Taramere Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 My trainers say I'm pretty healthy.. I'm at 20% body fat. If I can't target weight loss, then how can I lose my stomach? That seems to be the thing that makes me look overweight. How can you tell he finds me attractive? Why would guys find fat girls attractive? I'm turning 25 next month. You can't stop people describing you in ways you don't like. You just have to be focus on rationality and facts. If healthy height/weight stats and fat ratio stats tell you that you're not fat then you are not fat...and anybody who tells you are is just being silly or antagonistic. As for the stomach thing...callanetics. I swear by them. 60 of those horrific "small but tiny movements" a day and your stomach will be like a pancake by Sunday.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 As for the stomach thing...callanetics. I swear by them. 60 of those horrific "small but tiny movements" a day and your stomach will be like a pancake by Sunday. That might depend upon how many pancakes have been inside of it recently.
Taramere Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 That might depend upon how many pancakes have been inside of it recently. Or whether they're those rolled up, stuffed pancakes.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Or whether they're those rolled up, stuffed pancakes. I think of that type as "curvy." 2
Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 OP, I had an eating disorder, I was even anorexic years ago. It was for the same reason YOU feel bad about your boyfriends comments for... Women that are totally confident and LOVE who they are, think of themselves as awesome enough, so that their men will not CARE that there are " skinnier" chicks out there. If a guy really is into you, and thinks your super amazing, and spending time with u is WAY MORE FUN than any other girl he knows, and if u mkae him happier than other girls do...... He will not care if your not a " skinny hot" chick. The only way, he would see you as LESS than the " skinner hot" chics he as banged, is if he WAS NOT THAT INTO YOU. You do not sound like your happy enough within YOURSELF, to accept that there are skinnier, hotter chicks around. Wake up. It is awful to dsicover your not as skinny or as good looking as those around u. I did not accept this myself, so I starved myself. I only realized, years later, that there are guys out there that are not totally superficial. SOme men, will give a girl who is not model skinny, a chance to know get to know him. If he thinks your a remarkable, amazing women, who is is attracted to, HE WILL NOT CARE ABOUT SKINNIER, BETTER LOOKING WOMEN.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Some guys aren't obsessed with skinniness at all.
Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I do not wish to offend you, but would u consider therapy? You might be in danger of developing an eating disorder; because you do not think your worthy enough fro who you are. Do you think your an awesome, totally amazing, great, remarkable women? You do not have to be up yourself, but you have to believe in yourself, that your a real catch for A lucky guy. If you do not get professional help, to teach you on how to love yourself, you MAY find that you starve yourself to be like these " hotter, thinner" chicks, just to be " as good as they are" to your boyfriends. I am not a beautiful as some girls my boyfriend has had sex with or hooked up with.. but he does not see them as " better than me", because I am the girl who makes him happy. Not them.
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Some guys aren't obsessed with skinniness at all. I second that. I love a curvy woman, always have. Little bit of puppy fat on the belly can be a turn-on to me depending on the woman
Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 OP - my boyfriend likes sinny chicks. In fact - I WAS a skinny chick, when I met him:) 110 lbs, and 5 ' 6. Now, I am 130 lbs. Guess what? He loves me more than ever. I am not overweight - I am just not skinny. I have a better personality now, and he likes who I am more now, than when he first met me. He is mroe attracted to me heavier, but with a better personality, than when I was a sinny gym obsessed freak, who looked perfect.
Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Lastly - - plz send me a private msg if u want to talk about how much not being skinny bothers you. I prefer to be thin and have a hot body, sure - but I think I am awesome enough, for my boyfriend to want me above " thinner" chicks, because he wants ME so badly. For ME. And yes, that poster, Vehzen or something, makes a point: of course, he has to be attracted to u. You do not have to be above average, for a guy to fall hard for u.... YOur personality and chemistry u have, can make a guy thin your beautiful, even if your not a skinny hottie.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 130 at 5'6" sounds more like perfect than 110, anyway.
Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Some guys aren't obsessed with skinniness at all. Some aren't. However, some guys do prefer thin body types, yet they LOVE their girlfriends, who ARE NOT thin..... they would never THINK to leave their girlfriends, because they are so INTO them, REGARDLESS of their body....
Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 130 at 5'6" sounds more like perfect than 110, anyway. I am perfect the way I am, man. I feel great if I work out a lot and am really fit and active..... Seriously. As long as I am a healthy and fit version of MY body type, I am thrilled. I am happy.. healthy. Better than starving myself, to be one of those " thin chicks" . Much better, to find a guy who is crazy for me, as I am. the OP should DUMP his arse, if he implies that he would PREFER it if she was anything other than herself. My boyfriend likes it when I am fit and a slim version of myself - but it does not mae him LOVE ME MORE. It is just a BONUS, when I loo after myself and work out and look great...
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 (edited) I don't see a problem with what your bf said. You asked, he responded. If you don't want the truth, don't ask. It wouldn't be nice if he was bringing up your weight unprompted or suggesting that he would be more attracted/horny if you lost weight. In particular, if you didn't gain any weight since you met. Even subtle comments like that aren't cool. I am ashamed that I stayed with someone for a year who did all that an more. Some "highlights" : - You can't meet my parents until you lose some weight, they are very critical - I would want to have more sex if you were thinner - If you gain weight in the future, I may not be able to perform sexually - I need to have lights off during sex because I am used to perfect bodies of women in porn - I would be a lot happier if you lost some weight. But I guess you can't have everything in a partner. P.S - my BMI is in the normal range and he had the flabbiest body I have ever seen on a guy (and no, I never told him that, not even at the end). Edited March 8, 2012 by Eternal Sunshine 2
Els Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 So... according to her own report, it kinda sounds like he was pushing for a threesome. Okay, let's examine her words again. 'Kamille, we wanted to invite a third into the bedroom cause I'm bi, but also because it's a huge fantasy of my bf's. He gets really excited about it. He's never been in a monogamous relationship before, so before this, I thought he was missing the variety. I guess it turns out I just don't satisfy him.' The way it sounds like, she PROPOSED the threesome, and he went 'OMG COOL'. Nowhere do I see anything about him pushing her to do it. And that he finds skinny types the most attractive. Again, would you like to point out where you inferred this? And of course, he couldn't possibly be lying about being attracted to her. Or he could mean the same bull**** that my exes did... that he's "emotionally" attracted to her, but not physically. Do you really think that physical looks are ever all that affects a man's sexual and romantic attraction to a woman? Do you really think it's not possible for a person to be sexually attracted to a less conventionally 'hot' person more so than a conventionally 'hot' person, because she is the woman he is in love with? If you really think that physical appearance is all there ever is to every man's sexual feelings towards his partner, I'm genuinely sorry for you. Would the bf have to tell the OP straight up," No I'm not attracted to you" before you'd believe it? How much proof do you need before you'd accept the OP's conclusion? We could start with non-zero. Ah, so if a boyfriend tells you, you're ugly, he's not being cruel or dating you out of desperation, he's just calling a spade a spade! He's just being honest! Honestly, when will us silly women realize those kind of hurtful comments are really just our insecurity? That men get to say and do whatever they want, and if we women are hurt by it, well by golly, it's because WE'RE the problem? V, there you go AGAIN and AGAIN. Lashing out angrily at a perfectly civil post. Really, do you ever stop and think about why you get into arguments with people, both IRL and online, more than the rest of us? I completely understand that society is generally hard on women in this aspect, I really do. I completely understand that there are men living in delusional fantasy worlds who believe that any woman bigger than Megan Fox is fat, ugly, lazy, and what-have-you. That does not mean that the solution to this is to encourage an already insecure woman's insecurities about herself, when her bf said NONE OF THE ABOVE. The way this entire scenario seems to me is thus: A woman goes to buy condoms for her less-than-average sized guy, and buys the small size. The guy gets hurt and corners her with questions about her perception of his penis size and how her exes were. Being a very straightforward person, she admits to him that his size is below average and the exes were bigger, but assures him that she is extremely attracted to him and he more than satisfies her in bed. Do you really think it's her fault?? Should she have to lie to a partner, just because society is overly hung up on men's penis sizes in general? Should he break up with her so she can find a well-hung guy, because clearly she isn't attracted to him or else she wouldn't have noticed that his penis is 4 inches long? 2
