Lonely Ronin Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Over the last 6 months or so several female friends have told me I'm high maintenance. Most of them just said I am, and when I asked why I almost always got back a metaphysical response or you are because you think your not response. One said it was because I know what I want when it comes to life/relationships and that I'm very confident about many things. They all said it's not a negative thing, and that just contradicts everything I know about the term high maintenance. So ladies, what are non negative things that make a man high maintenance? I'd really like to hear as many opinions as possible, as I'm not getting it.
irin Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 sorry i cant answer your question but ive wondering the same thing when men say it about women, i could never understand!
Author Lonely Ronin Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 If you start an equivalent thread about women I will be sure to respond. sorry i cant answer your question but ive wondering the same thing when men say it about women, i could never understand!
Lil1 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 'High Maintenance' has always carried a negative connotation for me so I'm not sure if I can give you an example of 'non negative things that make a man high maintenance' For me, high maintenance means lots of unnecessary or excessive self-grooming, unreasonable demands or expectations, and an unhealthy obsession with 'the finer things in life' If you take good care of yourself, i.e., keep your hair and nails trimmed, clean mouth, and an overall clean appearance then that is suficient. If you have to go to a salon to get your nails trimmed or if you have to some special spa to get your manscaping done then I think that is excessive for a man (I know, double standard...) I'm not sure that I'm giving a good example, but I don't think that having confidence and knowing what you want in life means that you are high maintenance. Actually I think that many people who are indeed high maintenance probably lack confidence. They seek out excessive luxuries to validate them.
zengirl Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 IMO, there are 3 types of high maintenance man (I suppose one could be a combo or all 3): 1. Gym Rats: Guys who are obsessed with their appearance --- work out tons every day, mostly for the way it looks, spend oodles of time on their hair/products, etc. These are also the guys who want to be (I don't think they necessarily ARE, but some succeed) players. Think Schmit from "New Girl," in personality, though they're normally even grosser and more buff looking. 2. Richie Riches: Guys who seem to think life is all about material things. They spend lots of money and surround themselves with things. They value money WAY too much. They measure their worth by their net worth in the extreme examples. In personality, these can vary A LOT, but the core thing is they care more about the outsides of people and the monetary value of things than the important stuff in life. 3. Expectations Guys: These are the guys with a laundry list for what they expect from a partner, and they are the most high maintenance guys of all. They expect women to be a "certain way" (that certain way varies) and maintain a style of relationship where no one can just relax and be themselves. 4
pteromom Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Expectations Guys: These are the guys with a laundry list for what they expect from a partner, and they are the most high maintenance guys of all. They expect women to be a "certain way" (that certain way varies) and maintain a style of relationship where no one can just relax and be themselves. This is what I think of when I think of "high maintenance"... the only maintenance I care about is that which becomes my responsibility. I'll add to your description: guys who are a bottomless pit of need. They always need sex, affection, reassurance, whatever, and get annoyed if you spend time on something that isn't them. That's what I call high maintenance. 2
FitChick Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I'll add to your description: guys who are a bottomless pit of need. They always need sex, affection, reassurance, whatever, and get annoyed if you spend time on something that isn't them. That would be my definition of a man who was high maintenance.
