Online dating is mental masturbation

[LnliHrt]

NEVER take a dating advice from women! Specially from all the PMSing ones on LS.

[Mr. Savage]

If you wear the wife beater underneath those other shirts, you will still be yourself but attract a better class of woman. Notice how the women all offer the same advice. If you date women you should take heed.

 

I understand what you are saying. Perhaps there are some cultural differences between us.

 

Where I come from is low to middle income midwestern Wisconsin and when it is 100 degrees out and humid as hell in summer it is never looked down in any way to wear a tank top out in public. I think you are associating it with automatically being trashy but its just really comfortable when its scorching hot out.

[dasein]

Agree and disagree with the "smiling" advice. If your smile and teeth are one of your strong features, smile away. If not, don't. Juxtaposition is often useful in your pics, leading the viewer from "he must be this or that way," to a contrast picture, "but wait, that's interesting." As opposed to other areas of life, the more enigmatic or inconsistent a story your pictures tell, the more attractive and memorable you will be to viewers OLD. My profile, for instance, is designed to send the impression "normal average everyday active guy... but verbally gifted and accomplished... and with a subdued wild streak." Of the various persona I could adopt (and have experimented with) that accurately reflect facets of who I am, have found that three-part persona brings the best results from a broad range of attractive women OLD. Which message brings best results for you and your target audience is a matter of subjective experience and experimentation. No other guy can give you their magic beans and have them work, they can only tell you to find your own.

 

Which brings me to a major point and mistake you are making IMO. Claiming that learning any skill, chess, tennis, seduction is "changing who you are" is a HUGE rationalization. Avoid it. Learning and growth as a human being, and the effects those have on one's attitudes and behavior, are not "changing who you are" but rather "growth as a human being." Men often sit back and refuse to learn seduction because it seems "not me," "fake," "not being myself." This is a big mistake IMO. When you learned your favorite hobby, a language, a musical instrument, even how to play a video game, was learning that skill, "changing who you are," "fake," "not yourself?" Of course not. Don't mistake procrastination and laziness towards achieving goals in life for "keeping it real," or "being true to myself" merely because learning a new skill takes you out of a comfort zone. This applies to any way you want to improve yourself, not just with women.

 

In the mating game, as a man, you are either the tiger or the rug, which is up to you.

[Mr. Savage]

Agree and disagree with the "smiling" advice. If your smile and teeth are one of your strong features, smile away. If not, don't. Juxtaposition is often useful in your pics, leading the viewer from "he must be this or that way," to a contrast picture, "but wait, that's interesting." As opposed to other areas of life, the more enigmatic or inconsistent a story your pictures tell, the more attractive and memorable you will be to viewers OLD. My profile, for instance, is designed to send the impression "normal average everyday active guy... but verbally gifted and accomplished... and with a subdued wild streak." Of the various persona I could adopt (and have experimented with) that accurately reflect facets of who I am, have found that three-part persona brings the best results from a broad range of attractive women OLD. Which message brings best results for you and your target audience is a matter of subjective experience and experimentation. No other guy can give you their magic beans and have them work, they can only tell you to find your own.

 

Which brings me to a major point and mistake you are making IMO. Claiming that learning any skill, chess, tennis, seduction is "changing who you are" is a HUGE rationalization. Avoid it. Learning and growth as a human being, and the effects those have on one's attitudes and behavior, are not "changing who you are" but rather "growth as a human being." Men often sit back and refuse to learn seduction because it seems "not me," "fake," "not being myself." This is a big mistake IMO. When you learned your favorite hobby, a language, a musical instrument, even how to play a video game, was learning that skill, "changing who you are," "fake," "not yourself?" Of course not. Don't mistake procrastination and laziness towards achieving goals in life for "keeping it real," or "being true to myself" merely because learning a new skill takes you out of a comfort zone. This applies to any way you want to improve yourself, not just with women.

 

In the mating game, as a man, you are either the tiger or the rug, which is up to you.

 

I see where you are coming from but I was referring to being me as not dressing how I dont normally dress in order to convey a message. It has nothing to do with learning valuable social or technical skills.

 

To be honest what is very interesting is that I am actually quite artistic.(dont laugh). In my profile I describe that I enjoy writing and have written a full length screenplay and am planning on writing/ directing a short film in the future. And I mention my love of great films.

 

I think girls get confused by this cause they see "player" pics and a description that talks about liking art and film and probably think I am full of ****.

