threebyfate Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Well, that is true that there's always a reason. But I don't think it's always in the situation you feel dissonance in. (Sometimes it is, of course.) I have personally found that SOME of my dissonance comes from inside me --- from my past, from my fears, from my anxieties. Maybe others don't ALL have this experience, but I think many do; people can be self-destructive creatures, and dissonance is a symptom of that in many cases. I do think it's good to watch, look, and listen, but inside as well as outside.I don't disagree with the bolded. Ascertain all sides to the dissonance. As an example, the ex-husband cheated on me. This created dissonance within me, when dating the actor way back when. I knew there was no future in our relationship considering his lifestyle and even if he never cheated on me, having to see him with other women and read about him in the tabloids, would have driven me insane with distrust. So, I wouldn't extend out our short-term relationship with an expiry date, to a long-term one. Once he left town, it was over. So, know your limits.
2sunny Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I don't disagree with the bolded. Ascertain all sides to the dissonance. As an example, the ex-husband cheated on me. This created dissonance within me, when dating the actor way back when. I knew there was no future in our relationship considering his lifestyle and even if he never cheated on me, having to see him with other women and read about him in the tabloids, would have driven me insane with distrust. So, I wouldn't extend out our short-term relationship with an expiry date, to a long-term one. Once he left town, it was over. So, know your limits. I don't read this as a gut feeling I read it as having a boundary and knowing when to end things.
JohnP82 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I don't read this as a gut feeling I read it as having a boundary and knowing when to end things. I agree. I think of a gut feeling being something that you feel is happening and upon further inspection/evidence turns out to be true.
threebyfate Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I don't read this as a gut feeling I read it as having a boundary and knowing when to end things.True but the convo had shifted more into examining dissonance and how internal issues can create dissonance. As a straight-forward gut feel, the first husband. Didn't like him right out the gate where he kept pursuing me for 2 years, until I finally let him convince me to go on one date. Should have listened to my gut instincts about him. Could list a number of different times that gut has warned me, where sometimes I listened and other times tried to rationalize it away. My worst experiences have been with the latter, so I've subsequently learned to always trust it.
g450 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I have found my gut feelings to be pretty much spot on. Which is scarry if you think about it. I have always ignored the feeling until my xw started messing around and divorced me. Now I listen to my gut. Right now my gut is telling me I should not have eaten that extra helping of bacon though.
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