xxoo Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 He said he is very attracted to me, and that if they had the option he would have suggested "curvy." Enough said. He never said you were fat, or chubby, or not hot. There is no reason to believe (based on this comment) that he is going to cheat on you. You attached value to "a few extra pounds". He was trying to objectively describe your body type, not make a judgement on your attractiveness. A few extra pounds can be HOT! What do you think would have been a more sensitive answer to the question you asked, given the choices on the website? 4
FrustratedStandards Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 First of all, stop being so insecure. I'm sure he isn't going to go out and cheat on you just because of a few extra pounds. If he is a decent guy, he will dump you first. Second of all, stop crying like a baby and lose the weight (if you are indeed a bit overweight and it isn't just your boyfriend being super assholy). I've dumped guys for gaining lots of weight. It's not what I signed up for when we met. And yes, it's unattractive. If he truly loves you and you guys are in a serious relationship, then your weight won't be that big of an issue. But the fact that he brought it up means he noticed the change. The above poster has a really good point. You're very insecure.
lospantalonsfancie Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 1. Get over it. He was being honest with you. If you want your body to be described differently, then diet and hit the gym. This. This is your problem, not his. He was honest with you, he made it clear that he is attracted to you regardless of your weight, and he has by your admission never said anything negative about your weight and been consistently supportive. Why you would see it as a good idea to break up with him despite his apparently exemplary behavior is beyond me. If you want to be thinner, then work towards that goal. Don't punish yourself and him by destroying your relationship for no reason. 1
Author tumbleweed881 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Enough said. He never said you were fat, or chubby, or not hot. There is no reason to believe (based on this comment) that he is going to cheat on you. You attached value to "a few extra pounds". He was trying to objectively describe your body type, not make a judgement on your attractiveness. A few extra pounds can be HOT! What do you think would have been a more sensitive answer to the question you asked, given the choices on the website? Except all of his ex-gfs and hook-ups have been skinny girls. If he thinks I'm overweight or fat, why wouldn't he cheat on me, when his preferred body type is skinny? I have never heard of a guy thinking a woman with a big stomach (which is where my fat is) is hot.... I guess he just described me as he saw me. But I thought he saw me as skinny. To find out he sees me as overweight, or average, means he doesn't see me on the same level as attractiveness as other girls he's slept with. I talked to him about it after I made the post, and he said he was just trying to be honest. He admitted other girls he's been with were hotter... so it just confirms that skinny is what he finds hot. Since I'm not skinny how could he find me attractive? First of all, stop being so insecure. I'm sure he isn't going to go out and cheat on you just because of a few extra pounds. If he is a decent guy, he will dump you first. Second of all, stop crying like a baby and lose the weight (if you are indeed a bit overweight and it isn't just your boyfriend being super assholy). I've dumped guys for gaining lots of weight. It's not what I signed up for when we met. And yes, it's unattractive. If he truly loves you and you guys are in a serious relationship, then your weight won't be that big of an issue. But the fact that he brought it up means he noticed the change. The above poster has a really good point. You're very insecure. I don't understand why you say I'm insecure when you confirm that you've dumped people over their weight, and the fact that he brings it up means he's noticed it and is just going to dump me. Doesn't that mean that my concern is justified? Should I dump him first?
FrustratedStandards Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I don't understand why you say I'm insecure when you confirm that you've dumped people over their weight, and the fact that he brings it up means he's noticed it and is just going to dump me. Doesn't that mean that my concern is justified? Should I dump him first? I never said he is going to dump you. I said if it bothered him that much and he was a decent guy, then he would dump you first before cheating. You are insecure because you are already thinking about dumping a guy just because there is something that he noticed that you don't like. And if in fact you are overweight, your complaining about it and dumping your boyfriend won't fix the problem. You said so yourself his remarks hurt your feelings. Then get to losing the weight if it bothers you that much. For what it's worth, I think you care about it much more than he does.
