as examples. the first liked penetration, fingers specifically, and tongue penetration when getting oral. she would orgasm generally pretty quickly, and always squirt a little bit. you think she can mimic that? i could feel it on my hand, you can exercise those muscles all you want ladies, but you can't get yourself wet and fire that fluid into the air just thinking about it. the second likes penetration from certain positions, not so much fingers, and only clit stimulation with fingers/oral. she doesn't squirt at all, but those clit stimulation orgams are pretty violent, is the word that comes to mind. could she fake that? possibly, but she didn't come the first time we were together, which is pretty normal from my experience, and didn't fake it but rather took it upon herself to show me what she liked. from then on, no problems. so the first one, not possible for her to fake on me. the second one might be possible, but i doubt it. I can't go off my birth control pills because I was more or less told that it would be the end of my sex life. Pregnancy paranoia has been a huge issue in the relationship for some reason. It has eased with time. The humorous thing to me is that my partner would very rarely have sex with me in the past even though we used condoms and spermicide. Now we'll often have sex without that while only on the pill and it doesn't seem to bother him. The condom is often more reliable than the pill -_-' . I have talked to him since about how I'd like to stop taking hormones in a year or two, and he claims that would be all right and we would work with it, but when we had the initial conversation about it, his reaction was anything but. Then again, given the complaints I've had about sex, why should I even care if I go off the hormones and we stop having it?!?! I'm fairly good-natured about it. I don't really get down on how...well...crappy our sex life is unless I really start focusing on it. I think that when I go off the hormones, I will be unhappy. But I don't really have the desire I once did - I will turn him away (something I never did before) and I don't often think about sex. I went from feeling excited each day to maybe finding myself aroused once or twice a week. If anything, I have felt more positively about my relationship with time, so I do think a great deal of it is just the pills. I'm not happy about our sex life...but considering how little time we spend there, even at our most active, I guess it isn't that huge of a deal. I do wish I had had the opportunity to sleep with someone who's GOOD in bed - I'll admit that I'm not remarkable but I'm quite talented with my mouth (haha!). My ex and my current s/o have told me that over and over again, even when not at play. I used to put a lot more effort into oral sex - my boyfriend used to get oral sex 2 - 4 times a week. That tapered off with time, and especially now that I have so little desire. It didn't help that he didn't put in equal effort, which made me even less eager to do it. Every now and then he'll complain about it. For an instant I feel guilty until I remember that he's gone down on me maybe 10 - 15 times in all the time we've been together. I've probably gone down on him hundreds of times. I do feel sad about all of this just because I know it's not the norm and I know that, if I were off of hormones, I could find a much more compatible partner. I'll probably be much more bothered by it when I'm off of the hormones. As it is now, I feel mostly ambivalence. Every then and again I feel a pang of jealousy when I hear others talking about what their boyfriends and husbands will do for them, knowing well that even early in my relationship my boyfriend wouldn't put in all that much effort. He did put in more than he puts in now, but then again so did I. Still, the effort he put in back then was the effort he should at least be putting in now. I can't reply to some threads because I see women complaining about 'only' getting oral sex once a week or a man 'only' getting them off once a week, and I want to go nuts. while i'm at it, you need to leave this guy. you're never going to be happy with him. i'm of the same opinion as kaylan. i like making women happy in bed. plenty of other men are that way too. it's an ego boost. if he's selfish in bed i'm sure he's selfish in other ways too. not to brag, but since we're on this topic, again with my last two partners i didn't orgasm more than they didn't orgasm. they always got off. i had a migraine issue due to a blood vessel with the first one and struggled to orgasm with her for a few weeks but she'd usually get two or three before the headache got the best of me. the second girl takes longer than the first did so i'm still getting my pace down, in terms of being able to get off myself after i give her an orgasm either with fingers or oral, but she always gets hers and always first. i'm not the only guy like that out there. go find one.
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