Phillipine Culture the least superficial?

[Untouchable_Fire]

As for the "validity" --- if someone's reaction to pain, particularly the regular pains of living (I'll even accept people lashing out if they're, say, children or teens who have been, say, physically or sexually or emotionally abused to the point where they honestly don't know anything better, but a grown man who's upset because women have rejected him or given him drama or hurt him is not a particularly extreme case IMO; we've all been hurt), is to lash out at others, in a general sense, and develop a bitterness, then they're going to make themselves WAY more misery than the world ever gave them naturally.

 

.... I think you are downplaying the overall effect of his constant rejection. It IS a form of emotional abuse, it's just not inflicted by a single person and the victim is often complicit.

 

Being consistently rejected by the opposite sex creates a feeling of being ostracized. Nearly all men in that position report having thoughts of suicide.

[kaylan]

You are touching on a subject that is really threatening to most American women... so most responses are going to be like this... "she is poor and needs money/green card"... ect.

 

Fact is that this has much more to do with their culture than any poverty. My mothers best friend is Phillipino and I've had friends from that culture my whole life.

 

One good friend Sherri was born in the U.S, her parents are BOTH physicians, she is a pharmacist. Her husband is 14 years older than her... and not very handsome.

 

There are some strong cultural tendencies that make them seem less superficial. They prefer older more mature guys... I think this is primarily because they strongly value emotional security. They are crazy about light skin and height.

 

Anyway... Go back to 1980 and pretty much the only interracial marriages you find are white women marrying black men. This is being RAPIDLY eclipsed by white men marrying asian women. I forget the exact number but I think this is almost 15% of all marriages and growing.

 

I think the next big trend is going to be asian guys marrying black women... but that's going to require both groups to get over racists tendencies.

How does it have more to do with culture than poverty? Poverty is a huge part of it, which is why women from all around the world are willing to marry a guy for convenience so they can live better.

 

Some men and women in America settle for unattractive mates, but that doesnt mean foreign third worlders dont marry first worlders for the security.

[fortyninethousand322]

Your assumption that no one hurts the way you do is, frankly, absurd. Plenty of people hurt in plenty of ways. And when they generalize and spew bull**** and venom, the world generally doesn't give more favorable results. That's also not surprising. C'est la vie.

 

I disagree. Every single person's feelings (of joy, anger, sadness, whatever) is unique. Each of us brings a different perspective from which we view our lives and our situations. Some are similar than others though and we can relate certain things that we think might be helpful. If your experience is no where near the same there's really nothing helpful to offer. For example I wouldn't feel all that qualified to tell someone whether or not they should move in with their girlfriend. I've never been in that situation and have no idea what advice to give. And even if you thought there was some value to offer, how has that worked out on this forum so far? I haven't seen a single person with deep-rooted issues work them out and come back here and say everything was great.

 

 

We all have pain! And those of us who are happy have just learned to deal with it. Personally, I'm fine with someone expressing their pain---but when they use their pain to lash out, they've become the person who wants to CAUSE pain, not the victim. YMMV.

 

Not really. Most of the people who get criticism either haven't seemed open to changing their lives for the better or are perpetual brick walls at any suggestions to do so. I don't know much about this poster, except that he starts mildly trollish threads, but I mean in general.

 

The difference here is that the OP and other similar posters have a hard time with something viewed as completely normal and not all that big of a deal. I know of exactly one person who is in a similar situation as the OP (and others) and that guy at least has a legitimate excuse having grown up in a culture that doesn't do the whole dating thing.

 

People who are single usually date. They don't go years and years being single unless something is seriously wrong. That kind of isolation can make someone insane.

[kaylan]

What I am saying is if you want to know something, go see for yourself.

 

Go see the Phillipines, talk to the women, see how many women feel about divorce, gets your facts from the horses mouth. To dismiss real life by what a few random men say on the internet is the weak way.

Who says I am dismissing real life? Im not the only one saying these things. I can go to a forum for Filipino people and show you everything I have been saying.

 

Like I said before, your reasoning is bull. A simple Youtube search finds more evidence of everything Ive said.

[fortyninethousand322]

.... I think you are downplaying the overall effect of his constant rejection. It IS a form of emotional abuse, it's just not inflicted by a single person and the victim is often complicit.

 

Being consistently rejected by the opposite sex creates a feeling of being ostracized. Nearly all men in that position report having thoughts of suicide.

 

Exactly. At least someone gets it.

[zengirl]

.... I think you are downplaying the overall effect of his constant rejection. It IS a form of emotional abuse, it's just not inflicted by a single person and the victim is often complicit.

 

Being consistently rejected by the opposite sex creates a feeling of being ostracized. Nearly all men in that position report having thoughts of suicide.

