GuitarDean Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I personally find it very difficult to truly take others' advice on emotional issues, even if in my head I know they are right. I joined this forum yesterday and read through a big chunk of the breakup section, and there's so much good advice on here that applies directly to my situation. However, a few weeks ago when I was out making the post-breakup mistakes of my most recent loss, if I had read the same advice, I know I would've made some excuse in my head to convince myself that my situation is unique and different, and then gone and F-ed up just the same. I think that's a big reason why almost everyone's first few relationships don't work out - not just because we're young and changing, but also because we don't learn how to maintain a relationship from the good parts. We learn what not to do when we screw up and cause ourselves pain. And we also have to learn how to properly deal with loss by experiencing loss. This forum is amazingly supportive, but there's no substitute for lessons through experience. What it can do though is help you gain perspective and extract the lessons from the mistakes you've already made. I find comfort in this. Rather than live with regret and fantasize about changing the past, I try to learn from it and not repeat the same mistakes, thus making myself and my next relationship that much stronger. And with relationships, I only need to succeed once. What are your thoughts on this? Is screwing up the only true way to learn? Or are there other better ways?
mike588 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 People learn from their mistakes.....and hopefully don't repeat them!
wilsonx Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I personally find it very difficult to truly take others' advice on emotional issues, even if in my head I know they are right. I joined this forum yesterday and read through a big chunk of the breakup section, and there's so much good advice on here that applies directly to my situation. However, a few weeks ago when I was out making the post-breakup mistakes of my most recent loss, if I had read the same advice, I know I would've made some excuse in my head to convince myself that my situation is unique and different, and then gone and F-ed up just the same. I think that's a big reason why almost everyone's first few relationships don't work out - not just because we're young and changing, but also because we don't learn how to maintain a relationship from the good parts. We learn what not to do when we screw up and cause ourselves pain. And we also have to learn how to properly deal with loss by experiencing loss. This forum is amazingly supportive, but there's no substitute for lessons through experience. What it can do though is help you gain perspective and extract the lessons from the mistakes you've already made. I find comfort in this. Rather than live with regret and fantasize about changing the past, I try to learn from it and not repeat the same mistakes, thus making myself and my next relationship that much stronger. And with relationships, I only need to succeed once. What are your thoughts on this? Is screwing up the only true way to learn? Or are there other better ways? This is such a great post! Yes, screwing up is the only true way to learn. I had a conversation with my dad on this subject and he questioned my "grey" thinking because it interfered with his black and white perception. So I dropped this line, "In order to learn not to cheat, one must cheat" "In order to learn not to lie, one must lie" "In order to learn not to break someone's heart, you must break someone's heart" etc. This negates black and white thinking because you must learn from doing "bad" things to learn to do "good" things. In everyone of us lies Good and Evil. No one is one or the other. Those that think they are one or the other just arent aware that have both. You can read all the advice given to you on the forum but when people have a need to try something out, nothing is going to stop them from putting their hand in the fire. Whats funny is some people go for seconds =)
Philosoraptor Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 While we do have to learn, it mustn't always come from our own experiences. We have the ability to learn through observation as much as we have the ability to learn through our own actions. Life is a constant learning experience where we take in much more knowledge than we are aware of. In our times of solitude it is important to reflect on what we have taken in throughout the day and apply it in a way that helps us better ourselves. But always progress and not allow yourself to regress.
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