Young women dont enjoy sex? Get the hell outta here.

[TigerCub]

Nevermind, saw your explanation about that saying - I'm in the clear

[CupcakeCrisis]

I can't go off my birth control pills because I was more or less told that it would be the end of my sex life. Pregnancy paranoia has been a huge issue in the relationship for some reason. It has eased with time.

 

The humorous thing to me is that my partner would very rarely have sex with me in the past even though we used condoms and spermicide. Now we'll often have sex without that while only on the pill and it doesn't seem to bother him. The condom is often more reliable than the pill -_-' .

 

I have talked to him since about how I'd like to stop taking hormones in a year or two, and he claims that would be all right and we would work with it, but when we had the initial conversation about it, his reaction was anything but. Then again, given the complaints I've had about sex, why should I even care if I go off the hormones and we stop having it?!?!

 

I'm fairly good-natured about it. I don't really get down on how...well...crappy our sex life is unless I really start focusing on it. I think that when I go off the hormones, I will be unhappy. But I don't really have the desire I once did - I will turn him away (something I never did before) and I don't often think about sex.

 

I went from feeling excited each day to maybe finding myself aroused once or twice a week. If anything, I have felt more positively about my relationship with time, so I do think a great deal of it is just the pills. I'm not happy about our sex life...but considering how little time we spend there, even at our most active, I guess it isn't that huge of a deal.

 

I do wish I had had the opportunity to sleep with someone who's GOOD in bed - I'll admit that I'm not remarkable but I'm quite talented with my mouth (haha!). My ex and my current s/o have told me that over and over again, even when not at play.

 

I used to put a lot more effort into oral sex - my boyfriend used to get oral sex 2 - 4 times a week. That tapered off with time, and especially now that I have so little desire. It didn't help that he didn't put in equal effort, which made me even less eager to do it. Every now and then he'll complain about it. For an instant I feel guilty until I remember that he's gone down on me maybe 10 - 15 times in all the time we've been together. I've probably gone down on him hundreds of times.

 

I do feel sad about all of this just because I know it's not the norm and I know that, if I were off of hormones, I could find a much more compatible partner. I'll probably be much more bothered by it when I'm off of the hormones. As it is now, I feel mostly ambivalence.

 

Every then and again I feel a pang of jealousy when I hear others talking about what their boyfriends and husbands will do for them, knowing well that even early in my relationship my boyfriend wouldn't put in all that much effort. He did put in more than he puts in now, but then again so did I. Still, the effort he put in back then was the effort he should at least be putting in now.

 

I can't reply to some threads because I see women complaining about 'only' getting oral sex once a week or a man 'only' getting them off once a week, and I want to go nuts.

[zengirl]

You (and the other poster) are both correct and incorrect about different things, IMO.

 

Young Women: I would say that many young women have NO IDEA how much foreplay they want and, if they do, have NO IDEA how to ask for it. Not true of ALL young women, mind you, but yes, young women are less assertive about sex and sex is also kind of a trial and error type thing. You learn what you like over time and you also have to be taught that it's okay to be assertive and ask for it (something even young women today are still not immensely skilled in right away).

 

Foreplay: I don't know if there is an "average." I think some women like more or less foreplay, and they like more ore less foreplay at different times/moods. I'd say 1/2 an hour of foreplay sounds fairly reasonable in many cases (depending on what foreplay is, of course, and the mood it started---if you're already raring to go because you've been dancing close all night or whatever gets you off/in the mood, there may be less foreplay in the bedroom, but if the woman was at neutral and not yet in the mood, 30 minutes sounds like a feasible need). The thing is, many times when sex happens people aren't at neutral (though I'll note that men are less likely to be at neutral and you can't get anywhere yet when a man is in neutral, if you know where I mean).

 

Faked Orgasms: When I was younger, I faked orgasms all the time. With my college BF, I faked so many orgasms that I stopped even consciously thinking I was faking it (I was; I never had an O with him at all---he was a very selfish lover, but he still thought, after we broke up, he was an excellent lover and that I agreed with him that we had great sex).

