irc333 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Something I'm noticing latlely, that if you want a SURE thing, esp if you're a not so attractive man, is you're more than likely to get a Filipina woman to date you than any other type of woman. Again, just something I'm noticing lately, AND.....they don't seem to mind the age differences they seek in a man either. I don't mean to stereotype, but have seen this A LOT lately. My friend, who is probably in his late 40's, recently married a 30 year old Filipina, now in this case, he actually knew her through missionary work, she was stateside on a Visa and they met through their church. After she had went back home, they had been corresponding via email, and he had done some mission work in her country as well. During this time, he did date women locally, but none which seemed to keep his interest. He proposed marriage to her, I suppose via cyberspace, and she flew in. He's known her for a while because they've already worked together personally. But some of his friends were taken aback by his sudden status change to "engaged" and the woman they didn't even recognize through their own local social circles. I saw a picture of them together, he's a nice guy, but indeed overweight and..well...obviously much older than her. She actually gave up having kids with him (because she was wanting children), just to be married to him. They had brief split because of this, but he said since he's already divorced, and has 2 kids in Middle school.....he has no desire at his age to bear more children. She changed her mind and went with his wishes. Anyhow, one day, I'm seeing his FB posts and pictures of his lovely wife and another Filipina friend of hers...also very attractive, early 30's. I asked my married friend about her.....and he said, "Sorry, man, she's married, lol" I clicked on the link of the woman, and it shows a picture of her and this guy, probably old enough to be my own father, snuggling up with him. Hair completely greyed, and probably of a Baby Boomer age. Now are these just green card marriages (some might indeed agree here) or is this culture the least superficial culture?
Els Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 ...Are you REALLY thinking that Filipinos are not superficial because their 'attractive, young' women are marrying overweight, old American men? This boggles me on so many levels that I'm not even sure how to answer you. Perhaps you could just give your hypothesis a try by flying there and proposing marriage to a local - the woman who accepts is likely to be every bit as superficial as you are, so you'll be a nice match. 8
Author irc333 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 ...Are you REALLY thinking that Filipinos are not superficial because their 'attractive, young' women are marrying overweight, old American men? This boggles me on so many levels that I'm not even sure how to answer you. Perhaps you could just give your hypothesis a try by flying there and proposing marriage to a local - the woman who accepts is likely to be every bit as superficial as you are, so you'll be a nice match. This is just an observation, and just wondering if people had noticed this and can certain cultures, due to their kind of upbringing, can lead to those who are more about personality than the physical? Not sure how this thread would be an attack on me personally, but I'm hardly superficial.
darkmoon Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 where's that dirty old man gone? aha! he wants to marry a ninety year old woman (so much in common) except that she's chasing the twenty year old beach-boys and spending her widows pension on thier mutually satifying porn-watching sessions
Els Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 If you were not superficial, my dear, your entire post would not just be about 'young, attractive' women hooking up with old and overweight men. If you genuinely want to know about Filipino culture, all you need to do is observe their local marriages and see if the old, overweight widows are receiving as many proposals as the young, attractive women are. Evidently they are not, so what does that tell you? 1
zengirl Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) Filipino culture is quite superficial, IMO, but it's more traditionally so where a man's looks aren't important as his ability to provide. And, sure, a visa to America is still desirable in the Philippines, though less than it used to be. I don't know if I'd say they're JUST green card marriages---many are likely sincere to a degree, but it all depends. You're citing a country where marriage is still about a woman securing her future through a man to a greater degree than it is in the U.S., so his looks are less important, yes. But only because they're less 'modern' in terms of the roles of women. Getting better, but still not there. ETA: When I was traveling Asia, what I noticed was that, for women in most of the countries, it's basically the 80s there. Things are improving, women can get halfway decent jobs, but it's still not the most common role of women.* *This is slightly less true (and just somewhat different) in Japan, but it depends on your overall aptitude. And it's worse in some countries, of course. I mean, there are nice Filipino people, of course (there are nice and crap people everywhere), but I found them very superficial when I stayed there. Great food, though. Edited March 7, 2012 by zengirl 4
Crusoe Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I mean, there are nice Filipino people, of course (there are nice and crap people everywhere), but I found them very superficial when I stayed there. Great food, though. I thought the opposite, but it all depends where you are. Spend time with a family of 11 sharing a one roomed, tin roofed shack and you wont see much superficiality.
