oaks Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 His is a skinny British man with bad teeth who drinks earl gray with milk...he will be fine..what a catch for the ladies... Oh it's you again. I did wonder. Hi.
RiverRunning Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I know. I take exception to this newfangled notion (that I've learned about here on LS) that skinny = great. I'm not kidding. Of course I'm aware that it's kind of revered in our culture, but the tone of this thread - that a woman might possibly be "amazing" and "remarkable" enough to somehow make up for not being a stick figure - is just WRONG. A woman might be a completely wretched mongoose of a person and have a sexy body that will attract many, many more guys than one who is 5'6" and weighs 100 pounds. BEING SKINNY IS NOT ALL THAT. This, this, this. I belong to a very popular diet forum (you can probably guess) and I'm friends with tons of women on there. Some are still quite heavy, some were only slightly overweight to begin with, and some have lost 100+ pounds and gotten bodies that are LITERALLY on the front pages of magazines. Yet to read their blogs, you wouldn't be able to tell if it's the old fat person writing it or the new model - they dealt with the outside, thinking that would solve so many problems, but it didn't. At the end of the day they were still the same people, just with less fat on their bodies. I think American society needs equating being fat with being an irresponsible, lazy or selfish person. Just look through this thread - the hatred and vitriol for fat people is astounding. We do have to ask ourselves why we hate them so much? Is it because of the extreme cases we see where people are getting disabled by their weight? What will the hatred accomplish? There are actually studies out now showing that focusing on a person's nutrition and exercise, and being positive, rather than negative, helps obese people lose more weight and stick with it. That's why I hate that America just tells everyone "Fat people, don't be fat," rather than, "Everybody, get up off your arses, exercise and eat better." Being skinny doesn't make you healthy. A fat person who tries to eat well and works out is going to last a lot longer than a thin person who doesn't exercise or really watch what they eat. I finally got to a point now in my mid-20s where I don't beat myself up over being overweight anymore. I work out. I try to watch what I eat. I stumble sometimes and I'll have a few weeks where I fall off the bandwagon, but I always get right back to it. Someday, I'll have the body I really like, but I am trying to be realistic about that and understand that it's not going to solve all of the internal stuff in me. There will always be someone thinner and someone who has a better body at the end of the day, so it really does me no good to hinge having a life on whether or not I'm thin. That goes for everybody here too. I'm about 40 - 50 pounds overweight now. I've gotten a few more looks than I ever did when I was much heavier. I have had a few men on Facebook randomly friend me or send me messages asking for dates. I don't need to attract every man I meet. I attract enough that I feel comfortable. And despite my weight, I attract a WIDE array of men - very thin men, average-weight men, very buff men, slightly overweight guys, moderately obese guys, and guys who rival sumo wrestlers. And this is despite being a bit into the obese category myself. Some of the men who have pursued me the most aggressively are very conventionally good-looking - the sorts of guys you'd see on magazine covers. There are billions of men on this planet. And, in my general vicinity and in my general age range, there are still probably tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of men, to choose from. If even 100 - 200 of them find me somewhat attractive, attractive, or very attractive, that's still a very good number. I don't need to be conventionally attractive to catch the eye of 80% of the guys I meet because even 10 - 20% of them is still rather nice. OP, at some point you have to stop fighting yourself. I still don't think the threesome is good at all though, and I don't blame you - I think I'd be jealous even if I were the hottest thing on Earth just because all humans tend to be critical of themselves. We focus on one glorious trait of another human being and deem ourselves completely inferior. Meanwhile, we don't realize that our object of envy is also staring in the mirror in the morning, wishing her butt looked like some celebrity's butt, wishing her skin were clearer, etc. Despite all of these 'horrific' flaws, the majority of people manage to attract multiple people in a lifetime, manage to fall in love and have kids, etc. I have a book called "Self Esteem" (pretty simple) but I forget who the author is. But essentially it's a book of exercises designed to help your self-esteem. One of the most common-sense exercises? Writing a list of the traits that you DO like about yourself and keeping it close at all times. It also actually suggests creating a list of your flaws - although with a specific kind of language (i.e., rather than writing something like, "I'm so fat," the author suggests writing something like, "I am 15 pounds over my ideal weight."). When it comes down to it, fat is fat. It doesn't make