lemonade57 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years. Things were going great, we were in love and he treated me so well. Although our relationship was rough from the beginning we still made it work. He was really earning his trust back, told all his friends how much he loves me and always dedicated all his time towards me. for the past 2-3 months our fights began to get worse. Every little thing becomes an issue and he shifted to dumped all his time into work, a second job and his friends. 3 days ago he broke up with me. Wat was strange was earlier that day everything was still going good until a small argument came up. He then told me he was confused and he has lost feelings for me. He said he doesn't know wat he wants and that he feels its unfair for me that im giving my all into this relationship but he can't do the same. He said the tipical "i love u but im not in love with you". I was heart broken and lost because it just came out of no where. I begged for another shot at it, told him to dig deep to get the feelings back and think about everything we went through and to not let this go so easy. I tried to give him a kiss but he said it just wasnt rite. He leaned in for a kiss 3 hours before this whole breakup. A part of me thinks he needs his time alone and I think he still loves me but another part of me just kinda gave up.. I don't hate him. I still live him but he needs to make up his mind and show me he does still feel the same before it's too late. I don't want to let this love go so I have been giving him space and time to make the better choice. U think this we are ever able to fix this?
wilsonx Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Youre right, it is unfair. Its such a terrible thing to happen in a relationship. Being on both sides let me tell you this has nothing to do with you. Its all him. For you, you are going to need to find an exit strategy for the time being. Living with someone with gigs will probably send you into it. Its a nightmare I would not instill on my worst enemy. In time, he will come around and everyone's time is different. Ranges from a year to three years. You need to focus on you though and your well being, let him find his way on his own. The last thing you ever want to do with someone that has GIGS is pressure them. If you pressure them, they will explode on you. Look what happened, one small fight, game over. You can't fix this or change this right now, he needs to figure it out on his own As for your choice on whether to wait it out or not, thats up to you. Either one is a good choice. All gigs is is poor timing.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Can you fix it? Depends. Who was the one who started all the fights? Who was the one who gave in to the fights? Who was more irritated by the fights? What were the fights about?
Author lemonade57 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Your absolutely rite. I know I have to give him time if I want this to work out. He is an amazing guy. Sure he made mistakes but every1 does and we have over looked it. I think we both did things to make it end this way. Seems like he didn't even want to end it but I pushed him to announce the break up. But for him to straight out tell me he isn't in love wit me anymore, I don't think I'll ever forget that phrase.
EgoJoe Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 One year ago today...I heard those exactl lines. Your EX-BF is a passive agressive liar who can't own up to his decision to break up with you so he pawns it off on all of this BS. WHen I say exact, I mean it too. There had been fights as well. It could be GIGS or he could be gone forever. You two went through the power struggle stage and he has decided to opt out, retain all his power and walk away while deflectin responsibility think along the lines of, "it's not my fault, I am confused etc." . This is what passive agressives do. Focus on yourself. Don't play this crap. He may change his mind in the next few days, weeks or months...it is important to rebuke him. He has a lot of owning up and growing up to do. Get out of there. Don't talk to him and start moving on now or you'll get hurt even more. 2
Author lemonade57 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Eddie. To be honest, I was the cause of all the fights. He never started one single fight threw out our whole relationship. But the fight was about him texting a girl up to 3 in the morning right after he had text me saying he's going to sleep. We had these arguments before when I told him its not rite to talk to girls that late. He just never learned that im bothered so the fights constantly comes up every once in a while. I'm not a control freak. I was never like this but he did things that lost my trust even when he promise to make me trust him agen
Author lemonade57 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 One year ago today...I heard those exactl lines. Your EX-BF is a passive agressive liar who can't own up to his decision to break up with you so he pawns it off on all of this BS. WHen I say exact, I mean it too. There had been fights as well. It could be GIGS or he could be gone forever. You two went through the power struggle stage and he has decided to opt out, retain all his power and walk away while deflectin responsibility think along the lines of, "it's not my fault, I am confused etc." . This is what passive agressives do. Focus on yourself. Don't play this crap. He may change his mind in the next few days, weeks or months...it is important to rebuke him. He has a lot of owning up and growing up to do. Get out of there. Don't talk to him and start moving on now or you'll get hurt even more. Ego joe Yes, he did walk out on us. Seems like the second he got his life back on track he didn't mother to make it work anymore. I been with him threw his dui, when he's jobless, when he didn't have anything but when I got laid off and he got his life together he told me to be more independent. Like seriously? We were always co-dependent wen he was broke. He says he wants to see me happy but he just doesn't feel the same towards me... U really think this is the end of it really? it was honestly out of the blue. Maybe that's how it hurts so bad. He never suggested a breakup before. It was always me and he was holding be back. Now when I try to hold him back he just took off and doesn't even care about wat he is putting me threw. He's better than this I noe it