 

I don't fake Os today; if it's not going to happen (and sometimes it's just not, even though hubby is awesome), I admit it's not going to happen. I think this is something you learn with age as well. But, no, I do not think a man can know, without a doubt, that a woman had an orgasm (you also can't know that she didn't have an orgasm). I think it's foolish if you expect you can know, but also . . .it's her responsibility to tell you.

 

Women eventually learn this and become assertive. . . or they don't like sex.

 

What bothered me the most was this chicks assumption that young women are so unsexual and dont enjoy sex.

 

On this, I agree with you, however. I think many women like sex, though it does take some time and practice (beyond the average male experience) for them to express their TRUE feelings and needs and desires about sex. Depends on the woman, of course.

 

I do think the younger the girl, the more likely she is to fake an O, or exaggerate her true interest in sex (ex; saying what she thinks the guy wants to hear/will think is sexy). That certainly doesn't mean young women don't orgasm or enjoy sex!! I *probably* wouldn't really believe that a gal was getting off in 10 min *every* time she had sex / oral. Maaaybe there's some girls like that out there, but they'd def be the vast minority...and probably faking....

 

And I agree with this. I really do not know many women who can get off that quickly with oral sex. Yes, we talk about that stuff.

 

Kaylan, I think your assertion that any skilled man can get a woman off in 10 minutes is a bit odd. Sure, sometimes that may happen, depending on the gal, but it's unlikely to be the norm.

[ascendotum]

Yeah Bac's made a variation of that comment before. I think its because that reflects her life. Its not total rubbish in that it no doubt describes many women's experiences but imo its not an across the board thing by any means. A number of women I know have mentioned how they definitely enjoy sex more in their 30s than they did in their 20s though. With my past younger gfs, they certainly were good actors if they did not enjoy sex. My gfs in their 30s have been generally speaking hornier than my gfs in their 20s. With my gfs in their 20s there was no universal descriptor..I could describe a couple as reserved & a little tepid and a couple as adventerous & proactive. Maybe Bac used to be reserved and maybe she also used to have crappy lovers who only focused on themselves. Bac is in her 40s and there wasn't any porn videos or www forums around to give guys an idea, I dont think lads mags went into how be a better lover, and girls then didnt have so many partners to benchmark or were prepared to walk out on relationships so easily, if their needs were not being met.

 

"No male can know that a female had a real orgasm. It is just impossible."

I don't buy this. Maybe a guy who only had a few sex partners who never came and they just faked it, could get by being duped for his whole life, but a guy who's had a reasonable number of partners and who knew what he was doing when it came to getting them off, I believe would know a fake orgasm from a real one most times. Some woman can be really low key when they orgasm, they go quite and just tense up, and in these instances it would be easy to fake and hard for the guy to know for sure compared to a flushed boisterous shuddering squirter.

[zengirl]

I think it's also important to distinguish "enjoying sex" and "reaching orgasm". In my early 20s, I did not know how to reach orgasm with a partner. There were mental barriers to overcome and things to learn about my body.

 

This is an excellent point, as well.

[Feelin Frisky]

The post in question is just another typical generalization of the world based upon themselves as the standard. I don't know what give some folks the belief that they know so much about other people's experiences. Men and women are both sexual and orgasmic beings and discover the "goods" in their early teens. To assume most girls are passive and sex just hurts is a wayne brady moment that sounds like a 9 year old boy or girl who doesn't have a clue yet. No personal offense but it's just nonsense.

[xxoo]

Kaylan, if you are with a new girl, it is likely that she isn't reaching orgasm with 5-15 minutes of oral + intercourse. Some may be, but it is very unlikely that ALL are.

 

All girls are different. Each will like different things, and get off in different ways. Many young girls have not yet learned all those different ways, and couldn't show you if you asked her. Others know, but feel uncomfortable showing you. Still others will happily give directions

 

But, as others have said, a woman can enjoy sex very much even if she does not reach orgasm. It can be physically pleasurable the whole way through, not just at climax.

[fallenenvy]

Yeah. Many guys suck at giving oral too. Even when they think they are uber skilled.

I'd hesitate to refer to 10 min as PLENTY of time, no matter the skill level though. It's not instantaneous even when it is amazing. I guess I'm including all foreplay though, not just oral.