you a lazy person, it doesn't make you selfish, etc. All it means is that you consumed more calories than your body needed, and it was stored as fat. Period. Humans make all of these judgment factors about weight, but when it comes down to it, being fat doesn't make you anything other than, well, fat. It's a description. You can be heavy and be relatively healthy too. I really hate how health is considered such a Boolean thing by so many people - you either are, or you aren't, and society has often determined that if you're fat, you're automatically unhealthy. Despite my weight, right now, I am pretty healthy (I know that arthritis might be a problem as I get older, which is why I'm trying to lose more). But my cholesterol, glucose and blood pressure are always excellent. Well - the last one was excellent until I started taking estrogen BCP last year, and my blood pressure shot up. Yes, I'd be healthiest if I were thin. But I'm still pretty darn healthy. We all need to focus more on what our bodies can do - can you run a mile? How long at one time can you exercise? - rather than what they look like. We were made for movement and to interact in this world, and we are NOT our bodies. We are stuck with them so we should treat them right - but they are our vehicle in this life, not who we really are. Yeah, there are a lot of guys on LS who claim they would NEVER date an overweight woman (ten bucks most of them have, maybe they just didn't really realize it...or found that they didn't care) or make all of these moral judgments about women. Not all of the guys saying this stuff can be thin themselves, either - the odds are simply against it. I'd try not to let a biased subset of men like that totally affect how you feel about yourself and your prospects on the dating market. You need to walk and hold your head high and love yourself. There are always going to be people who dont' find you attractive. There are also always going to be guys who think you're drop-dead gorgeous. I think we women in general need to stop living for men and getting their approval, and first get our own. 2
Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Am I the only one worried, that the OP could go on to develop an eating disorder? about 1/3 of the population have the genetics for it. It only takes a diet plus external factors, such as a boyfriends preference for sinny women and calling her " with extra padding", to trigger a fully blown eating disorder. I just wanted to inform the OP, so she could focus on health, fitness, and her self worth, rather than losong weight purely to deal with her low self esteem. My boyfriend, at the time of my ED, I asked him " so, wjhat weight should I aim for". I was unfit, and about 135 lbs 5 ' 5 - 5'4 ish... and I a naturally curvy body type, with huge boobs and butt.... Hey simply stated " hmm, about 112 lbs for your height, maybe that will look great? " This guy, may I add, was VERY attracted to me. Seriously so. I was pretty, with a great body SHAPE, after all, and he told me thhe the time how beautiful I was. I simply asked him, an uneducated source, WHAT sounded " good". He was in no way calling me chubby, he just told me what HE thought would be the most attractive, physically, since I did ask him. Sometimes, guys have no clue about what constitutes as healthy. 122 - 125 is the slimmest yet EHALTHY version of THIN, for MY body type. So, I lost weight, thining it would make me feel sexier. the truth? WORKING OUT, eating right most of the time, and learning to love yourself, are whaqt makes a women feel sexy. The OP should know: All u can do to LOOK your best, is: work out about 5 days a wek, so toning and ab work, eat clean/well 80% of the time.. and be a slim version of YOUR natural body type. Being a set weight will not mkae your guy fall in love with a girl. He may prefer thin women, but to truly captivate him, to make him fall madly in love, a women needs to pocess far deaper atributes, than somply being a skinny boddy type.
Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Let me share with the OP, what I have found guys like the most, physivally speaking: - girls who run or are at the gym a lot, who enjoy being fit and living an active life style. - they can be petite, to large boned - either end of the spectrum, be it thin or larger framed, a girl who has a cute face, is pretty, uses some fake tan so as to not be too white, and who have a killer personality, are some physicall and personsl traits. Look, it is not all about looks, but if your so hung up on being thin, there ARe more attractive attributes that are important to men. I was skinny, for instance,. 110 lbs 5 ' 5, but hsd no personality, and was white as a ghost. So, I gained to a healthier weight for my body type, used mild tan building moisturizers, and got a better perosnality.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Let's just stop talking about thinness here. This OP probably needs to work on how she reacted to what her boyfriend said, think about what her real motives are for going for a threesome in this unstable relationship, and whether she will be happier if she "dumps" this guy for what he said rather than trying to get to the other side of it. All of this would probably take top priority over whether she has "a little extra padding" or does not, and what to do about that.