 

"Abuse" is "the improper treatment or usage for bad purpose." It isn't every unfortunate thing that happens to you. The idea that you would suggest someone was abused because women (or men) wouldn't go out with him (or her), sleep with him (or her), or engage in any kind of relationship or whatnot with him (or her) is a terrible thing to say that overshadows what actual abuse is.

 

The only kind of abuse that could potentially come from continual rejection is self-abuse, which can come from ANYTHING. People who want to beat themselves up and tear themselves down often find reasons to do so. I agree that they should not, and that many people emotionally abuse themselves, but continual rejection is not abuse. That's also absurd.

 

I don't disagree that having such experiences (continual rejection) can be sad, problematic, require therapy or some sort of coping mechanism to overcome, can get one down, etc. I just disagree that it's validation for acting like an *******, that it's anything akin to abuse, etc. Frankly, I'm not even buying this assertion that it's worse than the pain most people have.

 

Plenty of people have all kinds of pain. Happy people learn how to resolve their pain, improve their lives, and move on. Happy people aren't people for whom everything is/was/will be always rosy; they are people that choose happy and productive paths.

 

Granted, there are EXTREME situations of violent/terrible/shocking tragedy I can totally understand making a person more messed up than average, and we would allow such people a mental health defense in some court cases even. But I don't think you'll see loneliness or rejection (both generally part of the human condition) being included there anytime soon.

[Arkaeology]

I guess I should post here...

 

I'm a Filipino guy, born and raised in the Philippines and now residing in California. I spent 2/3 of my life there and the other third stateside. I'm 30 if it matters.

 

First of all, Filipino culture is one of the most superficial cultures in the world. If you happen to visit the country (or most countries in Asia), TV is inundated with ads to make you lose weight, plastic surgery, things that will make you more attractive, etc. What you see as average weight is actually fat in Asia.

 

We have to look at the culture and see what makes it this way. Like any country that is dominated by Caucasian population, the exotics have a pull on the men. Like most (correct me if I'm wrong here) white men/women find exotics more intriguing/attractive, the same thing applies to Asians. Filipinos are brown skinned with doe eyes, darker skin and it's the norm and what you see everyday. You are seen as "less attractive" if you fall within the majority. If you are lighter skinned, not flat nosed, have chinky eyes (or other colored eyes), you already have an advantage eventhough you're not very attractive or overweight. You don't have to be rich or well off to be with a very attractive Filipina, you just have to have the looks and of course both of you should get along together pretty good.

 

Like what everyone mentioned above, there is also the argument for the poverty. Like anyone who's poor, you want a better life for yourself, immediate family, and future family. A sure way out of that is getting to a "Western" country and making a living. This is easier said than done and the easiest way is to get hitched. The harder way is to get an education, get experience, then apply for work overseas.

 

On a side note, this may be biased but Filipinos are very friendly if not the friendliest culture in the world. We would offer you the food on our plate even if it means us not having anything. The non-Filipino individuals that are dating Filipinos are finding that out. I'm talking about those people who are raised in the traditional culture.

 

So there it is. Lest superficial? Definitely no. Are looks a priority? Most likely. Culture trumps superficiality? Definitely.

[zengirl]

I disagree. Every single person's feelings (of joy, anger, sadness, whatever) is unique. Each of us brings a different perspective from which we view our lives and our situations. Some are similar than others though and we can relate certain things that we think might be helpful. If your experience is no where near the same there's really nothing helpful to offer. For example I wouldn't feel all that qualified to tell someone whether or not they should move in with their girlfriend. I've never been in that situation and have no idea what advice to give. And even if you thought there was some value to offer, how has that worked out on this forum so far? I haven't seen a single person with deep-rooted issues work them out and come back here and say everything was great.

 

Right. Because people don't come to forums to work out issues like that. They go to therapy and support groups and such. LS is a TERRIBLE place to work out such issues, I agree, but I disagree that the solution is to say, "It's okay, you have pain, you deserve to be bitter and say ugly things."

 

To be clear, I'm not suggesting LS can help someone overcome lifelong issues in dating (in fact, I'd definitely say LS alone does absolutely nothing). I am suggesting that having a tough dating life doesn't give anyone an excuse to be an *******.

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't disagree that having such experiences (continual rejection) can be sad, problematic, require therapy or some sort of coping mechanism to overcome, can get one down, etc. I just disagree that it's validation for acting like an *******, that it's anything akin to abuse, etc. Frankly, I'm not even buying this assertion that it's worse than the pain most people have.

 

 

But you wouldn't know for a fact now would you? It's all just a big guess. You might think it's an educated guess, but it's still a guess nonetheless.

[Arkaeology]

Oh and yes, I'm with a white woman.

[zengirl]

But you wouldn't know for a fact now would you? It's all just a big guess. You might think it's an educated guess, but it's still a guess nonetheless.

