pacman81 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Although it feels like my story is different than others i know at the end of the day its very similar to what so many have experienced. Was in a relationship that was "perfect" when all the sudden out of the blue she says "I just need space". Its been 5 weeks since we have seen each other and 3 weeks since any form of communication. My questions is for those who experienced similar situations where your partner needed "space" and you never "officially ended things" between you two how were you able to get a feeling of closure? During the talk where she said she needed space i was trying to be as supportive and understanding as possible...although i have no regrets in the way i acted not pressuring her at all did leave me with so many unanswered questions and uncertainties making the idea of getting closure extremely difficult. I am dealing with the struggle now of not knowing if i feel like i need to see her and talk to her to get closure...or am i just using that as something to hold onto and prevent me from moving forward and because i just really want to see her?
jus d'orange Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Your question is a little difficult. I think people leave the end of relationships open-ended (either specifically or just without saying "it's over") for 2 reasons: 1. They are confused and uncertain... they want to keep the door open to reunite. 2. They want to let you down easily. Regardless of which of the above two choices it was (or perhaps it was a bit of both), it is essential that you reach peace and closure without her. Regardless of how "definitive" things are, from a practical standpoint, you are now single. It is essential for your health and for any future relationships that you move on with your life and improve yourself, as you will see recommended to many others here who have been told in no uncertain terms to get out of someone's life. Furthermore, if she is confused and wanted to keep the door open, that is not an appropriate way to treat someone. You have every right to move on with your life. In fact, doing so will allow you to see the relationship objectively, so you can decide if you might want it again in the future. In addition, it will send the message to her that you are not waiting on her -- you are your own person, and you cannot waste part of your life for her decisions. If she wanted to let you down easily, then she probably meant well... but you can't let the lack of definition to the end of the relationship dictate how you live your own life. Decide that you are single and move on with the healing process. Maybe months or years down the road, the two of you will have enough perspective and understanding to try again, or maybe you won't. However, happiness will not be possible in either way (reuniting or permanent breakup) for you if you cling to the possibility that it isn't over. Hope this helps... best of luck to you during this very difficult time. 1
Philosoraptor Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 What were the issues in the relationship? It was not perfect as no one leaves or asks for any sort of space if they are happy with everything. Take off the rose colored glasses for a minute and look at the issues that popped up or times where communication just stopped.
BMZMJ Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Man it is tough. But what I can say is that it is never out of the blue. you just didnt pay attention when she gave you signals, or she was hiding her feelings. Maybe things were moving too fast, or you were suffocating her, or you were seeing each other too much. 3 weeks is a bit long for a 'break' in my opinion.
badabing Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Although it feels like my story is different than others i know at the end of the day its very similar to what so many have experienced. Was in a relationship that was "perfect" when all the sudden out of the blue she says "I just need space". Its been 5 weeks since we have seen each other and 3 weeks since any form of communication. My questions is for those who experienced similar situations where your partner needed "space" and you never "officially ended things" between you two how were you able to get a feeling of closure? During the talk where she said she needed space i was trying to be as supportive and understanding as possible...although i have no regrets in the way i acted not pressuring her at all did leave me with so many unanswered questions and uncertainties making the idea of getting closure extremely difficult. I am dealing with the struggle now of not knowing if i feel like i need to see her and talk to her to get closure...or am i just using that as something to hold onto and prevent me from moving forward and because i just really want to see her? Going through the same thing as you at the moment!! it's hard but stay the course.
Author pacman81 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 What were the issues in the relationship? It was not perfect as no one leaves or asks for any sort of space if they are happy with everything. Take off the rose colored glasses for a minute and look at the issues that popped up or times where communication just stopped. The reasons she said she needed space is she feels so overwhelmed with everything in her life and is worried she has developed a pattern of relying on being in a relationship to be happy, which is not something she wants. She is 25 and been in a serious relationship since she was 19…dated a guy for 3.5 years…then two weeks after they broke up started another relationship that lasted 1 year…then a few weeks later started seeing me. She wants to make sure she can be happy on her own. Which i can understand, everyone should, but especially considering the relationships she has grown up around. She also talked about how we moved so fast with things when she knew she should have slowed them down but it all just felt so right. I know I cant assume what happened but this was all after she had ran into her old highschool best friend (female) she hadnt seen for a really long time...I feel like something might have triggered it all the sudden...perhaps her friend was like "Wow, you must be really serious with him if your talking about wanting to spend the rest of your life with him. Does it worry you that you have never been single or alone your whole adult life?"
