Real36 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Hello all I am new to this site. I need opinions on my new 'relationship'. Here it goes.... I am dating a guy I met online. We hit it off immediately...texting and talking constantly before meeting. First date went exceedingly well. After a month we discussed exclusivity and taint down our online profiles. I deleted mine he said he couldnt figure out how to delete his so he 'hid' it. We are kn our 30s and live about 30 min apart. Before becoming exclusive we discussed our relationship expectations, pasts (his was much more eventful than mine) and future goals. Things seemed great, we began to move pretty fast. He says that he would rather come to me because he lives with a relative and it would be awkward for me to stay with him, he also doesn't talk to me on the phone when the relative is home. He expresses that he thinks trust should be earned and that he highly values honesty. Cheating is unacceptable and a deal breaker. I agree. Relationship progresses, we bothhave have demandingto jobs butand he says he misses me when we are not together. We talk and text constantly. We plan to get together for 2 days. The morning of the second day he wakes up and says that he doesn't feel well and needs to go home. Immediately a red flag goes up but I ignore it, he leaves. The next day we supposed to go to dinner, I text to see if he feels better. He says he does but cancels our date because he forgot he had to work. I was disappointed but he apologized profusely. I was skeptical, we talked about it the next day, he assured me that he had forgotten. We scheduled another date, he canceled because he was in an accident at work and had to go to the ER. We rescheduled for another day, he canceled because of a financial issue. By this time my intuition is telling me that something is wrong but all of his reasons seem legit so I try to push my suspicion down. During all of this he says that he misses me and can't wait to see me, but it just doesn't seem to happen. We agree on a day for him to come stay with me and not only does he keep the date but braves very bad weather to make it to my house. I regret feeling suspicious of him and we have a great night together. The next day I go to visit my family. One of my family members uses the same site that my bf and I met through. Curiosity got the better of me, I used my family member's profile to see if my Jr's was still active. Low and behold...not was it active but he had been online that day. I was shocked. Later, I confront him about it's by phone. He denies continuing to use the site, insists that he hid his profile but says he still receives emails from the site. He offers to give me his password so that I can read his messages. I can tell that he is using his phone for texting or something else while we are talking, I can hear the click click clicks. I refuse the password because I am not proud of snooping on his profile to begin with and do not want to continue with this jealous, paranoid behavior. I hate that even stooped to that level. He was angry , I said that I wasn't sure I believed him. He said he was going to bed and got off the phone. The next morning he text to see if I was breaking up with him. I said no, I was just feeling insecure. I have very strong feelings for him. I text later in the day to ask if he wanted to talk, he said no because he wasn't over our last conversation. I was really doubting my behavior and wanted to talk it out. I told him to call me when he was ready to talk but it has been 2 days. Did I over react? Am I right to be upset? I have left out many details to keep this from being too long. Opinions please!
xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Yes he has something to hide! He's probably married! OMG how can you ignore all those red flags?
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Uh, yeah, "sketchy" is putting it mildly. Definitely sounds as though the "relative" is actually a wife or live-in GF.
HHC Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I don't think you over reacted at all. I don't think you two talk very much though and you need to change that
Eddie Edirol Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Too many sketchy things going on. He is shopping for a new woman, and is keeping you around until he finds her. So break it off now.
Author Real36 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Thanks for the replies, everyone. I know that I am right to be suspicious but I just needed objective opinions to set myself at ease. I have learned a valuable lesson, from now on I will trust my gut. Thanks!!!
HHC Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Thanks for the replies, everyone. I know that I am right to be suspicious but I just needed objective opinions to set myself at ease. I have learned a valuable lesson, from now on I will trust my gut. Thanks!!! My gut has never been wrong. Sure sometimes I create scenarios in my head, but once that gut feeling sinks in, it's never been wrong.
veggirl Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Who is this "relative"? why can't you meet him/her just by going over for dinner and then going home? Shadyyy. And the profile still up! Wow! He is prob married or has a live in gf and is cheating on her whenever he can You're dumping him, correct?
g450 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 OMG are you serious? You said: 'He says that he would rather come to me because he lives with a relative and it would be awkward for me to stay with him, he also doesn't talk to me on the phone when the relative is home." Relative my ass! Since when would a man be ashamed of having a good looking girl be seen with him by a relative? DING DING DING DING DING. You could not ask for a bigger red flag. He is married! How could you not see that? You have been played. Ditch his number and learn from your mistake. 1
Author Real36 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Thanks guys... I don't think he is married, but I do think he is shopping around for a better deal. HHC...I did make up scenarios in my head, even when I knew I should be trusting my intuition. Lesson learned.
daphne Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 He's a total liar. Whether he's married, living with a girl, or just doesn't want you to bust him with other women, he's still a liar. I really hope you dump him. You should have taken him up on the offer to read his email. Although, that clicking was him trying to destroy the evidence most likely. What a douchebag.
spiderowl Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I think I would have dropped him by now. Too many cancellations and the disappearance because of feeling ill seems odd. I think I'd be feeling suspicious in your situation. Whether he's being faithful or not, you are starting to have doubts and somehow he's not reassuring you. It's not a comfortable relationship any more.
Author Real36 Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 He text last week. He was still angry that I didn't believe him, made an offensive comment and then wanted to talk. I gave him an opportunity to call in order to break it off in a more mature way. Guess what....he didn't call.
HeyFriends Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 He text last week. He was still angry that I didn't believe him, made an offensive comment and then wanted to talk. I gave him an opportunity to call in order to break it off in a more mature way. Guess what....he didn't call. psh.. hes more then likely married. ditch him dont call or text him either. no contact ever again.
2sunny Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 He's married. I always do a back ground check on anyone if I'm interested. It does show if they are married. The money is worth the piece of mind... Cuz a LOT of men LIE - like this guy. If he's not married - he's definitely taken! Set him loose - be honest - tell him he seems married
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