 

And you wouldn't know either, unless you'd experienced everyone's pain. No one can know another's pain, sure, but no one's pain is really a justification for being an *******. Me? I'll give some people who had extreme situations (I listed some) that created major mental disorders a pass on a case-by-case basis; I don't think you'll find many people willing to give people a pass on being *******s because they were lonely and rejected. Willing to sympathize? Sure. If you're not being a jerk.

[aj22one]

Right. Because people don't come to forums to work out issues like that. They go to therapy and support groups and such. LS is a TERRIBLE place to work out such issues, I agree, but I disagree that the solution is to say, "It's okay, you have pain, you deserve to be bitter and say ugly things."

 

To be clear, I'm not suggesting LS can help someone overcome lifelong issues in dating (in fact, I'd definitely say LS alone does absolutely nothing). I am suggesting that having a tough dating life doesn't give anyone an excuse to be an *******.

 

Is irc even being that awful? He's just making some off the wall observations. I find 'em quite funny sometimes actually. Shame the dude can't get some more confidence and get a date but I don't see how he's offensive.

 

Y'all need to stop taking everything so seriously.

[Untouchable_Fire]

The first sentence here and the last sentence here seem to contradict each other, FWIW.

I don't personally think there's anything wrong with intercultural marriage (I know quite a few people who have married people from other countries, in my travels and such) or that they're all GC marriages either, but I've experienced many cultures and, sadly, I've not found the U.S. to be a particularly 'superficial' one in contrast to others. All cultures are pretty superficial. Just about different ****. Luckily, there are many non-superficial people within each one!

 

I said it makes them SEEM less superficial. Then I went on to state that they just value different traits.

 

Look, as an American I can honestly admit that our culture is messed up hard. It's like our culture was designed by spoiled brats...

[xxoo]

So there it is. Lest superficial? Definitely no. Are looks a priority? Most likely. Culture trumps superficiality? Definitely.

 

Thank you, Ark!

[fortyninethousand322]

And you wouldn't know either, unless you'd experienced everyone's pain. No one can know another's pain, sure, but no one's pain is really a justification for being an *******. Me? I'll give some people who had extreme situations (I listed some) that created major mental disorders a pass on a case-by-case basis; I don't think you'll find many people willing to give people a pass on being *******s because they were lonely and rejected. Willing to sympathize? Sure. If you're not being a jerk.

 

The thing is I never claimed to be a painologist here. I never said it was more or less painful than any other types of pain. I merely said it's unique, which it is. Most people don't get into their upper 30s perpetually single (unless they have some kind of disability or were in a coma for years). Just like most people don't get abused or go through some kind of PTSD or whatever.

[Untouchable_Fire]

How does it have more to do with culture than poverty? Poverty is a huge part of it, which is why women from all around the world are willing to marry a guy for convenience so they can live better.

Some men and women in America settle for unattractive mates, but that doesnt mean foreign third worlders dont marry first worlders for the security.

 

It's just a different set of priorities.

 

I've seen foreign women from very rich families marry older less attractive men.... and really be in love.

 

It's crazy to me that so many Americans just assume the rest of the world thinks just like us. They don't.

[ThaWholigan]

The thing is I never claimed to be a painologist here. I never said it was more or less painful than any other types of pain. I merely said it's unique, which it is. Most people don't get into their upper 30s perpetually single (unless they have some kind of disability or were in a coma for years). Just like most people don't get abused or go through some kind of PTSD or whatever.

zengirl is right though, it doesn't give any of us an excuse to be bitter and lash out at people or make ridiculous generalizations to make ourselves feel better and offend and alienate people even further.

 

One simply has to look for peace from within, you cannot find it without. Do not let any of it bother you.

[kaylan]

It's just a different set of priorities.

 

I've seen foreign women from very rich families marry older less attractive men.... and really be in love.

 

It's crazy to me that so many Americans just assume the rest of the world thinks just like us. They don't.

I direct you to the quote under this sentence.

 

I dont think many of us have been off-base with our assessments.

My Filipina co-worker just laughed when I showed her the OP's post. She said it's common knowledge in the Philippines that a sure ticket to the US is to marry an older American with some money. After they become legal US residents or citizens, they get divorced and nice financial settlements. She said, "The lucky ones become widows."

This.

[zengirl]

I said it makes them SEEM less superficial. Then I went on to state that they just value different traits.

 

Look, as an American I can honestly admit that our culture is messed up hard. It's like our culture was designed by spoiled brats...

 

As an American who has traveled to many, many other countries and lived in quite a few, I can honestly admit that EVERY culture has it's own drawbacks and benefits. I think it's sad you have such hatred for the country you continue to live in. Why not move? (I say that seriously, not meanly. I think moving is a viable option if you find yourself out of step with your society and think another would be better, though you may wind up surprised.)

 

Frankly, I saw the most superficiality in Asia. Asian countries (rich or poor) are very superficial, especially with the way a woman looks.

