Phillipine Culture the least superficial?

[Els]

First, I agree with Elswyth---not 'lovable' at all---but also, the thing about whipping boys? They don't lash out. Whipping boys "take it." I'm not saying that's better, but I am saying this is a false correlation.

 

The OP does not get criticized because of his failures or bad luck; he gets criticized because he says things that make him seem like an *******. If his bitterness comes from bad experiences (and I haven't heard anything ALL that bad that's happened to him; being rejected by women or men is not exactly high tragedy that makes someone lash out even if they're a good person), whatevs, but he's not getting criticized for his bad experience; he's getting criticized for saying things that are offensive and annoying and obviously flawed premises to others.

 

Not to mention incredibly hypocritical and illogical.

[fortyninethousand322]

First, I agree with Elswyth---not 'lovable' at all---but also, the thing about whipping boys? They don't lash out. Whipping boys "take it." I'm not saying that's better, but I am saying this is a false correlation.

 

The OP does not get criticized because of his failures or bad luck; he gets criticized because he says things that make him seem like an *******. If his bitterness comes from bad experiences (and I haven't heard anything ALL that bad that's happened to him; being rejected by women or men is not exactly high tragedy that makes someone lash out even if they're a good person), whatevs, but he's not getting criticized for his bad experience; he's getting criticized for saying things that are offensive and annoying and obviously flawed premises to others.

 

Might I refer you to this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/275108-judged-due-minimum-dating-history

 

Another thread that I recall, he complained about wanting to date a woman who just wanted to be friends. He invited her out to do stuff as friends or whatever and she refused every time (basically not acting like a "friend"). He deleted her off facebook and she went all nuts about it. He posted about it on here and certain posters took him to task for deleting her off his facebook friends list. Like, this guy can't win for losing.

 

People need to understand bitterness doesn't just come from nowhere. It has a source, often a very valid one. You could certainly make the argument that bitterness is not the ideal reaction, but it shouldn't be a surprising one.

[Els]

Might I refer you to this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/275108-judged-due-minimum-dating-history

 

Another thread that I recall, he complained about wanting to date a woman who just wanted to be friends. He invited her out to do stuff as friends or whatever and she refused every time (basically not acting like a "friend"). He deleted her off facebook and she went all nuts about it. He posted about it on here and certain posters took him to task for deleting her off his facebook friends list. Like, this guy can't win for losing.

 

People need to understand bitterness doesn't just come from nowhere. It has a source, often a very valid one. You could certainly make the argument that bitterness is not the ideal reaction, but it shouldn't be a surprising one.

 

That is the way life works. What do you think would happen if you constantly spew annoying, illogical and offensive diatribes to everyone at work? It doesn't matter that your wife cheated on you, that your car broke down, that your cat is ill. Nobody is going to be happy to just sit around and pet you and take your crap all the time. People may try to be nice at the beginning, but eventually they're going to either ignore you or call you on it.

[fortyninethousand322]

That is the way life works. What do you think would happen if you constantly spew annoying, illogical and offensive diatribes to everyone at work? It doesn't matter that your wife cheated on you, that your car broke down, that your cat is ill. Nobody is going to be happy to just sit around and pet you and take your crap all the time. People may try to be nice at the beginning, but eventually they're going to either ignore you or call you on it.

 

But where did those diatribes come from? OP can correct me if I'm wrong but I highly doubt he was just siting on a couch one day and said "gee, I'm going to start being bitter and post diatribes online now". No one does that. They're based on real experiences.

 

Anyone who has not had a ton of difficulty just getting dates over a prolonged period of time, is not qualified to lay criticism on anyone like the OP. It's no different than someone born rich criticizing some poor person's life.

 

This is what I mean by "whipping boy". Very few people are trying to help the OP change his life for the better. Most are here just to say "you suck and you're horrible". If that's how everyone feels why don't they just ignore his threads? Seems like a fairly simple solution.

[Els]

Same reason you are responding to me instead of just ignoring me.

 

The OP has almost 2000 posts. Don't you think some of us have tried?

[fortyninethousand322]

Same reason you are responding to me instead of just ignoring me.

 

The OP has almost 2000 posts. Don't you think some of us have tried?

 

I post on this board because I have literally nothing else to do with my time after I'm done writing my articles and going to the gym. That's why I don't ignore you or anyone else. Besides, someone has to defend the indefensible.

 

I'm sure plenty of people have tried. However, aside from a few posters I've never seen anyone say "yeah those girls really suck go get the next one". Newer posters often do, but rarely do I see vets do it. Usually it's just a pile on.