anne1707 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 The OP says that her boyfriend thinks she is fat. Well, she is. Very fat. She doesn't want him to mention it? Ok, tell him not to mention it. Seeing as the OP's BMI is WELL WITHIN a healthy range, what on earth makes you think she is "very fat"?
zengirl Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Seeing as the OP's BMI is WELL WITHIN a healthy range, what on earth makes you think she is "very fat"? Seriously. And, anyway, it didn't sound to me like the BF thought she was fat anyway. Just seemed like a weird aside.
oaks Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Seriously. And, anyway, it didn't sound to me like the BF thought she was fat anyway. Just seemed like a weird aside. Seems to be an outbreak of faux-fat. Not sure what the cure is, though. 2
verhrzn Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Let me share with the OP, what I have found guys like the most, physivally speaking: - girls who run or are at the gym a lot, who enjoy being fit and living an active life style. - they can be petite, to large boned - either end of the spectrum, be it thin or larger framed, a girl who has a cute face, is pretty, uses some fake tan so as to not be too white, and who have a killer personality, are some physicall and personsl traits. Look, it is not all about looks, but if your so hung up on being thin, there ARe more attractive attributes that are important to men. I was skinny, for instance,. 110 lbs 5 ' 5, but hsd no personality, and was white as a ghost. So, I gained to a healthier weight for my body type, used mild tan building moisturizers, and got a better perosnality. So let me get this straight... to be attractive to men, women should like themselves, but only if they work out a lot, are the "skinny" version of their body type, aren't pale, and have a cute/pretty face? AND they also need a killer personality? Ya don't think this advice seems a little contradictory? For all your talk of "liking" yourself, you still seem to focus a heck of a lot on looks. Outta curiosity, if someone is pale with an ugly face, would you suggest they have an EXTRA-killer personality? What would that look like, pray tell?
anne1707 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 So let me get this straight... to be attractive to men, women should like themselves, but only if they work out a lot, are the "skinny" version of their body type, aren't pale, and have a cute/pretty face? AND they also need a killer personality? Seeing as Leigh has said that she has put on weight and feels more attractive and confident, she is definitely not saying skinny is best. What she is saying is being fit and healthy is attractive. Ya don't think this advice seems a little contradictory? For all your talk of "liking" yourself, you still seem to focus a heck of a lot on looks. I can see the contradiction but I can also see that knowing Leigh's posting history that she has made some real steps towards acknowledging that what is attractive is not some narrow image of glossy magazine cover "perfection". She openly admits to having issues but is working on those steadily. Outta curiosity, if someone is pale with an ugly face, would you suggest they have an EXTRA-killer personality? What would that look like, pray tell? As above, Leigh is still working through her body image issues and I think this is an example of that. Leigh has recognised that you do not need to be skinny to be sexy and attractive.
aj22one Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I wasn't paying much attention to this thread, but 5'2" and 120 pounds? Are you kidding me?! That's not fat. That's pretty normal. Anyone who thinks the OP is fat needs to clarify what they think normal should be for someone 5'2". 95 pounds? 80? Ridiculous. 1
anne1707 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 No, she is fat and not in a healthy weight range. Your perception of acceptable when it comes to healthy weight must be obscured by what is now 'the norm' around you. Angry face icons do make Americans any healthier as a nation. Americans are fat and getting fatter. Ah well that is an extremely coherent argument. Where is your evidence that the OP is fat and not in a healthy weight range? What do you mean by "the norm" around me? Do you know what is around me? Angry faces? Well just because you post the OP is fat, does not mean she is fat. Same "logic"
verhrzn Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Seeing as Leigh has said that she has put on weight and feels more attractive and confident, she is definitely not saying skinny is best. What she is saying is being fit and healthy is attractive. As above, Leigh is still working through her body image issues and I think this is an example of that. Leigh has recognised that you do not need to be skinny to be sexy and attractive. All u can do to LOOK your best, is: work out about 5 days a wek, so toning and ab work, eat clean/well 80% of the time.. and be a slim version of YOUR natural body type. The above is where my critique was coming from. I'm glad she is working on her body image issues, but maybe it's a bit blind-leading-the-blind with such comments.
anne1707 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Slim does not equal skinny 6 months ago, Leigh would have said you had to be skinny. Now she says slim. Hopefully in another 6 months, she will say not overweight, then in another 6 months just healthy (which you can be whilst "overweight" and please note you are not always healthy by being "skinny") Leigh is opening her eyes and seeing that the world is not black and white
anne1707 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Really?. 150 'plus' at 61 inches is not fat? Good grief. She's VERY fat. you have a warped sense of what a healthy body is. 150??????? Her weight is 120. I suggest you have a warped image of the numbers typed on the screen. 2
Kamille Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Really?. 150 'plus' at 61 inches is not fat? Good grief. She's VERY fat. you have a warped sense of what a healthy body is. You must have the wrong thread. This OP's stats: I am 5'2" and about 120 pounds.