 

 

too true. i thought i hated oral because every guy i had been with was rotten at it... until i reluctantly let my current bf do it.. and WOW.

 

Anyway, i don't see why women wouldn't like sex. I've been wanting it ALOT since i was 17... (im 23 now).. i can really say the only thing that has ever affected that would be hormonal changes from the different forms of birth control i've tried. Idk what this crap is about not having feeling and it just being painful.. i don't know whos vagina he was refering to but mine has plenty of feeling and nothings better than a big hard..... yeah you get the idea :-)

[johan]

I dated one girl who was inexperienced and Catholic, and had a domineering mom, and she wasn't very sexual. Those were her reasons for having negative feelings about sex.

 

Every other girl I ever dated was very sexual, and often was more aggressive and interested than I was. Even the Catholic one relaxed and started to enjoy it more as time passed.

[pteromom]

Everyone is different. You just can't generalize every "young woman".

 

Some don't like sex.

Some love sex.

Some don't know yet if they like it or not.

Some don't care about it, but care very much about showing/receiving love from their partner.

Some think they like it but it has more to do with feeling wanted and desired.

 

There's a huge spectrum of feelings about sex, and really, the only person's opinion that matters is the one you are sleeping with.

 

For me personally, I do not like a great deal of foreplay. I only want sex when I am already turned on, and it doesn't take me long to get there. Except for the rare instance, I'd be bored with 30 minutes of foreplay. I have other things to do!

 

I think it is very very easy to fake orgasms. How hard is it to moan and writhe and breathe hard and tighten/release your muscles down there? Not very. I don't do it now, but I faked plenty of times in my 20s and never had any guy say anything but "Wow, that must have been a really good orgasm!"

[kaylan]

I can't go off my birth control pills because I was more or less told that it would be the end of my sex life. Pregnancy paranoia has been a huge issue in the relationship for some reason. It has eased with time.

 

The humorous thing to me is that my partner would very rarely have sex with me in the past even though we used condoms and spermicide. Now we'll often have sex without that while only on the pill and it doesn't seem to bother him. The condom is often more reliable than the pill -_-' .

Why are you with this guy? He seems horribly selfish.

 

Personally, if a girlfriend and I had only the option of condoms or the pill, I much rather just use condoms instead of hormones messing up her body. As much as I love sex without condoms, im not that selfish. If a male birth control pill existed, id definitely use it.

 

A third option is getting an IUD. No condoms, and no hormones to worry about. I thought think the pills are worth screwing up your sex drive. He should just deal with the condoms.

 

I have talked to him since about how I'd like to stop taking hormones in a year or two, and he claims that would be all right and we would work with it, but when we had the initial conversation about it, his reaction was anything but. Then again, given the complaints I've had about sex, why should I even care if I go off the hormones and we stop having it?!?!

Leave him and find a guy who isnt selfish and who cares about your sexual enjoyment.

 

I'm fairly good-natured about it. I don't really get down on how...well...crappy our sex life is unless I really start focusing on it. I think that when I go off the hormones, I will be unhappy. But I don't really have the desire I once did - I will turn him away (something I never did before) and I don't often think about sex.

What happens if you decide to marry this guy and come off birth control? Then youll have a sex drive thats not satisfied by this guy and youll be lusting after other men. Dont do that to yourself.

 

Your sacrificing your entire sex life for a selfish dolt. Dont do that.

I went from feeling excited each day to maybe finding myself aroused once or twice a week. If anything, I have felt more positively about my relationship with time, so I do think a great deal of it is just the pills. I'm not happy about our sex life...but considering how little time we spend there, even at our most active, I guess it isn't that huge of a deal.[/Quote]

Why settle?

 

I do wish I had had the opportunity to sleep with someone who's GOOD in bed - I'll admit that I'm not remarkable but I'm quite talented with my mouth (haha!). My ex and my current s/o have told me that over and over again, even when not at play.

 

I used to put a lot more effort into oral sex - my boyfriend used to get oral sex 2 - 4 times a week. That tapered off with time, and especially now that I have so little desire. It didn't help that he didn't put in equal effort, which made me even less eager to do it. Every now and then he'll complain about it. For an instant I feel guilty until I remember that he's gone down on me maybe 10 - 15 times in all the time we've been together. I've probably gone down on him hundreds of times.