[ThaWholigan]

But where did those diatribes come from? OP can correct me if I'm wrong but I highly doubt he was just siting on a couch one day and said "gee, I'm going to start being bitter and post diatribes online now". No one does that. They're based on real experiences.

 

Anyone who has not had a ton of difficulty just getting dates over a prolonged period of time, is not qualified to lay criticism on anyone like the OP. It's no different than someone born rich criticizing some poor person's life.

 

This is what I mean by "whipping boy". Very few people are trying to help the OP change his life for the better. Most are here just to say "you suck and you're horrible". If that's how everyone feels why don't they just ignore his threads? Seems like a fairly simple solution.

I personally am of the opinion that one shouldn't allow oneself so easily to become bitter. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be an attempt to reconcile ones problems from within, hence the lashing out.

[carhill]

What's interesting is that the thread topic is about a later 40's friend of the OP who married a 30 year old Filipino lady and the OP's observations of their dynamic. I'm unclear how it shifted to an analysis of the OP.

 

In any event, from my readings of his over time, I tend to view him like this, as a sort of benevolent observer. Perhaps that can be annoying, though it hasn't been so for me. Annoying threads and posters are easy enough to pass on by.

[fortyninethousand322]

I personally am of the opinion that one shouldn't allow oneself so easily to become bitter. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be an attempt to reconcile ones problems from within, hence the lashing out.

 

I understand, but you and I are quite a bit younger than the OP. It's easy for us at the start of our lives to be cool and calm. If I was 10 or 15 years older I'm not sure that would be possible.

 

It's like those sex doll things. The idea grosses me out. But, maybe if I was the 45 year old virgin my opinion would be a bit different.

[ThaWholigan]

I post on this board because I have literally nothing else to do with my time after I'm done writing my articles and going to the gym. That's why I don't ignore you or anyone else. Besides, someone has to defend the indefensible.

 

I'm sure plenty of people have tried. However, aside from a few posters I've never seen anyone say "yeah those girls really suck go get the next one". Newer posters often do, but rarely do I see vets do it. Usually it's just a pile on.

I understand where you are coming from, after all I have had the same problems also. It does seem like a pile-on, but the difference is I expect a certain lack of empathy for the situation as they have overcome much of those problems and expect us to follow suit, so probably don't see why we are having as much difficulty as we are.

[fortyninethousand322]

I understand where you are coming from, after all I have had the same problems also. It does seem like a pile-on, but the difference is I expect a certain lack of empathy for the situation as they have overcome much of those problems and expect us to follow suit, so probably don't see why we are having as much difficulty as we are.

 

Most of the posters on LS started dating at 16 and spent college either living it up or putting their head down and studying so they could live it up in their 20s. There are a solid group of posters who are older inexperienced guys and you ever see them hyper critical of the OP. All the critical types never had the same kind of struggles (one could argue not much struggle at all actually).

 

Heck, in some threads I'm criticized for having hardly any standards and not caring if a girl had a history of cheating. I mean come on, I'm 24 years old and I've never kissed a girl, I think standards should probably be the last thing on my mind.

[Crusoe]

Gimme a break. This is a weak way to dismiss the real life accounts of many people. I guess anything I read online is a straight up fallacy simply because I have not experienced it myself huh? Which basically means what you are saying is bullcrap and I dont need to take you seriously. I mean you are on the internet arent you?

 

Get outta here with this ish.

 

What I am saying is if you want to know something, go see for yourself.

 

Go see the Phillipines, talk to the women, see how many women feel about divorce, gets your facts from the horses mouth. To dismiss real life by what a few random men say on the internet is the weak way.

[Star Gazer]

I'm sitting here thinking about all the Filipina women I know... Every single one of them is married to a well-off white man, and only one of those men is attractive. Hmph.

[ThaWholigan]

Most of the posters on LS started dating at 16 and spent college either living it up or putting their head down and studying so they could live it up in their 20s. There are a solid group of posters who are older inexperienced guys and you ever see them hyper critical of the OP. All the critical types never had the same kind of struggles (one could argue not much struggle at all actually).

 

Heck, in some threads I'm criticized for having hardly any standards and not caring if a girl had a history of cheating. I mean come on, I'm 24 years old and I've never kissed a girl, I think standards should probably be the last thing on my mind.

I agree with you. Like I said, I expect a certain level of criticism, I don't really expect people to understand fully. All we can do is seek their ideas, not their empathy or their sympathy. These are problems they overcame at 16, whereas we shied away either because we were afraid, we had inefficient social skills, or in my case a learning/developmental disability.