leoc1973 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Lemonaide I had an ex that I loved very much but she did the same thing as you did with the constant fighting about some other girl that I actually didn't even know. One day some girl called my phone and it was the wrong number. I appearently had a funny look on my face or something and my ex never let it go. I loved her very much and she just kept fighting and fighting over the same thing over and over. She started checking my emails and phone records and she would get out of work and say little digs like "were you a good boy today" now mind you this is a girl I never cheated on but she drove me nuts. I finally told her I couldn't do it anymore. She begged and cried and I told her that I loved her but wasn't in love with her. While I reflect on it I guess what that means is that you love someone but just can't stand them anymore. Like my stomach would turn just knowing she was on her way home from work. After I broke up with her I started to miss her a lot. I would start to think about it to give it another chance but then she would call me and start grilling me about everything. She would say what are you with that whore that called you? And every time she called me all I wanted to do was get away from her and get off the phone with her. If you want him back your only chance is to give him some time. and for gods sake do not argue with him if you do talk to him. ESPECIALLY about something that you have already argued with him about 50 times. Men are problem solvers we feel that one discussion is all that is needed to clear up something. The more you talk about it the more it just turns our stomachs. Oh and by the way there really is no reason to be talking to another girl at 3 am. Unless its a long term friend or a sister. Or unless she texted him and he was trying to be polite. Good luck I am sorry that you are going through this and it is nice to hear a woman will stick with a guy while he is down on his luck. You sound like a good person but ya gotta let things go.
Author lemonade57 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 you sound exactly like him. i dont want to fight with him but he made it so hard. every fight we had i felt he lost a little sumthing for me. i really hope time is what he needs and he didnt make this decision due to a 3rd person. i really miss him. so hard to not be able to run to him when im hurting this bad.
Author lemonade57 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Lemonaide I had an ex that I loved very much but she did the same thing as you did with the constant fighting about some other girl that I actually didn't even know. One day some girl called my phone and it was the wrong number. I appearently had a funny look on my face or something and my ex never let it go. I loved her very much and she just kept fighting and fighting over the same thing over and over. She started checking my emails and phone records and she would get out of work and say little digs like "were you a good boy today" now mind you this is a girl I never cheated on but she drove me nuts. I finally told her I couldn't do it anymore. She begged and cried and I told her that I loved her but wasn't in love with her. While I reflect on it I guess what that means is that you love someone but just can't stand them anymore. Like my stomach would turn just knowing she was on her way home from work. After I broke up with her I started to miss her a lot. I would start to think about it to give it another chance but then she would call me and start grilling me about everything. She would say what are you with that whore that called you? And every time she called me all I wanted to do was get away from her and get off the phone with her. If you want him back your only chance is to give him some time. and for gods sake do not argue with him if you do talk to him. ESPECIALLY about something that you have already argued with him about 50 times. Men are problem solvers we feel that one discussion is all that is needed to clear up something. The more you talk about it the more it just turns our stomachs. Oh and by the way there really is no reason to be talking to another girl at 3 am. Unless its a long term friend or a sister. Or unless she texted him and he was trying to be polite. Good luck I am sorry that you are going through this and it is nice to hear a woman will stick with a guy while he is down on his luck. You sound like a good person but ya gotta let things go. so does that mean u two arnt getting back together or u wont come back
leoc1973 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 this was an ex before my last ex. I really loved her so much but she made it unbearable. I swear if she had just let it go I would have loved to make things work with her. The funny thing is I never cheated or even thought about cheating. it was really the wrong number. She just seemed to have gone nuts. If the situation is the same as mine I really feel that if you give him some time and tell him you are sorry for the way you acted and then tell him you are going to let him go now then there could be a chance. But you have to let him go he has to think he is going to lose you for good. Do not call him after that no matter how bad you want to. It will hit him. Oh and if this is all because of a 3rd party after you stuck by him through all of the crap and problems in his life then screw him. Find a good man who appreciates you. There are not many women in this day and age with the Generation ME that will do that anymore. I can tell you are really hurting and my ex was hurting too and actually I did love her so much that I wanted to take her back and take away her pain but she was relentless. It was her getting out at 6 o'clock from work and grilling me till 2 am. Every single day. for something that didn't even happen. I just couldn't do it.