Els Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I thought the opposite, but it all depends where you are. Spend time with a family of 11 sharing a one roomed, tin roofed shack and you wont see much superficiality. Sadly, poverty often creates the most money-motivated people around, out of sheer necessity. A girl coming from such a family would be happy to trade her youth and beauty for a man whom she doesn't truly love, if it meant that her family would not have to starve anymore. 4
zengirl Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I thought the opposite, but it all depends where you are. Spend time with a family of 11 sharing a one roomed, tin roofed shack and you wont see much superficiality. Really? You don't think some of those girls growing up in that situation would marry a man who could provide a good home for her, regardless of whether or not she loved him? That's the situation where perhaps one UNDERSTANDS the superficiality, but it's not culturally bred out. It's bred in. Poverty to me does not mean superficiality does not exist. It just means I understand the urge. Poverty sucks, of course, but it's everywhere. Not just in other countries. At any rate, I'm not dissing Filipino culture. There are some nice values about family and such in there, but in regards to romantic relationships, there is definitely superficiality there.
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) Women from a country with a large amount of poverty are marrying dudes from a first world country so they can make a new life. This pretty much means they are superficial. Its about the money...and many of them divorce the guy after they get citizenship and get a man they find attractive. There are stories about dudes getting bail on by their foreign wives all over the net. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economy_of_the_Philippines#Statistics 33% of the population is below the poverty line. And many above that line are still pretty poor. Thats more than twice the United States 15%. Also, look at that map and see how much poverty there is by region. Most of the people the Philippines are lower class. http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/sites/default/files/images/graphics/income_share_families.jpg Courtesy of ABS CBN NEWS, the Phillipines first 24 hour news network. I rest my case. Edited March 7, 2012 by kaylan
Els Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 .and many of them divorce the guy after they get citizenship and get a man they find attractive. I agree with the rest of your post, but I do think this isn't necessarily true. Many of them do also stay and are loyal, dutiful wives in return for the husband's providence. This definitely doesn't make them any less 'superficial', or any more in love with him, but I don't think that the majority of them are evil women out to use the guy before dumping him, either. They just see marriage in a different way - you do your duties and I do mine. If a guy wants to be wanted solely for his 'personality' though, these women certainly aren't the best to start with. 2
zengirl Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I agree with the rest of your post, but I do think this isn't necessarily true. Many of them do also stay and are loyal, dutiful wives in return for the husband's providence. This definitely doesn't make them any less 'superficial', or any more in love with him, but I don't think that the majority of them are evil women out to use the guy before dumping him, either. They just see marriage in a different way - you do your duties and I do mine. If a guy wants to be wanted solely for his 'personality' though, these women certainly aren't the best to start with. I think this is a good assessment of what I've seen. It's more about the way they view marriage (more superficial, IMO, but less likely to break down) than anything else.
Crusoe Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Sadly, poverty often creates the most money-motivated people around, out of sheer necessity. A girl coming from such a family would be happy to trade her youth and beauty for a man whom she doesn't truly love, if it meant that her family would not have to starve anymore. Is acting out of need being superficial?
Els Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Is acting out of need being superficial? That depends on how you define superficiality. There are many men on this forum who would certainly say that a woman wanting a man for his ability to provide is superficial. Me, I prefer not to label where unnecessary.
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I agree with the rest of your post, but I do think this isn't necessarily true. Many of them do also stay and are loyal, dutiful wives in return for the husband's providence. This definitely doesn't make them any less 'superficial', or any more in love with him, but I don't think that the majority of them are evil women out to use the guy before dumping him, either. They just see marriage in a different way - you do your duties and I do mine. If a guy wants to be wanted solely for his 'personality' though, these women certainly aren't the best to start with. I never said the majority are evil. I simply said many foreign born wives from poor nations bail on their first world husbands. It happens a lot. Some of them stay married, some bail and find a man they truly love and find attractive. Youd be surprised at the number of stories about this online. And no, not all of the women who leave were plotting from day one to do so. Many just end up Westernized and want to take advantage of the new life and opportunities they have. Why stay with someone they have no real feelings for?