We have to live with that now, no point being bitter or reacting to every comment somebody with dating experience makes. We have to have thicker skin.

[zengirl]

I'm sitting here thinking about all the Filipina women I know... Every single one of them is married to a well-off white man, and only one of those men is attractive. Hmph.

 

Well, FWIW. . . The only Filipina woman I know who's in the U.S. (I met quite a few in the Philippines but never kept in touch or anything) supports a rather attractive musician who's a SAHD (for their 2 kids) with her kickass six-figure advertising career. But she's not actually FROM the Philippines; her parents were. And she's not really in touch with her parents' culture.

[ThaWholigan]

I'm sitting here thinking about all the Filipina women I know... Every single one of them is married to a well-off white man, and only one of those men is attractive. Hmph.

I know 2 Filipina girls. One is engaged to another Filipina, the other is dating one of my brothers.

[Star Gazer]

What's interesting is that the thread topic is about a later 40's friend of the OP who married a 30 year old Filipino lady and the OP's observations of their dynamic. I'm unclear how it shifted to an analysis of the OP.

 

In any event, from my readings of his over time, I tend to view him like this, as a sort of benevolent observer. Perhaps that can be annoying, though it hasn't been so for me. Annoying threads and posters are easy enough to pass on by.

 

Every single one of his threads starts with something like, "I've noticed lately" or "I've been noticing that..." and yet while "noticing lately" suggests he's observing a pervasive pattern, his threads are based on one or two incidents.

 

It's like me having a poor experience with a guy who happens to be an accountant and starting a thread with, "I'm noticing a lot lately that accountants are jerks."

 

Such conclusions and "observations" are annoying indeed. Like the guy in your linked photo, the OP observes people through a magnifying glass. He can't see the forest for the trees (or really, pinecones).

[aj22one]

Oh for the love of Pete somebody just fix this guy up with one of their single friends. They go on a few dates, hit it off who knows maybe these threads just vanish.

 

Can't be that hard can it?

[Star Gazer]

Well, FWIW. . . The only Filipina woman I know who's in the U.S. (I met quite a few in the Philippines but never kept in touch or anything) supports a rather attractive musician who's a SAHD (for their 2 kids) with her kickass six-figure advertising career. But she's not actually FROM the Philippines; her parents were. And she's not really in touch with her parents' culture.

 

We all have our own experiences. I'm just relating what I have seen.

 

I can count 7, and none of them work legitimately outside the home. I don't believe any of them were born in the U.S., and those with children brought them into the marriage and didn't have any with the white dude.

 

One is the wife of an old boss. She once told me that she'd leave him if something happened where he couldn't maintain her standard of living. They live way beyond their means (he was constantly stressed about her "needs" for a new Benz or bigger diamonds).

 

Another worked by engaging in the maid slave trade, and was convicted and sent to a fed pen.

[fortyninethousand322]

We all have our own experiences. I'm just relating what I have seen.

 

I can count 7, and none of them work legitimately outside the home. I don't believe any of them were born in the U.S., and those with children brought them into the marriage and didn't have any with the white dude.

 

One is the wife of an old boss. She once told me that she'd leave him if something happened where he couldn't maintain her standard of living. They live way beyond their means (he was constantly stressed about her "needs" for a new Benz or bigger diamonds).

 

Another worked by engaging in the maid slave trade, and was convicted and sent to a fed pen.

 

Aside from the slave trade thing, none of that sounds all that bad. I mean it beats the alternative.

[zengirl]

People need to understand bitterness doesn't just come from nowhere. It has a source, often a very valid one. You could certainly make the argument that bitterness is not the ideal reaction, but it shouldn't be a surprising one.

 

I think it's neither ideal, nor surprising. Bitterness is highly irrational in most cases, since it's rarely directed at the particular individuals or issues that caused one to be bitter, and instead infects your whole life and makes it fairly miserable. (And generally causes one to encourage misery around himself/herself, as well, which is what people then criticize, which is ALSO not surprising.)

 

As for the "validity" --- if someone's reaction to pain, particularly the regular pains of living (I'll even accept people lashing out if they're, say, children or teens who have been, say, physically or sexually or emotionally abused to the point where they honestly don't know anything better, but a grown man who's upset because women have rejected him or given him drama or hurt him is not a particularly extreme case IMO; we've all been hurt), is to lash out at others, in a general sense, and develop a bitterness, then they're going to make themselves WAY more misery than the world ever gave them naturally.