verhrzn Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Chubby does not equal fat. Plenty of guys like chubby gals. However, guys dislike fat women. And her boyfriend NEVER said he wasnt attracted to her. He very much said he was attracted to her, so why in the world would you reinforce her insecurity by insinuating that he wasnt far off from dumping her. Get outta here sister. Please, chubby, fat, they're different words for the same thing. Guys ONLY like "chubby" when the fat is confined to certain places (boobs, ass.) OP hasn't posted a picture, so maybe her "chubby" is the good version, but telling her guys like a "chubby" girl is an outright lie. Like I said earlier, I'm a comparable body to the OP, and I have been told-even by you-to lose weight to attract guys. Stop speaking out of both sides of your mouth. I'm not reinforcing her insecurity, I'm warning her based on my past experiences. If a guy labels you, and sees you, as overweight, it only goes downhill from there. If he was ACTUALLY attracted to her, he would have labeled as "average" or some other adjective, because he wouldn't SEE the weight. He'd just see her as beautiful. Instead he went with "extra padding." That doesn't say "I see you as attractive." That says," I see you as overweight."
tigressA Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Let me tell you a little story, Tumbleweed... I'm 5'7" and 120 lbs. I'm slender. I'm pretty. I dated a guy--a hot guy--for roughly 4 months. I dumped him because our relationship was crap. I found out afterward he cheated on me. With a fat woman--and when I say fat, I mean fat. She was also 10+ years older than him with two kids. Thinness and prettiness aren't everything. From what you've said, your boyfriend does find you attractive and he treats you well. Believe in that. 4
FrustratedStandards Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 If he was ACTUALLY attracted to her, he would have labeled as "average" or some other adjective, because he wouldn't SEE the weight. He'd just see her as beautiful. Instead he went with "extra padding." That doesn't say "I see you as attractive." That says," I see you as overweight." I agree with this. When I dated a man I was no longer attracted to, I also saw him as overweight. When I dated a man I was very attracted to, I hadn't even noticed the extra 10 lbs until he mentioned it. That means that the extra 10lbs didnt affect his attractiveness. Once I started to notice it would be because it did have an affect.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Doesn't that mean that my concern is justified? Should I dump him first? Your concern is not justified. But if you get in the habit of dumping guys, while being in denial about being curvy, you will never keep a man or any sort of self esteem. BTW, curvy does not mean fat.
verhrzn Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Your concern is not justified. But if you get in the habit of dumping guys, while being in denial about being curvy, you will never keep a man or any sort of self esteem. BTW, curvy does not mean fat. What exactly is the difference? Cause we fat women get yelled at when we use "curvy" on a dating site.
zlatnapolja Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 You all have GOT to be kidding. This forum is FILLED with guys complaining about fat women, how women are overweight, how chubby women are ugly and deserve to be scorned and hated. Hell, I'm not that far off from the OP's measurements (shorter and a few pounds thicker) and I am told consistantly that my weight is the reason guys shun me. And now you're all saying the OP is overreacting and insecure?? OP, from my experiences, you best be heading for the door. Once the guy admits you aren't something he finds attractive, it's just a hop skip and jump for him to dump you for someone he DOES find wholly attractive. Spare yourself the humiliation and wasted months I went through. This is crazy.... He didnt call her fat... And even IF he thinks she is fat, they have been together for 6 months, too short to stay with someone just because you love them and are not inlove with em, and too long to be insecure about whether he likes you. He LIKES her and did NOT call her fat. People learn to be happy with what you look like. It will never be perfect, but it will be okay. And for the records 120 pounds when you're 5.2 is NOT too heavy. And you take good care of yourself which is the most important thing. And please oh please listen to everyone: DONT have the threesome: imagine that girl being 5.4 and 110 pounds: you'd go abosutely crazy... Or maybe she's 5.1 and 123 and he's enjoying it too much Dont do it, it will ruin your relationship & get some therapy for the BDD
