Patricia09 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Hi all, I have been with my partner for 2 years. We live together and are a good solid couple but not yet engaged. I am 31 as is he, I just recently found out im pregnant. His first reaction was the time isnt right, his business is too busy, he has too much on at the moment but he wants me to have his baby just not now. My first reaction was oh my god I cant be but my heart is telling me I can't get rid of my baby. I am so worried that by having the baby he will turn super stressed as he is already snapping at me loads at the moment and we are arguing. I only found out last night so know its early days. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Pat
Philosoraptor Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Do what is best for you. If you can handle the chances of being a single mother, then keep your baby. Also remember that this baby will be part of you forever, he may not. But again, take care of yourself first. If you want to keep your baby then by all means do so. Where there is a will there is a way. 3
Boo Radley Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Keep the baby. Ending the pregnancy will effect you for the rest of your life. It will.
nevadagirl Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 In response to Boo Radley: Ending the pregnancy will NOT affect you for the rest of your life except that if it's not the right time then your life will be all the better for it.
fallenenvy Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 While i firmly support the womans right to choose...you need to do what is best for you.. keeping the baby or not. Regardless of him this is YOUR decision. I can understand the whole timings not right thing.. but at the same time... things happen.. Did you ever have the "what if i get pregnant" conversation with him? Will he being willing to support your decision even if it is to have it? I know it is difficult right now as you just found out.. but once you make a decision either way, it will get easier. Really need to sit down and talk it out with him.. it could be the kinda thing that once the shock wears off and the reality of "WE ARE HAVING THIS BABY" sets in.. everything will be fine.. will end up being excited about it... I really do wish you happiness though in whatever you choose.. just please don't jump the gun one way or another..
Boo Radley Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 In response to Boo Radley: Ending the pregnancy will NOT affect you for the rest of your life except that if it's not the right time then your life will be all the better for it. Pat said "my heart is telling me that I cant get rid of my baby." While it might be easy for YOU, it does not appear that its easy for Pat. BTW, thats my opinion and its too bad if you dont like it.
nevadagirl Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Just because it's not "easy" for her doesn't mean she'll be emotionally affected by it for the rest of her life.
Boo Radley Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Just because it's not "easy" for her doesn't mean she'll be emotionally affected by it for the rest of her life. OK, Dr Phil.
nevadagirl Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 OK, Dr Phil. Says Boo Radley, putting the fear of a lifetime of emotional scarring in a single line of text. Dr. Phil indeed.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 First of all, I'm sorry that you're in such a situation. Your " partner" is being very selfish right now, seeing as it did take two people to make a baby, he should owe up to his responsibilities. But this situation has made you see something else about him- it is my belief if a man truly loves you, having his baby wouldn't prompt him to want to you " abort" it. And let's just say his need to act on in anger right now just tells you how immature he's being. 2
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 This is such a touchy subject. and honestly u should listen to ur own heart on this one. U need to honestly do what is best for u right now, and not worry so much about him. I depended on my childs dad to be there , only to be out of sight and cheating at the end of my pregnancy. So I think u need to think about what u feel and noone else here. If u would feel bad for not having it then u need to figure out why. I have 3 kids and a single mom, It is hard at times. Well hard 99 percent of the time, we struggle and they are raised in a split home.We live in a 2 bedroom house and we haveonly love in this tiny house. BUT I wouldnt change it for anything in the world. I am blessed for them. They love me more than any man on this planet ever could. They are the greatest gifts in my life. But like I said u need to make this choice for you, not him - me- any other poster--- but for urself : ) 1
Boo Radley Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Says Boo Radley, putting the fear of a lifetime of emotional scarring in a single line of text. Dr. Phil indeed. No, unlike some people, I read what Patricia wrote and formed my opinion. Good luck to you.
Kamila Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Hi all, I have been with my partner for 2 years. We live together and are a good solid couple but not yet engaged. I am 31 as is he, I just recently found out im pregnant. His first reaction was the time isnt right, his business is too busy, he has too much on at the moment but he wants me to have his baby just not now. My first reaction was oh my god I cant be but my heart is telling me I can't get rid of my baby. I am so worried that by having the baby he will turn super stressed as he is already snapping at me loads at the moment and we are arguing. I only found out last night so know its early days. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Pat If your heart is telling you to keep the baby, keep it. You are already together for 2 years, you live together and you are in a mature age. Why not have a baby ? Because he's not ready ? He'll be stressed because of his business ? And how will you feel if you gave this baby away ? It's a precious life we're talking about. You'll also be stressed because you went against your heart. Okay, if you had this baby under bad circumstances you could give it away, but are you in a bad situation where you can't keep this baby, really ? Or is it just his fear talking ? And how did this happen, did someone forget to take more protection ? At the end of the day, you're the only one to make the decision. The baby is in your body. And if you chose to give it away, it will affect you for the rest of your life. It's a big decision. I had a friend of mine that did that when she was 19 and at uni. Her parents thought it was better that she give it away. Afterwards she told me she still felt like a murderer, but at the time she didn't know what she was doing. It's only afterwards that the reality of what you have done will sink in. I'm not trying to put pressure on you, I'm just countering the reaction of your so-called boyfriend. You should get all sorts of opinions, not from your bf only. He's a man, he will never know the feeling of having a baby inside of him, not the maternal instinct. A bit about my story here: my ex-bf at the time that were together, on the verge of our break-up told me that if I ever got pregnant I would be alone to raise the baby. I accepted his view of him never wanting to have children with me. I accepted it. That's why I left him. I know it's absurd, because we loved each other very much. For a year he was very pro children, but his view somewhat changed. Btw, congratulations on the pregnancy. You're going to be a wonderful mother. Is there a counselor you can talk to ? A doctor ? That person could help you list the pros and cons of having a baby and help making you a decision and see at other options.
