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This is so important, I had to make a thread about it (for men)

Falcon25

By Falcon25
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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jus d'orange Established Member

jus d'orange

Posted
Posted
What no one here has said, though, is the only thing that matters: at all times you need to happily, confidently believe in yourself and the choices you make. You need to do the things you do because you believe they're right, because they fit your moral code and the way you see life, and if you continue to do things that fit your own code, whatever happens next doesn't matter.

 

Yeah! I agree entirely.

 

I said I wouldn't write any more in this conversation, but this above comment really sums it up.

 

The reason everyone here advocates for no contact (including Falcon and myself) is because it is possible to lose your sense of individual direction if you give in to the emotionally overwhelming feeling of rejection that comes from a breakup. If you cut all ties immediately, you have to face these emotions on your own and re-establish your independence, whether you feel like it or not. Whether that's "manliness" or not is irrelevant; it's simply how to be a strong, happy individual, regardless of gender.

 

Also, I wouldn't deny that lots of women want a strong man who will protect them. I have been that guy and will be that guy again, to both platonic friends as well as romantic interests. However, some women aren't really interested in having someone be chivalrous round them... it depends on what you want to be and what they want in the relationship. Yet another matter of compatibility.

 

I don't like getting into heated arguments, but I think it's important to emphasize the need to be a strong individual without carrying gender or alpha/beta connotations, because that encourages ideas that aren't necessarily connected with being strong and independent. I have strong emotions that I am willing to express, but when my girlfriend left me, I got back on my feet by myself.

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badabing New Member

badabing

Posted
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badabing...do not contact her even to wish her a happy birthday. Your silence will speak more to her that the sentence "Happy Birthday". In general I didn't even take note of girlfriend's birthdays while I dated them until they complained...let alone broken up.

 

I just know how she treated me on my birthday and just wanted to return acknowledgement with just a quick Happy birthday txt. I'm so torn as I don't want to break NC its not like I'm being clingy or showing weakness. So once again damn if you do and damn if you don't!!

ChrisMac Established Member

ChrisMac

Posted
Posted
I just know how she treated me on my birthday and just wanted to return acknowledgement with just a quick Happy birthday txt. I'm so torn as I don't want to break NC its not like I'm being clingy or showing weakness. So once again damn if you do and damn if you don't!!

 

No, it is showing weakness. She hurt you. F#^% her birthday. What exactly is going to be her reaction to the text, "Ooo wow, he remembered my birthday! What a sweet guy! I should go over there and get naked and ride him like an angry pony right now!"

 

Forget it. Like someone else said, sending nothing has way more of an impact.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
badabing...do not contact her even to wish her a happy birthday. Your silence will speak more to her that the sentence "Happy Birthday".

 

"Happy Birthday" is not a sentence.

 

Who cares what speaks more to her? You guys still seem obsessed with trying to control reactions and behavior of a person who is not in your lives. Thar sounds really BETA to me. :p

 

If you want to say "Happy Birthday," and you are coming from a good place with it (not "give to get" or hoping for some type of return) then go ahead.

 

If contact like that and the potential for silence in return is going to be a setback to your healing from a break up, then I don't think it's a good idea.

 

To thine own self be true.
(Shakespeare)

 

Be brave enough to live by it.

 

That would be super ALPHA.

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Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

Originally Posted by ChrisMac

What no one here has said, though, is the only thing that matters: at all times you need to happily, confidently believe in yourself and the choices you make. You need to do the things you do because you believe they're right, because they fit your moral code and the way you see life, and if you continue to do things that fit your own code, whatever happens next doesn't matter.

 

I agree resoundingly.

ChrisMac Established Member

ChrisMac

Posted
Posted

I'm naming my first child "Super Alpha" and my second one "Super Beta" just to mess with them.

standtall Established Member

standtall

Posted
Posted
"Happy Birthday" is not a sentence.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for the petty grammatical correction. I'm a complete person now.

 

Next,

 

Who cares what speaks more to her? You guys still seem obsessed with trying to control reactions and behavior of a person who is not in your lives.

 

He did, he asked our opinion. See....

I do want to get her back and she never shut the door to it. I'm not waiting for it to happen. So Would I be a beta male if I broke NC and just wished her just a simple Happy birthday and nothing more?
  • Like 1
otherfish Member

otherfish

Posted
Posted

Im sorry but I just have to jump in here and voice my 2 cents...

