Confused4Now Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) Wow... So I figured I'd rather post than respond to my xMW...Now for most of you know I've been NC with my xMW for almost a year. Yesterday was my birthday and I was getting best wishes from all my friends. Well I got a IM chat that popped up from my xMW and it said... "Happy Birthday my LOVE!" Of course I giggled and laughed but didn't reply and won't. I honestly believed she wouldn't do that...amazing. I'm sure she's just fishing. So glad to be out of the Fog..... Edited March 7, 2012 by Confused4Now
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 After a year she sends you that? She's got some balls. And not much going on upsides - My love? Maybe think about creating a new email and IM so she won't contact you again. Just because even though you didn't reply and won't reply, fact is, she is in your mind now..
Emme Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Man she really put a steak at the end of that fishing line. Keep standing firm. Be proud you are still standing. Question... why haven't you changed your contact info?
bentnotbroken Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 After a year she sends you that? She's got some balls. And not much going on upsides - My love? Maybe think about creating a new email and IM so she won't contact you again. Just because even though you didn't reply and won't reply, fact is, she is in your mind now.. Big ole hairy ones. 2
Author Confused4Now Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Man she really put a steak at the end of that fishing line. Keep standing firm. Be proud you are still standing. Question... why haven't you changed your contact info?Cause I did all that in the past several times including changing my cell number which I had for 12 years...man I really regret that. I was told by a very close friend that when you change all the contacts you aren't strong enough to keep that person out of your life. Strength is seeing it and not responding. I will no longer let this person effect me that I have to put those boundaries in place. I just don't reply or answer. 6
Author Confused4Now Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 After a year she sends you that? She's got some balls. And not much going on upsides - My love? Maybe think about creating a new email and IM so she won't contact you again. Just because even though you didn't reply and won't reply, fact is, she is in your mind now..Not necessary... BTDT I'm pretty strong right now...she was in my mind for about several minutes and then gone. 1
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Then block her so no more messages get through. You seem to have handled this well so great on you! You've worked really hard to get over her and let go of it all.
Emme Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Cause I did all that in the past several times including changing my cell number which I had for 12 years...man I really regret that. I was told by a very close friend that when you change all the contacts you aren't strong enough to keep that person out of your life. Strength is seeing it and not responding. I will no longer let this person effect me that I have to put those boundaries in place. I just don't reply or answer. That's a new way to look at it. I understand it but why even have her be a part of your life anymore. Honestly, I say whatever works for you. We all handle things differently. Slowly over time you might just decide to, lets say when you get married. I am a little concerned with the "giggle" I feel like there was a smile in there somewhere. But don't pay me any mind... as long as you don't respond... you did good. *thumbs up*
FightClub Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 C4N, You did great brotha! Unfortunately for her, you've moved onto a better place in your life and she's just a reminder of where you were before, take that this as a sign of the universe saying, ' Remember that? Of course you do, it's gone now!' Much strength brotha, keep on truckin', -FC
2sunny Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 This is good to hear! I can't believe she would still be referring to you as "my love!" Sheez, it just begs of slapping her! But - I gotta say - her communication is designed to get you to respond - good for you NOT responding - and staying neutral! Woot- THAT is a big win for you! Neutrality rocks!
East7 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 "....my Love"??? I believe she is nostalgic of you even if it doesn't change anything in the end of the day. I also think that, maybe, her M is in a boredom point so it feels good to fish old lovers. If she was happy she wouldn't care about old flames. Kudos for keeping her contacts (IM etc) and still being able to not responding. The real strength is having open bridges and still not being affected. 1
Spark1111 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 "....my Love"??? I believe she is nostalgic of you even if it doesn't change anything in the end of the day. I also think that, maybe, her M is in a boredom point so it feels good to fish old lovers. If she was happy she wouldn't care about old flames. Kudos for keeping her contacts (IM etc) and still being able to not responding. The real strength is having open bridges and still not being affected. I agree with EAST. "MY LOVE?" How presumptuous; how arrogant to assume you are still her love after one year of NC. How confident she must feel that you are still pining away for her...sigh...as she pines for you, my love. This would rankle my pride big time. Do any of you OW/OM tell your true feelings on DDAY, or when you establish NC? Or do you let them down oh-so-gently, oh-so-romantically, so that one year later they still feel they have the right to refer to you as "MY LOVE?" Does anyone say: You broke my heart, messed with my mind, life, confidence and wasted my time. If you ever call or contact me again, I will alert the world, your boss, your spouse, and the sheriff so stay the hell away from me for life????? I am proud of you C4N, but the selfishness in that one term of endearment would just toast my buns. Is she not aware of your HEARTBREAK? Or is it that she doesn't really care about your feelings in that, one year later, she can still project all of her romantic fantasies on "MY LOVE"...sigh... without giving one whit about the pain she caused you? 1
frozensprouts Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 "My Love"... Piffle! given what you know of her version of "love", why does she think is it something you would even want?