Your sex life sounds really bad...I think you need to really find someone you are compatible with in this regard. This guy is really stifling your potential. If I was your man, we would be going at it every single day. Real talk.

 

I do feel sad about all of this just because I know it's not the norm and I know that, if I were off of hormones, I could find a much more compatible partner. I'll probably be much more bothered by it when I'm off of the hormones. As it is now, I feel mostly ambivalence.

Again, your settling. Why? Whats so good about this guy that you need to stay? You obviously are not happy.

Every then and again I feel a pang of jealousy when I hear others talking about what their boyfriends and husbands will do for them, knowing well that even early in my relationship my boyfriend wouldn't put in all that much effort. He did put in more than he puts in now, but then again so did I. Still, the effort he put in back then was the effort he should at least be putting in now.

 

I can't reply to some threads because I see women complaining about 'only' getting oral sex once a week or a man 'only' getting them off once a week, and I want to go nuts.

Dude...as I said...leave and find someone you truly click with.

[FrustratedStandards]

Well, the longer the foreplay the more enjoyable the sex anyway. The poster probably never enjoyed sex that much because the foreplay wasn't enough to really get her going.

 

But I think 30 mins isn't that much at all. By that I don't mean you focus on your partner for 30 mins, but you both fool around for that amount of time. Sex itself isn't that hot, it's what leads up to it that makes it that much better.

 

Men want to get right down to business, but it takes a woman some time to get lubricated (in general) and she also has to mentally and emotionally start getting prepared for it. It sucks being a woman in this instance. Sex is more complicated that way.

 

But I agree with the poster, I don't really enjoy sex that much either. I've spoken with older relatives (in their 40's and 50's) and these woman also admitted that sex at this age isn't that much fun. As you get older, grow into yourself more, and really start to open up and realize what you really like in a man, that's when the sex gets more interesting and pleasurable.

 

I would have to agree with this. Under 30 years old is very young, and we are still at the "discovery" stage. It's not so complicated for men because their penis can work with it's own agenda. Woman aren't quite like that.

 

I also read that even though a woman's body is responding sexually, she still won't enjoy the sex (or even want to have sex) if emotionally and mentally she isn't there.

 

Foreplay is what gets you there.

[Saxis]

I'd say girls are all different. My XW took a good 10-20 minutes to reach orgasm, and only with her on top controlling it. She hated oral or manual stimulation and wouldn't let me do it. I was with her from 19 to 24. XGF was a little better. She would orgasm in about 5 minutes of oral, 5-10 manual, but rarely with penetration alone. I'd say she was more "average", but I was with her from 29-31.

 

My current GF is at the other extreme of this... She started having sex at 15 and says that she has always enjoyed it. She's 26 now. She even went as far as warning me when we first got together that she had a high libido, and needed that release nearly every day. She also said that she would probably never be able to orgasm through penetration alone and she absolutely did not like oral. I've proved both of those wrong. Not only does she orgasm through penetration alone, she will generally be on her second or third within 10 minutes, and after she finally let me down there to try, she LOVES oral as well, and orgasms within a couple minutes. Even finger stimulation never takes more than 5, generally closer to 2-3.

 

I've said it before... I'm one lucky SOB!

[kaylan]

You (and the other poster) are both correct and incorrect about different things, IMO.

 

Young Women: I would say that many young women have NO IDEA how much foreplay they want and, if they do, have NO IDEA how to ask for it. Not true of ALL young women, mind you, but yes, young women are less assertive about sex and sex is also kind of a trial and error type thing. You learn what you like over time and you also have to be taught that it's okay to be assertive and ask for it (something even young women today are still not immensely skilled in right away).

Id say a lot of young people in general dont know what works for them during sex, or truly know how to please a partner.

 

I did not have an orgasm from oral until I was 22. I finally had a chick take time with me and help me find what works. I have to tense my leg muscles to finish with oral. I dunno why...but I have to tense them a lot. The orgasm is worth the leg pain for the 20 minutes after though. I fell down once when my ex finished me standing up lol.

