tumbleweed881 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I've been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months. Last night we were filling out a form on a couples site to look for a potential third (I'm bi and have had good experiences with threesomes; he has never had one before.) When we got to "body type," I asked him what mine would be, because I can never figure it out. After some hesitation, he said I am somewhere between "average" and "some extra padding." AKA, he thinks I'm fat. I didn't yell at my boyfriend or anything, but I pulled away, and didn't want him to touch me after. He figured out why I was upset, and said he was just trying to be honest. He said he is very attracted to me, and that if they had the option he would have suggested "curvy." I got quite upset by this. I am trying to diet and lose weight, but losing weight around my stomach is very very difficult for me. My boyfriend encourages me but he has never said anything negative about my weight before. I am 5'2" and about 120 pounds. I now feel terrible. How could a guy be attracted to someone he thinks is overweight? Guys hate fat chicks, right? I know hes been with some very attractive women before me, though I am the first girl he's dated seriously. How could he stay with me, when he could have hot women? I thought I WAS one of those women, but I guess I was wrong. Should I break up with him, before he cheats on me? Is he already cheating on me because he thinks I'm so hideous? What should I do?
kaylan Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 1. Get over it. He was being honest with you. If you want your body to be described differently, then diet and hit the gym. 2. threesomes while in a relationship are very tricky. Id advise against it if you really like this guy, because the potential for drama is just way to great in my opinion. 4
irin Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 dont have the threesome for gods sake. hes already shattered your self-esteem. seeing him with some other girl who might be thinner could really damage you. i am so sorry you feel like this now. 3
kaylan Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 dont have the threesome for gods sake. hes already shattered your self-esteem. seeing him with some other girl who might be thinner could really damage you. i am so sorry you feel like this now. Listen to this post. If your boyfriend simply calling you chubby destroyed your self esteem and made you as insecure as you are acting, how bad do you think things will be when you see him enjoying another woman. Dont do it. You dont seem like you can handle a 3-some with a guy you really like. 2
anne1707 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 dont have the threesome for gods sake. hes already shattered your self-esteem. seeing him with some other girl who might be thinner could really damage you. i am so sorry you feel like this now. This and your BMI is actually well within a healthy range for your height - i.e. you are not overweight! 1
Author tumbleweed881 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 1. Get over it. He was being honest with you. If you want your body to be described differently, then diet and hit the gym. I'm already doing that, and I am really trying. But I'm already within a healthy BMI and body fat, so my trainers say it's going to take a long time to see the results I want, since I'm trying to lose weight in a very specific place (my belly.) So until my body is perfect, should I break up with him, since he was honest about finding me unattractive?
anne1707 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I'm already doing that, and I am really trying. But I'm already within a healthy BMI and body fat, so my trainers say it's going to take a long time to see the results I want, since I'm trying to lose weight in a very specific place (my belly.) So until my body is perfect, should I break up with him, since he was honest about finding me unattractive? OK for a start. it is very hard to lose weight from just one place! A perfect body? Who on earth has the perfect body? Those women whose photos you see on the cover of magazines? Maybe but only after hours of airbrushing. Plus your boyfriend NEVER actually said you were unattractive - he said the opposite (though not in the best way ). You may not be skinny (but that does not mean you are overweight) - but not all men like skinny women. You are reading so much more into this than has actually been said. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Look like you're acting like an extremely immature adolescent who has body issues and wants to blame your boyfriend for just expressing his honest opinion. The way your bf feels about you and your body is different than with some random girl first off. Secondly If you can't take the honest answer or you can't look in the mirror and figure it out for yourself then don't ask your bf to lie to you about your weight. This is no way means you are unnattractive to him and 120 pounds is not a whole lot of person! Just get over it, this is a ridiculous thing to pin against your boyfriend..you have nothing to do with other women and it does not mean he's going to cheat on you, if you weighed 180 pounds then maybe you'd be on to something If he kept complaining about your weight. But for now you're creating an issue out of nothing really, just because you're insecure, what do you want him to do? lie to you? You should know how you look, and you're working to getting into better shape then who cares! The fact that you're willing to have a threesome with this much insecurity though seems even more ridiculous. 3
Kamille Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 whoa! What a weird thread. I'm almost suspecting a troll. Your own hang ups about weight are making you over-interpret what your boyfriend actually said. First: your boyfriend did not say he didn't find you attractive. You assumed it means he's not attracted to you. He, in fact, said he found you attractive. What he said about your body was that in his opinion you are in between average and some extra padding. This, apparently, is an opinion that you share (I draw your attention to all your comments about your own belly). There are men out there who like women with curvier bodies and, based on what your bf said, he is one of them. I think you're over-reacting and are being over-dramatic. Instead of assuming to know what he likes better than he does, pay attention to how he's treated you in the past: does he show you he cares? Does he act like he's attracted to you? 4
Feelin Frisky Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Tumbleweed yourself to a shrink. You're way out of proportion on such a little thing. 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I happen to like chubby girls, so I'd imagine your boyfriend also happens to find you attractive as you currently are. Don't be too hasty to read into what he says.
