jadeline Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 my boyfriend and i are in a long distance relationship. he lives about 8hours away from me. we have been going steady (exclusive, committed) for 1 year now. we see each other every 2 weeks. we celebrated our 1 year anniversary last February and out of the blue my boyfriend told me he's confuse. we are both turning 30years old this year and all of our friends are getting married. he said he doesn't want to get married anytime soon. he said a couple of months back, he's been having doubts about us. he said the time we spend together is not enough for us to really get to know each other well. when we are together we rarely fight and we are happy. however, he's worried.. how long would it take before he fully knows me and i him. 2 year? 3 years? by then what if it doesn't work out.. he feels bad for me because i'll be 32 by then. might be too old to find a new relationship and have kids and family. he also said that he's not as excited to see me anymore when he visits. he feels that the love he had for me has lessen. we talked and i told him, i'm not thinking about marriage anytime soon. 1 year is too soon to know if you want to be with that person for the rest of your life. i told him if he feels uncomfortable and unhappy we can just break up. he didn't want to break up with me. he said he can't. although he does not love me as much, he still loves me and he can't bare the thought that i'm not with him. he still wants to see me even if he's not that excited. he feels confused. what should i do? should i still stick around? i really love him and i'm willing to wait but i hate the feeling i'm feeling now. i don't feel secure anymore. i'm becoming clingy and whiny. i am constantly telling him i miss him and i love him and he doesn't answer back. ( i feel awful) but there are times when he says it himself. i'm really confuse.. if i break up with him i might have regrets which i don't want. but then again.. shouldn't i look for someone who will love me for me 100%? aside from this, he's family has been very nice and good to me. but then one day, his mom asked for my birth time and date. we're both Chinese so they did the fueng sui. turns out it said we are incompatible. i worry that this will affect how they will treat me in the future. they are believers of fueng sui. he will be visiting me this weekend and i'm nervous. i don't know what will happen to us. can you please give me good advice? thank you.
Forever Learning Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I don't know alot about the Chinese culture and the birthdate stuff. That is a bummer. I know that acceptance by one's in-laws is SOMETIMES very important, depending on how independant the person is from their parents, or how close they are to them and how much acceptance they require from their parents, regarding their choice of mate. This varies from person to person and is stronger in some cultures than others. But just looking at how he has been acting in general, I can see how you would feel sad, clingy, confused, etc. Anyone would. I think time will tell you what you need to do. It's no fun to try to make a relationship work with someone who is giving you mixed messages. It hurts too much. And hurt isn't much fun, right? I bet you could easily move on and find someone who will love you very much, and who lives closer to you. Maybe you should consider this as an option. Otherwise, discuss moving closer to your current boyfriend to speed up the 'getting to know you" process. Although, he sounds flakey and unstable right now to me. That could be a huge risk. Please read around this section to gain perspective on LDR and get a wide variety of useful advice. Remember, there are lots of fish in the sea. He is not the end all, be all for you. You need someone you can be happy with and who isn't 'confused' all the time about you and being in a relationship with you. That is too stressful! All the best to you.
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