Leigh 87 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 V - I was talking purely about looks, to illistrate, that if she wants to talk about how being " skinny" equates to looking like one of the " hot chicks" he has banged..... That, indeed, there are MANY physical factors, that make up " hot"ness. So the OP KNOWS, that she has to live with the cards she is dealt, and make the most of them - being THINNER, will not ensure she has all the attributes, that a lot of men find " hot". NOT that she should SEEK men who are shallow enough to ONLY want to fall for girls who are " hotties". I am saying that, speaking of looks, being SKINNIER will NOT necessarily even MAKE her that much more appealing....if she just does not look conventionally attractive ( bad nose, crooked teeeth). I am just being painfully honest, here, when it comes to looks. Being skinny is not enough, on its own, to make men think your HOT. U have to look good in other ways. And, the truth IS; one of the traits that makes womern attractive, are women who work out or go for daily runs; who make being active and fit a LIFESTYLE choice. Women who work out and are active most days, and eat fairly well, just LOOk healthy. They radiate health, and even if not thin, they would ahve amazing bodies as a result. These " fit" bodies, even if not perfectly " shaped", will still excude health. Case in point: My body, 130 lbs 5 ' 5 ish, has a great shape, and when I work out daily, is smoking hot. A thinner chick who does NOT work out, and eats cr@p, but is naturally skinny, will not have a more attractive looking body; men like FIT and HEALTHY looking bodies... Only a MINORITY of men, NEED very thin girls, as a soul determiner of attractivness. It is ony of MANY things, that build an over all, attractive image. I am not denying that looks have NO bearing, as to the type of guys/ how many guys, u will attract. Average people tend to land average people, although occasionally average people get to know super hot people, who fall in love with the " average" persons personality. That happens a lot too. Looks matter in some respects, but only when determining in the amount of guys that turn their heads to LOOK at u; and in the amount of guys who give u a chance based on their first impressions. ONce u have GOTTEN the guy, even average people can captivate a guy. SHeesh. The OP, could potentially blow this guy away, if she is the idea girl for him. For example: My boyfriend likes adventerous, fun, child like at times, random girls. He also sais his ideal physical type, is slim/fit active type, blonde hair, big boobs and big shapely butt However, my boyfriend would rather a girl he was lesser attractive to, but who was such a joy to have around him, than a girl who was physically what he wanted straight up. Over time, my boyfriend would come to LOVE everything ABOUT the girl, the amazing but :" average" looker. Yes, some attraction has to be there; the guy cannot be repulsed by you. BUt u can very well be pretty plain, and have a guy fall hard for you, and then you will be JUST WHAT HE WANTS to see. Only truly HIDEOUS people, would have a hard time finding men that are nto REPULSED by them. THE OP and V, BOTh ar enot truly hideous or ugly. CMon, moswt people are at LEAST average. Looks matter, but once a guy loves u, u do not need to worry about your " skinny :" sisters...
Leigh 87 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 at 5'2 and 120 lbs, your BMI is 22. That is in the healthy range, and is actually a tad slimmer than most.. a lot of women are BMI 23 - 24.... I am BMI 21.8 , and I have a banging body, when i work out and am active of course:) seriously. There are swimsuit models with BMI 22 - they just have a great SHAPE, and work out most days, and eat well. Man.. u can have a KILLER body BMI 22..... and you ARE petite, your small framed and short. A LOT of men LIKE small girls in this respect. A LOT of guys would LOVE your body. Your boyfriend, if he truly is into you, would come to LOVE your body. Really. Girls with BMI'S of 25 have adoring, good looking boyfriends..... and, you now, girls who start off at BMI 20, and gain weight, will keep their men, even if their men are great looking, if their man LOVES them. It does depend what yoeu body is like - BMI 20 looks super slim and model - worthy on me..... Because I have huge boobs and a bubble butt, and an athletic build. It is slim on me... Where as BMI 20 is thicker looking on a smaller framed women. SHorter people tend to look curvier if their nromal weights, from my experience.
