chucksagent Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 ...and then date them? This happens in the following scenarios: Women EVERYWHERE can always be heard saying "I hate cheaters - they are such scumbags! Nothing outrages me more than cheaters!" 1.) Woman works with a guy or does some extracurricular activity with a guy regularly (often in a group atmosphere) who is married, engaged, committed, etc. They develop feelings for each other. The man tells the woman he will leave his family/fiance/wife/girlfriend for her and she ENCOURAGES him!!! Shouldn't this be a red flag? If he does it to someone else, he will do it to you! 2.) Woman is married and her husband cheats on her. She accepts him back and is willing to work on things. He does it again and she is all outrages and shocked. Shouldn't the first time cheating be a red flag? If he does it once, won't he do it again? 3.) Single woman meets single man...they fall for eachother...either the man ADMITS that he's cheated on women in the past OR woman finds out somehow that he cheated in the past. She doesn't allow this to effect her view of him or decision to move forward in the relationship at all. Shouldn't his past behavior be an indication of future behavior? If he's cheated on old girlfriends, won't he cheat again? The reason we study history in school is to not repeat the same mistakes. The saying once a cheater always a cheaters is almost always correct. So if women TRULY hate cheating as much as they always say; then why do they choose to ignore obvious red flags and warning signs? My theory is this: Walt Disney Complex (I call it): All those years of being told they are Cinderella, Snow White, etc. and that they are special in some way. Same reason kids today are lazy and don't do anything - participation trophies. "Don't worry Billy, sit there eating cheese puffs playing video games...You don't have to go practice baseball because you're special and a winner even if you finish last." Everyone today thinks they are special and that common sense logic doesn't apply to them. The fact is - YOU are NOT special. We are all the same. Pain hurts us and joy makes us feel good. If someone cheated on their ex, they are likely capable of cheating on you. You don't have a prince charming and you don't have mice who will help you construct a dress for when the 7 Dwarfs come to your wedding. You're not going to WIN a baseball game stuffing your face on the couch. You can get all the tiny/participation trophies you want, but what your parents and coaches aren't telling you kid, is that the real good stuff comes with hard work and sacrifice. That's just my theory. That as people, we are becoming less honest with ourselves and with others. We yell at teachers when our kids fail, instead of looking in the mirror and saying "Wow, I could have reviewed his math more with him." Or, "Wow, now I recall he never brought homework home. I should have known something was up." To the contrary, people go in and say "Sorry Mr. or Mrs. Teacher, not my son/daughter. They would NEVER fail a class." We just have this unrealistic expectation that EVERYTHING will be good/positive and we don't have to be careful or work hard to get it. Jenna Fishers (from the office) had the greatest quote in an interview. "My advice for a good/loyal marriage - marry a good person." BRILLIANT. I understand bad people or people who make bad choices CAN become good. But do you know how RARE it is for people to change?!? Why would you want to risk that??? ---So why do you guys think women who HATE cheaters, continue to date, marry, stay married, etc. to them? Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 and men claim to hate sluts but still sleep with them! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 and men claim to hate sluts but still sleep with them! The difference is that most men will sleep with them but never expect anythingt to come of it though that is changing because I know plenty of men in love with no good women. My guess is that women want what other women have. I think a good portion of women would take a man who cheated over a man who was cheated on anyday. It shows he is more desirable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Chuck...just happened to go back and look at the trend in threads that you've started here on LS. They all seem to have this same....direction....as the subject. You're not happy with how the women in your life act/behave. Why do you think that is? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 1st off - This is not a gender specific situation. It happens with women & men alike. 2nd - won't he do it again? NO - It does't ALWAYS happen that way. Once A Cheater - is a blanket statement that does not apply to everyone that has cheated. You do seem very unhappy in your relationship (s) with women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 and men claim to hate sluts but still sleep with them! and the sad part is that some men will keep them around either because 1) they don't want to be alone or 2) trophy GF who they think will make other guys envious of them. Both genders take a risk when getting involved with a past cheater. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chucksagent Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 Woggle - Is right...men WILL sleep with sluts, but not fall in love with them. THAT is the difference and a BIG difference. Relax OWL!!! ha ha They do a think on Wednesdays on the radio station I listen to called "Ask a woman." And today they Asked the woman that question I posted. But I just got back from lunch while she was starting to answer and didn't get to hear her response. I'm NOT a cheater and have NEVER cheated. So this wouldn't apply to my girlfriend! Lol. I swear, this was because of the question posed on the radio show, and I think it's a great one. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Woggle - Is right...men WILL sleep with sluts, but not fall in love with them. THAT is the difference and a BIG difference. not true for all guys. Plenty of guys out there only care about looks in a woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 my point was that were all humans, men and women we have the same traits in different forms and express them differently. people always become very weak when in-love and that love is being abused. its sad but we all go against things things that we normally stand strong for, under certain circumstances. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 my point was that were all humans, men and women we have the same traits in different forms and express them differently. people always become very weak when in-love and that love is being abused. its sad but we all go against things things that we normally stand strong for, under certain circumstances. no argument here. Love/lust can blind you at times. Going through heartbreaks in the past makes you a better person all around. (assuming you let go of all the anger and bitterness) It helps you become more alert for certain red flags. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chucksagent Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 Pyro - You're 100% right...many men do the same thing...and for men it's 1) good looks and 2) Loneliness....I've seen it soooooo many times. My ex had the most amazing body I had ever seen...and yet she was the WORST person I ever met. It took me 1.5 years to realize this and break up with her before getting married or having an kids or buying any property. My mother (twice), two of my aunts, two of my cousins, my current girlfriend, my girlfriends sister, and several girls I know from High School and College...have all done the SAME exact thing I did, only got married OR got married and had kids OR got married, had kids, and bought a house. Some of them are still in debt for bullcrap that happened and their bad decisions. Everyone has lapses of judgment and makes bad choices, but how comes with women it seems like they are loyal to a fault. I consider myself a VERY loyal person. But I looked in the mirror one day and said "This girls issues are NOT your problem (her mother was cruel to her when young and I think that effected her psychologically and how she treated others)." That sounds cold and callous, but here I stand with no back taxes, no property payments, no child support, etc. Good decision. Women just seem to ignore red flags moreso and longer than men do. I have a friend who I've known since 7th grade...love the guy. But he is THE definition of what society (not me) calls a loser. He is a 31 year old waiter, lives with his brother (and his brothers boyfriend), he doesn't have a car or drive because of several DUI's, he's gotten busted for marijuana selling, he's been fired from waiting/bartending at just about EVERY restaurant and/or bar in our area (10 or 11 at least)...And his last 2 girlfriends were GORGEOUS...GORGEOUS and smart and funny...everyone got along great with them. Both girls broke up with him right around the 2 year mark. Their reasoning was "He is broke, unmotivated, lives with his brother in a small apartment, uneducated, lazy, drinking, drugs, etc." And all I could think was....WTF, he was that EXACT same guy 2 years ago??!?!? Nothing changed. With my ex girlfriend...she was PERFECT. Then when I proposed and we moved in together, I think she felt a lot more SAFE to be herself...that's when I saw the beast...and that's when I left. But some men are just stupid and keep making the same mistakes as well, I agree, it's just not women. I just see more women do it on a more regular/consistent basis. But trust me, men do PLENTY of other stupid stuff MORE frequently, so this isn't a bash women thing - just on THIS issue it is. Why hate cheaters then date them? Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Pyro - You're 100% right...many men do the same thing...and for men it's 1) good looks and 2) Loneliness....I've seen it soooooo many times. My ex had the most amazing body I had ever seen...and yet she was the WORST person I ever met. It took me 1.5 years to realize this and break up with her before getting married or having an kids or buying any property. My mother (twice), two of my aunts, two of my cousins, my current girlfriend, my girlfriends sister, and several girls I know from High School and College...have all done the SAME exact thing I did, only got married OR got married and had kids OR got married, had kids, and bought a house. Some of them are still in debt for bullcrap that happened and their bad decisions. Everyone has lapses of judgment and makes bad choices, but how comes with women it seems like they are loyal to a fault. I consider myself a VERY loyal person. But I looked in the mirror one day and said "This girls issues are NOT your problem (her mother was cruel to her when young and I think that effected her psychologically and how she treated others)." That sounds cold and callous, but here I stand with no back taxes, no property payments, no child support, etc. Good decision. Women just seem to ignore red flags moreso and longer than men do. I have a