 

Id say its half and half regarding assertive chicks. Half Ive been with were assertive...but they still kinda didnt know what they were doing though. Not that im some pro myself. We are all learning. I really didnt get my bearings together sexually until I was 23 as well. It really is trial and error.

 

I think society has a lot to do with this though. Because even though more young women are embracing their sexuality, and learning how to be assertive, theres still a good number of chicks who dont know what they want or how to get off.

 

 

Foreplay: I don't know if there is an "average." I think some women like more or less foreplay, and they like more ore less foreplay at different times/moods. I'd say 1/2 an hour of foreplay sounds fairly reasonable in many cases (depending on what foreplay is, of course, and the mood it started---if you're already raring to go because you've been dancing close all night or whatever gets you off/in the mood, there may be less foreplay in the bedroom, but if the woman was at neutral and not yet in the mood, 30 minutes sounds like a feasible need). The thing is, many times when sex happens people aren't at neutral (though I'll note that men are less likely to be at neutral and you can't get anywhere yet when a man is in neutral, if you know where I mean).

Lolz neutral. I know what you mean.

 

I think guys are just as likely to be in neutral. Sometimes my mind is very turned on, and I want to have sex, but I just need a girl to help me rev up some more. I agree with everything you said here though.

Faked Orgasms: When I was younger, I faked orgasms all the time. With my college BF, I faked so many orgasms that I stopped even consciously thinking I was faking it (I was; I never had an O with him at all---he was a very selfish lover, but he still thought, after we broke up, he was an excellent lover and that I agreed with him that we had great sex).

 

I don't fake Os today; if it's not going to happen (and sometimes it's just not, even though hubby is awesome), I admit it's not going to happen. I think this is something you learn with age as well. But, no, I do not think a man can know, without a doubt, that a woman had an orgasm (you also can't know that she didn't have an orgasm). I think it's foolish if you expect you can know, but also . . .it's her responsibility to tell you.

 

Women eventually learn this and become assertive. . . or they don't like sex.

I never understood faking. Its self defeating. And if a chick or guy really were open with their sexuality and knew what they wanted, no one would have to do this. Its self defeating really. Im glad youve found what works for you now.

 

Its as much your fault, as it was your young boyfriends, that you had bad sex. I wouldnt make a chick think she was awesome myself if she really wasnt. Then nothing would ever get better. I do know its awkward and tough to let someone know about those things though. My ex used to get a bit disappointed when I didnt get off from oral in the beginning. But she made me feel comfortable and understanding so we eventually figured it out. And she had the biggest grin of accomplishment on her face when she finally got me there.

 

On this, I agree with you, however. I think many women like sex, though it does take some time and practice (beyond the average male experience) for them to express their TRUE feelings and needs and desires about sex. Depends on the woman, of course.

Agree

And I agree with this. I really do not know many women who can get off that quickly with oral sex. Yes, we talk about that stuff.

 

Kaylan, I think your assertion that any skilled man can get a woman off in 10 minutes is a bit odd. Sure, sometimes that may happen, depending on the gal, but it's unlikely to be the norm.

Assuming both people have warmed up before hand, 10 minutes of oral is a decent amount of time. I stand by what I said. An attentive and generous lover who knows what he/she is doing, will not have problems getting someone off in that time.

 

As I said, for me, ten minutes was the norm with an ex of mine as well as an old hook up I had. Once you figure out the right buttons, you dont have to camp out downstairs for long periods of time.

Edited March 8, 2012 by kaylan

[FrustratedStandards]

Id say a lot of young people in general dont know what works for them during sex, or truly know how to please a partner.

 

Exactly.

 

I think society has a lot to do with this though. Because even though more young women are embracing their sexuality, and learning how to be assertive, theres still a good number of chicks who dont know what they want or how to get off.

 

This doesn't necessarily have to do with assertiveness. I don't think personality should ever be equated to how someone is in bed. Assertive women can be very insecure, and shy gals can be the kinkiest of all.

 

Its as much your fault, as it was your young boyfriends, that you had bad sex. I wouldnt make a chick think she was awesome myself if she really wasnt. Then nothing would ever get better.