NoIDidn't Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I'm not surprised with the words she chose. That's the way she sees it, as a great time in HER life. She is remembering the birthday of the guy that loves HER and was once her lover. But better to post here about it than to say anything to her about it. If you do, she'll say you're reading more into it than is merited and make it seem like you are contacting her for drama. When she was the one fishing....
Author Confused4Now Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Is she not aware of your HEARTBREAK? Or is it that she doesn't really care about your feelings in that, one year later, she can still project all of her romantic fantasies on "MY LOVE"...sigh... without giving one whit about the pain she caused you?I think she knows the pain I went through trying to pull her towards me...our journey started in the beginning of 2006 and I left my marriage in early 2008 can't even believe my divorce has been final for almost 3 years cause it took so long to even complete it. This NC thing really does work....I also think she is holding onto the fantasy of our potential life. I actually do feel sorry for her....but that is no longer my problem.
Author Confused4Now Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 confused, you gave yourself your own gift, the gift of "don't give a damn" and not responding. good for you. each day you are getting stronger. proud of ya man! hang in there!The biggest lesson I learned from being with my xMW was she was a master at the words to say. "my love, my baby, my teddy bear, my everything and so on...I finally realized those words mean nothing when there was no actions behind them. I told her DON'T ever contact me unless you are a divorced woman. She can't even respect that...like someone says she has balls!!! She's just a weak and a coward. I could never be with someone like that...especially after the ugliest divorce I had. 1
RickFox Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Wow, I was reading some of your past posts...so many similarities.... I see so much now... I honestly don't know what I'd do if my xMW attempted contact.. I don't think she will.....I used to hope for it...I don't anymore... Im glad you shrugged it off.
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 The biggest lesson I learned from being with my xMW was she was a master at the words to say. "my love, my baby, my teddy bear, my everything and so on...I finally realized those words mean nothing when there was no actions behind them. I told her DON'T ever contact me unless you are a divorced woman. She can't even respect that...like someone says she has balls!!! She's just a weak and a coward. I could never be with someone like that...especially after the ugliest divorce I had. Narcissist perhaps?
Author Confused4Now Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Narcissist perhaps?Oh yeah..both her and H are Narcissist's. This was another thing I learned from the Affair.
SunsetRed Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Cause I did all that in the past several times including changing my cell number which I had for 12 years...man I really regret that. I was told by a very close friend that when you change all the contacts you aren't strong enough to keep that person out of your life. Strength is seeing it and not responding. I will no longer let this person effect me that I have to put those boundaries in place. I just don't reply or answer. AMEN. I'm not answering my xMM either and its not a struggle to do so, I really dont want to speak with him. He's tried to contact me a few times, and it feels like all he's looking for his some phone/cyber sex relief. He may also be fishing to see if I'm with someone. Whatever...I'm DONE and am never going back to that place of insecurity again. 2
nofool4u Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Wow... So I figured I'd rather post than respond to my xMW...Now for most of you know I've been NC with my xMW for almost a year. Yesterday was my birthday and I was getting best wishes from all my friends. Well I got a IM chat that popped up from my xMW and it said... "Happy Birthday my LOVE!" Of course I giggled and laughed but didn't reply and won't. I honestly believed she wouldn't do that...amazing. I'm sure she's just fishing. So glad to be out of the Fog..... So why don't you put the brakes on it and tell her to leave you the F alone?
Author Confused4Now Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 (edited) I think you are too. That's why you don't block all forms of communication. You did tell her to contact you when she's divorced, right? Is that why you don't go truly NC? "Strength is seeing it and not responding to it" huh? That's not what I would call it.So your the type that changes numbers, close email accounts, block chats, etc? Sorry I see that as unnecessary energy and time spent on trying to keep someone out of your life. And even if I did what I learned is if they want to contact you they will. So with that said I moved on or else I would have responded. p.s. I see you post in this forum....so Alice what is your story? Edited March 10, 2012 by Confused4Now 1
nofool4u Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) So your the type that changes numbers, close email accounts, block chats, etc? Sorry I see that as unnecessary energy and time spent on trying to keep someone out of your life. And even if I did what I learned is if they want to contact you they will. So with that said I moved on or else I would have responded. I'll ask again, why don't you put the brakes on it and tell her to leave you the F alone? Because as long as you either don't respond, or respond with pleasantries, she'll see it as a sign that its ok to contact you. Or that you will tell her H that she is still trying to contact you. Sorry, what you have "learned", that they will contact you if they want to, only works if there are consequences to them contacting you. Edited March 12, 2012 by nofool4u
Author Confused4Now Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 I'll ask again, why don't you put the brakes on it and tell her to leave you the F alone? Because as long as you either don't respond, or respond with pleasantries, she'll see it as a sign that its ok to contact you. Or that you will tell her H that she is still trying to contact you. Sorry, what you have "learned", that they will contact you if they want to, only works if there are consequences to them contacting you. I guess I should have included that I've told her to F off many times near the end. I have even forward emails from her to her H....So the consequences don't seem to work. I know her H doesn't care cause he'd do something about it. So yes I did my part...and now I don't respond anymore...
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