 

I read the OPs original post and the page and a half of comments to follow then skimmed thru the rest....

 

but some readers did not read the original post....

 

Falcon25 is not saying for men to be emotionless (100% of the time) in a relationship. What he is saying is that if you a male is dumped by a female your best course of action is to disappear. No begging, pleading, flowers, 1000-I Love You's or letters. Absolutely without question, women do see these things as weakness and are not attracted to them.

 

So, please dont take what he says out of context. He is talking about post-breakup and not through the entire relationship. Women/Men/People want what they cant have. So if the male dumper falls off the face of the earth and then is witnessed some time later with another woman by his side...there is something inside the dumper woman that says "I WANT HIM BACK!"

 

....and YES it does apply vice-versa too.

 

my 2 cents.

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Falcon25 Established Member

Falcon25

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Thanks fish,

 

 

It's crazy how people can't comprehend what they read these days, isn't it?

ChrisMac Established Member

ChrisMac

Posted
Posted (edited)
Thanks fish,

It's crazy how people can't comprehend what they read these days, isn't it?

 

This one goes out to you, my "never write letters" friend. Just received an email from my ex saying she'd been thinking a lot about the points I made in my email and she's ready to meet and discuss them, understands that it may be hard for me to rebuild trust, but is so happy I'm still willing to give it another try.

 

Lesson for the crowds: written honestly and timed right, a letter isn't always a bad idea.

Edited by ChrisMac
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CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted
Sorry guys, Falcon's main point is right with a lot of women....I would say a majority. If relationship does not fall in the alpha male/submissive female category, then it is the other way around...someone has to have the 51%. If your a crying, snively type of man, then submissive women are not attracted to you and vice versa.

 

Wrong, wrong, wrong...

 

I am a submissive (i.e., slave) in a BDSM relationship. He is a Dom and my Master. He does not snivel or cry but is clearly emotive in his affection and very literate in his emotions. It does not make him wimpy whatsoever.

 

You guys just don't know how to balance being a real, dominant alpha man and showing a woman what she really wants.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

I truly think that worrying so much about appearing weak is weak in itself.

 

I do believe that no contact is the best way to move through a painful break up. But not a tool to communicate ones manliness or toughness to a dumper.

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standtall Established Member

standtall

Posted
Posted (edited)
Wrong, wrong, wrong...

 

I am a submissive (i.e., slave) in a BDSM relationship. He is a Dom and my Master. He does not snivel or cry but is clearly emotive in his affection and very literate in his emotions. It does not make him wimpy whatsoever.

 

You guys just don't know how to balance being a real, dominant alpha man and showing a woman what she really wants.

 

 

CarrieT...this is an opinion forum. Starting off a response by saying someone is wrong, wrong, wrong......based on a BDSM model doesn't garner a positive reception

 

Besides, I never speak in absolutes about human behavior. I wouldn't call your master/slave relationship exactly a common relationship..not even close....try a small minority.

 

You guys just don't know how to balance being a real, dominant alpha man and showing a woman what she really wants.

 

My way of dealing with members of the opposite sex has served me well. Now run along and get to your spanking before I tell your master that you've been on the internet talking about him without his permission.

Edited by standtall
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Falcon25 Established Member

Falcon25

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Some of you people seriously need to learn how to read. Now I know why some of you have problems..........You don't listen, you don't read, you assume.........

 

I'm out of here, you guys are terrible!

 

Read, comprehend, think, then comment..........

 

None of what I wrote is being analyzed........None....You guys still think it's beta and alpha. You guys are really crazy.........You need help in real life......

ChrisMac Established Member

ChrisMac

Posted
Posted
None of what I wrote is being analyzed........None....You guys still think it's beta and alpha. You guys are really crazy.........You need help in real life......

 

Because almost everything you wrote was non-specific, copied from "Get Her Back" online guides written to make money off of sad guys, and you refused to ever address specific situations or admit when you might be off. My letter worked, yet wasn't the point of this entire thread "never write letters"?

 

Isn't the definition of crazy doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?

stimson554 Member

stimson554

Posted
Posted

#1 way to get women: be John Stamos.

 

Theres your advice

 

run with it.

ChrisMac Established Member

ChrisMac

Posted
Posted (edited)

STAMOS...

 

Falcon, you're argumentative yet don't consider other people's points and refuse to ever admit when you might be wrong. That's "beta".