[dasein]

Have found that "player" or "ladies man" is not a good message to send, so cull all those references out (save those for in person dates). It's great that your profile expresses an artistic side. Experiment with the "normal everyday guy with twists and a couple of edges" and you will be on the right track. Anyway, have had my say and hope you don't give up on it just yet because based on what you post, you haven't really done OLD yet, just been a member of OLD sites, there is a difference.

 

One more thing, once I started dressing like an adult man, and not an overgrown kid, my success with women went through the roof. Now I consider dressing well as just part of the growth process, though at first also made the mistake of thinking of it as "selling out."

[Mr. Savage]

The ironic thing here is that if I ever became a successful writer/ director how I dress and look would make not one bit of difference to hardly any woman.

[dasein]

It does, man, it just does make a huge difference. Yeah, you can be a famous multimillionaire and can wear a leisure suit and still get women, but why wait til then?

 

I bought a nice jacket on sale 10+ years ago. It's cashmere, checked, and I don't like it, it looks too "preppy/yuppie/dowdy" for my tastes, like something Ted Knight's character would have worn in Caddyshack. I didn't wear it at all the first five years I owned it. Wore it one night out, and women couldn't keep their hands off me... LOTS of women. Every time I wear it, women come out of the woodwork to "pet" me and feel me up lol. Nothing changed about me, was just the damn jacket. I still don't wear it much, because I feel like a complete yuppie douche with it on, but the point is that clothing matters to women more than you will ever know until you experience it. That said, it's just a social tool, not a change to your core personality.

 

Here's another one. I have worn lace up shoes most of my life at work, nice cap toe shoes, oxfords, so wore them socially also. For whatever reason, laceup shoes on me turn women off. They like loafers on me. GFs told me as much. When I started wearing loafers out at night, once more, women start coming out of the woodwork. No idea why, but it's just another tool.

 

Another one, I never wore cologne until I was 30. Thought it effeminate. A GF took me cologne shopping once and I bought some (good stuff, not crap like Axe or other kidstuff, although they say Old Spice still has some powa... daddy thing? lol) she liked to appease her. Started wearing it fairly regularly because she would "respond" much better when I was wearing it. ALSO, noticed other women coming out of the woodwork "responding" to it as well. Female friends who hugged me would hug me tighter and not want to let go, grab my ass, stand closer to me. No idea if I smelled like crap before, but for whatever reason, they sure liked my cologne smell better.

 

Finally, hair. My hair is thick to the point of unruliness, but I never used any product on it til I was in my 30s. A GF convinced me to try some, and with just a little bit in my hair, the response from women is very noticeable. No need to spike your hair or put wads of goo in it, but a little bit can make your hair look better to women.

 

Now sure, you can make bank writing movie scripts, you can keep wearing bill hats, athletic shoes and kiddy looking pants and jeans (not saying you do, just making an example), or you can look like a man and get treated like a man as opposed to a kid by women. I'd rather take some small steps on appearance than worry about getting my blockbuster script read and bought in a stack of 1000 other scripts, seems better odds.

[dasein]

So you sold out your principals

 

Yes, it's true, I sold out the people who were administrators in schools I attended.

 

Be swell!

 

Get smarter!

[Mr. Savage]

We are getting off topic with this whole clothes wearing argument here. I'm not really looking for a "classy" girl who wears dresses out all the time.

 

I actually gravitate to more of an Earthy, "hippie" type girl as I am into smoking marijuana and other drugs. But even these types seem to flake out on conversations. They will respond once or twice and then just stop which leads me back to the title of this thread. ya dig?

[dasein]

Point taken on the clothes.

 

Probably older than you, but was also a frequent smoker, partier, jam bander, in the day. I struck out with the exact same girls you are describing over and over also, just like you, such that I never even bothered with them OLD, and when I did take a flier on one, got dissed again. What did I learn? It had nothing to do with me. That type of woman SUCKS. They tend to be drug mooches, starf-ckers (ever been backstage at a Widespread Panic show? I have), trust fund fakes. They mooch their way through being a part of "the cool crowd," rant about "the man," are usually the most odious kinds of feminist, and then go running right back to daddy when it's time for the next check. They are impulsive addicted, completely self-absorbed with very few exceptions. Avoid "scenester" women of all stripes. They tend to have not one creative or talented bone in their body, and suck up to people who do. Approach these only if you have a great big bag of green or white and feel like being the "sucker du jour." Did I mention that these types also tend to be the craziest, biggest flakes also as you are experiencing? Ugh.