 

I don't find American culture to be spoiled at all, in comparison (in fact, I think we're scrappers, not spoiled---I can name loads of spoiled countries), though I do find it to be boastful, materialistic, individualistic (perhaps overly), and loud. Really, really loud. And impatient. But also a country that values uniqueness, openness and individuality being accepted (we may have had our battles, but you don't see nearly as much swept under the rug here), even if it means a fight and takes time, and full of possibility.

 

The idea that there's some 'perfect' culture is absurd. The U.S. does have the benefit of MANY cultural elements mixing as one (and the downside of that, which is turbulence; the upside is growth). I think U.S. culture is pretty damn good, comparative to many, though I love many other cultures too. I'm more free here, socially, than I would be in many other countries. I can't even count the number of countries I've lived in where gay people supposedly don't exist. Yes, other countries also do better than us on that---and go them---but I think totally vilifying any culture is hard to do.

[fortyninethousand322]

zengirl is right though, it doesn't give any of us an excuse to be bitter and lash out at people or make ridiculous generalizations to make ourselves feel better and offend and alienate people even further.

 

One simply has to look for peace from within, you cannot find it without. Do not let any of it bother you.

 

Oh I agree. But then again you and I are still young and don't exactly have the same perspective as the OP, and I can understand where the stuff comes from even as I think it's unwise to post threads like this.

 

It's like terrorism. You can disagree with the tactics even as you understand why it happens and where the animosity comes from.

[zengirl]

The thing is I never claimed to be a painologist here. I never said it was more or less painful than any other types of pain. I merely said it's unique, which it is. Most people don't get into their upper 30s perpetually single (unless they have some kind of disability or were in a coma for years). Just like most people don't get abused or go through some kind of PTSD or whatever.

 

Nor did I claim to be a 'painologist' --- I just said I would excuse people who have had very severe trauma. So will most laws, in certain cases. Granted, if they are perpetually destructive and refuse help, then I wouldn't back them up either. You were the one who started on about how IMMENSE this pain was.

[Untouchable_Fire]

"Abuse" is "the improper treatment or usage for bad purpose." It isn't every unfortunate thing that happens to you. The idea that you would suggest someone was abused because women (or men) wouldn't go out with him (or her), sleep with him (or her), or engage in any kind of relationship or whatnot with him (or her) is a terrible thing to say that overshadows what actual abuse is.

The only kind of abuse that could potentially come from continual rejection is self-abuse, which can come from ANYTHING. People who want to beat themselves up and tear themselves down often find reasons to do so. I agree that they should not, and that many people emotionally abuse themselves, but continual rejection is not abuse. That's also absurd.

 

We are very social creatures and feeling part of the group is a requirement for our mental well being.

 

In fact happiness COMES from our primary relationships with other humans. Being denied that most quintessential relationship is extremely damaging.

 

Just because it isn't intentional doesn't mean it isn't abuse. Dating is a mechanism designed for finding a mate. When it's used unintentionally to exclude people... that is abuse in the very definition of the word.

[zengirl]

We are very social creatures and feeling part of the group is a requirement for our mental well being.

 

In fact happiness COMES from our primary relationships with other humans. Being denied that most quintessential relationship is extremely damaging.

 

Just because it isn't intentional doesn't mean it isn't abuse. Dating is a mechanism designed for finding a mate. When it's used unintentionally to exclude people... that is abuse in the very definition of the word.

 

No, it's not. You clearly don't understand the definition of the word, so I don't know what else to say.

 

Everything that can potentially make us unhappy does not correlate to abuse. Not at all.

[serial muse]

Dating is a mechanism designed for finding a mate. When it's used unintentionally to exclude people... that is abuse in the very definition of the word.

 

Huh? By this definition all dating is abuse. Because we select some partners, and not others. Thus, excluding people de facto. This makes no sense, UF.

[fortyninethousand322]

Nor did I claim to be a 'painologist' --- I just said I would excuse people who have had very severe trauma. So will most laws, in certain cases. Granted, if they are perpetually destructive and refuse help, then I wouldn't back them up either. You were the one who started on about how IMMENSE this pain was.

 

"Immense" is your word, not mine.

 

For reference here are the first two posts of mine in this thread. Nothing about pain (immense or otherwise in them).

 

Actually I was thinking of picking up a chick from Somalia or Afghanistan, some war torn country where people are desperate to get out. Might be a better bet than Filipina women OP.

 

I'm pretty sure if you had as much bad luck as the OP you'd have issues too. This guy gets friendzoned, criticized, ditched, and otherwise rejected more than any person I've ever heard of.

 

I referred to it as "bad luck". Which I still believe that's what it is. Usually when I say this, certain posters (not you but other infamous ones) bash me on it and say "it's all the OP's fault blah blah blah".

 

I didn't come into this thread trying to play the martyr card.