Author Patricia09 Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Hi everyone Thanks all of you so so much for this support. As we havent come to a decision (I have he hasnt) I am not able ot talk to anyone about this so it is so nice to have all of your opinions. A bit of an update - I went to the doc on fri with him to get pregnancy confirmed and yes its happening. Before that he was talking about names and god knows but also told me - just so you know i may be away for work a week every month are you ok with that - I asked why and where was this coming from - his response was oh i just forsee that happening....this was right before my appointment. Anyway in the appointment the doctor as was this baby wanted and he said nothing....I knew from there. Anyways since then we have done nothing but argue, I am in tears most of the time and so stressed out. I live in a diff country from home and my family so feel so isolated and alone. Tonight after yet another row (the rows happen over me telling him something that scares me and him getting defensive) I said to him look I need to know your decision either way soon, I am back to work on Monday and am stressed enough. His response was to get angry with me - told me to stop pressuring him and that at the end of the day it was not even his choice anyways...that made me cry (again) I thought wow even if he says lets do this how could I trust him. I made the decision a few days ago i am keeping the baby there is no way i am aborting. I told him I wanted ot keep the baby and he said to give him the time to sort it out in his head. I want to do that but the last 5 days have been so stressful i fear i will lose the baby and have no choice! I am considering trying to get away to somewhere else to stay for a couple of nights as I feel like we just arent working well together and this is causing me so much stress. Again thank you all for being here and sorry for the ranting! Pat x
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 No, unlike some people, I read what Patricia wrote and formed my opinion. Too bad your opinion didn't even make sense: Keep the baby. Ending the pregnancy will effect you for the rest of your life. It will.
Kamila Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Patricia, you are going to be okay ! Hang in there ! You are a strong woman, and rant as much as you want.
CopingGal Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Hi all, I have been with my partner for 2 years. We live together and are a good solid couple but not yet engaged. I am 31 as is he, I just recently found out im pregnant. His first reaction was the time isnt right, his business is too busy, he has too much on at the moment but he wants me to have his baby just not now. My first reaction was oh my god I cant be but my heart is telling me I can't get rid of my baby. I am so worried that by having the baby he will turn super stressed as he is already snapping at me loads at the moment and we are arguing. I only found out last night so know its early days. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Pat I have two conflicting opinions: 1-It's great...great that he is being so honest. I really like that. 2-Hmmmm. Is he just explaing himself, or is he trying to get you to have an abortion? If you want to keep the baby, and he doesn't want you to and is trying to pressure you to have an abortion, then keep the baby and get rid of yout boyfriend. An abortion may change you for the rest of your life. It's hard for me to believe that it would not. However, I could be wrong. If you want this baby, keep it. Do ever let anyone talk you into having an abortion if you don't want one.
CopingGal Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 If you want this baby, keep it. Do ever let anyone talk you into having an abortion if you don't want one. Sorry for that typo. I meant Do NOT ever let anyone talk you into having an abortion if you don't want one.
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Hi all, I have been with my partner for 2 years. We live together and are a good solid couple but not yet engaged. I am 31 as is he, I just recently found out im pregnant. His first reaction was the time isnt right, his business is too busy, he has too much on at the moment but he wants me to have his baby just not now. My first reaction was oh my god I cant be but my heart is telling me I can't get rid of my baby. I am so worried that by having the baby he will turn super stressed as he is already snapping at me loads at the moment and we are arguing. I only found out last night so know its early days. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Pat If you both were in your teens or 21, then it's different. Fact is, you're 31 and so is he. Everybody is stressed with something, he's using that as an excuse because he's freaking out inside and scared. Give him time to absorb things and talk again in a few days. He needs to step up and be responsible, treat you better and stop being a whiny brat.
Leigh 87 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 At your age, and after 2 years together, he should know by now if your a women he sees as a life partner: if your a women he wants to have children with. He may have loved you once, but I am certain it is not true love at this stage. If it was, he would be thrilled that his baby was inside you. He may have loved you before, but he is definately not strongly, romantically in love - he may love u on a personal level, in the way he cares for you. He is happy enough having you around, but with the right women, he WOULD be very elated to be having a child. He is not please - because it is with you. Sorry that I am being harsh, but at your age and after that long together, it is telling that he does not want a child. WIth true love, the guy would be very emotional and thrilled. Leave him, get counclling, get the help u need, but u deserve a guy who will love you enough to want a family with u and to spend his life with u. Search for that, because u will never get it from this guy. I feel for you, it must be awful, but you will love your child and you can still be very happy with a great guy one day.
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