HokeyReligions Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 To me, and this goes for men or women, a high-maintenance person would be someone with a different set of priorities than me. I don't spend a lot of money on salons, or high-fashion clothes or shoes. Neither does my husband. OTOH - I dated a man whose priority was clothes and matching outfits. Like having 20 shirts and 20 pants and would only wear them in specific combinations and he had to have all of his clothes dry-cleaned (jeans, western shirts, T-Shirts). It made him feel good, he was confident, and a likeable guy - but his priorities didn't match mine so to me that was high-maintenance. Nothing wrong with that at all, but I wasn't in love with him and I think partly that got in the way. I'd rather spend the money on something else. My MIL is high-maintenance. She spends hundreds of dollars on her hair and nails and makeup. She looks good and it makes her feel good and her late husband appreciated it and didn't consider it a waste of money because of that, he did consider that high-maintenance, but was proud of her for it too. I have a work-friend who I consider high-maintenance. She's smart, likeable, and we get along and respect each other and I don't consider that she spends HER money on things for herself that I never would, a negative. Just a difference. Of course, there are people that think I'm nuts for spending thousands of dollars, and many times tears, rescuing animals too! To some that might make me high-maintenance to have a 'pet rescue' fund. It's perception.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Uu la la! Are you single? There is nothing wrong with high maintenance. It just means you won't settle for anything less than good quality, and you only want the best. The only kind of people who call you high maintenance are those who don't care to get the best things, but with settle with anything that gets the job done.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 'High Maintenance' has always carried a negative connotation for me so I'm not sure if I can give you an example of 'non negative things that make a man high maintenance' For me, high maintenance means lots of unnecessary or excessive self-grooming, unreasonable demands or expectations, and an unhealthy obsession with 'the finer things in life' If you take good care of yourself, i.e., keep your hair and nails trimmed, clean mouth, and an overall clean appearance then that is suficient. If you have to go to a salon to get your nails trimmed or if you have to some special spa to get your manscaping done then I think that is excessive for a man (I know, double standard...) I'm not sure that I'm giving a good example, but I don't think that having confidence and knowing what you want in life means that you are high maintenance. Actually I think that many people who are indeed high maintenance probably lack confidence. They seek out excessive luxuries to validate them. People who seek luxury don't need validation. They just like luxury. Everyone on this forum seems to think that the rich or the high maintenance are people with issues, when maybe they are just rich because they are successful and high maintenance because they like/want to be. People who disagree with certain qualities automatically get on the offence and find a reason to degrade it. That shows more about the person than the quality itself.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 1. Gym Rats: Guys who are obsessed with their appearance --- work out tons every day, mostly for the way it looks, spend oodles of time on their hair/products, etc. These are also the guys who want to be (I don't think they necessarily ARE, but some succeed) players. Think Schmit from "New Girl," in personality, though they're normally even grosser and more buff looking. I go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week and my workouts take about an hour. My workouts are my way of staying healthy, reliving stress, and stating mellow. I'm a high energy person so I can get cranky if i can't get my energy out. I'm by no means buff, but I'm in shape (think swimmer build). With regards to personal grooming it takes me about 30 minutes to get around in the morning (shower, shave, get dressed, brush my teeth, and do my hair). I'm assuming this is pretty normal? I've never really asked a buddy how long it takes him to get around for the day 2. Richie Riches: Guys who seem to think life is all about material things. They spend lots of money and surround themselves with things. They value money WAY too much. They measure their worth by their net worth in the extreme examples. In personality, these can vary A LOT, but the core thing is they care more about the outsides of people and the monetary value of things than the important stuff in life. The only thing I care about when it comes to money is that I'm financially secure. By that I mean having low debt, and saving for the future (buying a house, getting married etc). 3. Expectations Guys: These are the guys with a laundry list for what they expect from a partner, and they are the most high maintenance guys of all. They expect women to be a "certain way" (that certain way varies) and maintain a style of relationship where no one can just relax and be themselves. Can you give some example? My Requirements: 1. physically attracted to each other 2. get along (do our personalities play well together) 3. romantically compatible 4. socially compatible 5. similar life goal I can usually figure all these out after a few dates as I'm very intuitive.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 I'll add to your description: guys who are a bottomless pit of need. They always need sex, affection, reassurance, whatever, and get annoyed if you spend time on something that isn't them. That's what I call high maintenance. I am a very physical and affectionate person when in a relationship. I don't want meaningless sex & affection though. It means nothing to me if she doesn't want it as well, so some times I've gone weeks between sex or a romantic evening. I'm a very independent person, so I have no problem with her doing her thing. I do expect are one on one time together to be quality though.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Uu la la! Are you single? Lol, not at the moment but I have a feeling that is going to change soon. Our relationship is only a few months old, and her career is going to require a substantial move soon. While I would like see where the relationship goes, I'm starting to pick up subtle vibes telling me she is conflicted about it.
USMCHokie Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Uu la la! Are you single? There is nothing wrong with high maintenance. It just means you won't settle for anything less than good quality, and you only want the best. The only kind of people who call you high maintenance are those who don't care to get the best things, but with settle with anything that gets the job done. People who seek luxury don't need validation. They just like luxury. Everyone on this forum seems to think that the rich or the high maintenance are people with issues, when maybe they are just rich because they are successful and high maintenance because they like/want to be. People who disagree with certain qualities automatically get on the offence and find a reason to degrade it. That shows more about the person than the quality itself. For some strange reason, I have to agree with FS's views on this (as well as many of her other views...:eek:)...as I've said before, people who view a certain trait or characteristic negatively more often than not do not possess that trait or characteristic. Simply put, it's jealousy at its core... Let's just take zengirl's list of 3: 1) Gym rats - those who value physical fitness and appearance...fellow "gym rats" generally do not judge one's value of physical fitness negatively...I'll admit to frequenting the gym, so when I see someone who has a high level of fitness (and looks it), I'll commend them on their hard work...and that's about it...those that view "gym rats" as narcissists generally don't have the physical traits of a gym rat, so they'll associate those traits with personality disorders and the like, since it "levels the playing field" in their mind... I.e., "This woman's body looks too good, so she must have a sh*tty personality...whew, now we're on the same level and I can compete with her in the dating world..." 2) Rich folk - rich people never judge each other on their lavish lifestyles...I doubt top business executives with their G-6's judged other executives negatively because they earned and enjoyed the finer things in life... 3) Expectation guys - you reap what you sow...if they expect a certain kind of woman, then it's on him to find and keep her...otherwise, he'll end up alone...that's just natural selection...avoid them if they bother you... Again, this is just another perspective on all this...and I'll be the first to admit that I do this sh*t too...