 

There are plenty of women out there who have cool tastes and varied interests who also HAVE A LIFE. Find these OLD and avoid the groupie types at all costs. The reasons you are discouraged are starting to make more and more sense based on the type of woman you think you want but don't realize is not what you want at all.

[Mr. Savage]

Point taken on the clothes.

 

Probably older than you, but was also a frequent smoker, partier, jam bander, in the day. I struck out with the exact same girls you are describing over and over also, just like you, such that I never even bothered with them OLD, and when I did take a flier on one, got dissed again. What did I learn? It had nothing to do with me. That type of woman SUCKS. They tend to be drug mooches, starf-ckers (ever been backstage at a Widespread Panic show? I have), trust fund fakes. They mooch their way through being a part of "the cool crowd," rant about "the man," are usually the most odious kinds of feminist, and then go running right back to daddy when it's time for the next check. They are impulsive addicted, completely self-absorbed with very few exceptions. Avoid "scenester" women of all stripes. They tend to have not one creative or talented bone in their body, and suck up to people who do. Approach these only if you have a great big bag of green or white and feel like being the "sucker du jour." Did I mention that these types also tend to be the craziest, biggest flakes also as you are experiencing? Ugh.

 

There are plenty of women out there who have cool tastes and varied interests who also HAVE A LIFE. Find these OLD and avoid the groupie types at all costs. The reasons you are discouraged are starting to make more and more sense based on the type of woman you think you want but don't realize is not what you want at all.

 

You might be going a little far in describing all hippy chicks as being THAT bad. I've known quite a few very very cool ones. But I've also known a few like you described.

 

I have no problem engaging a woman online but it's like they get scared once the conversation turns more serious and approaches an actual date or contact.

[zengirl]

Point taken on the clothes.

 

Probably older than you, but was also a frequent smoker, partier, jam bander, in the day. I struck out with the exact same girls you are describing over and over also, just like you, such that I never even bothered with them OLD, and when I did take a flier on one, got dissed again. What did I learn? It had nothing to do with me. That type of woman SUCKS. They tend to be drug mooches, starf-ckers (ever been backstage at a Widespread Panic show? I have), trust fund fakes. They mooch their way through being a part of "the cool crowd," rant about "the man," are usually the most odious kinds of feminist, and then go running right back to daddy when it's time for the next check. They are impulsive addicted, completely self-absorbed with very few exceptions. Avoid "scenester" women of all stripes. They tend to have not one creative or talented bone in their body, and suck up to people who do. Approach these only if you have a great big bag of green or white and feel like being the "sucker du jour." Did I mention that these types also tend to be the craziest, biggest flakes also as you are experiencing? Ugh.

 

There are plenty of women out there who have cool tastes and varied interests who also HAVE A LIFE. Find these OLD and avoid the groupie types at all costs. The reasons you are discouraged are starting to make more and more sense based on the type of woman you think you want but don't realize is not what you want at all.

 

You know, I don't know if I've ever agreed with dasein before, but this is almost exactly what I thought (worded slightly different in my head, of course).

 

There are lovely hippie chicks (and plenty of nice, successful people smoke some MJ --- not sure what "other" drugs you want them to be into), sure, but they are the more well-rounded types that do, as daesin says, have varied interests and productivity in addition to that hippie side of them. And they may not be interested in a guy who appears the way you do in those pics (which is really an easy fix that doesn't mean going out and buying a whole new wardrobe or changing who you are as a person).

 

Could also be any # of things, including the site you're using and just bad luck. FWIW, I didn't assume you were looking for a classy girly girl who wears dresses all the time. I think the wife-beater look turns off MOST women, except a few of the flakiest types. And I live in a place where summer weather is also hot and humid---not unlikely to be 100 degrees, etc.

[missyme04]

I dont seem to ever contacted and when I do its not by very attractive women. And I'm not being picky, the few that do contact me are genuinely not attractive.

 

Ahmmm. how about you contact first and make your 1st move even with online dating? If you're not finding any attractive women online who sends you message etc, then maybe you should be the one to find them/her

 

[Mr. Savage]

Ahmmm. how about you contact first and make your 1st move even with online dating? If you're not finding any attractive women online who sends you message etc, then maybe you should be the one to find them/her

 

 

I dont think you read the rest of the post responses. Yeah I should of just left that out cause I know the attractive ones are sorting through dozens of messages a day.

