Senateguy Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I posted my break up story the other day. It's pasted below. I'm at 30 days no contact and she texts me this afternoon. This is her text: "Hey..I'm by your office for a work event and I'll be finishing up soon. Might not be a good time but couldn't be by your work without saying hello. Would you want to meet for tea? Understand if not. Hope all is well. " So i ignore it right? It doesn't look immature and bitter if i ignore? I don't look stupid? Wouldn't respond something light look indifferent. I don't want to look like she got to me. Would love some help on this and what you think of the text. === Here is my story. I've never posted on this site, but I read all the threads a lot. Me and the ex broke up orginally in July of 2011 after dating for a year and a half. I'm 34 and she is 34. Like a chump - i talked about marriage and committment which obviously killed the challenge. It was weird, because when we first started dating she was all over me about pushing for a relationship. Following the break up she did some pretty crappy things. She hooked up with this guy who she was texting off and on the entire time we were dating. She use to hammer me about being insecure over it, saying it was odd that i couldn't handle it - then she hooks up with him which really stung. Anyways, following our break up we kind of wallowed for a few weeks in July and then i went straight no contact starting August 1st. In August is when she hooked up with the guy i was talking about. Anyways, i don't hear from her the entire month. About 5 weeks later in the first part of Septemeber, she texts something about a football game she knows i'm at....something like "Good luck today...Win Win!" i take a day to respond and then respond with something like "had a great time, hope you're doing well." As expected from reading this forum, no response. Back to No contact. Anyways a few weeks later, she texts again a longer more meaningful text and the short end of it is that we end up getting back together for two months. October and November. Like a moron i just jump full body into the love boat again and start planning trips. Took her on an overseas trip and had a decent time but in the back of my head i knew i was loosing her. We end up breaking up the first week of December and it was pretty rough. I went straight no contact again and two weeks after the break up she calls and wants to bring over a xmas gift. i don't return the call and two days later i text her and tell her that's not a good idea and that i dropped her stuff off at her apt complex. That was probably pretty rough on her but whatever. Anyways, over the entire month of janurary or so she contacts me here and there, sends me a card etc. Sends me texts about her parents missing me. Texts about how am i doing. LIke an idiot, i meet up with her on a few occasions and we sleep together. This happened three seperate times. But after every meet up she would go cold again. We would literally hang out all weekend - have sex and then monday she'd go cold with the "i think i need to date other people." The last incident was the first week of feb. Like a moron, i texted her friday night. She replied back. I picked her up and she came over. We slept together and spent the whole weekend together. We literally spent all day Saturday together then went to a movie Saturday night and then i spent the night on sat night at her place. We woke up sunday morning - kissed good bye and i went home. I then watched the super bowl at my moms and she called later that night - we talked and then she went to bed. The next day - Monday - she texts me and asks me what i'm up to. I tell her i'm getting off work and ask her if she wants to come over and i we end up hanging out. During the monday night we start talkign about the relationship again and she drops the "i need to date other people line" AGAIN. For some reason this time the rejection really stung. Maybe it was the great weekend we had and then to follow that up with the "i need to date other people line" just really hit me hard this time. So she left and then i called her up an hour later and told her that i need her to not contact me anymore for a while. I really need to get over this and my worst fear is not being over this come summer time. I told her "it's clear that you don't want to marry me. I need to move on." I have gone stone cold no contact from that date on. It's been 29 days and for some reason it's been really hard. I have to assume she is with another guy right? Girls never tell you they want to date other people if they don't have someone lined up? I don't know - im just struggling. It's been almost a month and i'm still pinning. The first break up was last year for god sakes, why am i still pinning for someone that treats me so poorly. I guess my questions are ....is the no contact affecting her at all? I haven't heard one peep from her. When will i get over this crap? Is she with another guy? I'm 29 days into no contact and I find myself driving by hers stupid apartment and crap. I feel like a psycho. I have not contacted her in any way shape or form though. For some reason i just can't get past this crap. Thanks for any help.
CaliBabe Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 By not responding it doesn't make you look immature, it shows strength. What she is trying to do is test you to see if she still has you like that. Show her she doesn't. Show her you are not weak. Don't take the bait man. If she wants you back, she needs to do something very significant, something more than this breadcrumb she sent you just now. Ignore and be in control. Show your strength. 3
Author Senateguy Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 By not responding it doesn't make you look immature, it shows strength. What she is trying to do is test you to see if she still has you like that. Show her she doesn't. Show her you are not weak. Don't take the bait man. If she wants you back, she needs to do something very significant, something more than this breadcrumb she sent you just now. Ignore and be in control. Show your strength. Alright - it's weird. You know it's coming and you tell yourself how you're going to handle it and then it comes and for some reason you want to respond to show that you don't care, but i know where it will head. For some reason it just feels so juvenile to not respond. I feel like if i didn't care, i would respond with something like "swamped at work, can't do it right now, will have to catch up down the road."