Leigh 87 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 By the way - I am a personal trainer, and I have people with BMI;S naturally 24 - 25, who have adoring husbands, who say they WOULD KILL to have a BMI of 22........... They cannot, because they are not shortopr petite.. they are taller, larger boned... so they aim to work out well, eat right 80% of the time, and be VERY ACTIVE AND FIT. THey normally aim for BMI 23, because their bone structure will never allow them to be as petite as the OP. The OP should see that she can have a killer body, if she is active and fit. MOST women can have KILLER bodies, if they work out a lot and eat well, and get in the sun, and look healthy... Only a smaller % of women, have genetic predispositions, and medication drama, that renders them too soft to have that :" fit" look.
verhrzn Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 By the way - I am a personal trainer, and I have people with BMI;S naturally 24 - 25, who have adoring husbands, who say they WOULD KILL to have a BMI of 22........... They cannot, because they are not shortopr petite.. they are taller, larger boned... so they aim to work out well, eat right 80% of the time, and be VERY ACTIVE AND FIT. THey normally aim for BMI 23, because their bone structure will never allow them to be as petite as the OP. The OP should see that she can have a killer body, if she is active and fit. MOST women can have KILLER bodies, if they work out a lot and eat well, and get in the sun, and look healthy... Only a smaller % of women, have genetic predispositions, and medication drama, that renders them too soft to have that :" fit" look. Well I'm active, and I'm still fat according to your specifications. I also go in the sun, turn bright red, and then fade back to pale. If I do spray tan, I look orange. Is orange better than pale in your opinion? The fact is, some people are never gonna have "killer" bodies no matter what they do. Also I thought you were unemployed and lived in your parents' apartment? But you're also a personal trainer? Color me confused.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Really?. 150 'plus' at 61 inches is not fat? Good grief. She's VERY fat. you have a warped sense of what a healthy body is. You're on the wrong thread. But please don't go there and bash that girl. She is on serious medications for a serious condition that mess with a person's metabolism very badly. It will take time and a lot of determination to figure out how to lose and maintain a healthy weight while taking those drugs.
mesmerized Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 at 5'2 and 120 lbs, your BMI is 22. That is in the healthy range, and is actually a tad slimmer than most.. a lot of women are BMI 23 - 24.... I am BMI 21.8 , and I have a banging body, when i work out and am active of course:) seriously. There are swimsuit models with BMI 22 - they just have a great SHAPE, and work out most days, and eat well. Man.. u can have a KILLER body BMI 22..... and you ARE petite, your small framed and short. A LOT of men LIKE small girls in this respect. A LOT of guys would LOVE your body. Your boyfriend, if he truly is into you, would come to LOVE your body. Really. Girls with BMI'S of 25 have adoring, good looking boyfriends..... and, you now, girls who start off at BMI 20, and gain weight, will keep their men, even if their men are great looking, if their man LOVES them. It does depend what yoeu body is like - BMI 20 looks super slim and model - worthy on me..... Because I have huge boobs and a bubble butt, and an athletic build. It is slim on me... Where as BMI 20 is thicker looking on a smaller framed women. SHorter people tend to look curvier if their nromal weights, from my experience. BMI doesn't matter as much as how a person actually looks. Stop comparing people according to their BMI!
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 And, the truth IS; one of the traits that makes womern attractive, are women who work out or go for daily runs; who make being active and fit a LIFESTYLE choice. Leigh, I am not arguing; that's attractive, but there are also guys who like women that sit and write poetry all day and spend their evenings listening to obscure folk rock bands in tiny night clubs, and who have the complexion of a vampire. Or women who have soft and squishy looking voluptuous bodies like Marilyn Monroe who wear glam makeup and wouldn't be caught dead running or in a gym. LOTS of guys. If you aren't a blond, tan, "skinny" gym girl type, please don't feel obliged to try to be that. Personally, I'd never, though I certainly appreciate the beauty of women who do look like that. Look the way you look and feel your best. And do it in good health. Not EVERYBODY needs to buy into the image of "perfection" that is being spoon fed to us all the time.
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