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Please, chubby, fat, they're different words for the same thing. Guys ONLY like "chubby" when the fat is confined to certain places (boobs, ass.) OP hasn't posted a picture, so maybe her "chubby" is the good version, but telling her guys like a "chubby" girl is an outright lie. Like I said earlier, I'm a comparable body to the OP, and I have been told-even by you-to lose weight to attract guys. Stop speaking out of both sides of your mouth. Chubby and fat are not the same thing. And the only reason theyve even become anything close to synonyms is because fat people started calling themselves that. Chubby aka Thick is Khloe Kardashian Fat is someone like Rosie O'Donnel Ive told you to lose weight to attract guys since you constantly cry about how guys dont like you at your size. So no, Im not talking out of both sides of my mouth. I see plenty of thick girls do fine getting men, but since it seems to be such a hassle for you, I simply tell you to try the gym. You blame your weight, so what else am I supposed to tell you? I'm not reinforcing her insecurity, I'm warning her based on my past experiences. If a guy labels you, and sees you, as overweight, it only goes downhill from there. If he was ACTUALLY attracted to her, he would have labeled as "average" or some other adjective, because he wouldn't SEE the weight. He'd just see her as beautiful. Instead he went with "extra padding." That doesn't say "I see you as attractive." That says," I see you as overweight."How the hell are you not reinforcing her insecurity. You basically told her that her boyfriend finds her unattractive and is going to eventually bail, which is bull. He NEVER said he found her anything but attractive. He only called her chubby. So I dont see what the big deal is. How is he supposed to describe her? Especially when they are using a dating service...come on now. They have to be upfront and honest about things. Chubby aka thick aka extra padding is not what guys use to say overweight. Guys say fat when they describe a chick they feel is overweight. I dont see how chubby is so much worse than being called average. He was being fvking honest. He isnt blind ya know. How the hell does someone just not see the weight? Come on now...If I was dating a thick girl and she asked me describe her, Id tell her she was a bit chubby. Im not gonna lie. Just because Im dating someone and like them a lot does not mean I automatically go blind or I dont know how to describe their size. All it means is that in the OPs case, her boyfriend enjoys her for who she is and recognizes her for what she is. In this case shes a slightly chubby gal. That doesnt mean he isnt attracted to her, and it doesnt mean he doesnt like her. He was simply going with the damn labels the website offered up so they could be honest with the people who would contact them. Jeez
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 What exactly is the difference? Cause we fat women get yelled at when we use "curvy" on a dating site. CURVY MEANS CURVY! A woman of any size can be curvy. Thin women, average women, and thick women can all be curvy. The only reason the word lost all meaning was when fat women with very large rolls and barely any curves started to use it. 4
verhrzn Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) Chubby and fat are not the same thing. And the only reason theyve even become anything close to synonyms is because fat people started calling themselves that. Chubby aka Thick is Khloe Kardashian Fat is someone like Rosie O'Donnel Ive told you to lose weight to attract guys since you constantly cry about how guys dont like you at your size. So no, Im not talking out of both sides of my mouth. I see plenty of thick girls do fine getting men, but since it seems to be such a hassle for you, I simply tell you to try the gym. You blame your weight, so what else am I supposed to tell you? Uhh, I'm pretty sure LOTS of people would refer to Khloe Kardashian as "fat" or "overweight." So, in that case, chubby actually DOES mean the same thing. I blame my weight because so many guys on this forum and real life make it clear that fat women do not deserve love. Isn't it exactly what you told FrustratedStandards in her thread... that if guys aren't hitting on you, it's cause you're ugly? Well, overweight IS considered ugly in our society, so... shorthand. How the hell are you not reinforcing her insecurity. You basically told her that her boyfriend finds her unattractive and is going to eventually bail, which is bull. He NEVER said he found her anything but attractive. He only called her chubby. So I dont see what the big deal is. How is he supposed to describe her? Especially when they are using a dating service...come on now. They have to be upfront and honest about things. Chubby aka thick aka extra padding is not what guys use to say overweight. Guys say fat when they describe a chick they feel is overweight. I dont see how chubby is so much worse than being called average. He was being fvking honest. He isnt blind ya know. How the hell does someone