 

Your assumption that no one hurts the way you do is, frankly, absurd. Plenty of people hurt in plenty of ways. And when they generalize and spew bull**** and venom, the world generally doesn't give more favorable results. That's also not surprising. C'est la vie.

 

 

That is the way life works. What do you think would happen if you constantly spew annoying, illogical and offensive diatribes to everyone at work? It doesn't matter that your wife cheated on you, that your car broke down, that your cat is ill. Nobody is going to be happy to just sit around and pet you and take your crap all the time. People may try to be nice at the beginning, but eventually they're going to either ignore you or call you on it.

 

Right.

 

Anyone who has not had a ton of difficulty just getting dates over a prolonged period of time, is not qualified to lay criticism on anyone like the OP. It's no different than someone born rich criticizing some poor person's life.

 

Not really. Maybe we don't have the "same" pain, but this idea that there is some kind of uniqueness to this pain is absurd, as I said, and besides, unless we're talking extreme duress to the point where it literally breaks a person mentally (I'm thinking things like being repeatedly sexually abused by your parent as a child or being forced to slaughter others as a child soldier in Africa or being tortured in a military prison or watching a psycho systematically torture and murder your family before your eyes---you know, extreme situations), I don't think we can excuse bad behavior as, "Oh, well, he/she has pain."

 

We all have pain! And those of us who are happy have just learned to deal with it. Personally, I'm fine with someone expressing their pain---but when they use their pain to lash out, they've become the person who wants to CAUSE pain, not the victim. YMMV.

 

This is what I mean by "whipping boy". Very few people are trying to help the OP change his life for the better. Most are here just to say "you suck and you're horrible". If that's how everyone feels why don't they just ignore his threads? Seems like a fairly simple solution.

 

Not really. Most of the people who get criticism either haven't seemed open to changing their lives for the better or are perpetual brick walls at any suggestions to do so. I don't know much about this poster, except that he starts mildly trollish threads, but I mean in general.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Now are these just green card marriages (some might indeed agree here) or is this culture the least superficial culture?

 

You are touching on a subject that is really threatening to most American women... so most responses are going to be like this... "she is poor and needs money/green card"... ect.

 

Fact is that this has much more to do with their culture than any poverty. My mothers best friend is Phillipino and I've had friends from that culture my whole life.

 

One good friend Sherri was born in the U.S, her parents are BOTH physicians, she is a pharmacist. Her husband is 14 years older than her... and not very handsome.

 

There are some strong cultural tendencies that make them seem less superficial. They prefer older more mature guys... I think this is primarily because they strongly value emotional security. They are crazy about light skin and height.

 

Anyway... Go back to 1980 and pretty much the only interracial marriages you find are white women marrying black men. This is being RAPIDLY eclipsed by white men marrying asian women. I forget the exact number but I think this is almost 15% of all marriages and growing.

 

I think the next big trend is going to be asian guys marrying black women... but that's going to require both groups to get over racists tendencies.

[zengirl]

We all have our own experiences. I'm just relating what I have seen.

 

I can count 7, and none of them work legitimately outside the home. I don't believe any of them were born in the U.S., and those with children brought them into the marriage and didn't have any with the white dude.

 

One is the wife of an old boss. She once told me that she'd leave him if something happened where he couldn't maintain her standard of living. They live way beyond their means (he was constantly stressed about her "needs" for a new Benz or bigger diamonds).

 

Another worked by engaging in the maid slave trade, and was convicted and sent to a fed pen.

 

Oh, I wasn't disagreeing with your experiences. Your post just got me searching my own acquaintances and friends. I don't think all that much about race, in America, in general, so I was trying to think if I knew any Filipina women, and then I remembered I have a FB friend who's an old co-worker that I just saw recently.

[zengirl]

There are some strong cultural tendencies that make them seem less superficial. They prefer older more mature guys... I think this is primarily because they strongly value emotional security. They are crazy about light skin and height.

 

The first sentence here and the last sentence here seem to contradict each other, FWIW.

 

I don't personally think there's anything wrong with intercultural marriage (I know quite a few people who have married people from other countries, in my travels and such) or that they're all GC marriages either, but I've experienced many cultures and, sadly, I've not found the U.S. to be a particularly 'superficial' one in contrast to others. All cultures are pretty superficial. Just about different ****. Luckily, there are many non-superficial people within each one!

[FitChick]

My Filipina co-worker just laughed when I showed her the OP's post. She said it's common knowledge in the Philippines that a sure ticket to the US is to marry an older American with some money. After they become legal US residents or citizens, they get divorced and nice financial settlements. She said, "The lucky ones become widows."