zengirl Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I think a lot of this goes back to the expression, "Love is blind." This phrase comes from Shakespearean plays (several, but is most commonly attributed to The Merchant of Venice; it was one of his favorite phrases) and was never a literal phrase. It literally translates more to "Love is foolish" than to literal blindness. The idea that just because we love and are attracted to someone we would SEE them as actually different than they are, physically, is fairly unlikely. Sure, we might see their better features a little better and simply not notice their flaws unless prompted, but it's not about not "knowing" someone is a certain weight/size, is balding, has a hook nose, whatever. We can SEE it. We just don't care. Anyway, the phrase was more about doing foolish things in love. . . like trying to keep a relationship going with threesomes or breaking up with your BF because you're afraid you'll be rejected later. Love does make us idiots, even the best and most secure of us, but I don't think you'll find many people who are actually "blind" to the real appearance of their lovers. Nor are a few extra pounds a 'flaw' in every man's mind. Some men actually do like a girl who he'd describe as "curvy" (the option was not available, mind you) or somewhere between average and a few extra pounds. Many men like SEVERAL different body types, depending on how a woman carries them and so forth. The idea that if you've dated one thin girl, you'd never want to date any other type is a bit out there IMO. Should I assume that my hubby doesn't like my hair just because he's dated more blondes than brunettes and never dated an Asian girl before (I'm halfsies, but my hair is definitely Japanese)? Should I assume he somehow thinks I'm blond because he loves me? The truth is, many people date a variety of types and looks. OP's boyfriend seems perfectly attracted to her. For one thing, he's NEVER been monogamous before and has chosen to be monogamous with her---whether or not he can keep that up and its his nature (I can't tell from the info given), a man doesn't commit to monogamy for the first time with someone he's not attracted to. And the threesome was OP's idea because she "thought" he was bored. You know what they say about when you assume? There may be any myriad of issues in this relationship (and certainly seem to be), but OP's BF being attracted to her does not seem to be one of them, from the evidence given. 1
LnliHrt Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I can't blame OP thinking that BF not attracted to her, since she is fat or chubby. Just because sexually he may like bigger layers of fat on her, in general, he would prefer a tight body model type girl...can't say i blame him 1
Kamille Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Most guys aren't obsessed with skinniness at all. Corrected that for you And I'm not even kidding. Most of the men I know like healthy looking women, and that usually means women in the upper ranges of a healthy BMI, women with healthy curves. Most of my guy friends aren't attracted to extremely 'skinny' women. Studies even confirm this. There's a minority of guys who prefer skinny women - but that minority is so small as to be negligible, at least in my experience.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I know. I take exception to this newfangled notion (that I've learned about here on LS) that skinny = great. I'm not kidding. Of course I'm aware that it's kind of revered in our culture, but the tone of this thread - that a woman might possibly be "amazing" and "remarkable" enough to somehow make up for not being a stick figure - is just WRONG. A woman might be a completely wretched mongoose of a person and have a sexy body that will attract many, many more guys than one who is 5'6" and weighs 100 pounds. BEING SKINNY IS NOT ALL THAT.
oaks Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 BEING SKINNY IS NOT ALL THAT. I know. People tell me I should eat more all the time. It's very annoying (unless they are offering to buy me dinner).
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I know. People tell me I should eat more all the time. It's very annoying (unless they are offering to buy me dinner). Have a donut! 2
LnliHrt Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 His is a skinny British man with bad teeth who drinks earl gray with milk...he will be fine..what a catch for the ladies...
Professor X Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Fat girls are hard to kidnap. So more power for them!
FitChick Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 His is a skinny British man with bad teeth who drinks earl gray with milk...he will be fine..what a catch for the ladies... Sounds like my kind of guy! Except make mine Twinings English Breakfast with milk. 1
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