Edited by ChrisMac
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Falcon25 Established Member

Falcon25

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Chris,

 

 

You're an idiot, and I can see why she left you now.

 

 

You have severe emotional issues. I tried to help you, but you are just not someone who deserves to be helped. You have major problems.

 

That girl is playing you like a fiddle. See you in two weeks.................

Edited by Falcon25
d
stimson554 Member

stimson554

Posted
Posted

Every man posesses an inner Stamos, you must reach within your own heart and retrieve complete cleansing, recieving the power of the Stamos, john Stamos be with you.

 

look into it, Stamology, the study of Stamos, of unconcievable power of and irresitableness to women, you'll get so many bitches, you wont know what to do with them. The Stamos is impervious to pathetic breakup attempts, women cannot deny the power of the Stamos, by retrieving your inner Stamos you will break the pathetic barrier of lesser men and become an Object of lust and desire.

 

John Stamos be with you

Me...IamMe Member

Me...IamMe

Posted
Posted

That's all, Stamos has belly button the size of a golf ball

stimson554 Member

stimson554

Posted
Posted

Research into stamology shows that his belly button has come out to show itself because it has nothing to fear, for it is apart of the Stamos and is to desired by all.

  • Like 1
ChrisMac Established Member

ChrisMac

Posted
Posted
Chris,

 

You're an idiot, and I can see why she left you now.

 

You have severe emotional issues. I tried to help you, but you are just not someone who deserves to be helped. You have major problems.

 

That girl is playing you like a fiddle. See you in two weeks.................

 

Funny, I just wrote the same about you but then edited it thinking "Ah, that's not productive, no need to resort to name-calling.

 

After meeting her I wrote the girl a letter saying "We may or may not get back together, but if we, do these things must be fixed first. Think them over, and if you think we can solve them, fantastic, if not, I wish you the very best."

 

She got back and said she wants to solve them and meet. She says she understands if I'm going to have serious trust issues with her, though. We're open and communicating. I'll meet her and see if she's serious. If she's playing me for more attention, that's it. If she's serious, we'll drop the relationship talk and try to see if we can just have fun together again.

 

Do explain how this is "playing me like a fiddle". I'm all ears. My guess is that you'll just throw another tantrum, use some more all caps, insist "I'm not hearing you" again, and that'll be it. You've got a real angry streak, man, along with a refusal to hear other people's opinions and adapt your own ideas based on what people tell you. That kind of person is very difficult to deal with. I wish you the best with it.

Me...IamMe Member

Me...IamMe

Posted
Posted

Touche!!!!

Fitz Established Member

Fitz

Posted
Posted (edited)

No need for insults here, guys (although it is entertaining :) )

 

Falcon is right for the most part, but you have to understand that his advice is situational and requires a specific context.

 

In other words:

If a man is dumped by a woman then he should not get over "emotional" with her.

By "emotional" Falcon really means you should not try to win back the exgf with displays of "sadness and grief." The reason being because once a woman decides to leaves, it is unlikely that she will change her mind just because the man is sad or hurt.

 

The alpha vs beta discussion is complicated but can be boiled down to a simple truth: Don't convince your exgf (or exbf) that you are a pathetic loser. Once your ex is convinced you are a loser, then it is highly unlikely that you'll re-enter a relationship with them. And the problem is that sometimes writing a sad grief-stricken clingy letter will convince your ex that you are a loser, and that they made the right decision by leaving you.

 

Now, is this true 100% of the time? No! But it is true MOST of the time. (And to be honest, your mileage may vary depending upon how attractive you are and how desperate your ex is). So it definitely is possible for some people (ChrisMac, for example) to write a letter and have a positive result. But for MOST people, this kind of outcome is unlikely.

 

Furthermore, ChrisMac -I don't know exactly/completely what your letter said but the excerpts don't sound too "emotional" (specifically sad or grief stricken). Your tone was rather matter-of-fact. So that was a feather in your hat so to speak. And like I said, Falcon's rule is a generalization, not an absolute law. Some people will have success with a letter or from breaking NC. However, the odds are against you.

 

So if (like me) you've been dumped by a woman whom you still burn for, then the best thing you can do is act like a winner (or better yet be a winner!) How you accomplish this is up to you, but beware of the grief-stricken letter.

Edited by Fitz
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