kaylan Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) I'm already doing that, and I am really trying. But I'm already within a healthy BMI and body fat, so my trainers say it's going to take a long time to see the results I want, since I'm trying to lose weight in a very specific place (my belly.) So until my body is perfect, should I break up with him, since he was honest about finding me unattractive? Omg...being called chubby isnt so horrible hun. He obviously is very attracted to you. He tells you this and has sex with you. Calm down. BMI is bull crap btw. Im 5'9 and 185 lbs. According to my BMI Im overweight. Hell, in another thread a poster here assumed I was some overly buff meathead based on my stats and the fact that I work out. Im a pretty slim dude in reality though. The point is that height and weight wont always give a clear picture of how someones body looks or whether they are overweight. Its better for someone to be seen and also to have a physical to determine their overall fitness. Btw...you cannot decide where you lose fat. When you burn fat theres no way to tell your body to target only your legs, or just your tummy. You just start training and eventually the place that you want to lose weight in, begins to lose weight with the rest of you. And you shouldnt break up. I did not read him saying he found you unattractive. He said chubby. He also said he finds you attractive. Chill out. P.S. - How old are you OP? Edited March 6, 2012 by kaylan
Author tumbleweed881 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 whoa! What a weird thread. I'm almost suspecting a troll. Your own hang ups about weight are making you over-interpret what your boyfriend actually said. First: your boyfriend did not say he didn't find you attractive. You assumed it means he's not attracted to you. He, in fact, said he found you attractive. What he said about your body was that in his opinion you are in between average and some extra padding. This, apparently, is an opinion that you share (I draw your attention to all your comments about your own belly). There are men out there who like women with curvier bodies and, based on what your bf said, he is one of them. I think you're over-reacting and are being over-dramatic. Instead of assuming to know what he likes better than he does, pay attention to how he's treated you in the past: does he show you he cares? Does he act like he's attracted to you? But he doesn't seem to be that kind of guy. All the other girls he's been with have been skinny. I thought he saw me as skinny.... while I do have a stomach, I never thought of myself as overweight, and the fact that he sees me as that is really hurtful. He acts emotionally attracted to me... always wanting to cuddle and he contacts me a lot when we're apart. But sometimes sexually it doesn't seem like it. He says he enjoys the sex, but I have to initiate pretty often. He claims it's because he doesn't have that much of a sex drive except when he's drinking or high, but now that seems like a lie, and it's because he just doesn't find me physically attractive.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 He has to put "a lil extra padding" on the couples site, because the people need to know what they are getting. If he said skinny just to avoid you taking it the wrong way, you would meet alot of rejection from women on that site, which would make you feel worse.. He still finds you attractive, but you dont find you attractive, and you need to get help for that before dating anyone if you cant handle that.
Author tumbleweed881 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Omg...being called chubby isnt so horrible hun. He obviously is very attracted to you. He tells you this and has sex with you. Calm down. BMI is bull crap btw. Im 5'9 and 185 lbs. According to my BMI Im overweight. Hell, in another thread a poster here assumed I was some overly buff meathead based on my stats and the fact that I work out. Im a pretty slim dude in reality though. The point is that height and weight wont always give a clear picture of how someones body looks or whether they are overweight. Its better for someone to be seen and also to have a physical to determine their overall fitness. Btw...you cannot decide where you lose fat. When you burn fat theres no way to tell your body to target only your legs, or just your tummy. You just start training and eventually the place that you want to lose weight in, begins to lose weight with the rest of you. And you shouldnt break up. I did not read him saying he found you unattractive. He said chubby. He also said he finds you attractive. Chill out. P.S. - How old are you OP? My trainers say I'm pretty healthy.. I'm at 20% body fat. If I can't target weight loss, then how can I lose my stomach? That seems to be the thing that makes me look overweight. How can you tell he finds me attractive? Why would guys find fat girls attractive? I'm turning 25 next month.
RonChalant Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Lol he never called you fat calm the hell down. Smh if anything your insecurity is what's going to make him leave you
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 My trainers say I'm pretty healthy.. I'm at 20% body fat. If I can't target weight loss, then how can I lose my stomach? That seems to be the thing that makes me look overweight. How can you tell he finds me attractive? Why would guys find fat girls attractive? I'm turning 25 next month. 20% is perfectly fine. If you do want to lose some more body fat, simple start doing enough cardio to burn the calories needed to lose weight. Everyones body is different. Some folks lose more fat in one place than another spot. But you will lose fat from where you want as long as you keep up the work. And he NEVER called you fat. Chubby is not fat. At 25, you should not be freaking out this much. We expect this more from a highschool girl or a chick whos an underclassmen in college.
oaks Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Maybe you are chubby. Get over it or deal with it. Chubby doesn't have to equate to being unattractive, or unhealthy, or unhappy, unless you let it.
