Hopeful83 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Hi everyone! First off I would like to say this is my first post.. Ill try to make it as short and sweet as possible. Reading all of your experiences is so helpful during this upsetting time... My boyfriend and I dated 7 months... we are coworkers at a small company... He was a wonderful boyfriend.. kind.. considerate.. passionate and very doting. I on the otherhand acted like a complete idiot. There is an age gap (he is 36 i am 28) He has dated a tremendous amount and I have not (he was only my 3rd boyfriend)... I was an aquaintance of his ex (who also works for our company- and for lack of a better word... is not so nice ) His ex went crazy over us being together, and did everything she could to make our lives a living hell. I am a peace love and harmony type of girl, and honestly it broke me down. I do not like drama especially at work (i adore my job!). So while with this sweet man I was depressed and always felt like I wanted out, but I did love him, he just came on maybe a little too strong (already talking marriage etc)..and he came with the drama of this girl who was not nice about us being together, which killed me because i love peace at work. But he was my whole world, however I was wishy washy and played alot fo head games with him.. (i dont know if it was my lack of dating experience or immaturity or what, i was very loyal though, but i just acted like a child). He always confessed his love for me and i never doubted it for a minute, he showed more love for me than any man i have ever met. Long story short... we finally broke up a month ago over trust issues on my end due to drama from his ex, i finally just couldnt take it anymore. Within days he started seeing an aquaintance of ours, who is a very nice girl. I am absolutely gutted. I am so aware of how I acted like an idiot and probably deserve this right now, but I am lost in what I am feeling. I am so upset at how i treated someone who was so nice to me, and I am realizing that i must have deeply loved him. I am sure alot of this is jealousy as well. He is a good man.... we have had NC for a few weeks.. and he called me a few days ago crying saying i was the "one who got away" and i was the greatest love of his life and he was having a devastating time moving on. He is not trying to string me along, before i realized that they are an item, i told him i wanted to come spend a day with him (and you all know what that means ) and he told me i was his greatest passion, but he wanted the whole package, he wanted to know if i would be there after we slept together and have a life with him. At this point in my life i am not ready, i acted like an idiot with him and need to get myself figured out. this new girl he is with is kind and beautiful, and honestly, she would love to give him everything he wants right now. I am staying away from them totally, as he deserves to be happy, and i was just so stupid about the whole thing. All of my friends say she is a rebound, but knowing him and knowing her.. i think she is perfect for him. I am in so much pain over this i dont even know what to do. sometimes i find it hard to breathe when it hink about it so much. Is this me realizing what i have lost? or is this just natural break up emotions and jealousy that he is already with someone new? I want to find out why i acted like and idiot, I am going to go to therapy.... I dont ever want to hurt someone again, i am so disappointed in myself. I am so lost right now. what do you all think about this? we ended our last talk saying we would love each other forever...he wanted to stay in contact.. and i initiated NC because she seems like a better fit for him... and i want him to have the life he deserves... but my heart is killing me. was he the love of my life and did i ruin it??? thank you all for any advice on this.... im so grateful there is a forum of people who understand! also... any advice you can give me on how i can help myself for the future and not make the same mistakes... Hopeful
Linda Lee Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 If I have understood well, you have broken up with him because of his ex, however he started to date a new girl. If your misgivings were right, then he would be dating his ex not this new girl, am I right? Let's assume that I am on the right track, then your problem is that you worry too much about unrealistic issues. It is better to wait and see the truth than to jump into judgement too quick. My opinion is this, if he gives you any signs that he still loves you and want you back, don't hesitate and go for it.
Author Hopeful83 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 linda- you are correct. i think my paranoia and his ex's drama is what messed it all up. but now this new girl is involved and like i say.. in my opinion she is a better fit so i have backed off totally- because i want him to see if our love was true.... in theory if i am the one for him he wont be able to fall for her right? we had alot of issues but i do really love him and this is so hard. but i just want him happy- with whoever.
blotter Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 PFFFttt nothing is a bigger turn off than an immature girl playing head games.
Author Hopeful83 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 you are right blotter. i never deserved him. hindsight truly is 20/20, i have never learned such a harsh lesson. however, i have found in life sometimes it takes extreme pain to learn the most valueable lessons. i am taking this time and really looking at myself and my actions.... but a huge part of my secretly hopes that one day... we might have a second chance. sigh.
CaliBabe Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Just take it as a learning experience. I will say this... I also took my ex for granted and lost the love of my life. But I do know that I love him and I know how wonderful he is, which is why I have backed off and I hope he can find true happiness as he deserves it. If he is as great of a guy as you say he is, let him go and give him a chance to find happiness. In the meantime, work through your issues and find happiness with yourself.
Author Hopeful83 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 thanks cali.... that is exactly what i am trying to do.. i have now realized that before him.. i was kind of dead inside.. his love for me really awakened my soul.. as cheesey as that sounds it is very true. i have totally pulled myself out of his life.. because all my issues were just holding him back. its just so very hard to think that even in time this may be over forever... that i did it to myself etc.. i just desperately grasp on to the hope that his love for me wont die... i know this is probably an unhealthy thought.. but it is what it is i guess..
rAFC Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 linda- you are correct. i think my paranoia and his ex's drama is what messed it all up. but now this new girl is involved and like i say.. in my opinion she is a better fit so i have backed off totally- because i want him to see if our love was true.... in theory if i am the one for him he wont be able to fall for her right? we had alot of issues but i do really love him and this is so hard. but i just want him happy- with whoever. Only he can decide who is the better fit for him, obviously he thought you were the better fit, otherwise he would have gone for this new girl first. Not believing him in this is your insecurity only. Unfortunately, I do not believe in "the one". Each of us has many right "ones" for us. So, even if he likes you better than the new girl but he thinks you want no future with him, he could presumably fall for the new girl. If you are not ready for a serious relationship then you are not ready, you shouldn't force it and/or string him along. However, if it was your insecurities keeping you from him and you really do love him, you need to let him know as soon as possible because sooner or later he may be gone for good.
Author Hopeful83 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 rafc- in our last conversation... we both confessed our love for each other.. but both also realized that for some reason our timing was simply off.. it was very sad because i dont doubt the love on either end.. but i am simply not ready.... and stsying in his life would only complicate things more. however it is just so difficult because i am still so in love with him, it makes it hard.. but staying around him seems somehow selfish on myend so i keep up with NC.. however.. he would still talk to me if i wanted. but it just seemed like a bad idea. he said that all he wanted was us... but that he wanted me to miss him etc and to teach me a little lesson (which sounds bad, but honestly, i see now that i desperately needed this lesson. i need to see what i had and had taken for granted.) so i sit here.. i am trying to piece together my own life and find happiness within myself, and figure out why i acted the way i did .... while he sees where things go with this new girl. (who like i said.. is beautiful and kind, and honestly.. if i could have hand picked someone for him. it would have been her) but they got together very soon after the breakup.... i always thought people needed time to heal but i guess its different with each person.... sigh.. matters of the heart are tough..!
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