Mr. Savage Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I'm starting to really get this vibe that the majority of people logging into online dating sites really have no idea what they want from a partner and are using the sites for some sort of self validation possibly stemming from insecurity. In their minds they have a general idea of what they want but when that want manifests itself in the form of a real person it almosts scares them to the point of a fight or flight reaction. I've been on a couple sites for over a year now and have started countless chats with many women and have had a whole ONE real life date come of this. A lot of flaking out. One day they are chipper and into you and the next it's no response anymore. I think I'm done with the online thing. 1
dasein Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Anonymity and lack of any social accountability breeds bad behavior, sometimes in those who would not otherwise behave badly. Before you give up on OLD as a man, asking: 1. Are you looking at the maximum number of profiles in your geographic range? or just a few every now and then? 2. Are you favoriting or bookmarking a percentage of those for initiating contact? Attempting to compare those to yourself, are they like you more than not? similar in looks, background, age, education? 3. Are you systematically contacting all of the favorites/bookmarked profiles with a sincere, brief email? Sending out 5 or so mails a day? If doing all these and still poor results, your profile and pics may need work. MOST IMPORTANTLY, once you get a reply to one of your mails, are you moving -quickly- towards asking for the phone number and asking for a date? or engaging in protracted penpal, IMpal, textpal type deals? One big difference between success and failure OLD is the extent you are willing to standardize and systematize your approach to it. If you send out a mail every now and again, as a man, you absolutely won't find success unless you get blindly lucky, are a male model, celebrity, pro athlete, known millionaire or a doctor.
Author Mr. Savage Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) I dont seem to ever contacted and when I do its not by very attractive women. And I'm not being picky, the few that do contact me are genuinely not attractive. It's kind of weird because in real life I have been told by women that I am a pretty boy, hot and could get any woman I want. Maybe I'm not photogenic? Here are some pics of me. Uploaded with ImageShack.us Uploaded with ImageShack.us Uploaded with ImageShack.us Edited March 7, 2012 by Mr. Savage
Author Mr. Savage Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 ugghh I cant get images to embed and its pissing me off! How do you turn it on?
dasein Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I dont seem to ever contacted and when I do its not by very attractive women. And I'm not being picky, the few that do contact me are genuinely not attractive. Not going to DL the viewer, so couldn't see the pics. I imagine you look fine. Someone didn't tell you that unless you are one of the upper upper top top male profiles, you will NOT get mails from attractive women. Even average and below average women on the site are getting dozens and hundreds of emails from men, they don't have to do anything but sit back and reply to the few they deem acceptable. To have any success in OLD as an average, even above average man, you MUST systematically and regularly send emails to profiles that interest you. Lots when you first start out. Otherwise, you will have the bad results you have had in the past. It's just a given reality. When I got started with it, I looked at 500 profiles, picked 100, and mailed them 5-10 a day for a month. Had pretty good results for a newb. Got laid by some good looking professional women and even a psycho short term GF out of that first round. Now after practice and experience, I usually don't have to send out more than 10-20 emails to find the next ex, send only to the very best profiles in my area, and the whole thing takes a week or ten days max. You have to start at the start though, there is no shortcut to the results that experience brings, just like any other learned skill.
PhillyDude Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Online tip for men You are not going to get a lot of messages because women don't have time to BROWSE ads. You have to browse as a man and send her a message and then get a reply. That's how I meet all the women online and set up dates. I can't remember the last time a attractive female contacted me first online. Browsing is something that females don't have to do online
SJC2008 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Well I'm a man and you seem to bee good looking/above average IMO (Let's be adults please). I hope those aren't your profile pics, you have a look that says "I'm a Russian spy and am here to kill you", plus they're all inside. You need to show what you look like and that you have a life. I have. 2 closeups of my face, a full body shot to show I'm not a fat slob and the rest are out with friends, one with a beer in my hand. Other than that everyone here is pretty much right. It's a numbers game and women's standards go up once online because they are getting more attention then in real life. I have messaged countless women I know are on my level and could probably "pull" on the street and have been blown off. Don't make them penpals either like dasien said, I usually get the # by the 3rd email. Don't go overboard with messages either keep them brief, introductory and try to mention something in their profile to show you actually read it.
