RonChalant Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 To make my long pre story short and simple...me and ex of 7 years broke up 3.5 months ago...pretty bad breakup. Accepted it in mid January as a fact of life...two weeks later met a new girl at school and now here we are a month later and she is my gf. Before hooking up with her I had a couple (3) week long "flings" with a few females that weren't really my type but hey...they were putting out and masturbating had gotten old lol. School starts Jan 25th...end up going out to eat with girl I sat next to after class that night. Switch numbers she calls a week later and we start hanging out. Friday before vday we make out for the first time (best kiss I've had in YEARS btw) and on vday we have sex for the first time. Now I do actually really like the girl...she does everything I wanted my ex to do...well not everything...but she is genuinely interested in making me happy. Expected in the honeymoon phase but I digress. Anyway so we start having sex pretty regularly...all along my ex is still a daily thought in my mind. Not while I'm with her, but when its just me I think about her A LOT, but I can't really say that I miss her. She's just always on my mind. Anyway last week after a month of talking I decide to make things exclusive...like I said I really like the girl, but I still think about my ex ALL THE TIME unless I'm with the new girl. I don't compare the two though I wish New girl had bigger breast (ex was a C...new girl is def an A lol) Might be kind of an obvious question but am I rebounding? I can't say that I want my ex back nor can I say that I miss her...I just think about her a lot, to be expected after 7 years and yes...I still am in love with her, but given the circumstance of how the breakup came to be and actually happened...I want to just move on. What do I do in this situation?
Emilia Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I think just being in a relationship again reminds you of your ex because it's your first relationship since your breakup (not counting the flings). It happens to me as well sometimes, as if my ex was watching me. It goes away after a while though. I also think we sometimes forget how our lives change when we are in a relationship, it's an emotional thing. You were with someone for 7 years, now you are getting into something potentially similar with someone else. It's a big deal. I'd say try not to overanalyse it and give your new gf a chance
RiverRunning Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 You have to ask if you're rebounding? The writing is on the wall. There are so many comparisons between your new girlfriend and the last in this post (down to their cup sizes). And this line spoke volumes to me: "Now I do actually really like the girl...she does everything I wanted my ex to do." She's your ex's replacement, dude. Not your girlfriend, not the new girl. You've updated your ex, essentially. I think you definitely needed to take more time after your break-up rather than hopping into the beds of random female friends (hmm, I wonder if that friendship's going to get very complicated and very screwed up very quickly). And I think you owe the girl you're currently dating a favor: a break-up. It's better to pull it off now rather than dragging it on indefinitely. I speak as someone who walked in the shoes of the former ex. Nothing I did could help me escape from the role I was thrust into. He talked about her all of the time, compared me to her, kept photos of her years after their break-up (and everywhere, to boot). You know, some folks are fine with that - but I prefer to be with people who can firmly put the past in the past, stop communicating with the ex, etc. I'm not going to spend my life living in a ghost's shadow. Your new girlfriend doesn't deserve that, either. My ex finally did move past that - but not without leaving me with oodles of self-esteem damage. He was a decent guy. But in the end, I just couldn't be with someone who made me feel so horrible for so long. How do you know how long it will be before you can shake your ex's memory? And is it fair to subject your new girlfriend to your healing process? My ex finally got rid of the last behavior that bothered me pertaining to his ex TWO YEARS into our relationship. Now, I can't even imagine why I put up with that crap for so long. I should've been out of there in 3 months. Please break up with this girl. You can continue to go out on dates and move SLOWLY toward another relationship in the future, but I don't think any kind of commitment is good for you right now. It's not good for the girls who will get burned by you, either.
veggirl Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 You say you are IN LOVE with your ex. You should break up with this poor new girl. I feel bad for her--dating a guy who is still in love with his ex and compares her to the ex constantly. Totally not cool. Once you are actually over your ex (and have spent some sig time single I think) then you can date again...not now.
Recommended Posts