 

I was referring more to once I contact them they seem to flake out when attempting to set up an actual date.

[Mr. Savage]

You know, I don't know if I've ever agreed with dasein before, but this is almost exactly what I thought (worded slightly different in my head, of course).

 

There are lovely hippie chicks (and plenty of nice, successful people smoke some MJ --- not sure what "other" drugs you want them to be into), sure, but they are the more well-rounded types that do, as daesin says, have varied interests and productivity in addition to that hippie side of them. And they may not be interested in a guy who appears the way you do in those pics (which is really an easy fix that doesn't mean going out and buying a whole new wardrobe or changing who you are as a person).

 

Could also be any # of things, including the site you're using and just bad luck. FWIW, I didn't assume you were looking for a classy girly girl who wears dresses all the time. I think the wife-beater look turns off MOST women, except a few of the flakiest types. And I live in a place where summer weather is also hot and humid---not unlikely to be 100 degrees, etc.

 

Man so much wife beater hate on here. Its not like I'm flexing muscles or doing some stupid pose. Why wouldn't a woman want to see what a man looks like. I see all kinds of girls in bikinis, mini skirts, tight fitting tops with cleavage pouring out all over OLD sites and think nothing of it.

[zengirl]

Man so much wife beater hate on here. Its not like I'm flexing muscles or doing some stupid pose. Why wouldn't a woman want to see what a man looks like. I see all kinds of girls in bikinis, mini skirts, tight fitting tops with cleavage pouring out all over OLD sites and think nothing of it.

 

Right, and those are the flaky girls on the OLD site (some of my friends do crap like that, and those are the flaky gal friends I'd never introduce to decent men!). I'm not saying you'll never attract a decent girl with that pic, but it does significantly lower your chances and up the chances of interactions with flakes.

[Mr. Savage]

Here's the new pic I just uploaded on to POF and OKC. I am gonna be dating Ivy League grads by the end of the week. Just watch.

 

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

[FitChick]

That's the typical Plenty of Fish profile photo. And why I don't fish off that pier.

[joystickd]

I prefer meeting someone in real life as opposed to online. You shine more in real life than online. Online you message a woman and its like you are one of many. There is nothing but words to help you shine. Online is nothing but an ego boost for women. Just look at social networking site where men comment on the pics. You see all these men commenting and the woman is still single. Honestly they want to be met in real time not online

[FitChick]

You might have better luck on this dating website. Read the New York Times article.

 

By the way, Savage, I assumed that your name and those photos meant you were in the Army.

[Mr. Savage]

I prefer meeting someone in real life as opposed to online. You shine more in real life than online. Online you message a woman and its like you are one of many. There is nothing but words to help you shine. Online is nothing but an ego boost for women. Just look at social networking site where men comment on the pics. You see all these men commenting and the woman is still single. Honestly they want to be met in real time not online

 

I hear ya playa. I think I'm done with the online thing. Time to step up my real life game.

 

And no I was never in the Army or any military.

[tornangel]

Online dating is a complete joke in my book.. I believe in old fashioned meeting ur sweetheart at a carnival and getting to know them , face to face. Not computer screen to computer screen. And yes its all about boosting their EGO

[Mr. Savage]

Online dating is a complete joke in my book.. I believe in old fashioned meeting ur sweetheart at a carnival and getting to know them , face to face. Not computer screen to computer screen. And yes its all about boosting their EGO

 

Right because they can get validation from all kinds of men without even having to leave their home. I dont think half of them are even looking for a real relationship.

 

Not saying all of them do this but how do you know if you are contacting ones who do or dont. Its seems like wasted effort that could be used contructively elsewhere.

[FitChick]

I dont think half of them are even looking for a real relationship.

...how do you know if you are contacting ones who do or dont.

 

Plenty of us are looking for real relationships and many have found wives and husbands.

 

How do you know if someone is looking for a real relationship? You go out with them. They show interest. Just like in real life.

 

I've never understood why anyone thinks online dating is a magic formula.

[FrustratedStandards]

That's why I never agreed with it.

 

Just a persons mere presence already tells you a lot. You can subconsciously analyze them by their body language, speed of speech, eye contact and all other things we aren't aware we do when we meet someone.

 

Being online takes away from all of that, and a persons personality is delightfully polished in a over-edited paragraph that inaccurately represents them.

 

Actions speak louder than words.