 

But you have to understand that when a woman fakes, it isn't for the guy all the time. She fakes for herself. She fakes because she can't get off (for whatever reason being it she doesn't know what she wants or she isn't comfortable 100%). And on many occasions a woman will fake to get the sex over with because she isn't enjoying it. Many women, including me, often have sex only because it's important to the relationship, not because they really enjoy it.

 

And often you hear men complaining "I never have sex with my girl anymore" and they end up cheating. We don't want to be cheated on, so we have sex sometimes when we don't want to just to make the guy happy. We fake because if we don't, the sex isn't really "going" anywhere and it becomes very awkward.

 

Again, this is coming from a 28 year old who hasn't had an orgasm. The faking problem is more about the woman herself than it is about the man. If a woman can't fake, men often feel bad about themselves, and after trying really hard and not getting anywhere, it becomes the woman's problem.

 

What woman wants guys going around and saying "That girl has issues, she can't get off". That's equivalent to "That guy can't get it up".

Edited March 8, 2012 by FrustratedStandards

[zengirl]

Id say a lot of young people in general dont know what works for them during sex, or truly know how to please a partner.

 

Oh, yes, probably true.

 

I think society has a lot to do with this though. Because even though more young women are embracing their sexuality, and learning how to be assertive, theres still a good number of chicks who dont know what they want or how to get off.

 

And yes, that's exactly what I mean.

 

I never understood faking. Its self defeating. And if a chick or guy really were open with their sexuality and knew what they wanted, no one would have to do this. Its self defeating really. Im glad youve found what works for you now.

 

Oh, yes, the guy I faked it with was the first man I slept with, and I really didn't like the relationship much---not just the sex. It wasn't the happiest phase of my life, in general. I agree that faking is stupid, but I still know lots of women who do it. Not through whole relationships (they'll just dump the guy), but on occasion. I don't get the point; I guess sometimes the reality is "It's not going to happen" and they just want the guy not to be deflated by it or bummed, but seems like it'd be insulting to Hubby to lie. It's not like it's about him if it doesn't happen---sex is a partner's game and we're in it together.

 

Its as much your fault, as it was your young boyfriends, that you had bad sex.

 

Not really. I was a virgin, and he was not. I also did occasionally ask for specific things, and I was kind of ridiculed for it. He very much saw me as an object, rather than a partner. But, as I said, bad relationship.

 

I wouldnt make a chick think she was awesome myself if she really wasnt.

 

I never said he was awesome, and he never asked if I came. I would just moan to get him off so we could go to sleep. *Shrugs* Sad? Yes.

 

Assuming both people have warmed up before hand, 10 minutes of oral is a decent amount of time. I stand by what I said. An attentive and generous lover who knows what he/she is doing, will not have problems getting someone off in that time.

 

Well, oral isn't the easiest way for me to get off, and I am sure the most talented lover in the world couldn't get me off that quickly from oral (I'm abnormal on that, though; I don't dislike it; it's pleasant, but it rarely makes me orgasm). I know women who LOVE oral and possibly could with a talented partner who knew what they liked (honestly I think knowing your partner is more key to getting someone off than any kind of "skills" so if it's happening on the first time, I'd wager some are faking).

 

Everyone's correct buttons are not going to be the same, as you should know, from experiencing having trouble getting off that way as a male.

[kaylan]

I'd say girls are all different. My XW took a good 10-20 minutes to reach orgasm, and only with her on top controlling it. She hated oral or manual stimulation and wouldn't let me do it. I was with her from 19 to 24. XGF was a little better. She would orgasm in about 5 minutes of oral, 5-10 manual, but rarely with penetration alone. I'd say she was more "average", but I was with her from 29-31.

 

My current GF is at the other extreme of this... She started having sex at 15 and says that she has always enjoyed it. She's 26 now. She even went as far as warning me when we first got together that she had a high libido, and needed that release nearly every day. She also said that she would probably never be able to orgasm through penetration alone and she absolutely did not like oral. I've proved both of those wrong. Not only does she orgasm through penetration alone, she will generally be on her second or third within 10 minutes, and after she finally let me down there to try, she LOVES oral as well, and orgasms within a couple minutes. Even finger stimulation never takes more than 5, generally closer to 2-3.