youngster Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 +1 of above poster. I wasn't given any sort of closure from her either. It's kept me hanging on and focusing on all the positives in the relationship. Accept that it's over, learn from your mistakes, better yourself and maybe in the future, you can try again with a clean slate. If not, you'll be a better person and ready for the next one that comes along. Sorry you have to go through this
wilsonx Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Her friend had no say in her decision, you say the breakup came out of the blue but the words you said she said make perfect sense to me and there was plenty of warning. What are you looking for in closure exactly.
flitzanu Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Although it feels like my story is different than others i know at the end of the day its very similar to what so many have experienced. Was in a relationship that was "perfect" when all the sudden out of the blue she says "I just need space". Its been 5 weeks since we have seen each other and 3 weeks since any form of communication. My questions is for those who experienced similar situations where your partner needed "space" and you never "officially ended things" between you two how were you able to get a feeling of closure? During the talk where she said she needed space i was trying to be as supportive and understanding as possible...although i have no regrets in the way i acted not pressuring her at all did leave me with so many unanswered questions and uncertainties making the idea of getting closure extremely difficult. I am dealing with the struggle now of not knowing if i feel like i need to see her and talk to her to get closure...or am i just using that as something to hold onto and prevent me from moving forward and because i just really want to see her? "i just need space" = "i want to sleep with someone other than you"
Author pacman81 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Her friend had no say in her decision, you say the breakup came out of the blue but the words you said she said make perfect sense to me and there was plenty of warning. What are you looking for in closure exactly. No,i agree with you. I am not surprised why she needs space and understand the reasons she has given me...just seemed so out of the blue as the week before she was talking about how i was the only thing keeping her sane and always was telling me how she has never been treated so well before and this is the happiest she has ever been in her life. If i am being honest with myself i know that focusing on "closure" is again something for me to hold on to because deep down i dont want to move on...also, as i mentioned it gives me an "excuse" on why i need to reach out to her to see her. But i do wish she was more direct with things..when we were talking about her needing space i said "Does this mean you want to break up or see other people?" and she said "No, thats not what i want...i just need space to figure things out"...but later told me how i shouldn't wait for her and she cant give me what i deserve...so i guess she was direct thats its over but its just a matter of hearing what i want to hear so to speak...say i am 99% sure we are broken up...i have been clinging onto that 1%.
wilsonx Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 You're honest with closure, that's exactly what closure means. She was direct and honest with you. Everything she said was the truth and matches the situation of hers you described. There is no 1%. Just chalk it up to she's not the right one for you. If you have any more questions keep firing away
Better_Days Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 At first, I related your case to mine because my ex ended out of nowhere too. In my case, she was seeing someone else. So I was going to tell you that another guy might be involved. But then I saw your next posting stating that how she was in a 3.5yr relationship then 1week off, then another, then short break, then you. From this, it could be that she thought that things are going too fast with you. Think about it, 3.5yr relationship ended, then it only took her 2 weeks to start another relationship that lasted 1yr? either 2nd guy was her rebound which could be very well true OR she was cheating on 1st guy, which I cant say because I don't know anything about this girl. Then after 2nd guy, after few weeks, she started seeing you. She could very well realized that she needs some time off and could be scared that she doesn't want to make similar mistakes. Realistically, if she cares about you and she needs time, she really needs to explain exactly why instead of leaving you hanging. I know that you are bothered that you don't know what's going on, then you should really call her and find out what's going on and straight things out. When my ex broke up with me out of nowhere, I was more of shocked and mad and was feeling so bad. Then same night, I called her to talk about it and she gave me some bull**** reasons so I knew it was someone else. Although what I found out was worse, I felt much better at least knowing wtf happened. Better_Days
Eddie Edirol Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 But i do wish she was more direct with things..when we were talking about her needing space i said "Does this mean you want to break up or see other people?" and she said "No, thats not what i want...i just need space to figure things out"...but later told me how i shouldn't wait for her and she cant give me what i deserve...so i guess she was direct thats its over but its just a matter of hearing what i want to hear so to speak...say i am 99% sure we are broken up...i have been clinging onto that 1%. You will always cling onto that 1 percent, but you wont get it without your own realization. Time will do it when you dont hear form her, or you will know the 1% is gone when you hear or see her with someone new. Usually when this happens she would already have her eye on someone else, but everything she told you could be lies, to get you out of her hair. She also could have told you she wanted a break to avoid the fallout of saying "i dont want to see you anymore".
madball2289 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 well if it only takes her 2 to 3 weeks to get over 1-3 year relationships and you haven't talked to her in a few weeks, i would think there is more than meets the eye if you know what I mean. hate to put it that way, but there is always more than what you "see" in my opinion. 1
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