Els Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I think this is a good assessment of what I've seen. It's more about the way they view marriage (more superficial, IMO, but less likely to break down) than anything else. Yep. Coming from such a culture, I do know some women who are in dutiful marriages out of need for a provider - they tend to be of the older generation for the most part, and were prevented from obtaining an education by their parents. If they find happiness and fulfilment in duty, who are we to judge them, I guess. I do know some younger women who are with Caucasian men, and those women provide for themselves. However, the men also tend to not be old and overweight.
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 And lets be honest. True relationships are more than just personality compatibilities. Its also about sexual attraction and emotional connection. The guys who go and buy off foreign women are simply completing a business transaction thats hardly about anything but financial attraction, not physical, mental, or emotional attraction. At least not on the womans part.
Crusoe Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Really? You don't think some of those girls growing up in that situation would marry a man who could provide a good home for her, regardless of whether or not she loved him? That's the situation where perhaps one UNDERSTANDS the superficiality, but it's not culturally bred out. It's bred in. Poverty to me does not mean superficiality does not exist. It just means I understand the urge. Poverty sucks, of course, but it's everywhere. Not just in other countries. At any rate, I'm not dissing Filipino culture. There are some nice values about family and such in there, but in regards to romantic relationships, there is definitely superficiality there. I've never seen much superficiality in poverty, and I've seen a lot of the latter. I must also admit, the only places I've seen superficialty bred in is wherever western culture has cast it's shadow.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Actually I was thinking of picking up a chick from Somalia or Afghanistan, some war torn country where people are desperate to get out. Might be a better bet than Filipina women OP. 1
zengirl Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 And lets be honest. True relationships are more than just personality compatibilities. Its also about sexual attraction and emotional connection. The guys who go and buy off foreign women are simply completing a business transaction thats hardly about anything but financial attraction, not physical, mental, or emotional attraction. At least not on the womans part. Well, is it really for us to decide what "true relationships" are? I would not want the kind of relationship we're talking about (one of duty and transaction), nor do I find it any less superficial, BUT what makes it less "true"? You are thinking the way you were socialized to think, but the people in those sorts of relationships were socialized different. I may not prefer that socialization, but it doesn't make their choices any less "true" to them. 1
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I think this is a good assessment of what I've seen. It's more about the way they view marriage (more superficial, IMO, but less likely to break down) than anything else. Of course some of those women wont bail on their gravy train in a strange new land. But at the same time many do. You should also read about the dopes who married foxy young women from former Soviet blocs and how they got thrown for a loop.
zengirl Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I've never seen much superficiality in poverty, and I've seen a lot of the latter. I must also admit, the only places I've seen superficialty bred in is wherever western culture has cast it's shadow. So, you don't consider it superficial to marry a man for his money or status? It's generally the other superficial equivalent of 'looks.' I certainly don't find Western culture any more superficial than Asian culture. I thought Korea was the most superficial place I've ever been, and it's for all the traditional Korean culture, not the Western influences. Actually, the Philippines is not much different than Korea, though they're superficiality is less 'stuffy' perhaps. Honestly, I find most Asian cultures to be quite superficial naturally, with a lot of focus on youth, beauty, money, and status. 2
Crusoe Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 That depends on how you define superficiality. There are many men on this forum who would certainly say that a woman wanting a man for his ability to provide is superficial. Me, I prefer not to label where unnecessary. I wouldn't call that superficial.
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Well, is it really for us to decide what "true relationships" are? I would not want the kind of relationship we're talking about (one of duty and transaction), nor do I find it any less superficial, BUT what makes it less "true"? You are thinking the way you were socialized to think, but the people in those sorts of relationships were socialized different. I may not prefer that socialization, but it doesn't make their choices any less "true" to them. I think everyone knows when I say true relationship, I mean a relationship thats built upon an actual emotional connection, not money. So I wont say true relationship, instead I will say "a relationship not based solely upon money" or "a relationship where the wife wasnt for anyone to come along" The fact that many of these foreign chicks use these dopes for a ride to the new country says a lot about what many of these women really want. I may be socialized to think one way, but many of them are looking for the same type of companionship I want. They just need a means to make it to the new world first.
zengirl Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Of course some of those women wont bail on their gravy train in a strange new land. But at the same time many do. You should also read about the dopes who married foxy young women from former Soviet blocs and how they got thrown for a loop. Oh, yes, Soviet girls are much more likely to throw you for a loop than Filipino girls. Very different cultures. Neither bad, but you can't really correlate the two. And, again, this is just generalizing based on socialization, not individual values.
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