brazilian Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I am sorry you have to go through this. When you reach the 60-day mark you will feel better. You are 34, you are an upright, truthful person, and if you have anything close to a decent job, you're the king of the world and you will find plenty of girls that would love to marry a guy like you. If you don't, please consider coming to Brazil ;-) Take care and stick to NC! (I am, for 6 months now!) Beijos 1
itsourchoice Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I don't know if I have any concrete answers. I do know though, how difficult it is to let go of someone you love. The fact that she needs to see other people, and that she keeps saying it means that she either is, or wants to. You would not be able to handle either scenario, and I would say keep in effect the NC. Sometimes it just takes time. We just have to move on the best we can, and as hard as that is, there really is no alternative. Remember, there are a lot of people in this world. Don't waste your time on someone who only wants you part time, or who wants you to share her, if this is not what you want. Letting go is so difficult, but holding on is even more so, and hurts so much more. Keep us informed. A~
Author Senateguy Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 I don't know if I have any concrete answers. I do know though, how difficult it is to let go of someone you love. The fact that she needs to see other people, and that she keeps saying it means that she either is, or wants to. You would not be able to handle either scenario, and I would say keep in effect the NC. Sometimes it just takes time. We just have to move on the best we can, and as hard as that is, there really is no alternative. Remember, there are a lot of people in this world. Don't waste your time on someone who only wants you part time, or who wants you to share her, if this is not what you want. Letting go is so difficult, but holding on is even more so, and hurts so much more. Keep us informed. A~ It's just hard to ignore. So freaking hard.
itsourchoice Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 By not responding it doesn't make you look immature, it shows strength. What she is trying to do is test you to see if she still has you like that. Show her she doesn't. Show her you are not weak. Don't take the bait man. If she wants you back, she needs to do something very significant, something more than this breadcrumb she sent you just now. Ignore and be in control. Show your strength. I wish I could like this a thousand times!! 2
itsourchoice Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 It's just hard to ignore. So freaking hard. I know. You know, just remember, she isn't hurting like you are or she would be doing all in her power to find her way back to you... not halfway, but all the way. Don't let her dupe you. Don't let her use you. Make yourself the priority. A~
marqueemoon4 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I agree that ignoring seems childish and stubborn.. but honestly I think a txt back after a few hours saying something like "sorry really busy at work" and leaving it at that would send a clear message that you're not her little lapdog that will come running every time she asks. just my .02
Author Senateguy Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 I agree that ignoring seems childish and stubborn.. but honestly I think a txt back after a few hours saying something like "sorry really busy at work" and leaving it at that would send a clear message that you're not her little lapdog that will come running every time she asks. just my .02 This is my thought process too - but i know you need to ignore. So **** hard. Any thoughts on her text? does it mean anything?
marqueemoon4 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 This is my thought process too - but i know you need to ignore. So **** hard. Any thoughts on her text? does it mean anything? Well.. she thought of you enough to txt you.. I'm sure she was near your work by design. But.. BUT she dumped you and is probably feeling guilty so don't read too much into it. I guarantee she'll be shocked if you don't respond, so maybe thats the best option? I dunno man, its all childish games to me, I don't play that sh*t but women apparently do. Either way you'll send a message.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 This is my thought process too - but i know you need to ignore. So **** hard. Any thoughts on her text? does it mean anything? Ignore. She is an ex now. Why is she sniffing around your door? She just wants to see if you are still crying in your coffee over her. Ego stroke. Don't take the bait, you will hurt even more. An ex is an ex for a reason. You broke up. Why have tea?? 1
NopeNah Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Going through this myself..I was weak and met up with her. She "wants to try again,be a family,has never stopped thinkin/loving me,ect" now two days later back to cold,distant,depressed.. the way I see mine is this..she had a weak couple of days. I ignored a few calls/texts and it made her feel like I was gone for good. Once she could see I was still around its time for her to head back out and party. By not responding you are essentially being strong for the both of you. That's what you need to do. Be strong! 1
Author Senateguy Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Going through this myself..I was weak and met up with her. She "wants to try again,be a family,has never stopped thinkin/loving me,ect" now two days later back to cold,distant,depressed.. the way I see mine is this..she had a weak couple of days. I ignored a few calls/texts and it made her feel like I was gone for good. Once she could see I was still around its time for her to head back out and party. By not responding you are essentially being strong for the both of you. That's what you need to do. Be strong! Yea - it doesn't mean anything huh? It's so hard for the dumpee to come to grips with that. Why would you want to meet up with me and still at the same time not want to be with me. It's just hard to come to grips with that. I guess it's because you want the person to like you like you like them and you just can't understand why they are passing on you. It's almost like you think you can convince them to like you if they just open their mind to it.
Black Jack Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 She's a cake eater. Women like her play games. Trust me dude, don't respond. She has a new dude and she still wants to string you along. Don't bite it.
