mike588 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 My ex. dumped me 7 months ago and never though I'd hear from her again...well last month she contacts me several times (emails) filled with sorrys and regrets but nothing about wanting to try it again. I foolishy responded after several days....now I regret it. Don't do it. 1
ThatDudeXO Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Forget this girl. Just move on. Don't take the bait, stay strong. Love is where 2 people want to be with each other and try their best to make things work, this is the complete opposite. She is playing games. Be a single man and enjoy it. You don't need to have a girlfriend, there have been times in your life where you have been single and loved it so there's no stopping you from enjoying it again. If she wants you back she must try a lot harder than a few texts and emails. Let her know that she is replaceable. Try and find someone else to spend your time with, just as she has done. This girl has to be a part of your past, not your present or future.
NopeNah Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 If it makes you feel any better I'm about to end my "gut" feeling on my own...I was fine before she contacted me and its been nothing but anxiety and worry ever since..f- that! I don't need that ****! Stay strong,man!
mike588 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 If it makes you feel any better I'm about to end my "gut" feeling on my own...I was fine before she contacted me and its been nothing but anxiety and worry ever since..f- that! I don't need that ****! Stay strong,man! Ha ha ha...I'm not laughing at you I'm laughing because I felt the same way....Geeze just leave us alone!
Million.to.1 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I don't think she is being nice at all. You asked her NOT to contact you. You gave her your reasons. If she had any respect for you and your feelings she would honor that. The only reason she is contacting you is to ease her guilt or get an ego boost. She seems to live in her ego, reeling you in and then spitting you out. She sounds incredibly selfish and you are better off without her. IGNORE the txt. You have explained to her you don't want contact. She is only testing your resolve. You are both old enough to know that you need a significant amount of time apart before "having tea" as friends is not going to open wounds. Stick to your guns. Stick to NC. There is nothing else to say.
mike588 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I don't think she is being nice at all. You asked her NOT to contact you. You gave her your reasons. If she had any respect for you and your feelings she would honor that. The only reason she is contacting you is to ease her guilt or get an ego boost. She seems to live in her ego, reeling you in and then spitting you out. She sounds incredibly selfish and you are better off without her. IGNORE the txt. You have explained to her you don't want contact. She is only testing your resolve. You are both old enough to know that you need a significant amount of time apart before "having tea" as friends is not going to open wounds. Stick to your guns. Stick to NC. There is nothing else to say. Ok lets say it's true that when an ex. contacts you he/she is just looking to have their ego stroked and or ease the guilt and you respond. What's next? Now has their guilt been erased? Do they come back for more ego stroking when they feel they need it???
Million.to.1 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Ok lets say it's true that when an ex. contacts you he/she is just looking to have their ego stroked and or ease the guilt and you respond. What's next? Now has their guilt been erased? Do they come back for more ego stroking when they feel they need it??? Well i would say from the many MANY post here about an ex contacting someone, then they respond, then they hear nothing back from the Ex, it would be a Yes. Guilt cannot be erased in one txt. And the ego is in a constant state of flux, so of course more contact will probably be made at some point. There is no "right" way for two good people to part. It's tough. You need to follow what is right for you and not blame the other person for their actions which can stem from a vast range of complicated emotional reasons. If you want NO contact for your own healing, and because you know that at this time any form of relationship will hinder it, it is your responsibility to maintain it. If your ex knows that the reason behind NC is you wanting to move forward and not because you "hate" them, then any contact they make is just their own moment of weakness and should not be indulged. The reasons they make contact are irrelevant to you.
mike588 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Well i would say from the many MANY post here about an ex contacting someone, then they respond, then they hear nothing back from the Ex, it would be a Yes. Guilt cannot be erased in one txt. And the ego is in a constant state of flux, so of course more contact will probably be made at some point. There is no "right" way for two good people to part. It's tough. You need to follow what is right for you and not blame the other person for their actions which can stem from a vast range of complicated emotional reasons. If you want NO contact for your own healing, and because you know that at this time any form of relationship will hinder it, it is your responsibility to maintain it. If your ex knows that the reason behind NC is you wanting to move forward and not because you "hate" them, then any contact they make is just their own moment of weakness and should not be indulged. The reasons they make contact are irrelevant to you. Very good comments.. I just made a thread about this.
fetish1980 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I know how hard it is to let someone you love go. Believe me, I'm a year out of an 8 year r/l and when we broke up, I felt like someone close to me had just died. The fact of the matter is, you lose value to her each time you see her/hang out with her. She begins to brand you as a safety net and thinks you will always be available. They may not come out and say it or even think it to themselves, but in their sub-conscience, they lose respect the more available you are. Now if you blew her off or told her you were busy when she throws that bone, you would be the first thing on her mind. Her next step would be to reel you back in by using guilt and other manipulation tactics. Unfortunately, that's the irony on how things usually work, we want things we can't have. fetish
Author Senateguy Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Yea - you want to believe they still love you. That they are reconsidering. That they are having doubts. That the text is a window into a world of doubt and wonder. That they are texting because they want to work it out. The reality is something else. It sucks man. YOu tell someone you love them. You talk about marriage and they pass it up. Then after you say you're moving on because they are passing you up, they text you. Just sucks! I didn't respond. I owe this community a lot of thanks.
fetish1980 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Yea - you want to believe they still love you. That they are reconsidering. That they are having doubts. That the text is a window into a world of doubt and wonder. That they are texting because they want to work it out. The reality is something else. It sucks man. YOu tell someone you love them. You talk about marriage and they pass it up. Then after you say you're moving on because they are passing you up, they text you. Just sucks! I didn't respond. I owe this community a lot of thanks. No problem. We're here for you bro. But it's not that they don't love us, it's just they don't love us enough. If they meant any good or cared that much about us, they wouldn't have left in the first place. fetish
leoc1973 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 hey man my ex does the same thing to me. someone else said it earlier in this post that they do it because they don't feel the same pain you do and can't realize how much they are hurting you. I think when you disappear from their lives for a while they do start to feel the tip of the iceberg of the pain so they come around to make sure you are still pining over them. I don't think they intentionally do it to hurt you but they do it to plug up their own pain. Is it possible this girl has an actual boyfriend? If not then you can put a big grin on your face and realize you are being used for sex. Hey at least you know you have that to feel good about. Women can go anywhere to get laid and she comes to you. But Chi said something that actually hit home with me a little. Kinda disgusted me about my ex. Said that she laid down naked with another dude. YUCK! ok thanks Chi I was feeling a little weak myself for a second there. Our biggest problem as humans is we would like to think we as individuals are good enough for anyone. Then when the one person on the planet that we want the most tells us we aren't good enough for them it blows our mind. I think a great deal of our pain is just being baffled with trying to understand what is so wrong with us that a person who loves us can just walk away. I myself have only broken up with one long term girl ever and I wanted to call her every day but never did because its just wrong. I knew how she felt but I went NC so that she could heal. Someone that keeps throwing the hook in us is selfish.
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