chris09s Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) Long story short, I moved to a new area and didn't know anyone, we met online, she contacted me and we started talking, and finally decided to hang out. Our first date was good and we continued to hang out pretty often. In the beginning, I felt like she might be a stage 5 clinger (saying "I miss you" almost immediately, always wanting to hang out, wanting me to buy a plane ticket to come on a trip with her), but I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Then, all of the sudden, she calls me (about a week after she decided to buy the plane ticket for me - it was relatively cheap), she tells me that she doesn't want to date anymore because she doesn't have strong feelings for me. I tried to not get upset and said, "Okay, if that's really how you feel" then hung up, but it weighed on me and we exchanged some texts where she admitted that she is still in love with her ex. Note: We never had an argument during our relationship. This happened two Sundays ago, and I immediately went no contact after the text messages. I was doing fine and trying to move on, then she texted this past Sunday and I responded (light chit-chat - although she said she had my t-shirt and wanted to keep it - why would you want someones t-shirt you broke up with?). However, afterwards, I thought about it and decided that NC was the best option. I decided to send the following e-mail yesterday, "I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past week, especially since you texted me yesterday, and I think it is best if we avoid contacting one another. You need to figure out what it is you want and once you do, if it is me, you are welcome to contact me and, if I'm available, we can see where things stand. However, if you chose/choose him, then I don't think it is right/fair to continue to text me. And vice versa. Obviously, I know what I want, so the ball is in your court. And so you know, I am not mad, upset nor do I have any hard feelings, but I am not going to torture myself by wondering if/when you'll text me, what it means, wondering what I should do, wondering if I should send flowers, etc etc. I care. I miss you a lot, but I would rather just "close up shop," move on and not stress over something that is out of my control." Shortly thereafter, she texts me saying, "I'm sorry." I ended up responding (stupid), "I don't want an apology." After that, she said, "Will you please let me know how your job interview goes" (I had a big job interview today). I didn't respond. I feel like she is going to realize her mistake, and continue to text me. When we were dating, I wasn't sure if things were "working" but as soon as we broke up, I definitely realized how much I did like her (wanting what I can't have?). I have the tendency to get attached quickly and purposely avoided doing so in this relationship, and it might be the reason things ended. Anyways, I wasn't initially going to post but it would be nice to get some advice/perspective. Thanks C. Edited March 6, 2012 by chris09s
Better_Days Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Hey, I was reading some of the posts and thought it could apply to you as well. If your girl is still sharing text with her ex, it's really best that you stay away from her. Same problems will occur even if you guys reunite and try work things out. If she doesn't give respond like "don't ever contact me again" to her ex's text, but instead always reply to it, even if it's general text like "how are u" or "what should i eat" or w/e, it means she is still attached and that feeling won't go anywhere. I think you should give her time alone and let her deal with her ex issues first. When she finally is over with her ex, and then if you still want her back, then you guys can work things out. Thanks Better_Days 1
Author chris09s Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Right. I kind of eluded to that in my e-mail to her. "If you chose/choose him, then I don't think it is right/fair to continue to text me. And vice versa." I was not aware she was even in contact with her ex until she laid the bomb on me. But I agree with you, I don't plan on contacting her.
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