oaks Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 How can you tell he finds me attractive? Because he's been with you for 6 months. 1
verhrzn Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Maybe you are chubby. Get over it or deal with it. Chubby doesn't have to equate to being unattractive, or unhealthy, or unhappy, unless you let it. You all have GOT to be kidding. This forum is FILLED with guys complaining about fat women, how women are overweight, how chubby women are ugly and deserve to be scorned and hated. Hell, I'm not that far off from the OP's measurements (shorter and a few pounds thicker) and I am told consistantly that my weight is the reason guys shun me. And now you're all saying the OP is overreacting and insecure?? OP, from my experiences, you best be heading for the door. Once the guy admits you aren't something he finds attractive, it's just a hop skip and jump for him to dump you for someone he DOES find wholly attractive. Spare yourself the humiliation and wasted months I went through.
oaks Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I am told consistantly that my weight is the reason guys shun me. BS. You're also told repeatedly that your weight isn't the problem and that you're not even overweight. But you don't remember those posts because they don't fit your personal world-view about how you're fat and unattractive. But lest this thread gets derailed I'll leave it there. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 My trainers say I'm pretty healthy.. I'm at 20% body fat. If I can't target weight loss, then how can I lose my stomach? That seems to be the thing that makes me look overweight. How can you tell he finds me attractive? Why would guys find fat girls attractive? I'm turning 25 next month. Well you arent fat, so you dont have to worry about that. The only way to lose weight, is to lose it all over. That is diet and exercise. When you do that consistently, you will lose weight everyplace else, and your stomach will be last.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Tumebleweed, talk to your boyfriend about what's going on with you. How the comment made you feel, how you struggle with your weight, how you feel insecure about his level attraction toward you. Just open yourself up to him and see what happens. Secondly, having a threesome in a relationship where you care about the other person is not a good idea for most of the population. Do you really want to see your guy banging another girl? Third, shame on some of you basically telling her how awful she is because she had a normal reaction to her boyfriend's words and making it seem like men should be able to say whatever they want with no sensitivity toward their partners. Yes, women can be sensitive about their weight and looks. Men are always judging us and criticising us for it. Try to understand guys instead of giving knee jerk responses about how she needs to just loose weight and other crap.
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) Tumebleweed, talk to your boyfriend about what's going on with you. How the comment made you feel, how you struggle with your weight, how you feel insecure about his level attraction toward you. Just open yourself up to him and see what happens. Secondly, having a threesome in a relationship where you care about the other person is not a good idea for most of the population. Do you really want to see your guy banging another girl? Third, shame on some of you basically telling her how awful she is because she had a normal reaction to her boyfriend's words and making it seem like men should be able to say whatever they want with no sensitivity toward their partners. Yes, women can be sensitive about their weight and looks. Men are always judging us and criticising us for it. Try to understand guys instead of giving knee jerk responses about how she needs to just loose weight and other crap. ^Normal reaction? Well of course from your usual posts Id expect you to think so. However, such over the top insecurity from such a harmless comment made by her boyfriend is not the norm Ive experienced with women. And seems plenty others here are inclined to agree. You all have GOT to be kidding. This forum is FILLED with guys complaining about fat women, how women are overweight, how chubby women are ugly and deserve to be scorned and hated. Hell, I'm not that far off from the OP's measurements (shorter and a few pounds thicker) and I am told consistantly that my weight is the reason guys shun me. And now you're all saying the OP is overreacting and insecure?? OP, from my experiences, you best be heading for the door. Once the guy admits you aren't something he finds attractive, it's just a hop skip and jump for him to dump you for someone he DOES find wholly attractive. Spare yourself the humiliation and wasted months I went through. Chubby does not equal fat. Plenty of guys like chubby gals. However, guys dislike fat women. And her boyfriend NEVER said he wasnt attracted to her. He very much said he was attracted to her, so why in the world would you reinforce her insecurity by insinuating that he wasnt far off from dumping her. Get outta here sister. Edited March 7, 2012 by kaylan 3
Imajerk17 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I've been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months. Last night we were filling out a form on a couples site to look for a potential third (I'm bi and have had good experiences with threesomes; he has never had one before.) When we got to "body type," I asked him what mine would be, because I can never figure it out. After some hesitation, he said I am somewhere between "average" and "some extra padding." AKA, he thinks I'm fat. I didn't yell at my boyfriend or anything, but I pulled away, and didn't want him to touch me after. He figured out why I was upset, and said he was just trying to be honest. He said he is very attracted to me, and that if they had the option he would have suggested "curvy." I got quite upset by this. I am trying to diet and lose weight, but losing weight around my stomach is very very difficult for me. My boyfriend encourages me but he has never said anything negative about my weight before. I am 5'2" and about 120 pounds. I now feel terrible. How could a guy be attracted to someone he thinks is overweight? Guys hate fat chicks, right? I know hes been with some very attractive women before me, though I am the first girl he's dated seriously. How could he stay with me, when he could have hot women? I thought I WAS one of those women, but I guess I was wrong. Should I break up with him, before he cheats on me? Is he already cheating on me because he thinks I'm so hideous? What should I do? Cripes. What a whiney insecure girl you are acting like. Get over it! 1
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