just not see the weight? Come on now...If I was dating a thick girl and she asked me describe her, Id tell her she was a bit chubby. Im not gonna lie. Just because Im dating someone and like them a lot does not mean I automatically go blind or I dont know how to describe their size. All it means is that in the OPs case, her boyfriend enjoys her for who she is and recognizes her for what she is. In this case shes a slightly chubby gal. That doesnt mean he isnt attracted to her, and it doesnt mean he doesnt like her. He was simply going with the damn labels the website offered up so they could be honest with the people who would contact them. Well you've also admitted you'd never date a chick who was anything but athletic/toned/skinny, so I guess you'll never have to worry about having this problem. Everybody else also seems to be missing some of the other things the OP has said... like his preferred type of woman, and his lack of sex drive with her. That sure sounds to me like he isn't being honest that he's attracted to her, and that him admitting he sees her as overweight is the first sign of a guy who is either dating her cause he's 1) desperate or 2) likes her personality and is getting his needs met somewhere else. That was MY situation, anyway. Maybe the OP's is different, but it sure doesn't sound like it. I don't see her concerns as insecurity... I see em as correctly reading the red flag that her bf isn't that attracted to her. CURVY MEANS CURVY! A woman of any size can be curvy. Thin women, average women, and thick women can all be curvy. The only reason the word lost all meaning was when fat women with very large rolls and barely any curves started to use it. Oh, we fat girls apologize. We'll just call ourselves disgusting cows so you poor, lied-to gentlemen can go back to mocking and/or ignoring us. God forbid there be ONE word to describe our bodies that isn't dripping in hatred and negativity. Edited March 7, 2012 by verhrzn
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I talked to him about it after I made the post, and he said he was just trying to be honest. He admitted other girls he's been with were hotter... so it just confirms that skinny is what he finds hot. Since I'm not skinny how could he find me attractive? Did he actually say this? I have a hard time believing he would outright say they were hotter than you. Who the hell says that to a boyfriend or girlfriend. Me thinks he said something else and you twisted it around. Because youve shown us in your OP that you are good with twisting and transforming the things he says into something negative. 6
zlatnapolja Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Uhh, I'm pretty sure LOTS of people would refer to Khloe Kardashian as "fat" or "overweight." So, in that case, chubby actually DOES mean the same thing. I blame my weight because so many guys on this forum and real life make it clear that fat women do not deserve love. Isn't it exactly what you told FrustratedStandards in her thread... that if guys aren't hitting on you, it's cause you're ugly? Well, overweight IS considered ugly in our society, so... shorthand. Well you've also admitted you'd never date a chick who was anything but athletic/toned/skinny, so I guess you'll never have to worry about having this problem. Everybody else also seems to be missing some of the other things the OP has said... like his preferred type of woman, and his lack of sex drive with her. That sure sounds to me like he isn't being honest that he's attracted to her, and that him admitting he sees her as overweight is the first sign of a guy who is either dating her cause he's 1) desperate or 2) likes her personality and is getting his needs met somewhere else. That was MY situation, anyway. Maybe the OP's is different, but it sure doesn't sound like it. I don't see her concerns as insecurity... I see em as correctly reading the red flag that her bf isn't that attracted to her. Wow Verhrzn I'm shocked by your lack of faith... Or I dont know what it is.. It seems like youve given op on hope or something and you use everything to prove that people really do only think bad things... The way people chose to describe someone else is of course very subjective... Some people consider curvy to be a couple of pounds in the right places extra and other people use this word to describe someone they consider to be fat. But some men really do enjoy some extra pounds on a woman. As a matter a fact I've heard a lot of men say that they enjoy some extra pounds: almost every guy Ive every spoken to.. I'm 5.4 and at the moment I would consider myself to be a little to skinny: I'm 113 pounds. Im usually around 120 pounds and guys tell me they wouldnt mind if I gained some extra weight EVEN in the belly area;) Guys do not care that much, as long as you take good care of yourself! Verhrzen start loving yourself and I think you'll attract tons of guys!