Author lemonade57 Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 this was an ex before my last ex. I really loved her so much but she made it unbearable. I swear if she had just let it go I would have loved to make things work with her. The funny thing is I never cheated or even thought about cheating. it was really the wrong number. She just seemed to have gone nuts. If the situation is the same as mine I really feel that if you give him some time and tell him you are sorry for the way you acted and then tell him you are going to let him go now then there could be a chance. But you have to let him go he has to think he is going to lose you for good. Do not call him after that no matter how bad you want to. It will hit him. Oh and if this is all because of a 3rd party after you stuck by him through all of the crap and problems in his life then screw him. Find a good man who appreciates you. There are not many women in this day and age with the Generation ME that will do that anymore. I can tell you are really hurting and my ex was hurting too and actually I did love her so much that I wanted to take her back and take away her pain but she was relentless. It was her getting out at 6 o'clock from work and grilling me till 2 am. Every single day. for something that didn't even happen. I just couldn't do it. Thanks so much. You were a great help. Hope everything will go smooth with you in the future.
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 He has no respect for u, move on. U were miserable , dont forget that.
Author lemonade57 Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 He has no respect for u, move on. U were miserable , dont forget that. yes true, but i still cant forget he also made me the happiest person alive. silly? yes, i agree
offcloudnine Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 My girlfriend of 3 years dumped me on similar conditions as this. She gave me the line "I love you but I don't think I'm in love with you, at least anymore". I think a lot of the posters above have some good points and ultimately I think my girlfriend for whatever reasons couldn't stand me anymore. She couldn't stomach the fact that we were both just starting our careers (recent graduates) and have no job yet. EgoJoe mentioned something about a power struggle, I think that had to do with it too, she expressed her joy with her new-found freedom after our break up. Now you may think I'm controlling, but all I ever expected was for her to let me know what she was up to, for some reason she had the idea that I wanted to "control" what she did...I have no idea how she ever got that idea because those were never my intentions. I love her so very much, I, like you lemonade57, am not sure what I am going to do without our significant other. I can't run to the person that is the closest and dearest to me when I'm in shambles.
Author lemonade57 Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 offcloudnine im really sorry for ur situation as it sounds like ur going threw the same thing i am. it sucks i noe. he told me just the other day, "if its ment to be we'll be together agen. but for now i dont wanna try this again".. he doesnt want me to wait for him so im gonna move on, for myself. not for any1 else. if he wants me back he will just have to chase me just like how he did before. its been a week now and ive realized alot. i was tough before and ill let him see ive always been the same tough girl he once knew. as for you, if she really loves you, she will realize her mistake. it will only take time to forget one just like it takes time to know one. its all reversed at the end.
heatherfeather Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I to received the same line. My ex and I had small fights like that for a couple of months. I think he just wanted control of the situation and of me. He was in the Army and I think he thought well if I could break her down, I can build her back up to what I want her to be. However, I am a strong person in the law enforcement field and I don't bend that easy due to my training. By this I mean having someone cut me down to build me back up. I was more then willing to help him out in any shape or form. He also was unemployed while I started dating him (he recently got out of the army) but as soon as he got a full time job he dumped me. I would buy him and his son food etc and drive his butt around when he didnt have any money. It stings that now that I am in a hurting position he isn't here for me. I know he was texting some chick and even an ex wife when he was dating me. Maybe I was there too much for him? Still love him though, maybe it is a classic case of GIGS.
Author lemonade57 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Heather, Your know we're good ppl with all the things we put up with yet we have the heart to still put up with it and not the one who walks out.so we'll have no regrets. After all that and our feelings for them still don't change. Its not foolish. Only time will tell but theirs no point putting ourself threw so much crap anymore. soon they will realize we will be that good girl they let slip away. After they realize that, who would be the foolish one then?... Not us.
offcloudnine Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 offcloudnine im really sorry for ur situation as it sounds like ur going threw the same thing i am. it sucks i noe. he told me just the other day, "if its ment to be we'll be together agen. but for now i dont wanna try this again".. he doesnt want me to wait for him so im gonna move on, for myself. not for any1 else. if he wants me back he will just have to chase me just like how he did before. its been a week now and ive realized alot. i was tough before and ill let him see ive always been the same tough girl he once knew. as for you, if she really loves you, she will realize her mistake. it will only take time to forget one just like it takes time to know one. its all reversed at the end. You're right, but I guess my situation is a bit different because I'm the male, so I'm not sure what will happen if she ever realizes that it was a mistake to end the relationship. I'm quite certain she won't chase me, and I wouldn't know what to do either or even if she realized that if she doesn't tell me.
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