TheSingleGuy Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I get called high maintenance all the time, too. I agree, it's jealousy at it's core. Seriously, ladies, do you really want a guy who: Goes way, way, way too long between hair cuts? Has dirt and grease under his finger nails? Has callouses all over his toes and feet? Has yellow, coffee stained teeth? Has nose hairs coming out of his nose? Hasn't seen the inside of a gym in years? Can't dress himself? Eats whatever he wants to, and looks that way naked? Then, if a guy addresses all of these issues, he's labeled "high maintenance"???? 2
FrustratedStandards Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I agree with TheSingleGuy. I have dated men who were high maintenance and men who were not. It's definitely more pleasant with the high maintenance man, and truthfully it doesn't bother me at all. I appreciate that a man actually cares about taking care of himself. It's attractive.
USMCHokie Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I get called high maintenance all the time, too. I agree, it's jealousy at it's core. Seriously, ladies, do you really want a guy who: Goes way, way, way too long between hair cuts? Has dirt and grease under his finger nails? Has callouses all over his toes and feet? Has yellow, coffee stained teeth? Has nose hairs coming out of his nose? Hasn't seen the inside of a gym in years? Can't dress himself? Eats whatever he wants to, and looks that way naked? Then, if a guy addresses all of these issues, he's labeled "high maintenance"???? Very much agreed. He's labeled "high maintenance" by those women who can't get him...for those who can get him, he's labeled a "catch," so to speak... 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I get called high maintenance all the time, too. I agree, it's jealousy at it's core. Seriously, ladies, do you really want a guy who: Goes way, way, way too long between hair cuts? Has dirt and grease under his finger nails? Has callouses all over his toes and feet? Has yellow, coffee stained teeth? Has nose hairs coming out of his nose? Hasn't seen the inside of a gym in years? Can't dress himself? Eats whatever he wants to, and looks that way naked? Then, if a guy addresses all of these issues, he's labeled "high maintenance"???? LOL My mother would simply call this "being clean". Not high maintenance at all! 1
USMCHokie Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 LOL My mother would simply call this "being clean". Not high maintenance at all! :laugh:
Star Gazer Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Very much agreed. He's labeled "high maintenance" by those women who can't get him...for those who can get him, he's labeled a "catch," so to speak... I think YOU are high-maintenance, and neither of these apply.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Please people can we try and not have this thread get out of hand? 1
OpenBook Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 To me, a high-maintenance man would be someone who makes a lot of demands on ME - like, demanding my complete attention & being available to him at all times, insisting that I follow certain behaviors that he deems appropriate, etc. It doesn't have anything to do with his own personal grooming or exercise habits. Sorry, I know that's a negative view of "high maintenance." 1
FrustratedStandards Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Upsides of high maintenance: Takes good care of himself Always looks good Doesn't settle for crappy or bad quality things Would know how to treat a lady properly (high maintenance men won't take her to a crappy restaurant or a cheap club) HYGENIC (most important part) I also think a high maintenance man would be very meticulous about practicing safe sex Would take good care of his health Wouldn't have a horrible, slobby, messy place Wouldn't eat junk food (as a result maintain good weight, health and overall wellbeing) Would never have bad breath, would never smell bad and would never have cheap cologne
Star Gazer Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Would know how to treat a lady properly (high maintenance men won't take her to a crappy restaurant or a cheap club) Disagree. HM men are focused on themselves and their needs/wants, not in pleasing others. 1
FrustratedStandards Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Disagree. HM men are focused on themselves and their needs/wants, not in pleasing others. Hmmm... that makes sense, but if he cares about himself he won't make himself look bad by going to a cheap place and eating cheap food...
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