 

I've said it before... I'm one lucky SOB!

Youre either lucky, or shes a good actor. Lets hope its not the latter lolz

 

Kaylan, if you are with a new girl, it is likely that she isn't reaching orgasm with 5-15 minutes of oral + intercourse. Some may be, but it is very unlikely that ALL are.

 

All girls are different. Each will like different things, and get off in different ways. Many young girls have not yet learned all those different ways, and couldn't show you if you asked her. Others know, but feel uncomfortable showing you. Still others will happily give directions

 

But, as others have said, a woman can enjoy sex very much even if she does not reach orgasm. It can be physically pleasurable the whole way through, not just at climax.

Ill agree that with a new girl it wont happen right away, for either of us really. It takes time to learn one another bodies...but once you do...its easy as cake. You know exactly the buttons to press. This is exactly what I said before. With my ex in the beginning, I took a while to get off, if I even did at all. Same with her. Once we learned each others bodies, it was 10 minutes tops, unless we felt like delaying things and spreading things out for a while. It was easy for us to get quickie orgasms before work though if we wanted to.

 

I know some young girls arent too open with their sexuality yet. Its all a learning experience. Thats how it was for me during my teens and early 20s. Id expect more chicks to know a bit about themselves by their mid 20s. The women Ive been meeting single Ive turned 23 have been a lot more sexually confident. I think part of this is because I became more sexually confident around that time, so I figure thats the kind of women I ended up attracting and being attracted to.

 

I think it is very very easy to fake orgasms. How hard is it to moan and writhe and breathe hard and tighten/release your muscles down there? Not very. I don't do it now, but I faked plenty of times in my 20s and never had any guy say anything but "Wow, that must have been a really good orgasm!"

Lol, you only think guys dont notice. Some do notice. Some dudes just humor chicks who fake and then tell his friends later. If she doesnt care about telling him what to do to make it better, why should he? The dude will just keep in getting consistent sex and having his orgasm.

 

I think its impossible for a woman to accurately mimic the contractions that go on inside of a vagina during orgasm. Moans, yes. Body, movements, yes. Contractions and that flushed looked across your body from the blood rush? hell no lolz It would be very hard to accurately reproduce the pulsing muscles of an orgasm without an attentive guy noticing the rhythm or intensity not being quite right.

Edited March 8, 2012 by kaylan

[kaylan]

Exactly.

 

This doesn't necessarily have to do with assertiveness. I don't think personality should ever be equated to how someone is in bed. Assertive women can be very insecure, and shy gals can be the kinkiest of all.

I meant sexually assertive.

 

But you have to understand that when a woman fakes, it isn't for the guy all the time. She fakes for herself. She fakes because she can't get off (for whatever reason being it she doesn't know what she wants or she isn't comfortable 100%). And on many occasions a woman will fake to get the sex over with because she isn't enjoying it. Many women, including me, often have sex only because it's important to the relationship, not because they really enjoy it.

Thats a woman I wouldnt date then. I am not going to date someone who has sex with me even though she doesnt enjoy it and sees it as a chore. I prefer to date someone who views sex the same way I do. As a mutually satisfying experience that they were much crave.

 

And often you hear men complaining "I never have sex with my girl anymore" and they end up cheating. We don't want to be cheated on, so we have sex sometimes when we don't want to just to make the guy happy. We fake because if we don't, the sex isn't really "going" anywhere and it becomes very awkward.

Id just dump her. Not cheat. She can find a dude who doesnt enjoy sex much as well. Plenty of those men exist if this forum is any indication. I dont need pity sex that ends with a fake orgasm.

 

Im very much ok if a chick doesnt orgasm every time though. I dont finish every single time myself. A simple "baby im getting wiped out" or "im not getting there this time" would be fine to hear. Ive said these things before during oral and sex. Its no big deal. Sometimes nothing even needs to be said and you can just tell its not going to happen.

 

I like the honest approach best.