friend who I've known since 7th grade...love the guy. But he is THE definition of what society (not me) calls a loser. He is a 31 year old waiter, lives with his brother (and his brothers boyfriend), he doesn't have a car or drive because of several DUI's, he's gotten busted for marijuana selling, he's been fired from waiting/bartending at just about EVERY restaurant and/or bar in our area (10 or 11 at least)...And his last 2 girlfriends were GORGEOUS...GORGEOUS and smart and funny...everyone got along great with them. Both girls broke up with him right around the 2 year mark. Their reasoning was "He is broke, unmotivated, lives with his brother in a small apartment, uneducated, lazy, drinking, drugs, etc." And all I could think was....WTF, he was that EXACT same guy 2 years ago??!?!? Nothing changed. With my ex girlfriend...she was PERFECT. Then when I proposed and we moved in together, I think she felt a lot more SAFE to be herself...that's when I saw the beast...and that's when I left. But some men are just stupid and keep making the same mistakes as well, I agree, it's just not women. I just see more women do it on a more regular/consistent basis. But trust me, men do PLENTY of other stupid stuff MORE frequently, so this isn't a bash women thing - just on THIS issue it is. Why hate cheaters then date them? Lol. That sounds familiar. I had an ex of 1.5 years who was pretty on the outside but hideous on the inside. Being 20-21 years old definitely limits your perception. Maybe it is because women are more open to the possibility of a cheater learning from their past mistakes. A cheater changing is definitely not impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Relax OWL!!! ha ha They do a think on Wednesdays on the radio station I listen to called "Ask a woman." And today they Asked the woman that question I posted. But I just got back from lunch while she was starting to answer and didn't get to hear her response. Why? Was I wrong? Do a quick search of the threads you've started here on LS...look at what YOU see common in just the titles of said threads. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 1st off - This is not a gender specific situation. It happens with women & men alike. 2nd - NO - It does't ALWAYS happen that way. Once A Cheater - is a blanket statement that does not apply to everyone that has cheated. Maybe not to EVERYONE, but its like winning the lottery. There is a SMALL chance they won't cheat again. And please, don't use yourself as an example. It won't work seeing as how you won't let go of your OM forever. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I think when people are attracted to someone, they rationalize the previous bad behavior in the person because they want to believe he is better than that so they won't feel bad about their desire to be with that person. They tell themselves the guy/girl was a victim of a bad partner/bad marriage/bad circumstances, and they think things will somehow be different with the new person (them). They place the bad behavior in a box outside of that person, attributing it to other factors, rather than the person himself. That is also true when someone decides to have a relationship or marriage with someone that has a long history of failed relationships. They think this time will be different, and the failures were not the fault of the guy, but rather the fault of others. I know a woman who naively (or in denial) married a man who had been divorced five times, thinking somehow his ex wives/circumstances/etc. were at fault for the failed marriages rather than the guy himself. She ended up as his sixth divorce. Some people choose to ignore the past because they want to believe things will be different, but much of the time, it is not. While some people do change, many people continue to make the same mistakes over and over, or they change for the short term, but revert back to old ways. So to answer your question, people convince themselves that things will be different with them, and they place the negatives on factors outside of the person, rather than on the person himself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I think some women choose to be in a relationship with someone they know has a proclivity for cheating because they feel that " our situation is different...we are "soul mates"/ we love each other so much/ if I just do all the right things and love him enough, he'll change/ whatever" piffle! My husband cheated, but I still love him and I stayed with him. Not because of any of the reasons stated bave, but because he was willing to accept responsibility for his choices, and he was also willing to do the hard work on himself that it would take to find out why he made the choices he did and to learn ways to not make them again I believe that human beings have the capacity to change and grow...we all do, but it's not easy and "love is not enough" Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Maybe a guy who cheats has a propensity to be charming; even a bit of a con, and that's how and why he can get away with it. Also it's what makes it easy for him to "work it." It's a specialized skill set. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Alpha males treat women poorly yet they keep coming back...primitive..instinctual 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Alpha males treat women poorly yet they keep coming back...primitive..instinctual I'm basically a Neanderthal gal. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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