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Uhh, I'm pretty sure LOTS of people would refer to Khloe Kardashian as "fat" or "overweight." So, in that case, chubby actually DOES mean the same thing. She is far from what I would call fat, but suit yourself. I guess the terms are just subjective then =/...whatever I blame my weight because so many guys on this forum and real life make it clear that fat women do not deserve love. Isn't it exactly what you told FrustratedStandards in her thread... that if guys aren't hitting on you, it's cause you're ugly? Well, overweight IS considered ugly in our society, so... shorthand. YOU ARENT FAT. You have been told countless times that you arent. You are a bit chubby if anything. Hardly fat. And I told FrustratedStandards that she wasnt attractive as she likes to lead us to believe. Physically and personality wise. So if someone has both of those things working against them, who the heck is going to want to date that person. And I never called her overweight. Well you've also admitted you'd never date a chick who was anything but athletic/toned/skinny, so I guess you'll never have to worry about having this problem. I have a preference, so I guess I wont have that problem. Either way, if one of my thick friends asked me to describe them Id be honest. Same with any other person in my life. Platonic or romantic, Im gonna be upfront and honest. Everybody else also seems to be missing some of the other things the OP has said... like his preferred type of woman, and his lack of sex drive with her. That sure sounds to me like he isn't being honest that he's attracted to her, and that him admitting he sees her as overweight is the first sign of a guy who is either dating her cause he's 1) desperate or 2) likes her personality and is getting his needs met somewhere else. That was MY situation, anyway. Maybe the OP's is different, but it sure doesn't sound like it. I don't see her concerns as insecurity... I see em as correctly reading the red flag that her bf isn't that attracted to her. Shes making all these assumptions about whats his preferred type and the reason for his sex drive. Hes freaking told her shes attractive to him. If he didnt want to be with her he could easily bail and find a slim girl. But hes been with her for 6 months. Being this insecure, and having people like you reinforce that, will only drive her boyfriend away. How the hell is she just going to all of a sudden assume her sex drive was higher with women in his past? Thats just too much insecurity and over thinking. ANY objective person can tell when someone is chubby. Whether they love them or not, that wont change that fact. My mom asks me about her weight and Im straight up with her. Id be the same way with anyone. Is this guy supposed to lie and put average on the same website they are using? Its not like he came out and said something about her weight...and its not like she asked him a question out of the blue. They were signing up for a DATING WEBSITE together, and had to input body type. I think all of us know how people feel about lying on a dating site. Just get this thread already. We dont need another thread of you bringing up your own issues and derailing things. The OP does not need all that negative reinforcement of her insecurities. Stop trying to paint her boyfriend as a bad guy. Oh, we fat girls apologize. We'll just call ourselves disgusting cows so you poor, lied-to gentlemen can go back to mocking and/or ignoring us. God forbid there be ONE word to describe our bodies that isn't dripping in hatred and negativity. Learn to freaking read. I said curvy can be used to describe women of various sizes. That includes slim, average, thick, and overweight women. I specifically said the word got stolen by non curvy women with a lot of weight on them...aka...fat. YOU ARENT FAT. Either way there are synonyms for fat: BBW, a lot to love, or simply say overweight.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Kaylan she's just insecure and looking for compliments. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Verhrzen start loving yourself and I think you'll attract tons of guys! Youre beating a dead horse. You cant convince ignorance morphed with insecurity, from either of these women.
baguette Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I would say my gf has some "extra padding." I've been with skinnier girls but none have ever turn me on as much as my current gf. Beauty comes in many forms. Don't let your insecurities destroy your relationship. 2
darkmoon Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 my boyf liked my belly it made me, well bluntly, nicer to ride not fashionable but way more fleshy... who wants a bag of bones to ride?! seriously.
Thieves Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 my boyf liked my belly it made me, well bluntly, nicer to ride not fashionable but way more fleshy... who wants a bag of bones to ride?! seriously. Wow. Well, first of all, despite the discussion at hand... Let's still try to remember that petite/smaller girls still have feelings just like everybody else. 3
xxoo Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 If he was ACTUALLY attracted to her, he would have labeled as "average" or some other adjective, because he wouldn't SEE the weight. He'd just see her as beautiful. This is absurd. I can be in love, and deeply attracted, and still see that my H is balding. His balding simply doesn't affect my attraction. I don't talk about his balding, generally, because it bothers him. But if, for some odd reason, he asked me to accurately describe his hairline, I'd have to somehow include the balding! 5
xxoo Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Since I'm not skinny how could he find me attractive? Apparently, he is attracted to non-skinny, as well as skinny. Sounds pretty normal and healthy to me. 2
Professor X Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Oh, we fat girls apologize. How pathetic. Sad truth is you aren't fat irl and what you are doing is an insult to real fat people. Fat People Pictures - Strange Fat People Pics http://www.chilloutpoint.com/images/2009/april/fat/funny-fat-gigantic13.jpg http://funtoxin.com/cosmos/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/10-75545861.jpg http://www.chilloutpoint.com/images/2009/april/fat/funny-fat-gigantic03.jpg http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f9/Overweight_biker.jpg http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00797/Fat-boys_797050c.jpg I can carry on... Point is, you are neither, not even close. In fact, you are light years away. Show people how you are really look, blur your face if you insist - just show em the body. Lol. "We fat girls" /sigh. 1
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