NopeNah Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Yea - it doesn't mean anything huh? It's so hard for the dumpee to come to grips with that. Why would you want to meet up with me and still at the same time not want to be with me. It's just hard to come to grips with that. I guess it's because you want the person to like you like you like them and you just can't understand why they are passing on you. It's almost like you think you can convince them to like you if they just open their mind to it. Exactly!! I found myself trying to "convince" her..LOL I'm not pining or hoping it works out..if it does,it does. But I know in my gut its going to end today..oh well..i was fine before I met up and will be after. This is the feelings you'll save yourself by not responding
radiodarcy Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 i honestly wouldn't read into what she wrote as anything meaningful. i was annoyed for you when i read it. it's just a cheap ploy to throw you some bait and see if you'll bite. she just wants to know that she's missed. it doesn't necessarily mean that she wants you back, leave it be. i understand the compulsion to respond. but the chances that your response will lead to anything are slim to none. unless she spells it out for you. then don't entertain her behavior by playing guessing games with yourself. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 By not responding it doesn't make you look immature, it shows strength. What she is trying to do is test you to see if she still has you like that. Show her she doesn't. Show her you are not weak. Don't take the bait man. If she wants you back, she needs to do something very significant, something more than this breadcrumb she sent you just now. Ignore and be in control. Show your strength. she's not being nice to you for your benefit.... She's being nice to you for hers. it appeases the guilt, and hey.... if you agree to see her, you can't be hurting that bad, right? I mean, at least she's being nice and friendly and letting you share her time... isn't that nice...? No it freakin' isn't. it's ripping your heart out and making you watch while she slow-roasts it and feeds it to the dogs..... They don't get it, because they can't feel your pain. if they do the dumping, how can it possibly be hurting them? No, they just don't get it. If you do respond, and i can fully see why you'd want to, i really would say something like, "you are kidding, right? Having ripped my heart out and stuffed it where the sun don't shine, you want to rub my nose in it? don't contact me unless it's 100% to try again. otherwise, please consider us history, and don't contact me again. " and delete everything you got. Number, name, email, everything. cut her off, and cut her out. otherwise this will lather, rinse and repeat..... 1
bluewolf17 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Man, What do you want? I don't think you want to be friends or casual aquaintences. You aren't ready for that and it will result in being strung along, and not being open and ready for your next love. If this is your choice, do NOT respond. If you want her back, you could meet up. She be prepared to be right back in scenerio #1 when you find out that a cup of tea is just that. She is just checking in and now your hopes are up and you are back at NC day 1. My advice is stay away. Not responding is a very very loud message.
Author Senateguy Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 she's not being nice to you for your benefit.... She's being nice to you for hers. it appeases the guilt, and hey.... if you agree to see her, you can't be hurting that bad, right? I mean, at least she's being nice and friendly and letting you share her time... isn't that nice...? No it freakin' isn't. it's ripping your heart out and making you watch while she slow-roasts it and feeds it to the dogs..... They don't get it, because they can't feel your pain. if they do the dumping, how can it possibly be hurting them? No, they just don't get it. If you do respond, and i can fully see why you'd want to, i really would say something like, "you are kidding, right? Having ripped my heart out and stuffed it where the sun don't shine, you want to rub my nose in it? don't contact me unless it's 100% to try again. otherwise, please consider us history, and don't contact me again. " and delete everything you got. Number, name, email, everything. cut her off, and cut her out. otherwise this will lather, rinse and repeat..... Damn, what you're writing is so true. It's almost like it's evil what she is doing. Utterly selfish. I'm not responding. Thanks for the support. 1
itsourchoice Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 @Bluewolf... That thing about not responding sending a very loud message is SO true! I hate it when I text my BF and it takes him an hour to respond. If he doesn't respond at all, it will kill her.
Author Senateguy Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 @Bluewolf... That thing about not responding sending a very loud message is SO true! I hate it when I text my BF and it takes him an hour to respond. If he doesn't respond at all, it will kill her. it will really kill her that much huh? So weird. I would think she wouldn't even care.
marqueemoon4 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 well you don't know whats going through her head. you do however know your own feelings, so take everyones advice and don't respond. at this point who cares how it makes her feel.
Chi townD Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 This is my thought process too - but i know you need to ignore. So **** hard. Any thoughts on her text? does it mean anything? Yep! It definately means something. It means that she's pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there. If you feel like texting her back, I want you to read these next couple of sentences. She was texting (and probably flirting) with this guy while you two were in a relationship. She just about laughed in your face about it, because you had a problem with it. You two broke up and the FIRST thing she does is sleep with the guy. She actually laid down naked with the guy and did things to him that was only reserved for you. KNOWING that this information would probably get back to you. RUBBING YOUR FACE IN IT!!! Feel like texting her back now?
Author Senateguy Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Yep! It definately means something. It means that she's pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there. If you feel like texting her back, I want you to read these next couple of sentences. She was texting (and probably flirting) with this guy while you two were in a relationship. She just about laughed in your face about it, because you had a problem with it. You two broke up and the FIRST thing she does is sleep with the guy. She actually laid down naked with the guy and did things to him that was only reserved for you. KNOWING that this information would probably get back to you. RUBBING YOUR FACE IN IT!!! Feel like texting her back now? Yea - **** her..... I will definitely not respond. What a pile of **** person. Just a total user.
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