Again, this is coming from a 28 year old who hasn't had an orgasm. The faking problem is more about the woman herself than it is about the man. If a woman can't fake, men often feel bad about themselves, and after trying really hard and not getting anywhere, it becomes the woman's problem.

 

What woman wants guys going around and saying "That girl has issues, she can't get off". That's equivalent to "That guy can't get it up".

I forget your situation...is it that you have never had an orgasm ever? Or that you can by yourself but not with a guy?

 

Like I said though, Id rather a girl try to work with me than act all defeatist and fake it. Given the fact that Im a super sexual guy as it is, the girls who are not usually dont get drawn to me, nor I to them. My personality doesnt put me in those situations it seems.

[Alma Mobley]

Sure some women hit a "prime" in their 30s, but that has mostly to do with putting down their mental barriers and also having years of experience under their belt.

 

Also, women's testosterone levels rise as they age.

[FitChick]

When I was in my twenties and thirties, my friends and I didn't think sex was that wonderful but we tolerated it to keep our boyfriends happy. That is obviously still true for a lot of younger women but don't tell the men!

 

As the saying goes, "Life begins at 40." Older women are no longer shy and want to have their fun, too. Most men have learned a thing or two by that age as well.

[FitChick]

Of course w

and men think they can tell.

[veggirl]

Ill agree that with a new girl it wont happen right away, for either of us really. It takes time to learn one another bodies...but once you do...its easy as cake. You know exactly the buttons to press.

 

What does that even mean, what buttons to press? Where do I get this magic button that makes me come in under 10 min each and every time? Yeah my BF knows what I enjoy and all that stuff but seriously damn I'd be disappointed if I came in 10 or under each time (or he did)...

[kaylan]

Also, women's testosterone levels rise as they age.

Woman Knows: Sexual Stages of Women: Ages 20-50

 

Untrue. Everyones hormones fall off as they age. This is why our sex drives go down as we get older. Less testosterone.

 

A womans sexual peak has much more to do with her mentality and experience than her physiology.

 

Of course w

and men think they can tell.

And women still think some men cant tell. Some guys know and dont care and then tell their buddies about it.

 

Something along the lines of "she was totally lame in bed and actually faked it at the end....whatever...at least I got myself there...I could of jerked off really"

Edited March 9, 2012 by kaylan

[Els]

A guy or chick whos generous, attentive and skilled with their oral set, really wont have much issues getting someone off in ten minutes. 10 minutes is PLENTY of time to get off if youre with someone whos got pro skillz.

 

This is not necessarily true. There are plenty of people who can get off in 10 minutes, but there are also others who take a longer time. That is not necessarily a reflection on their partner's 'skillz', but simply a reflection of the fact that we are all different. Also, different people need different things to get off - for some people, simply relying on oral sex alone all the time gets boring, really fast.

 

I have to say the biggest reason I have only gotten off on oral with one girl is because most women suck at giving blowjobs. Sure, some of it has to do with my not enjoying it as much as sex, but still a lot of chicks are straight up horrible at it.

 

Everyone needs to practice and get to know the person they are currently with. You don't just say someone is 'horrible' and write them off! You work with them and gently teach them how you like it. Of course, they have to enjoy it and want to learn, as well.

[kaylan]

This is not necessarily true. There are plenty of people who can get off in 10 minutes, but there are also others who take a longer time. That is not necessarily a reflection on their partner's 'skillz', but simply a reflection of the fact that we are all different. Also, different people need different things to get off - for some people, simply relying on oral sex alone all the time gets boring, really fast.

I know everyone is different, but I did say earlier that once folks get to know each others bodies, getting off can become a breeze.

 

Everyone needs to practice and get to know the person they are currently with. You don't just say someone is 'horrible' and write them off! You work with them and gently teach them how you like it. Of course, they have to enjoy it and want to learn, as well.

Who said I wrote anyone off? I simply said these chicks were no good at what they were doing and didnt seem interested in becoming any better. Turn off indeed.

 

My ex wanted to become better and she because quite good at it despite me being the first guy she did that with. The lame thing is that there are still a good number of chicks out there who see oral as a chore and dont care about being good at it.

 

If they dont like it, kool...but I dont have to date them either.