PhillyDude Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I get rejected by 10 attractive women and get the numbers of 10 attractive women So online dating can be a HIT and MISS lol
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Women like more then a pretty face Mr. Savage. And yes, you have a pretty face. Although you might to tweeze a little between your eye brows. Usually I like pictures of guys just being themselves..doing a hobby they enjoy, out with their friends or family, pictures from a wedding are good. And smile, smile, smile. Women like men that are smiling. Many men in photos that aren't smiling don't appear to be enjoying life and can appear intimadating. Which is why I like the picture of you with your hands on your hips, the last picture I think, the most. But you might want to post a more varity of pictures then what you have. That's my advice. 1
FitChick Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 The closeup shot is very good. You are very attractive so no worries about going on a diet or working out. However, the other pics kind of have a player vibe. Pretend you are a model for the Gap and try to look more wholesome. Maybe a simple but close fitting tee shirt. What do you normally wear for work? What kind of photo would you send your mother? That's what I'm talking about. Unless, of course, you are a player who just wants to get laid. In which case, forget everything I just said. 1
Mister Ripley Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Every male serial online dater I've ever met has been an absolute playa dog preying on the desperate...and every female has been an absolute basket case flake. I have to admit I've used the internet get girls into bed, I didn't care if they were sane as long as they gave it up
PhillyDude Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Women like more then a pretty face Mr. Savage. And yes, you have a pretty face. Although you might to tweeze a little between your eye brows. Usually I like pictures of guys just being themselves..doing a hobby they enjoy, out with their friends or family, pictures from a wedding are good. And smile, smile, smile. Women like men that are smiling. Many men in photos that aren't smiling don't appear to be enjoying life and can appear intimadating. Which is why I like the picture of you with your hands on your hips, the last picture I think, the most. But you might want to post a more varity of pictures then what you have. That's my advice. I noticed lots of women are attracted to men photos when they are not smiling and have the.."Yeah I''m the sh*t" look lol
FitChick Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I noticed lots of women are attracted to men photos when they are not smiling and have the.."Yeah I''m the sh*t" look lol I can see where women who like bad boys would go for the prison mug shot. Not me. I like someone smiling and relaxed.
Author Mr. Savage Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Thanks for the replies guys. Much appreciated.
PhillyDude Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I can see where women who like bad boys would go for the prison mug shot. Not me. I like someone smiling and relaxed. Smiling is not really SEXY on a guy. Looks better on a woman
FitChick Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Smiling is not really SEXY on a guy. To a woman it is. You're not a woman (but you never really know on here).
daphne Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I liked the closeup, and the last one. Except, the last photo was inconsistent. On the one hand, you had a nice, warm smile. On the other, you were showing the guns in a wife beater. It gave me an odd vibe. Figure out what kind of girl you're looking for, and use the bait to get her. If you want kind of a wild girl, the photos you used would probably be appropriate. If you want a sweeter girl, I would put on regular clothes (no muscle showing) and smile like you did in the last photo. Or not at all. You're a good looking guy. It just doesn't look like you know who you're marketing to.
eleanorhurting Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 you are good looking put a nice outdoor pic where you look like you are having fun (not one where you are drinking and giving off a party animal look) and get rid of the wife beater pics
Author Mr. Savage Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Man these responses are really enlightening to me. I think everything you ladies are saying about selling the image I want to attract can be very true. But if finding a relationship with someone I consider attractive means conforming to a "style" and not being myself than I guess I just need to keep searching because it aint happening. It goes against every fiber in my body to not be myself at all times. Hopefully the right one will respect that more than anything. Thanks guys.
Andy_K Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 No matter what you do, it's never going to get 'easy'. I've been told my profile is great and I look good, I have on rare occasions even been contacted first by an attractive girl, but I'll still be lucky to get much more than 10-20% response rate on something like PoF. If I put in the effort to email several people a day I may end up with one or two dates a month, but it's normally less as it's difficult to sustain that level of effort for long.
Author Mr. Savage Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Yeah I hear ya. The disturbing thing is thats the rate on a site that states alot of information up front and makes it easy to know what you are getting into.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I noticed lots of women are attracted to men photos when they are not smiling and have the.."Yeah I''m the sh*t" look lol Those kind of pictures always turn me off. The guy might be good looking but if he had that look to him, I usually left the profile as quickly as I came into it. I liked men that were smiling. They appeared to be friendly and more easy going. They were more relatable.
zengirl Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I met my hubby (and a couple of BFs prior) on OKC, so people are on there looking for actual dates and relationships and so forth. The first pic is creepy (the angle makes you look terrible), the close-up is good, the others are not my style (too player/kinda trashy looking----sorry, that's not the nicest way to say it---generally I wouldn't suggest anyone put up a picture in a wife-beater). Pictures of you doing hobbies or mixing it up with some pictures of you with friends or a pet or something would be good. I don't know if you have to conform to a "style" so much as be relatively smart about what side of yourself you show. Then again, maybe you constantly walk around town in a wife-beater? To me, that's kind of. . . not classy, to say it nicely. It's a fine thing to wear around the house to be comfy, but it's not really how you'd dress up for a date or any kind of social outing, is it? Keep in mind these pics are for public display and I'd consider the venue to be at least relatively nice, so you want them to look as nice as you'd bother looking for such a venue. You're attractive, but I'd never have gone out with a guy who put up those pictures. But, more importantly, I don't know anything else about you, so. . . I don't know what type of girl you'd really try to attract or what else might turn people off/on about you. I will say that I would imagine only flaky women will be attracted to the kind of vibe/product I can guess you are, from those pictures.
FitChick Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 But if finding a relationship with someone I consider attractive means conforming to a "style" and not being myself than I guess I just need to keep searching because it aint happening. It goes against every fiber in my body to not be myself at all times. If you wear the wife beater underneath those other shirts, you will still be yourself but attract a better class of woman. Notice how the women all offer the same advice. If you date women you should take heed.
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